Where Do We Draw The Line
by Saremina
Summary: Dean lives what seems to be perfect life with his wife, until on one rainy evening he picks up a young man walking by the road and his life gets turned upside down. Slash, AU. Click the link for more information! And yes, I suck at summaries.
1. Prologue

_**Rating : **NC - 17 / M_

_**Genre :** Slash, angst, romance, some humor _

_**Pairings :** Dean/Castiel , Dean/Lisa , Sam/Jess, some minor pairings_

**_Spoilers : _**_Some for characters from all seasons, but otherwise none, this is AU_

_**Warnings :** Mentions of underage sex, prostitution, language, smoking and alcohol, sexual situations, general weirdness (yes, you have been warned). __Additional warnings will be added to chapters when needed._

**_Summary : _**_Dean lived what seemed to be a perfect life with his wife, Lisa. Everything changed when he picked up a young man walking by the road in the rain. That was the day that marked the beginning of a long, painful romance full of secrecy and doubt between a married man and a high-class prostitute._

_**Disclaimer :** Kripke owns everything, I'm just playing with his toys. No profit is made with this story._

_**A/N : **All mistakes in grammar and spelling are mine (feel free to point them out though). This was supposed to be an original story, but I've got a writers block for original stories so I turned this into fan fiction. The prologue is pretty much straight from the original story I tried to write, but I did some major changes to the story to fit the characters better._

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><p><strong><strong>Where Do We Draw the Line<strong>**

**Prologue**

Dean Winchester had always wanted to be someone his younger brother could look up to. That's why he joined the football team instead of the school band, started dating the hot cheerleader and tried to do well in school. He learned all about cars from their father and his friend Bobby, and their mothers friend Ellen introduced him to one of his best friends in all time, Jo.

Dean took good care of his brother when their parents weren't home, their mother worked as a paramedic in the local hospital, and their father owned a garage with Bobby. Everything was fine, Dean was one of the popular kids and his brother was most likely going to be the new Einstein. When Dean turned sixteen his father came home one day and told him that he would give his son the impala if he would graduate high school and do something worth while with his life, and that he should really marry the nice girl he has been dating. Dean took this to his heart, not because he wanted the car, but because this was what his father wanted for him.

So when Dean graduated from high school he went off to college where he took business as a major. Unfortunately his relationship with the nice cheerleader, Cassie, didn't last for very long after they got in to different colleges. Dean still did his best to study hard, but it was difficult not to give in to the call of the parties all around the campus. Later he was glad he went to some of them, since he got to meet Lisa. The two of them agreed to go out and see if things would work out between them. They got married six months after graduation and Lisa's father promised to get Dean a job if they moved closer to Lisa's family. They agreed simply because it seemed like the reasonable thing to do.

They lived what seemed to be an idyllic life in the suburban areas of a big city. All that was missing was a dog and two and a half kids. Somehow this didn't bother Dean too much, Lisa an he both had a lot of work to do and a child at their situation just didn't seem like a good idea. They had talked about it and agreed to wait until Dean would get promoted and Lisa would be ready to raise a child.

Dean got his first promotion in eighteen months, because Lisa's uncle was convinced he deserved it, and if people gave him weird looks because of it, he didn't pay attention to them. That evening Lisa brought up the subject of having children up for the first time in months, and Dean was suddenly terrified. They decided to wait for a little longer.

A year later Dean was in a rather high position at work and when he saw Lisa smile at him when he got home after a long day at work he thought he was the luckiest man on earth.

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><p>Everyone called him Angel. It had started with his mother before he was born, or so he had heard.<p>

He lived in a rather classy apartment near downtown, went to the local college and carried an expensive camera almost everywhere with him. His life hadn't exactly gone as he wished it would have, or rather, like his rather religious parents and family wanted it to go. His life had been planned for him the moment he was born, and it was supposed to go something like this: Go to church, go to school, graduate with straight line of A's, go to church, graduate high school with straight line of A's, go to church, go to college and graduate with straight line of A's, marry the nice girl that goes to the same church with you (and don't even think about having sex before your wedding night), get a respectable job, have a bunch of kids, never forget to go to church and do charity and most of all, never ever are you to stray from the teachings of the Bible.

He failed his family's expectation for him at the age of thirteen when he had his first crush. It wouldn't have been so bad if he would have fallen for the nice, decent girl sitting next to him in the history class, but that was not the case. The little angel fell for the rebellious boy sitting in the back of the math class. This is where his troubles started. It took him a long time to catch up with what was happening, but when he did, he ran to the church he went every Sunday and prayed obsessively for two hours before heading home with no idea what to do. That was the first time he lied in his life. You see, he was sure that his father would burn him alive like they did to the witches in the old days if his perfect son would tell him he had a crush on another boy. So the angel lied when he was ordered to tell the reason he was late.

He hoped and prayed for the torment to go away, but it never did. When he was fifteen and going to high school, he had managed to overcome his crush for the rebel boy in the back of the class. No one knew about it either, so it was a victory. Everything went as planned up until the concert the school provided for the students to ease up the start of new torturous year of studying. The school band played rather provocative songs, and the little angel was blushing at some of the lyrics. But then his eyes met the gaze of the guitarist, and his world seemed to come to a halt. They looked at each other for a long moment, and the guitarist smiled. Three weeks later they held hands for the first time, after spending all their free time at school together. His name was David, and he was the kindest soul on earth. He understood the fact that his angel came from a religious family, so he did his best to make the young, very confused boy to understand that their feelings for each other were not wrong, for God had created them as they are and He loves every single one of His children.

They shared their first kiss two weeks later. It was a quick touch of lips, but it was still enough to cause both of the boys to smile brightly enough to light up the night. A week later the whole world came crashing down, when the angel of the family turned out to be a demon in disguise. The young lovers were walking down the road, shyly holding hands and putting distance between themselves when someone came to their way. They still got caught by Angels mother coming from grocery shopping. She pulled the old ford to a halt and dragged her panicking son away from the evil child who had dared to tarnish him.

In the end it would probably have been nicer to be burned alive. The former angel was sent to bible camp, and when that didn't work he was sent to an institution that was designed to deal with 'difficult cases'. Ice water baths, shock therapy and rubbing a long corridors with toothbrushes didn't lessen the desire in the young boys heart to be in David's arms again and be told that he was alright as he was. He was allowed to continue his studies, as a distraction from the unhealthy workings of his mind, and ironically he graduated a month before most of his classmates.

A few weeks after his seventeenth birthday he was released as cured. He went home, fell to his bed and faked sleeping when his mother came to check on him. At midnight he packed his clothes, took his most important belongings with him and stole the money he knew his mother kept behind the cookie jar. It was enough to get him away from this life he didn't want anymore. He couldn't live in there, not after what he had been through.

When the nice gentleman at the train station queried his name he hesitated for a moment before answering in a charming tone.

"Call me Angel, everyone does."

He got a free lift to the next state and a job offer that he accepted after careful consideration. He spent two weeks wit the nice gentleman and learned things that would have made his mother pass out in terror. He left to find his very own apartment with a considerable amount of money in his pocket.

Six months later he had a nice, small apartment and solid incomes, he had decided to save up for college intuitions so he could study literature or arts, he wasn't sure which one yet.

These two very different lives collided on a rainy Saturday through a series of highly unlikely events that started months before one even knew the other existed.

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><p><strong><em>AN : _**_This is basically ripped from my original story, but starting from the next chapter I've re-written most of it to fit the characters better without changing the storyline._

_So, what do you think? I'll give cookies for reviews!_


	2. Chapter 1

_**A/N :** First of all : Thank you all for your comments, I really appreciate them. Next : I'll update these chapters when I get them finished and have the first version of the next chapter ready, so I'll most likely post one chapter per week if there won't be any problems. And about this chapter, this is pretty much an introduction to the normal life of the characters before I go and mess it up completely._

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><p><strong><span>Where Do We Draw the Line<span>**

**Chapter 1**

Dean's day started with an alarm clock going off at six am. This is how it had been for a very long time, and the familiarity of it was comforting. He turned around and gave his still sleeping wife a gentle kiss to the forehead before quietly getting up to put the coffeemaker on before taking to a quick shower. It was nice to have a routine to start a day, not that Dean didn't appreciate the occasional surprises, but the sense of purpose he got from knowing exactly what to do every morning was rather comforting. This is why Dean always had a cup of coffee with him as he got ready to leave for work, and why he took the black travel mug with him to the car as he left.

As it was his habit while getting his keys and making his way to the front door, Dean considered taking his beloved Impala and driving it to work. The idea was as endearing as ever, but the small voice in his head that sounded an awful lot like Lisa said it wasn't a car for a respectable man of Dean's status. Dean frowned slightly and got to the Toyota Lisa's parent's had brought them when they moved to the city (Dean had never learned to call the car his, or even theirs) and drove off to work enjoying his morning even more as he listened Led Zeppelin all the way to the parking lot. Lisa would always take the bike to work, or a bus if the weather demanded it. She said that it was good exercise before work and that Dean should try it some times.

As Dean pulled the car to the large parking lot of the Sandover Bridge & Iron he thought about calling his brother before getting on with a job that he didn't actually enjoy as much as he let people think. He abandoned the idea though, since his office hours were about to start in fifteen minutes. He would get a chance to talk to Sam later. It was a reassuring thought since it was Friday and the final day at work before the weekend and Dean was ready to grab any motivation booster he could get.

Dean straightened his posture and marched to the elevator that would take him to the floor where his neatly organized office was located. He had officially started his day at 07:53, seven minutes earlier than he needed, and he was going to give everything he got to his work just like he had done from the moment he had stepped into the building for the first time.

At 08:05 Dean send Lisa a text wishing her good morning like he did every day. He got a reply two minutes later, but he couldn't answer it due to the heated negotiation he was currently having over the phone. It was alright though, Dean knew Lisa wouldn't really expect an answer knowing Dean was working hard to bring money to the household.

At noon the happy sounds of his co-workers informed Dean that his lunch break had officially started. He finished typing the sentence he had been working on, grabbed his jacket and got out of the building. He dialed Sam while making his way across the road to get to the nice, small coffee shop he occupied five days a week at this time. Sam answered by the fourth ring with a sleepy voice, and Dean couldn't help but laugh a little at his brother as he entered the coffee shop where the nice young woman with a short blond hair stood behind the desk and smiled brightly at him as she took his order.

Dean took his usual seat by the window near the door in order he would have to get back to work before his lunch break ended. He teased his brother for killing himself with work before he had even graduated from Stanford and laughed at to the stories Sam told about the party he had been dragged to without his consent few nights earlier. The call ended soon after that with a few good natured insults that left Dean in a better mood than he had been in the whole week.

Dean didn't pay any attention to the young, dark haired man who stopped by the door but didn't come in. He stayed there for a few minutes collecting himself before getting to the black Mercedes Benz that pulled over and disappearing. Dean left the establishment ten minutes later to get back to his work.

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><p>Castiel was late. He hurried though the busy streets and made a mental note to buy a new alarm clock and not to book clients to the mornings if he had had a late night. He decided it was a great plan and slowed down when he reached the place he was instructed to await his ride. He took a look at the clock in his cellphone and thanked what ever deity was watching over him that he had made it in time. Now he would just have to get into the car that would take him to his final destination.<p>

Castiel decided that from this moment on he hated these kind of jobs. He didn't like the idea of someone picking him up and driving him out of the city and the only reason he had agreed to this was because he already knew the guy and he wasn't about to say no to the amount of money that had been offered to him. He knew he was being shallow as he quieted the small voice in the back of his mind that was about to launch its infamous moral speech.

Castiel ran his hand through his dark hair making it appear even messier than it was and took a deep breath to calm himself down. Few minutes later Castiel stepped into the black car that pulled over and started memorizing the way in the unlikely case something would go wrong and he would have to run for his life.

Fifteen minutes later Castiel stepped out of the car, thanked the driver and took in the eggshell white house before getting to the door and ringing the bell. He fixed a charming smile on his face as he heard quick steps getting closer and a lock turning right before the door was pulled open.

Chris was a rather nice looking middle aged man who's parents had left him with a huge heritage to go with his already big paycheck. Which, Castiel thought without any remorse, meant bigger paycheck for him. Chris was the kind of a guy who worked too much to have any real relationships and now that he had slightly grayish shade to his auburn hair and his only real relationship was the two weeks at college with his roommate Artie, he didn't really know how to 'do dates' anymore. Or so Castiel had heard.

Castiel liked Chris, he was polite, respected Castiel and had took the time to get to know him, well, as well as he could anyway. But most importantly, he wasn't a lunatic and that is why Castiel finds himself seated in an old leather couch while Chris opens a bottle of champagne and gets a two glasses. They mostly talk, Chris telling Castiel about his work, Castiel telling stories about his week, but never telling anything about his other clients. As Castiel relaxed in his seat and listened to Chris unload he decided he liked the way things were going. An hour of this, another for some very heated sex and the rest 80 minutes or so for a little bit more chatting and most likely another booking. Yeah, Castiel could definitely do this even if it wasn't his usual setting.

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><p>Dean got off from work at six and when he got home Lisa was already making dinner. It was really nice to come to a home that smelled like lasagna and Dean took his time to cherish the moment before making his way to the kitchen that Lisa really wanted to renovate for some reason. Dean quite liked the creamy white color that had dominated Lisa's first choices when they had painted the walls and bought new doors to the cabinets, and the dark granite that they had used to the worktops.<p>

"How was your day?" Lisa asked after giving Dean a quick kiss. She leaned on the counter smiling lovingly at her husband. Dean exhaled loudly and ran a hand through his hair in an exaggerative manner.

"Normal, hard work and no fun. Though I did talk to Sammy and we agreed on meeting tomorrow."

Lisa raised her eyebrows slightly and moved to take their meal from the oven, turning her back to Dean.

"Is he coming here?"

"No, he's going to see Jo. I was thinking about taking the Impala out for a drive. I'd leave in the morning and be back by midnight", Dean explained, hoping Lisa wouldn't try to come along or get upset because he was leaving. They didn't have too much time to spend together due to their respective jobs, so they tried to plan their weekends in a manner that allowed them to spend as much time together as possible. Lisa didn't turn to look at him, but Dean knew her well enough to tell that she was contemplating over the matter even if she didn't like it. Dean bit his lip nervously, he really didn't want this to end in an argument.

Finally, after what seemed like an eternity, Lisa turned around and smiled slightly, but not too happily.

"Of course. Give Sam my love, will you?"

Dean nodded, relaxing visibly, and gave her the most loving smile he could muster. They were good at this, acting like an ideal couple, and it made the idea of it being true more believable. It were moments like these that eased Dean's fear of something going terribly wrong and ruining this perfect picture within seconds. He knew it was stupid, but he just couldn't help himself.

As they sat down for dinner Dean looked at his wife with a worried expression and hoped with all his heart that this would last until the day he died. Lisa raised his eyes to meet his and smiled cautiously.

"What's wrong?"

Dean kicked himself mentally and hoped the look he fixed on his face was reassuring.

"Nothing. I was just thinking how much I love you", he said and attacked his dinner, not looking at Lisa anymore. Sometimes he really hated himself.

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><p>At the same time Castiel got home after a long day at work. He had to force himself to count his incomes from the day and book it along with all the other expenses before taking a long, hot shower to wash the scent of Chanel no. 5 off of himself. It wasn't that he had anything against the perfume, but he really didn't want to fall asleep smelling like his latest client.<p>

Castiel let his mind wander while the water washed the events of the day off of his skin. The bed that was waiting for him seemed to be of the upmost importance in his mind at the moment and a small smile was making its way to Castiel's face. Sleeping seemed like a perfect way to spend another lonely friday night. He never brought anyone to his home. He wasn't even sure if all of his few friends knew the exact address to his place. He turned the shower off and grabbed the towel he had taken out that morning knowing he would be tired when he got home.

After drying himself off and brushing his teeth Castiel made his way to the kitchen, with what seemed to be a huge amount of effort, to get a glass of water, before crawling under the warm blankets in his kingsized bed he had bought simply because it had seemed so inviting. He had been right about that, and even now he thought that it was definitely the best thing he had bought for himself in his entire lifetime.

Right before Castiel fell asleep he wondered what it would be like to fall a sleep with someone by your side and wake up only to find that same someone holding you. He had a moment to wonder how illogical his mind could be when it wanted to before deep, dreamless sleep claimed him.

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><p><strong><em>AN :_**_ So here it is. I'll kick the story really going in the next chapter. I'll see if I can get it ready by sunday._

_What do you think? Reviews are an amazing motivational trick that keep me up all night writing more!_


	3. Chapter 2

**_A/N : _**_Again, I thank you all for your comments. I managed to finish this early because I have weird sleeping habits and a lot of energy. It's also nice to put this up on Saturday since that's the day this chapter takes place. __This is where the story really starts, I hope you like it!_

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><p><strong>Where Do We Draw the Line<strong>

**Chapter 2**

It took Dean less than five minutes of driving to decide that he really hated the car Lisa's parents had brought them, and that he really loved the Impala. He listened to the engine purr like a panther as he drove to Jo's apartment. The trip there would take Dean about an hour, since Jo lived in another city near by, but he didn't mind, it was nice to have some alone time. While Dean turned the volume of the radio up he reminded himself not to bring Lisa up in front of Jo, since the two of them were currently in a middle of a war for some reason. Dean refused to be involved in it, he didn't want to die just yet and death would most certainly be his fate if he would be forced to pick a side in this battle.

An hour later Dean ringed Jo's doorbell, and if the crashing sound coming behind the door was any indication he was in for one hell of a day. For a moment Dean considered running for his life, but decided against it. Dean finished his internal battle with his survival instinct, and at the same moment Jo more or less ripped the door open.

"You're late," she tried to appear mad, but failed miserably when Dean tried to imitate Sam's sad puppy face with a little luck. Jo flashed him a bright grin and let him in before she extended her arms and demanded a hug that she knew she would get. Since Dean was a man and well known for avoiding all kinds of emotional situations, he acted as though the hug was something that he really didn't want to do. Jo, however, knew him well enough not to fall for his act and Dean was secretly grateful for it.

"Is Sammy here yet?" Dean asked when Jo released him from her death grip and pulled him to sit on the dark couch that had been worn out perfectly to still look good and be comfortable.

"Nope, you need to wait for another hour for him."

Dean nodded absent-mindedly and relaxed while Jo picked her various pieces of clothing from the floor and threw them all to her bedroom with a quick comment about cleaning the place up later. Jo was proud of her home, the apartment wasn't big, but it looked like her and she liked it. It had been amazing for Jo to be able to move away from her parents house and go to college, even if it had meant that she had had to get a job to pay her rent.

They spent the hour they waited for Sam to turn up talking about all the stupid things they did when they were younger, and tried to remember all the rumors that had floated around high school. They nearly missed Sam ringing the door bell in their fits of laughter, but somehow Jo managed to drag herself to the front door and let him in. Neither one of them had completely managed to stop laughing.

Dean hadn't quite realized how much he had missed his brother until he saw Sam standing in front of him with a questioning look on his face. Jo grabbed Sam in her attempt of an affectionate hug, which seemed to be more like a choke hold, but Sam took it without blinking an eye and wrapped his arms around her with a smile.

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><p>Castiel stared at the white ceiling above him without really seeing it. He played with the black phone in his hand and tried to decide whether to get up and go out for a cup of coffee, or stay at home and be bored half to death before he would have to go to see Mrs. Bennett. After few minutes of pointless staring Castiel groaned miserably and dragged himself up from the couch and to the front door. He pulled on his black leather jacket that he had once bought on impulse because he thought his mother would never approve of it, and headed out for his much deserved coffee.<p>

The streets were busy with people who had wisely decided to spend their Saturday afternoon shopping and meeting their friends. Castiel was deep within his own thoughts as he made his way to his favorite coffeehouse in the entire city. It was a small place near the mall, more popular than it seemed, and Castiel had stumbled across it a little over a year ago. He was glad he had noticed the place, they made the most amazing coffee in the city.

Castiel wasn't fully paying attention to where he was going, which caused him to crash straight to the dark haired woman who was busy talking to the phone with an angry tone. The impact caused the woman to stumble backwards and Castiel quickly grabbed her arm to steady her and stop her from falling.

"I am so sorry," Castiel truly was, even though the woman looked at her with great deal of irritation. She stared him with that hard look for a moment before her features softened and she brushed her hair from her eyes. Castiel hoped his face was the perfect image of sincerity at that moment.

"It's okay, these things happen," the woman said, gave him a kind smile and raised the phone back to her ear before continuing her argument. Castiel could hear a part of the conversation as he continued on his way.

"No, he's not cheating on me, he went off to see his brother. We don't have to spend every single day together. The fact that you caught your boyfriend having sex with another woman doesn't all the other men cheat on their girlfriends. Or wives for that matter." Castiel hastened his step to get out of earshot as quickly as possible. He wasn't a big fan of listening to other people's conversations without permission.

Castiel reached his destination, got a double espresso to go and headed back home without a hurry. He needed to get ready for work, and he wanted to do so without a hurry. Castiel was glad he had booked Mrs. Bennett for this day, she was a real lady whose husband had to travel a lot due to his work, and he didn't want his wife to be alone. Castiel would keep her company and play the beautiful Steinway's grand piano to her since she couldn't do it herself anymore. Mrs. Bennett suffered from something called rheumatoid arthritis and it affected her hands making it very difficult for her to use them. The first time Castiel had met her he had immediately thought about Angela Petrelli from the TV show, Heroes, he had been watching the day before. He had been slightly worried that he couldn't act in a manner that would be acceptable in her presence, but after they got to know each other she had told Castiel to stop acting like he was in the presence of royalty and just be himself. He had looked at her with wide, horrified eyes before thanking her and relaxing on his seat. It had been a nice day.

An hour and a half after Castiel had gotten his coffee, he took the bus he always did when going to the Bennett household. He looked at the sky through the window, and wondered whether or not it would have been a good idea to take an umbrella with him since he did have to walk for approximately ten minutes after he got off the bus. The ride took approximately twenty minutes, and in that time Castiel turned off his personal phone and dug out the other one he used for work, making sure he had set the profile to silent, it was something Castiel did with all of his clients as a courtesy.

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><p>After Sam had settled in, and Dean had insisted in making a full pot of coffee, they spent some time just relaxing, before Jo went to the kitchen to order pizzas for them, and the moment Dean had dreaded from the moment he had agreed to meet Sam on this day was upon him. Dean had secretly named this moment as the Righteous Speech of Sam Winchester after the first time he had received it. Now Dean grabbed his coffee with annoyance and leaned deeper into the soft couch cushions as Sam sat on the slightly worn out armchair facing him. Sam had a look on his face that was a clear sign about a big, important and emotional conversation. Dean sunk deeper into the couch trying to make Sam understand just how little he wanted to hear this.<p>

"Dean," Sam started and Dean took a moment to consider the pros and cons of throwing Sam with the heavy coffee cup he was holding. The cons won, Jo would've killed him very slowly for destroying her property. He sighted in submission and turned his irritated gaze to Sam's worried face.

"Look Dean, I know you, okay, you're my brother. I just want what's best for you," Sam seemed to consider his next words very carefully as he shifted on his seat nervously. Dean raised his eyebrows with a daring look on his face. Sam took a moment to look at his brother sympathetically before continuing quietly.

"I don't like this situation you're in with-"

"Now you listen to me very carefully Sammy, I love Lisa, end of story. You don't have any right to tell me anything else. She's the best thing that's ever happened to me!" Dean hadn't meant to snap like he did, and he regretted it almost immediately upon seeing Sam looking like someone just kicked his puppy.

"I've never said you don't love her, I know you do. You're just not _in _love with her," Sam said very carefully with a tone that one would use to soothe a wild animal. Dean was about to say something really hurtful, but managed to stop himself and settled for shaking his head miserably. He knew, deep down in his heart, that Sam was right and it hurt, even though he had become a master on ignoring this particular truth.

"I'm just worried about what will happen when you find someone you really fall in love with, you know?" Sam said gently, not quite meeting Dean's eyes. Dean lowered his own gaze, hoping this talk would end soon.

"Don't worry Sam, I don't think there's anyone in the world that's amazing enough to make me cheat on Lisa, let alone leave her. She's really amazing," Dean said quietly, knowing the slight doubt he held was visible in his voice, and that Sam would be able to catch it in his sleep. He made a mental note to practice hiding his emotions better in talks like these.

"You sure? There are awful lot of people in the world," Sam said matter of factly and Dean glared at him menacingly, making Sam shrink in his seat little.

"If you two are done talking about Dean's undying love for the bitch could we get on with the eating and having fun?" Jo's voice came from the front door startling the brothers slightly.

"Bitch?" Sam shoot Dean a confused look. Dean just shook his head gave Sam a look that was somewhere between amused and annoyed. This wasn't the first time Lisa and Jo were fighting over some unimportant matter, and they would most likely forget this incident in a matter of days.

"No idea, I'm staying out of this round," Dean said as he made his way to the kitchen, where Jo was sitting with a glass of apple juice in one hand and a phone in the other.

"Pizza will be here in two minutes," she said with a smile and the previous conversation between the brothers was forgotten for the time being. They spent the rest of their time together watching movies and eating their ways through the three pizzas in front of them.

Dean left hours later knowing he would be home a lot later than he had promised and that he should probably come up with an apology.

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><p>Castiel stood by the road trying not to scream. How could he miss a bus that was always at least five minutes late? He had left from the Bennett residence over two hours ago, but had decided to go to meet up with a friend and take the last bus that could take him home. The bus that he had apparently managed to miss by being at the station on time. Castiel checked his financial situation and cursed under his breath, he couldn't afford to call a taxi, he couldn't call his friend to take him home since the guy didn't even have a drivers license, and he couldn't keep standing there like an idiot. This left him with only one option, and that was to walk the long, excruciating trek back home. Castiel promised himself that he would start carrying more extra money with him in order to avoid another situation like this.<p>

Ten minutes later a few raindrops hit the ground and Castiel prayed to who ever might be kind enough to listen to him that something good would come his way soon. The rain started pouring down from the sky minutes later soaking Castiel within seconds. He stopped to look around and when he saw nobody he screamed, needing to do something to ease the frustration within him. The universe clearly hated him for some undefined reason that Castiel really wanted to know, so he could do something about it. He continued walking, angrily kicking the dirt by the side of the road.

Castiel reached to the highway after what seemed like hours and pulled his jacket tighter around himself, shivering slightly from the cold. For a moment he considered hitchhiking, but it didn't seem like a wise thing to do this close to midnight, he might get picked up by a serial killer or some other lunatic. Castiel allowed his mind wander and distract him from the situation and the cold making its way through his bones. Maybe the time would go faster if he could keep his mind occupied.

Twenty minutes later Castiel heard a car slow down behind him and he hoped that the driver wasn't crazy, so that he could just get in the car, get home and into his bed where he would sleep for the next millennia.

* * *

><p>Dean made his way to the Impala as the rain whipped the ground with merciless force. Sam would head back to Stanford tomorrow morning, and it had taken Dean a little longer to leave than he intended. Dean let his mind wander and somehow ended up remembering all the times Sam had tried to get him to open up and understand his point regarding Dean's marriage to Lisa. The thing was, Dean did understand it, he just didn't agree with it. Dean shook his head and switched the radio channel he had been listening to the mix Jo had made him months ago. He turned the volume up and when Bon Jovi started playing, and focused his attention solemnly to the road. After few minutes Bon Jovi changed to Bob Dylan followed by REO Speedwagon. Dean smiled affectionately, the music reminded him of Jo and he really should thank her for giving the mix to him. Dean started humming along the songs without even realizing it, and time seemed to lose its meaning overpowered by the soothing sound of the Impala's engine and the rain beating to the ground and the car.<p>

"What the-?" Dean slowed down as he suddenly saw the figure of a young man walking by the highway. He wasn't immediately going to stop and pick some random stranger up, but after a brief consideration he decided that it was too late for anyone to walk by a highway in a rain, and the guy seemed harmless enough, so Dean pulled over and opened the window. He turned the music down and waited for the guy to reach him.

"Need a lift?" He asked with a casual voice and a pleasant smile on his face. It seemed like seemed like the guy was going to just walk by him, but changed his mind at the last second. Dean will swear until his dying day that his heart didn't miss a beat because of the intensity in the unearthly blue eyes that he faced.

"Thank you." The guy said and Dean was slightly surprised by the deepness of his voice as he opened the door for the stranger who climbed into the car with a graciousness Dean had only seen women possess. Dean pulled the car back to the road and continued driving as his new passenger rubbed his hands together in an attempt to warm them. Dean turned the heating up and earned himself a grateful look from the guy next to him.

"I'm Dean," he decided that telling your name was probably the best way to start a conversation. The guy studied at him speculatively, as if to decide whether or not he was someone worthy of speaking with. After a while his gaze softened.

"Just call me Angel, everyone does," he said with a dismissive shrug.

"Seriously?" Dean bit his tongue, mentally cursing himself for not thinking before speaking.

"Ever since I was three," the guy said with an impassive tone and turned to face the road ahead. Dean wondered if it would be okay to ask a stranger to teach him some emotional control.

"Huh. So what's your real name?" Dean asked casually, not wanting to seem too nosy. There was a mischievous look in guy's eyes as he turned to stare at Dean with a small smile on his lips.

"Wouldn't you like to know."

Dean squeezed the wheel little harder and changed the song to get something else to think. The guy, Angel, huffed a quiet laugh as Blondie's Call Me filled the car.

* * *

><p><em><strong>AN : **Few facts about this chapter :_

_1) The conversation between Dean and Sam is based on a conversation between my friends sisters a few years ago._

_2) I have walked for two hours in rain in the middle of the night because my friend was an idiot and got drunk even though he had promised to drive me home._

_3) Blondie's Call Me is the main theme of the film American Gigolo and tells about a prostitute. My friend was shocked to hear this._

_4) Bon Jovi, Bob Dylan and REO Speedwagon have all been featured in Supernatural at least once._


	4. Chapter 3

_**A/N : **Has anyone else seen the video where Castiel meets the Ghostfacers? It's amazing, if you haven't seen it go check it up on you tube. I got the clip from a friend who had downloaded it so I don't have a direct link to it right now, sorry._

_I'll tell you right away I have no idea how they show re-runs on TV in America, so if I have made a mistake I'll apologize right away._

* * *

><p><strong>Where Do We Draw the Line<strong>

**Chapter 3**

Castiel knew he was teasing the guy, but he couldn't help it, this Dean made it too easy. Castiel had evaluated Dean quickly when he had stepped into the car, it was something he was used to do with his clients, but he had thought it didn't hurt to do so in this particular situation as well. He learned that Dean was married, probably lived a nice, normal life. He was confident, but guarded and most likely didn't trust people he met right away even if they got along and had nothing to hide, and Castiel was pretty certain Dean was the type who wanted to be in control of things all the time.

Castiel tried not to laugh out loud as he heard the first beats of Blondie when Dean changed the track on the radio, the irony of that exact song in his presence never failed to amuse him. Dean shot him a questioning look and Castiel smiled to himself without turning to face Dean.

"I had this stuck on my head earlier today," he said, not exactly lying. He had been humming it in the morning while making breakfast. Dean nodded in amused understanding and tapped the steering wheel to the beat. Castiel pushed his wet hair from his face and shifted slightly in is seat realizing something.

"I'm sorry about your car. I hope it's not too much of an inconvenience for you," Castiel said apologetically, and when Dean gave him a confused look he pointed at his soaking clothes. Dean just shook his head dismissively.

"Don't worry 'bout it. It's not like I expected you to be dry from walking in the rain," he said with a smile, making Castiel relax and lean his head to the window. They were quiet for a while, enjoying the warmth of the car.

"Where are you going, by the way?" Dean asked suddenly making Castiel startle slightly.

"Just drop me off at the 53rd street, I'll go on my way from there," Castiel said without thinking too much about it. He had never asked anyone to drop him off at his front door, and he wasn't about to start now with someone he didn't even know. Dean looked at him with a confused expression after remembering exactly where the street in question was.

"That's almost at the center of the city," Dean sounded somewhat skeptical as he quickly glanced at Castiel before returning his eyes to the road ahead. Castiel knew it seemed like a weird request, and he tried to dismiss it with a shrug.

"I know, but I don't live too far from there," he said and adjusted his jacket in order to busy himself with something. Dean seemed to think this for a brief moment before replying.

"It's not a problem for me to drop you off at your place," he said with a careful tone, but Castiel simply shook his head sharply, making few water drops fall from his hair.

"No, I'll walk. It's nothing personal, just a habit that comes with my job," Castiel nearly slapped himself, he was usually very talented in avoiding any mentions of work, profession or education in conversations, and now he had brought the subject up without thinking about what he was saying. He blamed his tiredness for it.

"Okay. Mind me asking what it is that you do then?" Dean, like everyone else, saw the opening for a chat and grabbed it.

"Yes," Castiel more or less snapped. It wasn't that he had a problem with what he did, but when you go and tell people that you sell yourself for money they make assumptions forgetting everything else they know about you. Dean glanced at him with a surprised expression on his face. Castiel sighted tiredly before apologizing for his behavior.

"I'm sorry. I'm just tired and I had a bad day, and what I do isn't exactly something I normally talk with anyone. It's rather complicated," He was genuinely sorry, it wasn't Dean's fault that the matter had been brought up. Castiel offered him an apologetic look and hoped he wouldn't get thrown out of the car right there. Dean looked at him briefly before returning his attention to the road, the slightly annoyed look on his face was replaced with a small smile.

"It's okay. I get it, by the way, not wanting to talk about your job. I mean, I work at sales and marketing at the Sandover Bridge & Iron, not exactly something people are interested in hearing about." There was something in the way Dean said this that made Castiel study him more closely than he had when he stepped into the car. Dean stole a glance at him and shifted on his seat anxiously.

"Have you ever wanted to do something else?" Castiel asked with a neutral tone, never letting his eyes leave Dean, who jumped slightly, but considered the question carefully before answering.

"Almost every day," he said with a great deal of seriousness, and suddenly Castiel got it. Dean didn't like his lifestyle. Well, at least the job part of it, Castiel didn't know about the marriage enough to say if it was something Dean liked. He could always try to find out where the problem was, and before he had even completely finished the thought he could hear himself talking.

"You should quit and do something you really want to do", Castiel stated rather nonchalantly. Dean barked an unhappy laugh at his comment and shook his head.

"I can't, Lisa would probably murder me and stage it as an accident. His father worked really hard to get me this job. Besides, I'm not even sure what I would rather do," Dean told him, sounding just a little bit sad. Castiel frowned, he presumed Lisa was Dean's wife, but he didn't quite understand why Dean wasn't allowed to do as he wished with his life. In a way it reminded Castiel of his own childhood, but he quickly shoved the thought away into the same place where it came from and decided that a change of subject was in order. He went with the first idea that popped into his mind

"You like coffee? Or movies? I saw a great movie today, it had Jack Nicholson and Diane Keaton in it," Castiel said as casually as he could, knowing he might sound like he was staging a bridge for a date invitation even though he had no intention of actually going out with the guy. He simply thought this would be a safe topic for a short conversation before he would step out of the car. Dean looked at him like he had suddenly grown a second head.

"Yeah, sure, movies are great. I actually like Nicholson, especially in One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest. That was some great acting from him", Dean said like a true fan talking about his favorite actor, making Castiel smile warmly.

"And yeah, I like coffee too," Dean added quickly as an after thought. They fell into an easy conversation about the most recent movies they had seen, and when they reached the 53rd street Castiel was in a rather good mood once again. Dean pulled the car over, and turned to face Castiel completely.

"Sure you don't want me to take you all the way to your place?" He made one final attempt, but Castiel simply shook his head and pulled his jacket tighter around himself.

"I'll be fine, I live close by, but thank you for the offer. It was really nice talking to you," he said and offered Dean a small smile before stepping out of the car and heading home.

* * *

><p>Dean took few seconds to watch the guy go on his way before heading home, driving to the opposite direction. He exhaled loudly and shook his head in order to clear it up a bit. That was a strange encounter, but on the other hand it was past midnight, so maybe he was lucky he hadn't accidentally picked up a psychopath. Dean managed to get all the way to the garage and turn off the engine before he noticed something on the floor of the car. He reached out and picked up a black cell phone.<p>

"Damn," Dean cursed under his breath and stepped out of the car. He quickly made his way out of the garage and into the dark house, trying to avoid making too much noise. He kicked his shoes off at the front door and hanged his jacket to the small closet in the hallway. He tiptoed to the dark living room and turned on the old table lamb he had taken with him from his parent's house when he had moved in with Lisa for the first time. He took a better look at the phone in his hand, it was small and new, and Dean didn't even want to think about its prize. It was also turned off, so Dean couldn't see if there was a number for a friend or a family member who could return the phone to its rightful owner. He would have to worry about it tomorrow, right now he needed to sleep for as many hours as he could.

Dean was extra careful not to make any sound as he took off his clothes and slipped to the bed next to Lisa, who shifted slightly in her sleep. Dean wrapped his arms around her and buried his face in her dark hair taking in her scent. Sam was wrong about him, he had everything he would ever need right here. And a guy who tells Dean to call him Angel has no right to tell him to quit his job and do something he really wants to do. It just wasn't fair. Dean pressed himself closer to Lisa and waited for the sleep to claim him.

* * *

><p>Castiel woke up at noon to the worst headache he had had in years. He let out a pained sound and pulled the covers over his head. He shifted under the covers and flinched when his whole body was stricken with a sudden jolt of pain. This was definitely not good. Castiel moved extremely slowly and carefully as he snuck his head from under the covers, unable to relish the feel of the well cared silk sheets on his skin. He got out of the bed, wrapped the soft blanket around himself and wobbled out of his bedroom. He didn't bother to close the french doors to the room he left behind him as he made his unsteady way to the kitchen to make some tea. Castiel didn't need a thermometer to know he had a slight fever, and he felt a pang of guilt when he realized he would have to cancel all his appointments for the next week. He took the bottle of pain killers he kept in the corner cabinet on the wall and waited for the tea water to start boiling.<p>

Castiel fixed himself a large cup of mint tea and grabbed a box of tissues before heading to the bright living room where he planned to spend the rest of the day. He placed the tea and the tissue box on the dark wooden table before throwing the blanket on the couch and gathering up all the pillows he could see. Moments later Castiel sank into the softness of the six pillows he had picked up, and pulled the blanket back on top of him, before turning on the TV without really caring what was on. He picked up the tea cup and allowed himself to get lost in a re-run of Dr. Sexy M.D.

Three hours later Castiel was feeling a little better. He got up from the couch where he had been dozing off, and went to pick up his phones from the pocket of his jacket. When he had gotten home the night before he had been too tired to do more than to hang his clothes to dry off. Castiel grabbed the white phone from the right pocked and stuck his hand to the left pocket without much thought to grab his other phone. He was shocked when he couldn't feel it. Castiel went through all the pockets in the jacket before tracing the route he had taken from the front door to his bed last night, but he couldn't find the phone. He started to feel a slight panic rising in his chest, he truly hoped he had dropped the phone in that car he had been in last night. Castiel sat on the couch with his remaining phone and his datebook, and started canceling his appointments. Since it was Sunday, he send a polite text message to the ones who had been booked for the next week, before he dragged himself to the kitchen to fix himself a something to eat. Now all he had to do was to wait for the answers he would get.

While Castiel prepared himself a bowl of cereals and a glass of orange juice he thought about the situation with his missing phone. He was fairly certain he had dropped the phone in Dean's car, which meant he would have to find Dean before he would go to the police with the phone or sell it to the highest bidder. Dean had talked about his job, and if Castiel remembered right he worked for that big construction company, Sandover, so maybe Castiel could find him there tomorrow. He sat down to eat his breakfast and decided to go on with the rather simple plan.

* * *

><p>Dean woke up around midday to the sunlight shining through the slightly open curtains. It took him a while to open up his eyes and look at the empty spot next to him. Lisa was already up and Dean could smell the faint scent of coffee coming from downstairs. He smiled and stretched like a lazy cat. He took his time to get up and take a long, hot shower, before he headed downstairs to get a well earned cup of coffee.<p>

Dean went to the kitchen, poured himself a large cup of coffee and headed to the living room. Lisa was sitting on the couch, lost in the book she was reading. Dean sat next to her with his coffee and waited patiently for an acknowledgment.

"When did you come home?" Lisa asked with a pleasant voice, but didn't raise her eyes from the book.

"Past midnight, before two am. I didn't look at the clock too well." Dean shifted on his seat anxiously. "I'm really sorry I was late. And I should've called", he offered and Lisa finally raised her eyes with a warm smile.

"It's okay," she said and closed the book she was reading. Dean smiled at her as he took a sip of the coffee and relaxed. They stayed like that for a moment, before Lisa nudged him playfully with her foot and almost caused Dean to spill the coffee all over himself. She took a moment to contemplate him.

"I don't mind you coming home late, I know you wanted to spend some time with Sam. Besides, we're adults, it's not like we can't live our own lives," Lisa's tone was serious, but kind, and Dean was grateful that she wasn't mad at him as they fell into an easy silence.

"How was he?" Lisa asked suddenly and Dean looked at her with a confused expression for a brief moment before realizing Lisa was talking about Sam.

"He's fine. I think he's met some girl but it's not like he talks about it," Dean said with a fond tone and started giving a detailed explanation on events of the previous day, leaving out the conversation he had with Sam about their marriage. Lisa paid careful attention to every word, and as Dean got to the point where he left to go to the car the coffee in his cup had already gotten cold.

"Sounds like you had a good time with then," Lisa said and Dean huffed a laugh.

"Yeah. And that's not even all of it. I saw this guy walking by the highway in the rain. He was a weird case," Dean said and Lisa raised her eyebrows in a surprised expression.

"I mean, he wasn't crazy or anything, just weird," Dean added quickly before Lisa could jump to any false conclusions, the guy had actually been rather nice company.

"He dropped his phone in the Impala. I'll see if I can find him tomorrow and return it. If I can't get a hold of him I'll take it to the police, they can put it in the lost and found box," Dean said with a reasonable voice and Lisa nodded.

"Good. I talked to Madison, by the way, she was convinced you were cheating on me. The whole thing with Kurt got to her pretty badly. So please, don't pick up hitchhiking girls or weird guys if they're cute, okay?" Lisa said, fighting back a smile.

"I should've never told you the guy sitting in front of me in math was cute. I'll never live it down, will I?" Dean said and threw his arms in the air exaggeratedly. Lisa laughed warmly and shook her head with a teasing spark in her eyes. They had been in college when they had decided to tell each other something about themselves that they usually didn't tell anyone else. Dean had told about a guy who he had found cute in high school. Lisa had regarded him for a moment before hugging him and telling her own story about a weekend with a bunch of bikers. Dean had been terrified of what Lisa's reaction would be, but she had taken it really well. Dean will never forget what kind of sexual identity issues he had went through at that time. Dean looked at his coffee and got up to get another cup when Lisa stopped him.

"It's nice to have you back," she said with all the seriousness she had in her. Dean regarded at her with her brows furrowed, not understanding what she was talking about.

"You've been somewhere else for a while," Lisa clarified. Dean shifted his gaze nervously and tried to dismiss Lisa's comment with a shrug and a smirk.

"I've been right here the whole time", he said like it was the most obvious thing in the world. Lisa simply shook her head sadly as Dean left the room to get another cup of coffee. As he entered the kitchen he pushed Lisa's words from his mind and tried to concentrate on figuring out how to find someone whose real name he didn't even know.

* * *

><p><em><strong>AN :** Facts about this chapter :_

_1) The movie Castiel said he had seen is Something's Gotta Give._

_2) 53rd street is a reference to a song by the Ramones._

_3) You all remember Madison, right? Kurt was the guy who turned her into a werewolf._


	5. Chapter 4

**_A/N :_**_ Thank you all for your comments! __This chapter was half written a long time ago, hence the quick update. I have a lot of scenes written for this story already, so there will be more occations where I'll update chapters with a quicker pace._

_Hope you like this!_

* * *

><p><strong>Where Do We Draw The Line<strong>

**Chapter 4**

Castiel hadn't slept too well with his runny nose and a terrible headache, and he had given up rolling around in the sheets around eight. He spent a good part of his Monday morning drinking enormous amounts of mint tea and leafing through the yellow pages in an attempt to locate the number of Sandover Bridge & Iron. Castiel had never realized how many adds and phone numbers you could put on one page. How did people find anything from this mess? Finally Castiel located the number he was looking foor and grinned triumphatly. He took a deep breath, got another cup of tea and sat by the kitchen table before he dialed the number presented on the page. He had to wait for over 30 seconds before his call got through.

"Sandover Bridge & Iron Inc. How may I help you?" Came the polite, professional female voice over the line.

"Hello, I'm trying to reach someone who works on sales and marketing. His-"

"I'll re-direct you to the correct department, please wait," Castiel frowned at the interruption, but allowed the re-direction. He listened to the boring tune everyone were forced to endure when they were held on a line as he took a careful sip of the tea, hoping it would ease the soreness of his throat. After a minute or so an enthusiastic voice accepted his call. Castiel was slightly surprised at the contrast between this person, and the one who had re-directed him.

"Hello, this is Becky Rosen, how can I help you?"

"I'm trying to reach Dean… Um… I'm really sorry but I didn't catch his last name when we talked," Castiel told and heard Becky hum contemplatively on the other line.

"Well, we have two Dean's working on marketing. Would you mind telling me what this is about?" She asked, her voice curious. Castiel took a moment to consider what he could tell this woman.

"Well, he gave me a ride home last weekend and I think I dropped my phone into his car," Castiel wasn't sure if this would help him to locate his missing phone, but it didn't hurt to try.

"What kind of a car? I've been doing a lot of research on cars for this story I'm writing and I've questioned almost everyone on this department about their cars. Trust me, I'll be able to tell who gave you a ride," Becky sounded confident and Castiel couldn't fight the smile making its way to his face.

"He had this big, black classic, I think it was a Chevrolet-" The delighted, high pitched squeal on the other end of the line momentarily deafened Castiel's left ear.

"I know who you're looking for! Dean Winchester has a black −67 Chevrolet Impala. I think he just left for his lunch break. You want me to re-direct you to him?" Castiel couldn't help but notice that Becky seemed very proud on her knowledge on this specific car.

"Please do," he said, hoping this conversation would end soon. His head hurt too badly for him to listen to the enthusiastic voice for much longer. Castiel's call got re-directed once again, but this time he was relieved when he recognized the voice on the other end of the line.

"Please tell me you got my phone," Castiel was fairly certain he sounded pleading.

* * *

><p>Dean had decided to find Angel after his day at work was over. He had planned everything carefully, but what he hadn't considered was getting a call from the guy minutes after he had left for lunch. Dean didn't immediately recognize the rather hoarse voice on the other end of the line and was genuinely surprised when he realized who he was talking to. He sat down on his regular seat by the window and took a sip of his coffee.<p>

"How'd you find me?" He hoped he didn't come out offended, but had to ask.

"I looked up the number to your work place. First they had to direct me to the woman who took care of your department. They didn't immediately know who to direct me to, but then I mentioned your car and the nice woman on the other end of the line squealed so loudly I almost lost the hearing in my left ear. It took her over eight minutes to re-direct the call." Dean laughed apologetically.

"Yeah. I think you had the questionable honor of talking to miss Becky Rosen. She's nice, just a little… Um… Energetic?" Dean tried and heard a small laugh on the other end of the line.

"To put it mildly", came the amused reply that made Dean smile happily. He took another sip of his coffee. He was slightly surprised by the easy way they seemed to fall into a conversation.

"Do you think you could drop by Jenni's later today and bring my phone? You know, the small café near the library. And yes, I know I sound sick, but you really don't need to come by. I'm really not feeling that bad," Angel said suddenly and Dean had to consider this for a moment.

"That sounds great, but I'm not sure when I get off from work. Maybe if I could call you when I'm free?" He suggested, not wanting to make a promise he couldn't keep.

"Okay, sure. But maybe you should just text me. I use this phone for work and if I don't know who's calling I might not answer," Angel said and Dean agreed on the terms, wondering once again what it was the guy did for a living. Dean got the phone number and hanged up, surprised when he felt slight anticipation at the thought of seeing the young man again. He had spent the previous day trying to figure out how to find the guy, and now he had a phone number and had agreed upon a meeting.

Dean spent the rest of the day unconsciously tapping the phone on his table while he talked to the headset with a pleasant, but firm tone. When his day at work neared its end he finally picked up the phone on the table as he had secretly wanting to do for hours. He spent five minutes forming a text to Angel informing him that Dean would leave the office in twenty minutes. He got a reply a while later and he read it immediately, forgetting his usual habit of ignoring his own phone during office hours.

Dean left the office at the same minute his office hours ended and headed quickly to the car. He pulled his tie off and unfastened the top button, before starting the engine and driving off to the agreed place of meeting. He parked the car seven minutes later near the café he was heading and stepped out of the car, looking around to find out if he could see the person he was meeting. He didn't immediately spot Angel, but as he stepped on the sidewalk and headed towards the café he saw the guy leaning on a wall in a relaxed manner. Dean couldn't help but notice that many of the passerby's stole sideways glances at him, and for some reason he felt somewhat uneasy about it. He shook the feeling quickly off of himself as he waved at Angel when the guy turned his eyes to his way. Dean hastened his steps and was soon standing next to Angel.

"Hey. You don't look too good," Dean said as he took in the grayish shade in Angel's skin and the fatigued expression on his eyes. Angel gave him almost nonexistent smile.

"Yeah well, walking in the rain has the unfortunate side effect of making you sick, but I'm feeling better than yesterday so that's something," he said and ran a hand through his already messy hair.

"May I have my social life back now?" He suddenly asked kindly, and Dean raised his eyebrows questionably, before realizing what the other man meant and fishing the black phone from his pocket and handing it over.

"Thank you," Angel smiled and shoved the phone to the pocket of his slightly oversized trench coat after turning it on. He turned to look at Dean and tilted his head with a curious look on his eyes.

"I owe you for the ride, I could buy you a coffee if you want," he said and Dean doubted he could say no to the demanding stare directed at his way. He had told Lisa he would come home late, so she wasn't expecting him home any time soon. He was torn between wanting to go home and rest, and wanting to stay where he was, talking to a man whom he didn't even know. The need to stay finally won, and he accepted the offer with a kind smile. Angel gave him a pleased smile and guided him inside Jenni's without any hurry. He allowed Dean to make his choice of drink, before getting himself a cup of regular, black coffee.

Dean took in his surroundings, the place was small, but gave off a cozy feeling to the customers with the dark colors and warm lights. The two men took a table at the far corner of the establishment and took off their coats before sitting down. For a moment, neither one of the said anything.

"I gotta ask you something, but only if you promise not to get pissed, okay?" Dean broke the silence, earning himself a raised eyebrow and a cautious nod.

"Why does everyone call Angel?" Dean asked and received a displeased frown from the younger guy.

"I don't think I know you well enough to tell you all the secrets in my life. Especially the ones concerning my family," he said calmly and Dean could see his point. He lowered his gaze to his coffee and thought of a way to win the trust of his new acquaintance. He had thought about their conversations from Saturday, and decided to go with a topic they had brought up back then.

"A road trip," Dean said quietly and Angel tilted his head slightly, giving him a confused look.

"I want to go on a road trip. Remember when you asked me about what I'd rather do than my work? I'd rather take my baby and just drive off. I'd sleep in cheap motels and maybe hustle some pool and fix cars when I'd need money. I'd be on a move, not sitting around in an office all day. I'd get some time to figure out what to do with my life," Dean told the young man before him with a dreamy smile on his face, imagining what it would be like to just drive around the country with the Impala. Maybe Sam would come with him too.

"That sounds nice," Angel said and took a sip from his coffee. Dean frowned at the sad undertone in his new friends otherwise impassive voice. Before he had a chance to ask if he had said something wrong when Angel looked at him thoughtfully.

"You keep asking things about me, why?" Dean knew he had highly incredulous look on his face when he stared at the guy opposite to him. He collected himself quickly and took a sip of his coffee before responding to Angel's question.

"I need a reason?" Dean tried to pry the reason behind the query, in order to buy some time to think of an answer that wouldn't make him sound like a complete nutcase. The other man looked at some spot over Dean's shoulder.

"I have two friends who I actually spend time with more than a couple of times a year. I guess I'm not used to people trying to get to know me," he said and Dean nodded slowly with a contemplative frown on his face. He worried himself with his coffee.

"I don't know, you're interesting. I mean, in a non creepy way. You just seem to keep everything to yourself," Dan told his coffee, stealing a few glances to the other side of the table. He could feel the other man stare at him piercingly, and Dean could have sworn those blue eyes could see right through his soul.

"Castiel," Dean raised his confused eyes to meet Angel's. "My name, it's Castiel," he clarified.

"Castiel," Dean tried the name carefully. "I like it," he decided and earned himself a small, grateful smile. Dean didn't look too closely at the reason behind the sudden warmness he felt in his chest. They sat in a comfortable silence for a while, looking around them with mild interest as they drank their coffees. Castiel kicked Dean under the table gently and discreetly pointed at a young woman with dark, curly hair and a black leather jacket on the counter.

"In five minutes she's going to spot us and most likely try to convince us that threesome is an excellent idea. I think she has a thing for me, but I can't stand her. I don't know how to make her go away!" Castiel told Dean in a hushed tone and shrunk on his seat. Dean took pity in the guy and tried to make himself as invisible as possible. The brunette turned around, took in her surroundings and spotted the two men immediately. A wicked grin spread across her face and she made her way quickly towards them. Castiel stared at Dean with wide eyes full of sheer horror.

"Hiya, sweetie! Long time no see. What do you think of my new hair?" She sat down next to Castiel, pressing herself to his side. Castiel kindly offered her a suffering smile and discreetly tried to put some distance between them.

"Hello Meg. Your hair looks nice," Dean could see Castiel was trying to be as polite as possible. Meg's grin grew even wider and she turned her predatory gaze towards Dean. She took him in without any shame, making Dean feel rather uncomfortable.

"You to dating?" She asked making Castiel almost choke on his coffee as Dean stared at the woman with shocked expression. Meg didn't seem to notice anything as she continued talking.

"I gotta warn you though, he'll kiss the hell outta you," Meg told Dean with a playful tone and a wink.

"Okay, Meg, if you could please move, we were just leaving," Castiel cut in quickly, pulling his trench coat back on and looking at Dean pointedly. Dean took the very obvious hint and grabbed his suit jacket quickly.

"You can't just leave, I just got here. You do remember the party, right? The one were Ruby introduced us, we took a few drinks and spent the rest of the evening sucking each others faces off?" Dean's eyes darted between Castiel and Meg with a slightly horrified look. Castiel huffed an annoyed breath and straightened his posture, before turning to face Meg with a small frown.

"Ruby didn't introduce us, you forced yourself to our company. And I kissed you once because Ruby dared me and gave me three shots of vodka in a row before it. Goodbye," he said plainly and got up without a warning. Dean followed his example and they quickly made their way out.

"I'm sorry about that, I just don't know what to do with her," Castiel said apologetically, but Dean waved it off.

"It's okay. You really kissed that?" He couldn't help but ask, and Castiel huffed an unhappy laugh.

"Unfortunately. I was drunk and Ruby dared me. She said it was my fault because I hadn't told her to change the TV channel," Castiel told and Dean raised a curious eyebrow. "We had a talked about the pizza man earlier. Don't ask for more, you are free to google it if you want," Castiel said and pulled out a pack of cigarettes from he depths of his coat. Dean looked at the guy incredulously, trying to figure out what to say as Castiel lit a cigarette and took a first long drag.

"I don't think you should smoke when you're sick," Dean said, trying not to sound too judging.

"I only smoke when I get stressed," Castiel explained and Dean took a quick look back at the small café they had left, before turning his eyes back to Castiel.

"Like after meeting Meg?" He asked with a amused smirk on his face and Castiel nodded.

"Among other things," he said, fighting back a smile. They continued walking before stopping by Deans car. Castiel raised a surprised eyebrow.

"Where's the behemoth of yours?" He asked, sounding almost disappointed. Dean dug the keys from his pocket and bit his lower lip with an annoyed manner.

"Home. I don't drive the Impala to work. She's much too classy for that," he said like it was the most obvious thing in the universe, making Castiel smile almost non-existentially. He shifted his weight from one foot to another and brought the cigarette to his lips before facing Dean.

"I had a really good time, thanks," Castiel said with a polite tone. Dean smiled at him kindly. He considered his next words carefully, he didn't want to seem pushy.

"We can always do this again," Dean said with a questioning tone. Castiel stared at him for a while with an unreadable expression, before stepping straight into Dean's personal space and snugging his hand into his pocket.

"Hey, what are you doing?" Dean was shocked by the sudden invasion to his space, but Castiel simply smirked teasingly and pulled Dean's phone from his pocket. He typed something down to the phone before handing it back to Dean, never taking one step away from him.

"This is the number to my personal phone. You can use this if you want to see me. And send a text if my phone is off, I never keep it on when working," Castiel said as Dean took the phone from his hand.

"Okay, but first we need to talk about personal space," he said, slightly uncomfortable with the closeness between the two of them. Castiel tilted his head slightly, a playful spark in his eyes.

"I'm sorry, you just make it too easy to tease you," he said unapologetically and took a step back. Dean just shook his head, this guy was unbelievable. Castiel dumped the cigarette and shoved his hand to his pockets as Dean unlocked the car. They looked at each other for a moment, not quite sure what to say.

"I guess I'll be going. I need to rest so if I ever want to work again," Castiel said finally without meeting Dean's eyes. Dean simply nodded and promised to call his new friend later.

They parted with a wave of hands.

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><p>Castiel made his way home thinking about his new friend. Dean was a great guy, but Castiel had his doubts. He didn't know what had possessed him to give Dean his number and asked him to call him. He wasn't usually one to make friends, he didn't like the fact he had to keep secrets and lie. Until this day he had made only two friends who knew what he did for living and still stuck around, but Castiel was fairly certain Dean wouldn't understand. Castiel decided to see where this new friendship would go, and maybe someday he would let Dean see who he was under the surface he allowed the world to see.<p>

Castiel could imagine how that conversation would go, and he didn't like the idea. It didn't do any harm to get to know Dean before making a decision about disclosing any critical information about himself, though. He would see what kind of a person Dean was, and maybe with a little bit of luck he wouldn't run like the armies of Hell were after him if Castiel decided to tell him the truth.

As Castiel opened his front door he had decided that getting new people into his life wasn't the end of the world, and it was probably for the best, anyways. Chuck always told him he didn't have enough social life, and even though Castiel was sure the writer-to-be wasn't one to say anything about socializing, he had a point. He would definitely call Chuck and tell him about this new twist in his life later.

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><p><em><strong>AN: **__Nothing special to say about this chapter… The pizza man reference is my friends fault, she picked on me until I wrote it there. _

_Tell me what you think!_


	6. Chapter 5

_**A/N : **First of all : Thank you all for your reviews! __Nothing special to say about this chapter.. I've been busy for a while so it took me a little bit longer to write this than I intended and I would've liked it to be a little longer, but I'll make it up in the next chapter._

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><p><strong>Where Do We Draw the Line<strong>

**Chapter 5**

Dean wasn't sure why he didn't tell Lisa about Castiel. He did say he had returned the missing phone to its rightful owner, but he just wasn't comfortable telling his wife they had changed phone numbers as well. Dean knew there was no logical reason for him not to tell Lisa he had a new friend, but somehow it just seemed like a bad idea. What made things even worse was the fact that they had agreed to always tell the truth about everything, no matter what. It was the foundation of their marriage, no lies, no big secrets. Naturally, they had their own private lives, but they didn't keep things hidden. This was why Dean drove a Toyota of all the cars, and not his precious Impala, every day. This was the reason Dean was able to tell Lisa he had found another guy cute, and maybe he had a very small bi-curious streak in him. That was how their marriage worked, they told the truth to each other, no matter what.

Still, Dean just couldn't tell her about Castiel and it hurt more than he wanted to admit. So he did what he always did when he faced a problem like this, he worked himself half to death so he would be telling Lisa something that was real when he said he was too tired to do anything else than sleep.

Dean often entertained the idea of calling Castiel, but he kept his distance. He knew Lisa could see he was avoiding something, but she allowed him to keep his distance and figure everything out on his own. Dean was grateful for that, and it made him feel even worse. It took him over a week to get a grip of himself, in that time he managed to convince himself that not telling Lisa about Castiel wasn't that bad, he didn't even know if they would continue their new friendship after they got to know each other better.

Nine days after Dean had parted his way with Castiel he got home from work earlier he had in all that time. He brought Lisa a big bouquet of yellow roses in an apology, and Lisa accepted them with a grateful smile. She told him she had promised to go out with some of her friends on Friday, and invited Dean to join them. He declined, telling Lisa he would use the weekend to rest up. Few moments later they ordered indian take out and slouched to the couch to watch the movie Dean had rented for them.

"Something's Gotta Give? Since when have you liked rom-coms?" Lisa teased Dean, who could feel his face redden slightly.

"It has Jack Nicholson in it and I haven't seen it. You know it's my mission in life to see every movie he's ever made," Dean said quickly with an offended expression. Lisa nodded with an amused smile and started the movie. Dean left out the part where Castiel had told about the movie and managed to caught his interest. Few hours later Dean had to admit he had liked the movie, even if it wasn't his usual genre of choice. He turned the TV off as Lisa collected the empty cups from the table and headed to the kitchen.

Dean picked his phone from the table and toyed with it absent-mindedly as he listened to the sounds coming from the kitchen. His thoughts wandered to Castiel, and Dean searched his number from the contact list on an impulse. Dean felt a sting of guilt for not keeping in touch with the guy even though he had been the one to bring up the idea of meeting again.

"Dean? I'm going to take a shower," Lisa said as she made her way past the living room. Dean nodded hastily to her way before returning his attention to his phone. He bit his lip and shook the anxiety he felt off, and quickly pushed the call button. Dean brought the phone to his ear before he could change his mind.

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><p>Castiel left the Giacchino hotel as discreetly as he could. He grabbed the pack of cigarettes from one pocket of his trench coat, and his black phone from the other. He turned the phone back on and lit a cigarette before making his way back home with a slow pace. He didn't make it far before his phone rang, and Castiel quickly pulled it from his pocket, stopping when he didn't recognize the number on the display. He answered the call with a guarded tone. He was happily surprised when he heard Dean's voice. Castiel didn't even try to fight the smile spreading to his face as he made a mental note to save Dean's number on his phone.<p>

"I almost thought you had forgotten me," he said faking an offended tone. He could practically hear Dean fidget on the other end of the line.

"Yeah, sorry. I've been working my ass off lately. I just saw that movie you told me about. You remember, Something's Gotta Give? It was great," Dean sounded a little anxious. Castiel took a quick drag from his cigarette before telling Dean he remembered the movie and was glad Dean had found it good. He heard Dean take a deep breath on the other end of the line and frowned confusedly.

"So I was thinking, Lisa's going out with her friends this weekend and I have nothing to do then, maybe you'd wanna grab a coffee or a beer, or something?" Dean asked with an anxious edge in his voice and Castiel's frown was replaced with a warm smile.

"I'd be happy to. What did you have in mind?" Castiel asked as he went over his schedule for the weekend in his head. He had booked an all-nighter for Friday, which meant he would get off from work in Saturday morning. He would have to sleep for couple of hours, but he doubted that would be a problem.

"I don't know, maybe we could go out on Saturday night? I can take the Impala," Dean said and Castiel huffed an amused laugh. He had found the car rather nice and it seemed more like Dean than the other car he had been driving when they met the last time.

"That sounds great. I'll make a crude assumption and say I can be ready to go out after four," Castiel said, reserving himself a few hours of sleep and time to get something to eat. He stopped at the lights and dumbed the cigarette.

"That's fine. We'll see how that day goes," Dean said and Castiel agreed as he crossed the road and dug out his keys. When he reached the front door of his apartment building he greeted the doorman with a nod and hurried to the elevator that would take him to the eleventh floor.

"Okay. Why don't you decide what we're going to do then and let me know, I'll need a few moments to go through my wardrobe," Castiel said and worried his keys as he waited for the elevator to stop.

"How big is your wardrobe exactly? I mean, does it really matter that much what you're wearing if we go grab a coffee?" Dean said with an amused tone. Castiel rolled his eyes and stepped out of the elevator when it stopped, making his way to his front door.

"Yes it does. And if we are going to a bar or something after the coffee, I need to stop by my place and pick out another outfit. I'll have you know I have a very large collection of clothes and it may take a while for me to find the perfect outfit to go with my hairstyle. And then I have to go through my shoes and jackets because I need to look as good as I possibly can," Castiel joked and closed the door behind him. Dean laughed warmly as Castiel fought his way out of his coat and shoes while still talking to the phone.

"Jesus, you're worse than my wife," Dean said, still laughing a little. Castiel smiled widely, walked to the couch and slumped down on it.

"I'm not sure if that's a compliment," he said, making Dean laugh even more. Eventually they agreed that they would talk again before Saturday and make more permanent plans. They ended the call with cheery voices, and Castiel sunk deeper into the couch, tired from the day. He would have the morning off tomorrow, so he was in no hurry to take his customary shower. He started to go through his rather vast collection of clothes in his head to past his time until his legs would allow him to get up again. If Castiel was going out on Saturday he wanted spend time and effort when he picked up the outfit, he didn't normally spend his free evenings out on the town and he would take the most out of this.

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><p>Dean had sneaked outside when he had heard the shower go off few minutes earlier. Now he took in the chilly evening air with an odd sense of calmness within him. He liked these moments, the serenity in the air always brightened his mood. After five minutes or so Lisa opened the front door and asked what Dean was doing outside at this hour.<p>

"Just clearing my head. I'll come back inside in a minute," Dean said without turning to face Lisa, and a moment later she closed the door and went back inside. Dean took a deep breath and frowned to himself. He felt conflicted, and he wasn't sure why. He was fairly excited about seeing Castiel again, but something deep within him was telling him to run the other way and never look back. Dean stubbornly quieted that voice before going back into the house. He turned the lights off as he made his way upstairs and into the bathroom to brush his teeth. He did his best to keep the nagging feeling in him at bay and succeeded quite well in it.

Lisa was already half asleep when Dean stepped into the bedroom. He took a moment to just look at her, before he crawled next to her and pressed a gentle kiss to her forehead. Lisa smiled sleepily and snuggled herself tightly to his side and told him to go to sleep. Dean huffed a quiet laugh before turning off the light on the nightstand and wrapping his arms around his wife. It didn't take long before sleep claimed him.

Next thing Dean knew was the alarm clock going off. He sleepily shut the clock off and forced his eyes open, before turning to see if Lisa had woken up to the alarm. He was glad to see she hadn't, and he pressed a light kiss to her forehead before getting up to make some coffee. He took a quick shower while the coffee maker was on, before heading back to the kitchen to get himself a large cup of black coffee. Dean spent few minutes leafing through the morning paper and drinking his coffee, before getting his phone, grabbing the car keys and heading out. He drove off to work and hoped the day would be as normal as possible.

Couple of hours later, when Dean had just left for his lunch break, his phone rang. He checked the screen and smiled as he answered the call.

"If your mom doesn't agree with what ever it is you're about to ask, you can forget the whole thing," Dean said without even giving Jo a chance to say hi.

"Well hello to you too, I was just going to ask how you're doing," came the amused reply. Dean grinned as he crossed the road and hurried to his usual café.

"I'm fine. Been working like hell for a week, though," Dean told his best friend. They fell into an easy conversation, Jo tried to convince Dean to take a trip to Vegas with her, and Dean did the best he could to talk her out of it. Neither one of them were very successful in their attempts, but they didn't mind.

"Wanna come over here this weekend? Or maybe I could come there, I talked to Lisa the other day and she said she had something she'd like to show me," Jo told Dean, who took his time to take a sip from the coffee he had bought a second ago before answering.

"Nah, I've made plans for this weekend. So you and Lisa are on speaking terms again?" Dean tried not to get his hopes too high, but maybe he could once again sit down with his best friend and his wife in peace.

"Yeah, we've sorted things out. And if you're busy this weekend we'll just meet up some other time, okay?" Jo sounded like she wouldn't take no for an answer, so Dean agreed to meet her in the near future. They ended the call soon after that and Dean got back to his work.

As he got back to his office he took a moment to think about the rapidly closing weekend. He thought about all the possible places he could take Castiel. Maybe they could go at Gem's, Dean had always liked that place. He made a mental note to ask Castiel what he thought about his idea as soon as possible.

* * *

><p>"So, it's official, the end of the world has come upon us all," Pamela Barnes said exaggeratedly and slouched to the old, rather badly worn out couch. Castiel shot Chuck a pleading look, but the writer seemed to agree with Pamela. Castiel really regretted telling his friends about meeting Dean, but he was tired of them constantly making remarks of his lack of social life.<p>

"Can't you two just be normal and tell me it's great I've got a new friend or threaten to cross-examine him or something. It's not very encouraging from you to complain about me not having other friends besides you two, and when I finally get one you just make fun of me," Castiel crossed his arms and frowned. Pamela glanced at Chuck, who quickly disappeared behind his computer, typing furiously in order to appear busy. Castiel's eyes shifted between the two of them until Pamela threw her arms in the air and huffed an annoyed breath.

"Of course we're glad you're getting better with your people skills. It was a joke. You know, sometimes you can be really clueless," she said with a frustrated tone and grabbed the beer from the small table in front of her. Castiel looked mildly offended, but didn't say anything. He wasn't in a mood to start a fight he knew he would loose.

"Has either of you seen those videos where these guys are ghost hunting?They go to all these supposedly haunted locations and make these mini documentaries about protection from ghosts. They are hilarious. I don't think they actually have any idea what they're doing," Chuck said to end the uncomfortable silence that had taken over his messy living room. Castiel and Pamela shared questioning looks before turning to face the writer, shaking their heads.

"I'll look it up to you guys. If I remember right they called themselves Ghostfacers or something like that," Chuck said and started searching for the videos he was talking about.

"Sure. As long as there aren't too many soulful looks in it," Pamela said teasingly, took another sip from her beer and shifted on the couch lazily. Castiel bit his lip to keep himself from laughing when Chuck shoot an insulted glare at Pamela. Castiel tried to find a better position for himself in the fairly uncomfortable chair he was sitting on, but gave up the futile attempt and considered the pros and cons of telling Chuck he should get rid of one of his favorite chairs. He decided to keep his mouth shut.

After five minutes of more or less companionable silence Castiel jumped slightly when his phone started buzzing in his jeans pocket. Pamela shot him a curious look as he pulled the phone from his pocket and opened the text he had received.

_Ever been to Gem's? They play rock classics on Saturdays. If you want we could go see it._

Castiel checked the sender and did his best to contain a smile when he saw Dean's name on the screen. He shifted slightly and ignored Pamela's demanding stare.

_That sounds great. _Castiel sent the text and turned to face Pamela with a neutral expression.

"Who was that?" She asked with a curious smile. Castiel looked at her and considered his answer longer than he really needed.

"A friend," he finally said with a small, secretive smile. Pamela frowned slightly and threw a small pillow at Castiel, who caught it easily and threw it back at her. They tossed the pillow between them for a while, before Chuck interrupted them with an unsure voice.

"Um, would you two please stop that? I found the video, so if you want to see it you should come over here," Chuck said and made room for his friends when they made their ways to take a look at the video. The pillow was still in Pamela's hands when she leaned over Chuck's shoulder to get a better look at the computer screen. The ghost hunting team was setting up a mission on some old rundown house when Castiel got himself a chair and sat down next to Chuck. Pamela followed his example and the three of them turned their full attention to the screen.

Three hours later Castiel closed his front door and made a beeline for his bedroom. He dropped his jacket to the side of the couch and kicked off his boots before falling down on the softness of his bed. He wasn't really tired, but he felt like a lazy cat and just wanted to crawl under the covers of his bed. He laid on his back in and dozed off, and his mind wandered towards the closing weekend. He smiled almost non-existentially as he thought about it, before he got too deep into his slumber to actually think anything.

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><p><em><strong>AN :** Facts about this chapter :_

_1) Meanings of yellow roses : Friendship, jealousy, infidelity, or apology, a broken heart, intense emotion, dying love, extreme betrayal._

_2) Michael Giacchino is one of my favourite composers, he made the score for Star Trek (2009), Mission: Impossible III and Ratatouille, just to mention few._

_3) Gem's is a reference to Gem Saloon from Deadwood. Jim Beaver has appeared on that show. And so has Brad Douriff, and even though that has nothing to do with Supernatural he deserves his own personal notification._

_What do you think?_


	7. Chapter 6

**_A/N :_**_ I'm currently suffering from a severe case of flu, and this chapter tried to run over me so I had to cut it in two parts, this has not been my week at all. But no worries, I'll finish the next chapter as soon as I can._

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><p><strong>Where Do We Draw The Line<strong>

**Chapter 6**

Castiel tiptoed to his black sling bag that he had owned ever since he was sixteen. He took out a small thermos filled with hot coffee and took filled a mug for himself and grabbed his leather jacket, before sneaking to the balcony and lighting a cigarette. He leaned to the railing and looked at the view beneath him. There wasn't much to see besides the city lights since the clock was closing on four a.m, but the cool air was soothing and the massive dots of light were beautiful in their own way. Castiel yawned and took a long sip from his coffee to fight off the tiredness he felt. He still had five hours to go before he would head back home.

Castiel glanced through the large window to make sure Ruby was still asleep on the large bed, he was glad to see she was, he really didn't need her to wake up. He cursed his inability to sleep during a job, even when it meant he would have to stay up all night doing nothing else but stare into the darkness of a room. Castiel finished his coffee and cigarette without any hurry and reminded himself that the paycheck he got was worth the tiredness in the morning.

After ten minutes or so Castiel sneaked back into the dim hotel room, put his jacket aside and crawled back to the bed. Ruby shifted slightly in her sleep and Castiel froze for a moment. He didn't relax until Ruby had settled back down and he had made sure she was still asleep. He stared at the ceiling and allowed himself to get lost in his thoughts. He wondered how his family was doing for a second, before quickly shifting his thoughts to the very slowly closing evening. Dean had promised to pick Castiel up from the 53rd street, before they would head to Gem's.

Castiel exhaled quietly, he wasn't sure if he knew how to go out with friends anymore. Not that he didn't have friends who liked to grab a beer with him, but Dean was a new acquaintance and Castiel really didn't want to blow the whole thing off by suddenly snapping into his professional mode. He used the other person he had created for work instinctively as a defense mechanism, and he didn't always even realize he had changed his behavior from Castiel to Angel and be what was needed, not who he truly was. This instinct had gotten Castiel suspended from college, where one of the older students had continually picked on him and pushed him around to the point where Castiel had finally snapped and broken his nose. When Castiel thought about that situation now he realized he had needed someone to help him and make the older guy stop and leave him alone. He had gotten what he needed, and now he hated it.

Castiel hoped everything would go well with Dean, and suspected he should probably stop worrying and just take the evening as it was, just a nice evening between friends, nothing else. Castiel frowned into the darkness, he wasn't quite sure why he was suddenly so nervous about all of this. It wasn't like he hadn't ever been out with someone he barely knew before. Ruby mumbled something Castiel couldn't comprehend, but it snapped him out of his ruminations.

Four hours passed very slowly. During those hours Castiel helped himself another cup of coffee and brushed his teeth after it, but finally Ruby started to wake up. Castiel turned to his side and fixed a pleasant smile on his face as Ruby slowly opened her eyes. She stretched herself like a lazy cat, eyes still half closed.

"Morning," Castiel said softly and brushed the unruly hair from Ruby's face. She smiled contently and buried herself deeper to the soft sheets, mumbling something that sounded vaguely like good morning. Castiel gave Ruby all the time to wake up as she wanted, but kept a rather close eye on the time because all he really wanted at the moment was to go home and sleep all the way to the next century. He refused to stay there any longer than necessary.

"You think I could get fries for breakfast?" Ruby's voice was muffled by the pillow, and Castiel had to take a moment to figure out what she had said before answering.

"I can call the room service and ask," he offered and Ruby turned to look at him with grateful eyes. She reached out and ruffled Castiel's already messy hair.

"I'd kiss you but I think I'd better brush my teeth first. But you're an angel, you know that?" Ruby said and Castiel smiled, holding back a comment that most definitely did not go well with the current situation. He got up and got Ruby the fries she so desperately wanted.

An hour later Castiel said his goodbyes to Ruby with a charming smile and a hug, before he grabbed a taxi and headed home to get some well earned rest. Castiel dozed off in the back seat of the taxi, and when he finally made it to his apartment he kicked his clothes off and jumped to the bed. He gladly closed his eyes and fell asleep within seconds.

* * *

><p>Dean felt bad for Lisa, she had what she called the hangover of the century, and there was very little he could do to help her. Dean fought back the need to tell Lisa she should get a greasy pork sandwich or something similar. He was fairly certain he would suffer greatly if he did or said anything to make Lisa feel any worse she currently did. Dean filled a glass of water to his wife, grabbed his full coffee cup and headed towards the living room where Lisa laid on the couch. She looked miserable under the creamy colored comforter with her tangled hair and pale face. Dean offered the water to her and Lisa took the glass with slightly shaky hands and a grateful smile.<p>

"You sure you'll be okay if I go out today?" Dean asked with a soft tone as he crouched next to his wife and petted her messy hair gently. Lisa drank the water before turning towards Dean and smiling slightly.

"I'll be fine in couple of hours," Lisa assured and Dean gave her a small nod before he got up and went back to the kitchen to get himself something to eat. He tries not to think the quickly closing evening too much as he scrambled through the insides of the refrigerator. Dean had told Lisa he was meeting up with some friends, it had seemed like a good answer, informative but still vague.

Dean quickly fixed himself a cheese sandwich and as an after thought grabbed the aspirin bottle from the shelf before going back to the living room to see if Lisa needed anything else. She shook her head and complained weakly about the smell of Dean's sandwich. Dean laughed a little at that, but left Lisa with her water, aspirins and the remote for the television.

Twenty minutes later Dean took a long shower and spent countless minutes trying to make his hair obey his will before he wandered to pick up the clothes he would wear. He tried to appear as though it didn't really matter what he was wearing as long as it was comfortable, when the truth was he was rather terrified of picking up something that didn't look good on him. Sam would probably tell him he was acting like it was his prom night, and Dean had to stop going through his shirts for a moment to wonder where the thought had popped to his mind. He quickly shook it off and decided to go with a simple dark shirt and slightly worn out jeans. He would grab his old leather boots from the closet in the hallway downstairs.

At two o'clock Dean stopped pacing around the house and picked up his phone. He dialed Castiel's number and went to check on the Impala as an excuse to get some privacy, Lisa was eyeing him curiously and he really didn't need the attention at the moment. Dean waited for what a rather long while before Castiel picked up. Dean raised a confused eyebrow when he heard ruffling followed by a heavy thud and some cursing before Castiel's clearly pained hello.

"You okay?" Dean asked, concern shining through his voice.

"Yes. I'm fine, you just woke me up, " Castiel said hurriedly, and Dean had a creeping suspicion that he had fallen from bed. He forced the amused grin from his face and concentrated on the conversation.

"Do you still want me to pick you up at four?" Dean asked after he had managed to get himself under control.

"Of course. I'll be ready by then," Castiel promised and Dean nodded before realizing Castiel couldn't see him.

"Okay. I'll call you before I leave so you'll know where I'm going," Dean said and Castiel agreed to this arrangement. They ended the call and Dean didn't even try to stop the wide smile making it's way to his face. He gently patted the hood of the Impala as he spoke to the car.

"We're going out today sweetie." Dean spent few moments checking the tire pressure and oils of the old car before going back to the house. Lisa was waiting for him in the kitchen, pealing an apple with a great deal of concentration.

"Who were you talking to?" She asked without lifting her eyes from the apple when Dean entered the room.

"No one. I think I'm gonna have to buy new oil for the Impala, I just checked the bottle I have and it's almost out," he said, quickly changing the subject. Lisa took a bite of the apple an regarded Dean with a serious expression.

"Sometimes I think you care more about that car than me," she said with a fake hurt in her voice, and Dean gaped at her in awe.

"How did you find us out? Was it the car wash we took or the new windscreen wipers?" He said with an exaggerated amazement. Lisa laughed and pulled Dean into a quick kiss. Dean wrapped his arms around her and buried his face in Lisa's dark hair. He did his best to let Lisa know how much he loved her without having to say the actual words. Lisa seemed to understand him as she squeezed Dean as hard as she could.

"Okay, I'm still not feeling all that good," Lisa said finally and dislodged herself from Dean with a final squeeze.

"You just rest today, okay? And remember that you can call me any time you want," Dean reminded Lisa with a stern voice and ran his hand tenderly through her hair. Lisa nodded in agreement and left the kitchen after giving Dean a chaste kiss simply because she could. Dean looked after her with a hint of a smile playing on his lips, before he shook himself out of his thoughts.

* * *

><p>Castiel laid on the bed, rubbing his painful hip and waiting for his alarm to go off. He couldn't believe he had actually fallen from the bed, he wasn't even sure how it had happened. One moment he was turning around to answer the phone, and the next he was lying flat on the floor fully awake and in pain. The alarm went off seven minutes after the cll with Dean had ended and Castiel shut it with more force than necessary before he got up and more or less limped to the kitchen to make himself a late breakfast. Castiel fixed himself a sandwich while he waited for the coffee to drip.<p>

Castiel quickly went over his plan for the day, he would get a shower, eat something, get dressed, and leave for the evening. It was an simple plan and Castiel liked it because of this. He didn't need any big and complicated plans for getting ready for a night out like he had heard some people did. Castiel poured himself a cup of coffee and drank it quickly, almost burning his tongue in the process, before he left the bright kitchen to grab a shower. Castiel didn't hurry as he took his clothes off and folded them carefully, before stepping into the shower stall and turning on the water. A cold steam hit Castiel's face and he started before quickly turning the heat up.

Castiel finished the shower quite quickly, shaved and battled against his unruly hair with very little success. Castiel gave up the battle after it came apparent he could not win. He put on his clothes and stretched his arms lazily. All he had to do now was to eat the rest of the risotto he had in the refrigerator. Castiel had never been one to brag, but if he had to pick one thing he was really good at, he would have picked cooking. The time had passed without Castiel noticing it, and soon Dean called to let him know he was ready to leave. Castiel told his friend he would get to their agreed meeting point.

The weather was a little more chilly than Castiel would've liked, and he pulled his jacket tighter around himself and hastened his step. He reached the street corner he had agreed to meet Dean earlier than he had anticipated, and he spent two minutes anxiously shifting his weight from one feet to another before he spotted Dean's car. Castiel felt a smile making it's way to his face, and he didn't bother to fight it as he climbed into the car and greeted Dean. Dean looked at him with a cheery grin on his face.

"How you've been?" Dean asked as he pulled the car back to the road Castiel settled in his seat.

"Okay. I had a little catching up at work to do but it's good now. And you?" Castiel answered impassively and turned his full attention to Dean, who considered his answer as he concentrated on driving in the busy street.

"Fine. My best friend tried to drag me to Vegas," Dean smiled fondly, and Castiel caught himself thinking how nice the smile looked on Dean. He shook himself out of his musings quickly.

"So what are we going to do now?" He asked lightly, making Dean shoot him a bemused look.

"Um, we could go for a coffee?" He suggested with a clearly hesitant undertone in his voice. Castiel was quick to nod in agreement, and Dean seemed to relax at this. Castiel told Dean to take the left turn on the next intersection and directed him to the same place they had been in the last time they had met. Dean parked the car while telling Castiel about his genius little brother with great deal of pride in his voice and Castiel found himself wishing someone would talk about him as highly.

"Shit, I'm sorry. I'm rambling, aren't I?" Dean apologized when they stepped on the sidewalk, but Castiel dismissed the whole thing with a wave of his hand.

"I like hearing about your family," he assured Dean and leaded them towards the café. Dean contemplated him for a few seconds with a small smile pulling at the corners of his lips.

"How about you. You have any siblings?" Dean asked offhandedly, making Castiel stumble slightly. He corrected himself hastily and gazed at Dean nonchalantly.

"I had a step-sister, there's really nothing to talk about it," Castiel informed Dean and wished he wouldn't push the matter. Dean studied him with a great deal of curiosity for a while, before dropping the matter with a nod. Castiel gave him a grateful, but barely there smile and reached for the door handle. He held the door for Dean and pulled his thoughts away from his sister and directed them all to Dean, since he was the one who would keep him company that evening. They ordered their coffees, and Dean insisted on them getting a slice of the apple pie on display. Castiel took one look of the determined manner Dean was staring at him and lifted his hands in a sign of surrender. He knew how to pick his fights, and this one was clearly one he could never win.

Dean took the pie and the coffee to his hands with a triumphant grin and sauntered towards the table they had sat the last time so that no-one else would get it while Castiel payed for his own coffee. Dean had tried to pay for his coffee too, but Castiel had stopped him. Their argument had earned them a disturbingly knowing grin from the woman behind the counter, and Dean had finally given to Castiel's wishes. The smile on the cashiers face never faded.

"I'm buying you a drink tonight," Dean declared the moment Castiel sat down. Castiel gave him a puzzled look.

"Why?" There was no other way for him to ask clarification for Dean's apparent need to pay for his share too. Dean stopped what, to Castiel, seemed to be a careful analyzation of the apple pie.

"Why not?" Dean countered and Castiel squinted his eyes in frustration. This was going to be difficult a conversation.

"Because you don't have to. I didn't ask you to and against that woman's believes we're not dating, so you're not obligated to do so," Castiel tried to throw a joke into his otherwise stern respond. Dean lowered his gaze and sunk his fork to the pie, and took a large bite out of it. Castiel got the impression Dean was trying to buy time for himself, so he took a long sip from his coffee and waited. Finally Dean gave up and faced Castiel's persistent stare.

"Just so you know, I hate chick flick moments," he warned Castiel, who only deepened his stare.

"I don't care," he stated bluntly, and Dean looked at him with surprise written all over his features. Castiel simply cocked his eyebrow to show how unimpressed he was at the moment. Dean shook his head and muttered something under his breath that Castiel didn't catch, before taking a deep breath and leveling his gaze with Castiel's.

"Fine, I feel slightly bad because it took me nearly two weeks to call you. I mean, I was the one who brought the whole 'we should meet again' thing to the table," Dean explained, and Castiel could see he was uncomfortable with the situation. For a second Castiel considered pressing the matter further, but decided to let it drop in the name of new friendships.

"Okay, explanation accepted. If it will make you feel any better you may buy me a drink later," He said with a light tone, earning himself a silent thank you from Dean. They sat in a companionable silence for a while. Castiel observed Dean as he ate the pie in front of him with closed eyes and a blissful expression.

"This is amazing," Dean managed to gasp between the mouthfuls. Castiel just smiled, feeling a sudden surge of affection sweep through him. He took a quick sip of his coffee to distract himself and lowered his gaze to the pie wondering if it was in fact as good as Dean let him think.

"Here, you need to taste this," Dean decided, snapping Castiel out of his thoughts. Dean offered Castiel a forkful of the pie with a spark in his eyes. Castiel wasn't sure if this was very good idea, but he leaned forward anyway and allowed Dean carefully guide the fork into his mouth, never breaking their eye contact. He didn't have time to put much thought to the intimacy of the whole situation before the taste of the apple pie forced him to choke a moan. Dean was grinning at him triumphantly as he finished the pie before Castiel could claim any more of it for himself.

"You're mean," Castiel finally said without actually meaning it. Dean chuckled and took a sip from his coffee.

"You're lucky I even shared my pie. that doesn't happen too often," he told Castiel, who did his best to understand just how important this whole situation was. He was fairly certain he failed at his attempt.

"How come you know almost everything there is to know about me and I don't know a thing about you," Dean said suddenly, looking rather baffled by the fact. Castiel felt a sudden rush of terror run through him as Dean regarded him with new curiosity. He quickly decided it was probably for the best to tell Dean something to satisfy his curiosity.

"I've studied art history, I have two friends, another is a writer, or at least he tries to be. And Pam is conducting a research on the psychological aspects of someones sexuality and how it manifests in their behavior, or something like that, she's a psychologist, one of those academic professionals, you know. She does some clinic hours too but right know she's concentrating mostly on her work," Castiel left out the part where Pamela had nearly tied him down and tortured him so hat he would answer her questions in the early phases of her study. Chuck had later offered Castiel a beer and told him he had had the same treatment.

"That sounds interesting," Dean noted and urged Castiel to carry on. When the younger man merely lowered his eyes to his nearly empty coffee cup Dean left out an annoyed huff.

"What do you do for living?" Dean asked patiently. Castiel contained the need to kick the other man under the table and went with the first answer that came to his mind.

"I'm self employed. Last year I spent two months in Europe as a sort of an assistant to this really big artist. We went from one art show to another and it all ended with the fashion week in Paris," Castiel was pleased with his answer, especially since it was true. He did, however, leave out certain parts, like how he had gotten his apartment in the deal, and how the particular french artist had a quirk for having sex anywhere but in the bed, unless light bondage was featured. Castiel smiled quite fondly at the memory.

"Got a girlfriend?" Dean's voice forced Castiel out of his reminisce. It took him a split second to realize what Dean had said, and when he did he sniggered and shook his head in amusement. Dean gave him a confused glance before he seemed to come up with an thought. Castiel looked at him with a hint of dare in his eyes, wanting to see if Dean would ask what Castiel thought he might. Finally, after what seemed like an hour, Dean collected himself and asked the question.

"Got a boyfriend, then?" There was reservedness in his voice, as if he was expecting Castiel to get mad at him.

"Not for a while, no. People don't normally stick around me for that long," Castiel told, without any menace in his voice. He was grateful Dean had had it in him to ask a question most people would probably find offensive. Dean nodded slowly and eyed him with an unreadable expression. Castiel almost expected Dean to bolt from his seat, but it never happened.

"Maybe if you weren't allergic to straight answers people would probably be asking you out all the time. I mean, pulling information from you is pretty damn hard," Dean remarked humorously. Castiel chuckled and decided to put double the effort to not blowing this whole thing up.

They ordered another round of coffee and decided to head to Gem's after they had finished their drinks. Castiel let Dean pay for both coffees and barely contained a smile when Dean straightened his posture slightly while giving his credit card to the cashier. When they had their coffees in front of them Castiel asked Dean to tell him more about his car. Dean bursted into carefree laughter and gave Castiel a mischievous grin, before reciting the whole history of the Impala with every single detail he could remember. They stayed there until the woman behind the counter announced they needed to close up for the day. Castiel was genuinely happy as Dean proclaimed he could drink Castiel under the table at any given time, and they set it as their goal to see if this was true right away.

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><p><strong><em>AN : _**_Facts about this chapter : _

_ 1) I concidered writing an essay on psychological aspects of sexuality and how they manifest themselves in behaviour, but I drobbed in order to write about violent behaviour and its aspects and reasons._

_2) Dean telling Castiel he's allergic to straight answers comes from Deans comment to Castiel in In the Beginning (04x03)._


	8. Chapter 7

**_A/N : _**_Here's a new chapter. This took a little longer to write than I anticipated since I've had to give more time to my school projects than anything else, but here it is. This was originally supposed to be a part of the previus chapter, but I thought it would stand better on it's own._

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><p><strong>Where Do We Draw the Line<strong>

**Chapter 7**

Dean had no intention to let Castiel defeat him in the fine art of getting drunk. He dug out his car keys and opened the doors to Impala, listening to Castiel's amused explanation about his friends book. From what Dean heard about the plot, he thought it might actually be an interesting story to read. He mentioned this to Castiel, who gave him a mildly shocked look and shook his head sharply.

"Trust me, Chuck is a great friend, but there are only so many soulful looks you can have in your life. He has an amazing imagination, but he lacks the actual talent of writing. I think he deserves points for trying, though," Castiel smiled and got into the car right after Dean.

Dean switched the record in the player from Metallica to Def Leppard and turned the volume up to see how Castiel would react. The other man just shot him an amused glance, and Dean suddenly understood why people called him Angel. It was actually quite disturbing how perfect the guy next to him seemed, despite the apparent inability to share any facts about his own life. Or maybe it was just a helping factor with the whole perfection thing. Dean hastily abandoned his train of thought and cleared his throat, getting Castiel's unwavering attention.

"I hope you're ready to be carried home," Dean joked, earning himself a challenging glare.

"I have a great alcohol tolerance, I think it's you who should be worried about getting home," Castiel suggested with a teasing edge in his voice. Dean smirked at the challenge, and they glanced at each other quickly before returning their attentions to the road ahead.

After five minutes or so Dean parked the Impala again and led Castiel inside the relatively small bar. The place was ruled by a slight western influence and warm, dark colors and as promised, classic rock was filling the space. Dean explained to Castiel that they always played rock, but Saturdays were dedicated to the old classics and nothing else. Castiel nodded in acknowledgement as Dean pulled him to the counter and ordered two beers. Dean quickly payed for them before Castiel had any change of arguing with him, and led them to an unoccupied table in the back of the bar.

"You can pay for the next round," Dean promised as they sat down, and after a moment of consideration Castiel agreed. Dean relaxed as he listened to Van Halen and looked at Castiel observing his beer before taking a careful sip and deeming the drink acceptable.

"So, what are we gonna talk about now? We've covered work, my car, friends, movies," Dean let his voice fade and looked at Castiel expecting him to come up with the next topic. Castiel considered the possible things to talk about while examining his beer without any actual interest.

"You could always tell me about your marriage," Castiel suggested without looking at Dean, who was rather taken aback by the request. He didn't understand what the appeal in the whole matter was. Sure, he had no problem telling anyone he had a wife he loved, but the whole concept of talking about married life somehow escaped him.

"Why do you wanna know?" Dean asked instead of answering. Castiel's head snapped up and he directed a piercing stare at Dean.

"I'd just like to know what it's like, living with someone like that. I mean, I've never lived with anyone so I guess I'm just curious. But it's okay if you don't want to talk about it," Castiel said almost apologetically and shifted his eyes to somewhere beyond Dean's left shoulder. It took Dean only few seconds to decide what he wanted to do.

"I dated Lisa for almost a year before we moved in together, and after that it took us a long time to actually get married. We just didn't want to rush it. You know how some people haven't even known each other for six months before they start planning their weddings? We didn't want that. I'm not saying that you can't get married after six months and live happily ever after, but we didn't think that would work for us." Dean took a long gulp out of his beer. Castiel silently urged him to go on, and Dean had to admit that the honest interest in the other man's eyes was quite endearing in its own way.

"It's not that difficult or anything. Of course it might just be that I'm too used to have someone at home waiting for me. Lisa's pretty much my best friend, Jo excepted of course. We can tell each other anything we want," Dean told with a fond tone. Castiel lowered his eyes to the table and he seemed to carefully think about Dean's words. Dean let him do just so as he ordered them another round of drinks. Castiel quickly dug out some cash and payed for the drinks as he had promised, before going back to his thoughts. Dean fought back a smile as he observed Castiel, who was clearly trying to figure the whole thing out.

"Can you tell me something?" He asked suddenly, startling Dean slightly.

"I don't know. What do you wanna know?" He asked and downed half of his beer in one go. Castiel raised an unimpressed eyebrow at him, but didn't say anything about it.

"Why do married people cheat on their spouses?" Dean was really taken aback by the question, and he spend long moment simply staring at Castiel and opening and closing his mouth like a fish on a dry land. Castiel gave him the time to recover, but didn't let the matter go.

"How the hell am I supposed to know?" Dean asked incredulously and Castiel was quick to raise his hands in a sign of surrender.

"I didn't mean to offend you. It's just something I've been thinking. Blame Pam and her research, she's been babbling about it to me for weeks. I just thought that, since you're married, perhaps you would be able to tell why someone would do so," Castiel explained hastily and Dean took a deep breath to calm himself down.

"I don't know. Maybe if there's something wrong with the marriage and they meet someone who can give them more. I guess that in the end it doesn't actually take that much to cheat on your wife once. Trouble at home, a little bit too much to drink and a pretty girl. It can be really complicated or really simple, you know," Dean tried to ease Castiel's curiosity, but he doubted he was doing a very good job.

"But how about being married and having an affair with someone for, let's say a year, for example," Castiel pushed the subject after finishing his beer in one go, and Dean had to admit it was pretty amazing display.

"I don't know. Maybe this imaginary guy of yours just fell in love with someone. Doesn't mean he wouldn't love his wife though. Maybe he loves her and genuinely wants to spend the rest of his miserable life with her, but then he just meets another woman and falls in love with her too and doesn't know what to do," Dean speculated. Castiel eyed him with an unreadable expression that unnerved Dean more than he would've liked to admit. It was like Castiel could see right through him to the very core of his being and see all his secrets.

"You mind if we change the subject?" Dean requested, his uncomfortably clear in his voice. Castiel agreed rather reluctantly and after a while his broody expression changed into a small, mischievous smirk.

"I'll give you one chance to back down before I drink you to oblivion." Dean sat up a little straighter and gave Castiel a confident look.

"Dream on," he countered and ordered them both few shots and water. Castiel didn't seem like he was actually worried he might lose to Dean, and it quickly got to Dean's nerves. He kept his eyes sternly fixed on Castiel as they downed the first shots as quickly as they could, Castiel beating Dean in the speed. Dean was forced to stare Castiel with wide, incredulous eyes. The guy had taken the alcohol like it was water. Dean's determination to win just grew stronger as the corners of Castiel's lips turned up ever so slightly in a knowing manner.

They weren't rushing anything, so it took them a while to actually get their heads properly jumbled up. Dean had propped his arms on the table and was leaning his head lazily to his hand as he regarded the plastic card in his hands. Castiel had the look of a defeated man on his features as he shifted his eyes between Dean and the rest of the customers.

"Milton," Dean said in a careful tone and Castiel nodded without turning his eyes to Dean.

"Like the poet, I know," Castiel huffed with barely concealed annoyance. Dean shifted his eyes to look at the man sitting in front of him. He wasn't going to admit he had no clue who Castiel meant, even though there was something oddly familiar in the name. Castiel glanced him quickly and immediately caught Deans confusion.

"Paradise Lost?" Castiel prompted and Dean grinned triumphantly when the name finally rang a bell in his head. He took a final look at the card in his hand and offered it back to it's rightful owner. Castiel took the card and stuffed it back to his wallet. Dean kept a close eye on his friend the whole time. He didn't have the willpower to keep himself from smiling fondly when Castiel organized their empty glasses while he babbled about some article he had read few days earlier, or not to try to figure out what shade of blue Castiel's eyes were exactly. To Dean it was rather disturbing how in one light they were bright, electric blue, and the next moment they seemed almost as dark as midnight. It was really disorienting. Dean was forced to snap out of his musings when Castiel fell quiet and directed a curious look on his way.

"You're staring," Castiel pointed out and smiled lopsidedly. Dean raised one eyebrow nonchalantly, he was drunk enough not to care about being caught, and too drunk not to think about what he was saying.

"You're very stare worthy," he blurted without blinking an eye. Castiel's eyes widened and his jaw dropped ever so slightly.

"That came out wrong," Dean admitted and ran a hand through his hair to ease the anxiousness that threatened to take over him. Castiel nodded very slowly, looking puzzled.

"What I meant to say was-. I have no idea what I was gonna say. Just forget it, Cas," Dean nearly pleaded. Castiel smiled as he nodded again and let the matter drop. Dean wished he couldn't feel as stupid as he did. He had no idea why he had said what he had. Dean had no issue admitting that Castiel belonged to the better looking part of the society, but that wasn't any justification for his words. Luckily Castiel seemed to have forgotten the whole comment.

Dean, however, had some trouble pulling his thoughts to a different track. He couldn't stop himself from paying closer attention to Castiel, especially the way he absentmindedly nipped his lower lip, or how delicate his hands seemed when he lifted the glass to his lips and downed the last mouthful of the liquor. Dean also couldn't deny the sudden jealousy he felt for the glass when Castiel directed his full attention to it. Dean snapped out of the pleasant daze the alcohol had brought with it when his brain caught up with his thoughts, and he quickly downed the drink in front of him before ordering a new round. Dean was more than willing to blame the alcohol in his system for his reaction, and in order to get some distraction he took a double the effort to get himself drunk enough to loose his ability to think.

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><p>In the end Castiel more or less carried Dean out of the bar after being declaring himself the winner of their competition. Dean was heavier than Castiel had anticipated, but he did his best to get them to Dean's car. He laughed fondly when Dean made a brave attempt to get the car key into the lock before he took the keys from Dean.<p>

"Hey! Give 'em back," Dean ordered Castiel with a slurred voice and made a poor attempt to catch the keys from his friend. Castiel easily stumbled out of Dean's reach and tucked the keys to his pocket.

"You're not driving," Castiel said simply and pulled out his phone. Dean directed an annoyed pout to Castiel, who was ordering a taxi for them and pointedly ignoring Dean. He could feel Dean's stare at his back the whole time he was talking to the phone, needing to think everything longer than usually. When Castiel finally ended the call he swayed slightly as he leaned to the car and turned his eyes on Dean.

"I'll get you home," he promised quietly and did his best imitation of Dean's hurt frown before a warm grin made its way to his face, and he reached out and ruffled Dean's hair affectionately. Dean tried to back off from him, nearly falling to the ground in the process. Castiel laughed as he helped Dean regain his balance, pulling the other man next to him.

"You're not serious about leaving my baby here," Dean stated, sounding convinced. Castiel considered arguing, but it seemed like too much of an effort at the moment. They stood there in silence leaning to the car, shoulders pressed together. Castiel couldn't remember when he had been in such an ease with someone else. He was willing to argue that the reason he leaned to Dean's side was because he was drunk and the air was chilly, not because Dean felt safe and somehow familiar.

"You might crash the car if you drive. Think about what would happen to it," Castiel muttered and let his head fall on Dean's shoulder. He saw Dean reluctantly nod in agreement and turn to look at him. Dean, despite the fact he was almost at the point of passing out, managed to level a scrutinizing look at Castiel. Neither one of them said anything for a long time, but when Castiel finally opened his mouth to say anything to end the silence, their ride arrived and the moment was over.

"Come on," Dean muttered and pulled Castiel with him to the back seat of the taxi. Castiel watched Dean skeptically when he closed his eyes and seemed to fall asleep. He poked the slumped form of his friend tentatively. When there was no reaction Castiel rolled his eyes and gave the driver his address. Maybe he wouldn't die if Dean crashed on his couch for one night, after all he had allowed both Chuck and Pamela do so in the past. At least he had a faint memory of such occasions, it had been a very long time since he had brought anybody to his apartment.

Castiel tried to pretend he didn't notice when Dean shifted and leaned on him. He most definitely ignored the way how Dean's breath brushed his neck gently, and how he didn't mind it at all. Castiel wasn't sure how long it took, but in the end the quiet driver pulled the car over. Castiel payed the man and elbowed Dean to wake him up even a bit, before getting out of the car. He almost fell on his face as he dragged Dean with him. This was one of the occasions where Castiel was extremely grateful for the ever vigilant doorman who hurried to help him with Dean. They got to the elevator and then to Castiel's front door without tripping over, and Castiel was fairly certain it counted as a some sort of miracle. Dean was barely awake when Castiel opened the door and pulled Dean inside and pushed him off of himself. Dean stumbled and fell against the wall, laughing as he tried to support himself against it.

"Lisa will kill me in the morning," Dean mumbled more to himself than to Castiel, who huffed in an annoyed manner and pulled Dean with him to the couch. He had to fight off the tiredness as he did his best to help Dean to get his jacket and boots off.

"Get some sleep," Castiel said and offered Dean a blanket and a pillow, and helped him to lie down. Castiel was grateful he wasn't as drunk as Dean, imagining this situation would be quite different if he were. Castiel brushed his fingers against Dean's cheek before leaving for his inviting bed. He managed to take to steps before Dean grabbed his arm with a surprising strength. Castiel turned his eyes to his friend, who was staring at him with an odd brightness in his eyes.

"Can you stay?" Dean asked, his voice barely audible. A sudden rush of fondness filled Castiel and he returned to Dean's side, sitting down on the floor. Dean let go of Castiel's hand and curled his fingers tiredly in his hair instead. Castiel was surprised by Dean's behavior, but he couldn't bring himself to care about it. He leaned into Dean's touch and closed his eyes, reveling in the sudden affection he received. Castiel couldn't remember the last time anyone had shown him such unreserved tenderness.

"You shouldn't sleep on the floor," Dean slurred sleepily without opening his eyes. Castiel looked at his friend with a smile on his face.

"You asked me to stay here," he muttered softly in return. There was a hint of a sad smile in Dean's lips when he cracked his eyes open and looked at Castiel.

"Sorry. Go to bed, Cas," Dean urged and pulled his hand a way from Castiel, who let out a quiet whimper of discontent. For the first time in a long time Castiel wanted to have somebody sleeping in the same bed with him. He stumbled up after a moments consideration and looked down at Dean, who was fighting to keep his own eyes open and directed to Castiel.

"You can come too, if you want," Castiel offered hesitantly, rubbing his hands together nervously. Dean's eyes snapped open as he considered Castiel's offer. Finally, he nodded slowly, pulled himself up and allowed Castiel to lead him to the bedroom. Castiel pulled the covers aside before Dean had a chance to fall to the bed. He followed Dean's example and pulled the covers on them before allowing his eyes finally close.

Castiel could feel Dean shifting next to him. His eyes snapped open in shock when Dean wrapped his arms tightly around him and snuggled his face to the crook of Castiel's neck. Castiel could hear Dean's breath slow down as he fell asleep, and he relaxed into the possessive grip Dean had him in. He shifted slightly and pressed himself more tightly against Dean before closing his eyes and allowing the sleep finally to claim him.

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><p><strong><em>AN : _**_Facts about this chapter :_

_1) The whole talk about marriage and cheating was inspired by a very philosophical conversation between me and my friends last summer. That, and a married man telling me why he would cheat on his wife._

_2) Why do people get so clingy when they're drunk and you let them sleep next to you? At least this has been true with all my friends. It's strange._

_3) Paradise Lost was written by John Milton._


	9. Chapter 8

**_A/N: _**_Thank you all for your reviews! You have managed to get me stuck in a middle of a writing spree. This was finished yesterday, and I'm pretty sure I can promise that the next chapter will appear before Saturday evening, since I've almost finished it already, I'll just edit it tomorrow and then it'll be ready._

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><p><strong>Where Do We Draw the Line<strong>

**Chapter 8**

Dean woke up with the worst headache he had ever had. It took him a moment to realize he was not in his own bed, because he and Lisa most definitely did not own silk sheets or a bed as soft as this one. Dean didn't open his eyes though, past experience told him it would be a very bad idea. He tried to lift his arms to pull the soft blanket around his waist to cover his head, but the task proofed to be immensely difficult and he didn't even think about rolling over to his back. Dean was forced to admit defeat and suffer the cooler temperature of the room and an uncomfortable position. He started to drift off after a while, happily accepting the call of the oblivion.

And then out of the blue there was a gentle hand on Dean's shoulder, pulling him out of his comfortable slumber. He groaned and tried to will the offending hand off with his thoughts, but he had no luck with it. When the owner of said hand deemed it okay to sit down next to Dean he forced his eyes open to see who could be cruel enough to not allow him to just sleep for a thousand years. Dean peered through half closed eyelids and was surprised to see Castiel looking at him with a sympathetic smile on his face.

"Morning," Castiel greeted Dean with a soft tone. Dean blinked slowly, before deciding words were a necessary evil at this point.

"Could you lift the blanket for me?" He asked, his voice rough. Castiel was quick to comply and he even arranged the blanket more comfortably around Dean as he told Dean he had a glass of water and aspirin set on the nightstand next to Dean.

"You're an angel," was all Dean managed to say as he stared at the guy next to him with adoring eyes. Castiel nodded and asked if Dean would like something to eat. Dean declined, but told he wouldn't be opposed to a bucket in case he would throw up. Castiel was quick to agree, and he left the room only to return a moment later with a bucket that he carefully placed next to Dean, before disappearing somewhere again. Afer a minute or so Dean rolled over to get the aspirin, hoping it might ease his headache even a little bit, while thinking he should probably let Lisa know he was alright.

Dean had to put some effort to remembering how he had ended up in what seemed to be Castiel's bed. He remembered the sudden jealousy he had felt over Castiel, and drinking more than he had actually intended. Dean also had a vague memory of Castiel taking his keys and a taxi, but after that he couldn't remember a thing. Maybe he had passed out. Dean was pretty sure he had been awake when they had gotten out of the car that had drove them where ever Castiel actually lived, because surely Castiel didn't have the strength to carry him anywhere. Dean spent a good while trying to force himself to remember more than very vague impressions of last nights events.

All of a sudden Dean remembered curling his fingers in Castiel's hair, the way Castiel had leaned to his touch like he was starving for a human contact, how Castiel had suddenly dragged Dean to the bed and had allowed Dean to curl around him. But most of all, Dean could remember how he had felt last night. He was fairly certain he wouldn't have a problem dealing with a drunken, undealt attraction to someone, he might even be able to handle flirting with someone, but that wasn't the case. He had felt something far deeper than simple attraction. Dean felt a sudden rush of nausea and quickly went for the bucket. Nothing happened though, but Dean was left shaking and fighting back a rush of panic. He hoped Castiel wouldn't come back to him anytime soon.

Dean forgot his hungover as he tried to figure out his next move. He tentatively poked at the dark mass in him that was his feelings for Castiel. The undefined emotion was still there, and it was terrifying. Dean tried to think of Lisa, but his thoughts constantly drifted back to Castiel and the unwelcomed feeling he had for the guy. Even in his drunken state last night he had not wanted to screw things up, he had taken it slow and when he had finally been close enough to Castiel to actually act on his feelings he had been too tired to do so. Dean wanted to scream and run as far away as he could. He laid back down with a miserable groan and finally pulled the warm blanket over his head, drifting into a light slumber after few minutes of panicking.

"Are you sleeping again?" Dean started awake when Castiel peered under the blanket, a warm smile on his face that sent a jolt of affection through Dean.

"No," Dean answered, his voice higher than he would've liked. Castiel's smile just widened and he lifted the blanket from Dean's face.

"I've made coffee and breakfast," Castiel informed Dean, who was fighting the need to touch the younger man. Neither one of them moved for a moment, and Dean had a creeping suspicion Castiel could see his internal battle with his emotions. The moment was broken when a phone rang somewhere outside of the bedroom, and Castiel hurried to it with an apology and last reminder of breakfast.

It took Dean a while to drag himself out of the bed and into the spacious living room, and he was rather impressed with the place. It was bright, open and beautifully decorated with rich but neutral colors. It was all somehow very relaxing. Dean took in his surroundings and made his way slowly to the kitchen following the smell of fresh coffee. Castiel had made sandwiches and there was a bowl of fresh fruits on the counter. Dean lifted an eyebrow and started going through the cabinets to find a cup. He was surprised when he found a vast collection of cooking supplies he didn't think nobody but rich housewives owned. It was all quite amuzing in its own way. Dean found the cups in the third cabinet he opened, and grabbed the largest one he could find. He filled it to the brim and sat down, grabbing the sandwich Castiel had made for him even though he wasn't hungry at all, but since Castiel had gone through the trouble of preparing something for Dean he wasn't going to let it go unnoticed.

Dean could hear Castiel's muffled voice, but couldn't make out any words as he eyed the sandwich for a moment before taking a small bite. He let a surprised sound escape past his lips, the sandwich was delicious. Dean heard Castiel end the call, followed by something that sounded like a book being slammed to a table, before Dean could hear Castiel's steps coming towards the kitchen. The sound also had the unfortunate effect of making Dean's heart beat faster. Castiel appeared too soon, running a hand through his messy hair. He poured himself a cup of coffee before falling to the chair next to Dean with an exhausted huff of breath. Dean eyed him for a moment as discreetly as he could, before clearing his throat.

"This is really good," he said, hoping his voice didn't betray any of the dozens of emotions currently competing inside of him. When Castiel gave him a confused look Dean lifted the sandwich in his hand, and the sudden light that appeared in Castiel's features was more than Dean could've asked for. He regarded Castiel for a brief moment before taking a deep breath.

"How did you do that? I mean, you managed to avoid the whole hangover thing, how?" Dean asked, surprised at Castiel's apparent good state of health, when he still felt like he had been hit with a train. Castiel tilted his head slightly, looking contemplative for the brief moment.

"I ate well before I left yesterday, drank a lot of water, not to mention I didn't get as drunk as you did. Right now I'm operating on aspirin, coffee and stubbornness," Castiel told him with a hint of a smile playing on his lips. Dean gave him a small smile in return, trying to keep himself in check. He lowered his eyes to the his coffee cup in front of him and suddenly it seemed like the most interesting thing in his life. Castiel finished his coffee in a hurry and got up, suddenly seeming rather annoyed.

"I have to run to the ATM. It won't take long, so just wait here and make yourself comfortable. I put your stuff on the couch, there are clean towels in the bathroom and if you want to take a shower or something you can just take what you need from my wardrobe. Um, I think that's all. I'll be right back," Castiel informed Dean, who nodded slowly as Castiel left the kitchen.

After a minute or so Dean heard the front door closing and he was left by himself. He sighted, relieved to get some time alone, and left the kitchen to get his phone. He really needed to call Lisa. When Dean grabbed his phone he hissed as he saw over ten missed missed calls, all from Lisa. Dean regretted turning the sound off from the phone last night as he dialed Lisa's number and steeled himself for the consequences of his foolish actions. It didn't take Lisa long to answer the phone, and she managed to make Dean feel even worse than he already did.

"Where the hell are you? I've been worried sick!" Lisa raged at Dean through the phone lines. Dean flinched and apologized to his wife quickly.

"I had a bit too much to drink and I may have passed out, I don't really remember. I'm okay now, and I'll come home when I feel a little bit better, okay?" Dean spoke with all the sincerity he could find and Lisa calmed down.

"Okay. I just got a bit scared when I couldn't find you this morning and you didn't answer when I called. I'm glad you're okay, really, just don't do anything like this again," Lisa said with a relieved tone. Dean quickly promised this wouldn't happen again. He told Lisa he loved her before ending the call and took a closer look at Castiel's cosy living room. There were dozens of books on the beautiful, almost black wooden bookshelf, and along side of them were some DVD's, magazines, and much to Dean's delight, photographs.

Dean made his way to the shelf and took a closer look at the things on it. There were few books from Stephen King, Thomas Harris and some other writers, a very broad collection of movies from pretty much all the genres, few art magazines and, to Dean's surprise, a rather fancy looking camera. Dean smiled at the occasional items that seemed quite random in their own way, like an empty bottle of some very expensive wine next to a small and rusted horseshoe. Dean, however, was most interested in the old looking picture of a two young boys. Dean couldn't help but smile fondly when he recognized Castiel with his big blue eyes and unruly hair smiling widely, pressed close to another boy with a matching grin. They seemed happy together. There was also a picture of a dark haired woman with her arm thrown around the shoulders of a nervous looking man with a book in his hands.

Dean moved on from the shelf and made his way back to the bedroom to take a better look at it now that Castiel had opened the curtains. Dean couldn't help but wonder how in the earth had Castiel afforded all of this stuff. He made it to the wardrobe and pulled the double doors open, his jaw dropping when he saw the vast amount of clothing that was stored behind the doors. He closed the doors slowly and made himself a promise to never tell any of the women he knew about the amount of clothes Castiel owned.

After a while Dean returned to the kitchen to get himself another cup of coffee before going to the living room and slumping down on the couch. He thought about taking a shower, but suddenly the task of getting up seemed very difficult. He finished his coffee instead, wondering when Castiel would return.

Dean was just about to reach for the remote to turn on the TV when he heard the front door opening and a sudden rush of excitement ran through him. Dean forced the feeling down and turned to look at Castiel who stomped into the room clearly irritated. Dean frowned in confusion as Castiel threw himself to the couch and exhaled loudly.

"Something wrong?" Dean asked worriedly, he hated to see Castiel like this. Dean subconsciously shuffled little closer to his friend while Castiel studied the ceiling like it might hold the answers to all the big questions in the universe.

"Trouble at work. I was supposed to be off town tomorrow but since I didn't get my paycheck I don't think I'll be going. It's not a big deal, just really annoying," Castiel assured Dean in a little bit too light tone to sound like there is no actual problem. Dean bit his lip and had a brief internal debate over pushing the matter further, but he didn't manage to reach any solid conclusion before Castiel turned to face him with a soft smile.

"How are you feeling?" Castiel asked with such a caring voice that Dean wondered if he always cared for everyone in such a manner. Dean ignored his clear selfishness when he jealously hoped this was a special situation.

"Like a train ran over me. I have no idea how I managed to even get up," Dean said, leaving out the fact he was feeling slightly better than he had an hour ago. Castiel nodded solemnly and got up, telling Dean to stay put as he disappeared into the bedroom only to emerge after a few short minutes with a fluffy pillow and the most comfortable looking comforter Dean had ever seen. He handed them to Dean and turned the TV on before turning his full attention back to Dean. Castiel helped Dean to arrange the pillow and the comforter, and Dean felt a bang guilt when he found out he didn't mind the pampering if it meant Castiel would be close to him. Castiel took his time to make sure Dean was lying down on the couch comfortably before sitting next to Dean's feet, close enough to touch should Dean wish to do so.

Castiel had his full attention on the soap opera on the TV, which gave Dean the perfect opportunity to study him more closely now that he understood what it was that he felt for the other guy. Dean took in the messy hair and the long eyelashes, the way Castiel seemed to subconsciously bite his chapped lips with concentration as he watched the drama unfold on the screen. Dean ripped his eyes away from Castiel and turned to face the TV screen just in time to see a young couple breaking up with loads of tears and poor dialogue. He stared at the show without paying any attention to it, trying to sort out his emotions.

It wasn't hard for Dean to decide that Lisa came before anything else, and he wouldn't cheat on her no matter what. It as harder to find a way to handle being around Castiel at the moment. Dean didn't want to throw away their new friendship just because he had a crush on the guy, and who knew, maybe it would all just pass with time. Maybe this was just some weird aftermath from last night and he was just looking too much into it when he thought this might have been discreetly building up for longer.

Castiel shifted slightly, catching Dean's attention immediately. Dean wondered how bad it would be if he would just stretch his legs a bit so that they would touch Castiel. It wouldn't be cheating or even flirting, so logically there would be no harm done, just a casual contact between two friends. Besides, if Lisa was allowed to hug and snuggle with her girlfriends, Dean was allowed to do this.

With this in his mind Dean did his best to appear completely casual as he adjusted himself, letting his legs press against Castiel's and then pointedly ignoring it. Dean could feel Castiel stiffen slightly next to him and his eyes burning holes to Dean's side as he stubbornly continued to stare at the TV screen. Dean was terrified Castiel would pull away from him or scold at him, but after what felt like an eternity Castiel relaxed and pressed himself slightly closer to Dean.

Dean's heart made a flip that would've made an olympic level acrobat jealous and he had to contain the grin trying to make its way to his face. He reveled in the feel of Castiel's leg pressing to his, even if it seemed like an innocent gesture from Castiel's part. Dean was allowed to dream it meant more, because dreaming had never done any harm to anyone, and he would just keep it all at that. Dean tried to force himself to think Lisa, but suddenly she didn't seem like such an important part of his life. It was like he wasn't even married to her and all he could think or feel was the warm pressure on his leg. Dean briefly wondered why he was still there, torturing himself like this, but the idea of leaving seemed worse than staying. It was like this was where Dean was meant to be.

Dean had to restrain himself from pulling Castiel closer or lifting his legs to the others lap. Dean was almost shaking with the want of the comfort of being closer to Castiel, but knew he couldn't have it. He couldn't even bring himself to think Lisa, so he forlornly settled to just watch Castiel with dreamy eyes. Dean was so deep in his thoughts he didn't immediately notice that Castiel had turned his eyes from the TV to him, but when the reality dawned on Dean he could do nothing to stop the blush creeping on his face. He couldn't look away and his heart was trying to beat its way out of his chest.

There was something in Castiel's eyes that Dean couldn't quite recognize, or maybe he just didn't want to. Maybe admitting that the burning in Castiel's eyen might actually have been desire would have stripped Dean from the last shreads of his sanity. The time seemed to stop, at least to Dean, but then Castiel jumped off the couch without a warning and looked away.

"I'll make us more some coffee," he blurted and hurried to the kitchen leaving Dean completely bemused. It didn't take Dean long to figure out Castiel had realized they were having a moment that in all fairness should have ended a bit differently in Dean's mind, and had decided he didn't want it. Dean let out a shaky breath, fought back the hurt that came with the realization and reminded himself that it was for the best, he had Lisa waiting for him at home and that should be good enough for him. Dean cursed himself for letting things escalate to this. He could practically hear Sam's voice in his head with all his I told you so's and I knew this would happen, I always warned you Lisa wouldn't be enough for you's.

Dean was too deep in his thoughts to hear Castiel return, so the sudden appearance of a hand in his hair managed to startle him pretty well. He quickly recovered from the shock and reached to grab the invading hand, and tried to manhandle Castiel back to the couch. The task quickly proofed to be more difficult than it had seemed. Dean was sure that even Lisa, who was probably one of the best yoga instructors in the city, would have been impressed with Castiel's flexibility, Dean most certainly was. Dean had to sit up properly so that he would gain a better leverage over Castiel, but he still couldn't defeat the now laughing guy. In the end Dean had to resort to desperate measures and he grabbed Castiel's hip with his other hand, pulling the him down with more force than was necessary, making Castiel stumble and fall right into his lap.

Dean forgot let go of Castiel's hand, he too busy staring at the sudden presence in his lap. Castiel was breathing raggedly, but he had a bright grin on his face and Dean knew he had the same expression on his face.

"I take it you're feeling better," Castiel said happily and Dean nodded. He wasn't sure if it was a good or a bad thing he felt better since it meant he would have to leave soon. Dean wasn't sure if his thoughts had somehow been reflected on his face, but suddenly the grin on Castiel's face was gone and he adjusted himself more comfortably in Dean's arms, turning his attention back to the TV. Dean could tell something was bothering Castiel, it was written all over his frame as he stubbornly stared at the TV screen, and Dean wished Castiel would tell him what it was. He was just about to ask what the problem was, when Castiel spoke without turning to look at him.

"I think the coffee is ready," he said lightly and slowly got up from Dean's lap. Castiel pulled Dean with him to the kitchen and sat him down, before pouring them both some coffee. Dean frowned in frustration, it seemed like Castiel's moods were jumping of the walls.

"Something wrong?" Dean asked before he could stop himself, and to his shock Castiel flinched. He leaned heavily to the counter with all too visible tension in his shoulders. Dean became worried, but he didn't get up or say anything, deciding it would be best to give Castiel his own time to answer him.

"You wouldn't understand," came the weak reply after a long, very uncomfortable moment. Castiel still didn't turn to look at Dean, but it was the least of Dean's worries at the moment. Different scenarios were playing in his mind, all of them worse than the other. He knew this was a very serious situation, and even though Dean hated converations about deep stuff he knew they were about to have one now, and he would just have to go with it.

"Try me. You can trust it when I say that I can take a lot," Dean assured his friend confidently. Castiel just shook his head miserably, but he finally turned around and the heartbroken look in his eyes was enough to make Dean's heart break a little. Castiel gave the coffee cup to him and sat down, rubbing the bridge of his nose as he tried to decide if he should tell Dean what the problem was. Dean couldn't stop himself from grabbing Castiel's arm and force the other man to face him.

"Cas, you need to talk to me," Dean insisted with a little more force in his voice than he would've liked.

"I doubt you'd ever want to see me again. You don't know me," Castiel said with new determination in his voice. Dean scowled at Castiel, he had no idea what was going on and it was frustrating.

"I know you well enough to say that I want you in my life. You have no idea how big of a deal that is to me, and I sure as hell won't let you just throw this all out of the window because you think I can't handle something," Dean insisted with a slightly raised voice. He was getting pretty desperate, using the same tactic Sam sometines used against him and brought emotions to the game. Dean just hoped the effect would be the one he hoped for as Castiel studied him for a moment before speaking again.

"So you're willing to promise that no matter what you won't just walk out of my life and never look back?" Castiel asked incredulously. Dean just nodded sharply, making a promise to himself to stand behind his words no matter what would happen next. Castiel let out a shaky breath and ran his hands through his hair before taking a large gulp of his coffee. Dean distantly thought he seemed like a teenager about to tell his conservative parents he was gay. Castiel got up from his chair and backed away from Dean before he lifted his eyes to meat Dean's with an unhappy half-smile on his face.

"I've had this conversation often enough to know that it probably won't go well so I'm just gonna tell you right now that I do in fact like myself very much, I don't have any mental disorders, drug problems or anything like that. I probably even live a lot healthier life than most people of my age. You can say what ever you want but I won't change myself for you or anyone else," Castiel told with such determination that the only thing Dean could do was to nod and try not to let his worry overtake him.

This was it, Dean realized, Castiel would tell him something huge and important, and it was apparently something that had most people running away and never coming back. Dean refused to be one of those people, he would never just abandon a friend like Castiel, who looked at the moment like he was trying to decide the right words to say. Dean gave Castiel a reassuring smile and silently urged him to carry on. Castiel took one last very deep breath, before leveling Dean with a stern gaze.

"I'm an escort," Castiel said finally. Dean felt like someone would have just shot him.

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><p><strong><em>AN : _**_Has anyone seen the episode of Nip/Tuck that has Misha Collins in it? He's very bendy (and that's my new favourite word from now on). Nothing more to say, actually. I'll just go finish the next chapter._


	10. Chapter 9

**_A/N : _**_I got this ready faster than I thought. Now, I think this is the longest chapter yet, and it took me only day and a half to finish it. And I've already started the next chapter. Thank God for free weeks and too much time to do anything but write._

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><p><strong>Where Do We Draw the Line<strong>

**Chapter 9**

This was definitely not what Dean had expected. He had thought something like witness protection, being paroled for some reason, having a stalker ex or even HIV, but not this. Dean couldn't think anything to say, he barely even registered Castiel staring at him with pleading eyes. He couldn't bring himself to even look at the other person in the room. A small voice in the back of Dean's mind laughed wickedly and told him he got what he deserved since allowed himself to cross a few lines because he wanted someone who wasn't his wife. What was he supposed to do now? Dean had promised he wouldn't leave Castiel no matter what, and even now he had no intention of breaking the promise, but he just didn't know what to do or say.

"Dean, could you please just say something," Castiel's pleading voice managed to catch Dean's attention through all the buzzing in his head.

"Something," Dean offered weakly, because he had no idea what else he could say. He could faintly see Castiel coming few steps closer to him.

"Just-. Give me a sec, okay?" Dean said quickly and Castiel halted immediately. Dean needed to be alone, the air of the room suddenly becoming too thick to breathe. He got up slowly and got out of the room without a word. As he passed Castiel Dean could see how broken he was over the situation. Soon Dean paced slowly circles in the living room and tried to come up with a solution to the situation. He wished he would've felt something, anything at all, to make everything easier, but he was trapped in a blank, emotionless lockdown.

Dean knew that this wasn't simply because of what Castiel did, but his own feelings for the younger man in the picture it was twice as hard for him to take. Dean took a deep breath and collected himself, deciding he would talk this over with Castiel and they would continue to be friends, because Castiel was an amazing person and Dean wasn't going to abandon him over something like this. With this firmly in his mind Dean returned to the kitchen and finally looked at Castiel, who had moved back to sitting on his chair. Castiel's head snapped up when he heard Dean enter the room, and Dean took in the completely forlorn look on his face and the slumped shoulders.

"You should've told me earlier," Dean said seriously and sat to the chair in front of Castiel.

"Would you have wanted to be around me if I had told you?" Castiel asked quietly without looking at Dean, who understood why Castiel had decided not to tell him the truth right away. Since they were being completely honest with each other at the moment, he didn't even think about lying.

"I don't know, probably not that much. But I still would've tried to understand you," Dean answered and Castiel's shoulders dropped a little. Dean wasn't sure what to say, only that he didn't want to see that hurt look on Castiel's face.

"Can I ask you why?" Dean queried hesitantly. He wasn't sure if it even was any of his business. Castiel finally raised his eyes to meet Dean's and nodded.

"I was in a bad situation and needed the money. I liked it and I was good at it so I never quit," Castiel told in a calm, detached manner. Dean couldn't help but raise a questioning eyebrow and Castiel offered him a sad smile.

"So, how does it work? I mean, um," Dean tried to come up with a good way of asking how Castiel actually found his hook ups, or what ever Castiel called them. Castiel seemed to understand what he meant though.

"I don't go and stand in a street corner or anything like that. I got my first client by accident. He introduced me to the next guy in line and then the next and then there were people coming to me. Now I'm rather well known in certain circles," he explained. Dean had no idea what Castiel meant with certain circles, so he asked for a clarification so Castiel would keep talking and he could keep his mouth shut.

"The rich and famous," Castiel said with dry humor. "I'm what you could call high-class," he added as an afterthought. Dean had an idea what it meant.

"You know, I'd really like to understand this, but…" Dean started and hoped Castiel would understand what he meant. He had a little trouble in understanding why someone would willingly sell themselves to other people to use.

"I know it's hard to get, but I don't have a problem with my job, so I won't quit it. I can work when I want to and I can live in a place like this even if I'd take a week off and go on a bender. I have a my rules and I've picked all my clients carefully. I'm not putting myself in any unnecessary danger here," Castiel tried to explain.

Dean studied Castiel's face, somehow expecting it to be different now that he had told Dean he was a prostitute. Nothing had changed, however. It was still just Castiel with his bright blue eyes and messy hair. Dean couldn't help but wish he would have seen Castiel as a different person. This made it just so much harder for him to try to get the point in this twisted conversation.

"Why'd you tell me this now?" Dean asked suddenly. He didn't want to sit in the pressing silence surrounding them. Castiel furrowed his brow in confusion and did that endearing head tilt of his before answering.

"Because I like you and you deserve it," he answered with an edge of desperation in his voice. Dean lowered his eyes, he could respect Castiel's decision, it would have been a lot easier for him to just keep his mouth shut and let Dean think what he wanted. Dean wanted to thank him for being honest, but the words wouldn't come, he couldn't say any of the things he really wanted, not now. He needed to take his time to calm down.

"I think I should go home now. Lisa's probably worried about me," Dean said distantly. Castiel nodded sadly and got up before Dean.

"I'll get you a ride to your car," he promised an hurried out of the kitchen before Dean had the chance to stand up properly. He followed Castiel very slowly to the living room, where Castiel was already hanging up the phone. He told Dean that a taxi would pick him up in fifteen minutes with too much lightness in his voice, but Dean still thanked him. Castiel nodded with a forced smile on his face and reached out to had Dean his car keys.

"I confiscated them form you last night. Thought you might want them back," he told Dean, who took the keys and quickly gathered the rest of his belongings. The silence around them was one of the most uncomfortable ones Dean had ever faced. Dean made a point not to look at Castiel as he checked that all of his possessions would be leaving with him. He turned around only when he heard Castiel clearing his throat, clearly trying to catch his attention. Castiel stepped to Dean and placed some money in his hand, saying it was for the fare.

"Don't be ridiculous. I can pay for it," Dean said and tried to offer the money back to Castiel, but he refused and stepped away from him. Dean had to stop himself from grabbing Castiel's arm to keep him standing close to him, this was the worst possible time for any desperate actions. Dean shifted his weight from one foot to another and tried to come up with something positive to say before he would leave.

"Don't hate me," Castiel suddenly implored and Dean's eyes snapped back to his face in surprise. Castiel looked alarmed, like Dean hating him would be something really painful and dangerous. Dean loathed himself when he felt a small bang of satisfaction with the thought that Castiel couldn't stand the idea of Dean not liking him even though the way Castiel looked at the moment made a big part of Dean want to pull him close and protect him from the cruel world.

"I don't hate you. I just need to think for a while. I'll call you later," Dean quickly assured soothingly. Castiel shook his head minutely seemingly not believing Dean.

"You should probably go, I could imagine your ride is waiting. It was nice knowing you," he dismissed Dean's assurances and turned away. Before Dean had any sense to stop himself he had marched to Castiel's side and grabbed his arm, swirling him around with a little bit too much force. Castiel gasped and stared at Dean with wide eyes while trying to pull away from the iron grip. Dean forced himself to calm down and loosened his hold on Castiel.

"Don't say that. I said I won't walk out on you and I meant it. I'll see you again, I promise. Cas you gotta believe me." Dean knew he was pleading, but couldn't bring himself to care. Castiel studied him closely for a long moment, before his expression softened ever so slightly and he nodded. Dean let out a breath he hadn't even realized he had been holding and squeezed Castiel's arm for good measure before letting go of it.

"I should go. I'll get in touch with you later. I have a pissed off wife waiting for me so it might take a while before I can do that but I will," Dean reassured Castiel, who gave him the barest hint of a smile and nodded again. Dean backed out of the room, keeping his eyes on Castiel as long as he could. They bid their goodbyes a little too casually and Dean opened the front door, got to the elevator and hurried to the taxi waiting for him.

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><p>Castiel fell to the couch, shaking under the weight of too many emotions that were all in conflict with each other. He cursed his inability to learn that telling people you sell yourself for money isn't a good idea. The only two people in the span of six years who hadn't in one way or another left Castiel were Chuck and Pamela. And how many of those who had just faded away from his life had made promises just like Dean had? Too many for Castiel's taste. He had shut himself off from any deep social relationships years ago because of this. He just couldn't lie to those who he wanted to keep close.<p>

Castiel reached for his phone and after a moments thought he dialed Pamela and buried his face to the pillow he had brought to Dean as he waited for her to pick up. Castiel could smell Dean in the pillow and it made his heart clench in his chest. This was not good.

"I thought you'd forgotten me completely," Pamela's teasing voice pulled Castiel back to the reality. He quickly assured his friend she has not been forgotten, that would be impossible. All teasing and amusement disappeared from Pamela's voice when she spoke again, asking what was wrong in a concerned tone.

"I think I screwed everything up again," Castiel told her, his voice shaking slightly and full of sadness. Pamela was silent for a moment and Castiel could almost see her frowning and tapping her toes angrily.

"I'll be right there," she promised finally and hung up on Castiel, who knew his friend well enough not to take it personally. He snuggled deeper into the cushions and pulled the crumbled comforter over his head. Castiel inhaled the subtle scent that was left of Dean. It was weird how the faint smell made Castiel feel completely depressed and sappy at the same time, and if he closed his eyes he could almost pretend Dean hadn't left yet.

There were a lot of things Castiel would've wanted to tell Dean. Like how he was the first person Castiel had actually fallen asleep with, or how happy he had been when he had had someone to take care for just one day, because Castiel never got to take care of anyone. And then there was of course the joy when Dean had thanked him for breakfast even if Castiel had seen clearly that Dean hadn't been hungry at all, and the closeness when they had watched the soap operas. Castiel had wanted Dean to know how much it meant to him to have these things, even if it was for a one day, but now he feared he would never get the chance to let Dean know any of this. Castiel closed his eyes tightly and did his best to fight the desolation within him.

Twenty minutes later the door bell rang and Castiel was forced to pull himself up from the warm couch. He dawdled to the door and barely got it open when Pamela stomped in with Chuck in her tow. Pamela dropped her bag to the floor with a heavy thud and pulled Castiel into a tight hug. Castiel welcomed it gladly and buried his face to her soft hair. Neither one of them payed attention to Chuck, who had closed the door behind them and was now fidgeting quietly. After a long moment Castiel dislocated himself from Pamela's grip and greeted Chuck with a wave of a hand before leading his friends to the living room.

"How long has it been since we were here? Over a year?" Pamela asked as she took in her surroundings. Castiel shrugged his shoulders dismissively and crawled back under the blanket. Chuck cleared his throat and raised the plastic bag in his hands.

"We brought you the cure for a broken heart," he proudly informed Castiel accompanied with Pamela's energetic nods. Castiel eyed his friends incredulously for a little while.

"My heart is not broken," he said after deeming that the duo wasn't kidding. His friends shared a knowing glance before Pamela took in a deep breath and sat down almost on top of Castiel.

"Sweetie, you've never acted like this. You liked the guy and now he's gone and you think there's nothing in the world that can make you feel any better. You think the world is a terrible place and nobody loves you but you're wrong. And if that jerk won't see how amazing you are then he doesn't deserve you," Pamela tried to alleviate. Chuck chimed in a word of agreement and wandered to the small guest room turned into an office only to return heaving a large, toffee colored bean bag chair with him.

"You still got that?" Pamela asked amusedly. She had bought the bean bag for Castiel years ago as a birthday present. Castiel nodded and felt slightly better as he saw the hidden pride and gratitude in Pamela's eyes. Chuck wrestled the bag to Castiel's side and slumped down on it with a feel of great satisfaction floating around him.

"So we brought you some chocolate, the obligatory Ben&Jerry's and slasher movies. We've got Halloween, Psycho, Child's Play, A Nightmare on Elm Street and Hell Night. I would've brought more but I didn't have the time to start going through all my movies," Pamela explained and Chuck quickly retrieved the plastic bag he had held earlier.

"Here is the chocolate and the ice cream. Pam has the movies. Now all you need to do is to imagine your boyfriends face on every dying person in the movie," Chuck told and Castiel lifted his head to glare at his friend.

"He wasn't my boyfriend. He was married for God's sake," Castiel retorted harshly. Pamela petted his hair lightheartedly and barked a laugh.

"Since when has that been a problem to you?" She teased and Castiel considered if kicking her off the couch would make him feel any better. Probably not, Pamela might kill him afterwards.

"Point taken. Though it would've been different, he wouldn't have paid me," Castiel replied instead of harming his friend.

"Did you have that doll movie with you?" He added and tried to peer into Pamela's bag. He received a nod and Pamela pulled the movie out, got up and put the disc carefully to the DVD-player. Chuck grabbed the remote and studied it curiously before setting the movie on pause until they would all settle down. Castiel received a large Ben&Jerry's pack from Chuck as Pamela hurried to get him a spoon. Castiel allowed the mild pampering only because he knew Chuck and Pamela only wanted what was good for him.

After Pamela shoved the spoon to his hand Castiel opened the cover of the chilly pack and took a large spoonful of the ice cream. He hoped he wouldn't eat the whole thing at once, because even though it was good and Castiel needed the comfort he doubted it would do very little good for him in a long run.

After they all had settled down Chuck started the movie and they fell into a comfortable silence. Castiel didn't pay much attention to the movie, his thought had wandered back to Dean at the first possible moment. He wondered what Dean was up to at the moment. Had he erased everything that could possibly remind him of Castiel, or was he in a similar distress as Castiel was? The latter opinion was somehow more preferable to Castiel, it meant Dean couldn't just throw Castiel out of his life.

Maybe, if Castiel was really lucky, Dean was thinking about calling to him and proofing his promise to be true. Maybe they would get together and laugh at this day. Maybe Dean would sleep over some other time too, and they could watch a movie and talk about stupid things and not have any secrets between them. That would've been amazing, Dean would sit where Castiel was at the moment and Castiel could study his freckles more closely, in a purely platonic manner of course, Dean was still married and Castiel did have some moral codes and lines he wouldn't cross in his personal life.

Chuck's terrified shriek snapped Castiel out of his musings abruptly. Pamela was laughing at him with tears in her eyes, and Castiel smiled widely at the familiarity of it all. The movie ended not long after that. Castiel had finished the whole pack of ice cream in his hands and he felt a little guilty about it, stuffing himself full of sweets wasn't something he usually did. Pamela got the disk out of the player while she bantered with Chuck, before she turned her attention to the unsuspecting lump on the couch. She shared a mischievous grin with Chuck before lunging at Castiel. Pamela did her best to tickle the flailing Castiel who let out an alarmed yelp and tried to get rid of the weight on top of him. Chuck was laughing at them, occasionally lending Pamela a hand by poking at Castiel's ribs. They didn't stop the torture until Castiel was begging for mercy, completely out of breath and properly flushed.

"And now you look like you'd just had couple rounds of wild sex," Pamela laughed and patted Castiel's cheek lovingly.

"Story of my life," Castiel responded as he tried to catch his breath. Chuck was snickering as he and Pamela shared a victorious high five, making Castiel roll his eyes.

"So tell us about your plans for next week. Will we go and throw rotten eggs at your ex-friend? Who'll you be seeing? Stuff like that," Pamela ordered good naturedly.

"And where you'll be this weekend?" Chuck chimed in. Castiel grinned wickedly at that.

"It's mostly short notice calls this week. I got Tuesday afternoon full though. And I'll be on Malibu from Thursday to Sunday drinking cocktails and spotting celebrities in the sun," he informed his friends smugly. Pamela slapped Castiel as Chuck settled on glaring at him jealously.

"So which one is it? Is it that artsy French guy? Or some big business guru? Or maybe even that British guy with questionable operations going on," Pamela questioned excitedly and grinned at Castiel, who once again pondered how disturbing Pamela's enthusiasm for his job was. Castiel liked this though, being able to talk about his various clients with his friends without worrying they would look at him down their noses. Of course Castiel never told anything crucial information about any of his clients to anyone, and it had lead to Pamela and Chuck spending countless minutes coming up with ways to identify every client without using their names.

"The French guy. I'm not sure if I'll ever be able to face that Brit ever again, last time I saw him he had personally baked muffins. It was disturbing," Castiel told and shivered at the memory of the surprisingly delicious blueberry muffins.

"What? The big bad mobster can bake?" Chuck asked and quickly pulled out the small notepad and the pen he carried everywhere with him. He wrote something down with a great deal of concentration, ignoring Castiel's and Pamela's shared smirk. They knew Chuck was taking notes for his story.

"Apparently yes, and pretty well too. And I don't think he's a mobster, just a little shady. He won't tell and I won't ask, that's how it goes. It's something called professionalism," Castiel said and tried to nudge Pamela off of his lap without any success.

"I think your French lover wants to marry you. He treats you far too well for anything else," Pamela teased Castiel with a singsong voice. Castiel rolled his eyes even though he had an amused smile on his face.

"Nah. He said he likes it when he doesn't need to question my motives for being with him since it's clear I'm there for the money. He's probably my all time favorite client until the end of days," Castiel said with fondness.

"Because he bought you an apartment or because he drags you around the world in art shows and fashion events and buys you clothes all the time?" Chuck quizzed quickly.

"Both. And he's really great in bed. Though I'm not sure if I should be offended because I got this place. That jerk probably knew I'd never be able to charge him without a big discount ever again," came the contemplating reply that caused all three of them to laugh after changing grave looks.

Pamela and Chuck left soon after that, ordering Castiel to call them if there was anything he needed. After the door closed behind Chuck and Pamela Castiel was left with nothing to do but to dwell on his thoughts. He considered it a fortune that the sun had set couple hours ago, so he could just grab something to eat and go to bed. Castiel made his way to the kitchen and put the lights on, stopping when he saw two cups on the table. He swallowed down the lump threatening to rise up his throat and swiftly drowned the cold coffee down the sink and placed the cups on the counter.

Castiel did a very good job ignoring the cups as he got himself some yogurt and an orange even though he had lost his appetite somewhere between the front door and the fridge. Castiel wondered if he would have told Dean he was an escort if he would've known the reaction he got in return, most likely yes because in his eyes Dean deserved the truth. Castiel gritted his teeth as he remembered the few occasions that he had felt that way, and the questions and the looks he had received.

Couple of the people Castiel had told about his job had taken it well, but had slowly drifted away from his life. And then there were the few very ugly insults he had received that still hurt after all this time. Castiel had never called himself a prostitute or a hooker or anything like that, he didn't work on a street corner and just take what was given to him. It wasn't like he thought he was any better from those who did that kind of a thing, just that he worked on a different level with a different method and more upscale clientele.

Castiel's clients expected him to be able to keep up with long, intellectual conversations, master the etiquette, have a elegant and stylish wardrobe, and be sophisticated enough to be able to attend various social events if needed. And even though Castiel didn't think he was any better from those who stood by the road, waiting for some random person to pick them up, he did think his job was harder because of the expectations, and therefore he didn't fall to the exactly same category with them. Maybe if he had told this to Dean he wouldn't have left like he did.

Castiel climbed to his bed after brushing his teeth and locating both of his phones. He moaned miserably when he smelled the faint trace of something that was so clearly Dean, and decided he would need to change his sheets in the morning. It took him a long time to fall into a light slumber. He was in the twilight of sleep, still able to realize he wasn't asleep but not quite awake, and shutting off his thoughts was too much of an inconvenience at that moment.

Castiel remembered what it had felt like to have Dean wrapped around him like it was the most natural thing, that he belonged there, pressed tightly against Castiel until morning dawned and forced Castiel to carefully free himself from Dean's arms so that he wouldn't accidentally wake Dean up. Castiel opened his eyes slowly, cursing his brain and rolling to lie on his back and stared at the dark sealing. He wanted to sleep, he really did, but apparently his mind wasn't ready to do so.

The sudden beeb from his nightstand startled him fully awake with the realization that someone had just texted him. He looked at the nightstand for a long moment, before he quickly reached for his phone as he did his best to ignore his loudly beating heart and shaky hands. Just as he was about to grab the phone he received another message. Castiel raised a curious eyebrow and looked who it was that missed him at this hour. His heart stopped for a moment when he read the name on the screen. _Dean_. Castiel was barely able to open the first message with his shaking hands, let alone read it in the fear of final rejection, but somehow he managed to take in the three words on the screen.

_Good night Cas_

Castiel read the words few times before realizing what it said. A warm, silly grin spread over his face and he finally relaxed. He barely remembered the other message waiting to be read, but when it occurred to him he opened it rapidly.

_I'm sorry about today. I know I'm an idiot… I kinda miss you._

Castiel would claim until the end of days that he did not shriek like a teenage girl. Dean didn't hate him, in fact Dean missed him. Castiel had a faint memory of this utterly enraptured state he was in. It had been years ago since he had last felt anything similar, and it had been with David. Even in his excitement Castiel decided that an answer would be a good idea, and he spent countless minutes trying to come up with something sane to send back to Dean. Castiel's heart beat so fast he was sure it would break free from his chest as he wrote a reply.

_It's okay, I get it. Good night to you too. And I kinda miss you too._

It took Castiel longer than it probably should have to push the send button, but in the end he gathered the courage to do so. He settled back to the bed even though he knew he probably wouldn't fall asleep for a long while, and even when the oblivion finally claimed Castiel, he never let go of his phone or loose the joyful smile on his face.

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><p><strong><em>AN : _**_Facts about this chapter :_

_1) The movies Pam brought are all taken from my vast move collection._

_2) Watching slasher movies and eating Ben&Jerry's is a really effective cure for heart break. Me, my sisters and my best friend use it all the time._

_3) I had to add some late night lovey-dovey texting here. It's my favourite kind and definitely one of the most difficult types in the vast sea of texting. If you've ever done this with someone you have a crush on you know why._


	11. Chapter 10

**_A/N : _**_This is kinda like a companion piece to the previous chapter. Not as long as I would've liked it to be, but I hope you still like it._

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><p><strong>Where Do We Draw the Line<strong>

**Chapter 10**

Dean turned off the engine of the Impala and leaned his head heavily to the steering wheel. He didn't want to go inside to Lisa after everything that had happened with Castiel. Dean just wanted to get back to Castiel and hold him close and tell him that it didn't really matter if he was an escort or what ever he liked to call himself, because in the end he was just Cas. Dean let out a shaky breath and straightened himself. He was pretty sure he had screwed everything up with his reaction. How could he had been so stupid?

When Dean finally got out of the car he fixed a mask of calmness on his face and went inside to Lisa. He found her from the kitchen cooking, and he waited silently until Lisa turned around and spotted him. The loving smile that spread on her face made Dean's heart clench painfully, and he forced a matching expression to his face. Lisa hurried to him and pulled him into a gentle kiss. Dean could taste a faint trace of coffee on her lips and he absent-mindedly wondered if Castiel would've tasted similar after all those cups of coffee he had downed. The thought punched him hard and he abruptly pulled away, earning himself a confused look from Lisa. He smiled hastily as he tried to come up with an explanation.

"I'm still feeling a little hungover. Sorry," he mumbled and quickly placed a soft kiss to Lisa's forehead. She just nodded in understanding and stroke Dean's cheek fondly.

"Maybe you should go rest for a while," she suggested and Dean took the chance to leave the room gladly. He hurried to upstairs and into the bedroom, closing the door behind him and leaning heavily to it. Dean raised his eyes to the ceiling, staring at it like it would be able to take it all away and save him. He bit his lips to the point it hurt.

Dean needed something to distract him, maybe if he'd take a shower he would feel better. It seemed like a good idea to try it, so Dean grabbed some clean clothes and dragged himself to the shower. He tossed his clothes to the floor, reminding himself to put them to the same pile with laundry because Lisa didn't like picking his dirty clothes from the floor, and stepped into the shower stall. Dean turned the water on and made sure it was slightly too hot to be truly comfortable to keep himself distracted from his thoughts. It didn't work exactly as planned, and soon Dean found his thoughts drifting back to Castiel.

Dean wasn't about to deny what was true, that wouldn't do any good to anyone in a long run. Sam had been right every time he had said Dean would find someone who he would want instead of Lisa, and now he had. It hurt to admit it, but shoving it all somewhere away from his mind wouldn't do. Dean would have to take some distance to Castiel and sort everything out. He could do the whole grin and bare thing, he had done it before on few occasions and in the end everything had been just fine. Dean sternly assured himself that this wasn't any different from those times.

Dean made a solid plan of not seeing or contacting Castiel in any ways inappropriate before he was sure he could handle being around the man without loosing control over himself, which meant he would have to leave out all unnecessary touching, staring, flirting, thinking anything inappropriate and paying attention to things he really didn't need to. Like the amazing flexibility Castiel so obviously possessed, or the way he would smile brighter than the sun every time Dean said or did something that made Castiel happy. Dean would also ignore Castiel's elegant hands with their long fingers, that constantly messy hair, the distracting way Castiel would purse his lips ever so slightly when he concentrated on something and the clearly lean body under the clothes.

Dean turned the water suddenly icy cold as he felt a all too familiar heat start spreading over him. He cursed out loud and forced his thoughts to the pile of paperwork waiting for him on his desk at Sandover tomorrow. Dean didn't stop the freezing torrent until his teeth were chattering loudly and his whole body was shivering from the cold. He turned the water off and stepped out of the shower. He grabbed the towel waiting for him and dried himself off with swift movements. He definitely needed to stay away from Castiel for a while. Dean pulled his clean clothes on and put the laundry to the basket where it belonged. The last thing he needed right now was for Lisa to get upset with him.

Dean made his way back to the bed room slowly and threw himself on the bed. He reached for his phone lying on the covers next to him where Dean had dropped it before he had left the room. He hesitated for a moment before dialing Sam, knowing his little brother could probably hear something was wrong in his voice. A part of Dean hoped Sam wouldn't pick up the phone, but he had no luck in that. Sam answered almost the second Dean got the phone to his ear.

"Hi Sammy. You better not be studying," Dean smiled and listened to the sound of Sam slamming a book shut before hastily answering him.

"No, not studying." Dean could tell Sam was lying, but let it slide and asked what was going on in Sam's life instead. He knew Sam was blushing when he heard the babbling about school and studies and heavy claims there was nothing more going on. Dean pressed the matter a little further and finally got the truth.

"I met this girl. We've been going out for a few weeks, nothing serious," Sam told with a slightly shy voice. Dean sat up on the bed with wide eyes and a grin on his face.

"Good for you Sammy, you just come to me if you think you'll need any help with the lady, okay?" Dean teased and could easily tell that Sam was twisting his face when he heard the annoyed huff of breath.

"Dean, I am capable of handling a woman without your guidance," Sam informed Dean sternly, making Dean laugh.

"I doubt that, but never mind. I'll just say I told you so when you come crawling to me. Tell me 'bout her. What's her name? What color is her hair and her eyes? How beautiful she looks when the sunlight hits her in the right angle," Dean mocked good naturedly. Sam laughed a little, knowing Dean too well to take his sayings personally.

"Her name is Jess and she's really amazing, smart, kind and she makes the most delicious cookies in the world, seriously. You'd like her." The love in Sam's voice as he continued to describe his new girlfriend made Dean happier than he had been in a long time. Sam deserved the happiness. He almost missed it when Sam questioned what he had been up to this weekend. It took a moment for Dean to decide if he should tell the truth to his brother, but since he really needed to talk to someone about Castiel he thought he could just leave certain bits of information out.

"I was out with a… friend. Yeah, I met him few weeks ago. Damn kid can drink like a sponge," Dean told casually his brother, a fond smile making its way to his face when he thought of Castiel.

"Kid huh? How old was he, exactly?" Sam asked curiously, faint trace of disapproval in his voice. Dean had to think for a while trying to remember what he had read on Castiel's ID card.

"Um, twenty… three, if I remember right. A kid, you know," Dean said nonchalantly and Sam hummed in response.

"He let's me turn the volume up if we're listening Def Leppard without giving me any dirty looks like some do. I didn't even need to go over the rules with him," Dean added with a pleased voice. Sam barked a disbelieving laugh causing Dean's face drop a little.

"You sound like you have a crush on the guy," Sam teased, not really meaning what he said and Dean knew it, but the comment still raised a cold sweat on his skin.

"What? No way. You've lost your mind if you think that I'd be falling for someone that's not Lisa. Besides, Cas is a guy and I don't do guys," Dean protested hastily with an defensive sharpness in his voice. Sam fell quiet for a long while and Dean almost checked if the connection had been cut off.

"Oh my God!" Sam exclaimed suddenly. "You do have a crush on him. And don't give me that bullshit about him being a guy and that being a problem. We both know that's a lie," he continued in a commanding manner. Dean felt the blood leave his face faster than he believed was possible. Of course Sam would know him too well to be fooled. A dozen possible replies raced in Dean's mind, but he couldn't come up with one that didn't sound like an obvious lie.

"You're wrong," Dean insisted to buy himself time to get his act together again. He really should've bitten his tongue and laughed the whole thing off in the first place. Sam sighted heavily.

"Dean, don't lie to me. I'm your brother, you know there's nothing you can't tell me," Sam pressed and it was Dean's turn to sigh. He knew Sam was right and he only meant well with his fussing, but Dean wasn't ready to have this conversation just yet.

"I know that Sammy, but there's nothing to talk about. I gotta go, Lisa's calling me to dinner," Dean said hurriedly. He hated lying to Sam, but he thought it was better to lie about something as small as dinner than start a yelling competition. They bid their goodbyes and Dean was left staring at the ceiling with a contemplative frown on his face. From this day on Dean would be ready for situations like this one had been, he would not be caught off guard again. His thought process was cut short when Lisa's bright voice let him know that dinner was served. Dean sighted and dragged himself down stairs.

Few hour later Lisa told Dean she would go to bed and tried to persuade Dean to go with her. Dean declined, saying he wanted to see the ending of the late night movie they had been watching. Lisa nodded in understanding and gave Dean a chaste, unhurried kiss on her way to the bedroom. In truth Dean had no interest in the action movie blazing on the screen. He had followed the movie for ten minutes before deciding it was not worth his interest.

What was worth Dean's interest was Castiel. Dean couldn't get the miserable state Castiel had been in when Dean had left. Maybe he could just let Castiel know he had meant it when he had said he would get in touch. Dean didn't even realize it when he grabbed his cell from the small table and was now fumbling it unconsciously while debating with himself. In the end Dean decided to send Castiel a text if nothing else. He would tell Cas he was sorry and that he really missed him. Dean sighted when he thought how much he actually did miss the guy.

Dean wrote Castiel a long message, pouring his heart to it, but quickly deleted the whole thing and decided to simply wish Castiel good night. Dean's fingers hovered over the small buttons and he bit his lip hard as he quickly pushed the send button. It took him less than a minute to gather up his courage and decide he needed to apologize to Castiel so he hurriedly wrote another message. Dean was just about to send it, when something in him stopped him. There was something in him, like a fire of unknown sort, that pushed him and forced him to write one more sentence to Castiel. Dean did this with sweaty, shaking hands and a heart that tried to hammer its way through his ribcage.

After sending the text Dean slumped deeper to the couch and cursed under his breath. How could he be so stupid and tell Castiel he missed the guy like a teenage girl? Castiel was probably laughing at him at the moment, and the thought filled Dean with the strongest sense of humiliation he had probably ever felt, and he wished the ground would just open and swallow him. Dean wished someone would have invented a program that would allow one to retreat text messages and e-mails they didn't really want to send. Dean was so busy cursing himself to death he almost missed it when his phone beeped, signaling an incoming message. Dean hastily flipped the message open, part of him feeling stupid with anticipation and part screaming at him to just delete it without reading, it would be a flat out rejection anyways.

Dean's heart swell when he read the text. _I kinda miss you too. _Did Castiel mean what Dean had meant when he had said the same thing? Dean bit his lips so hard it hurt, trying to keep the infatuated grin from his face. The shaking of his hands hadn't stopped and his heart was still beating so fast Dean absent-mindedly wondered if he might have a heart attack soon.

It took Dean twenty minutes to drag himself to bed. Lisa was already fast asleep and Dean tried not to wake her up as he crawled between the covers and closed his eyes, hoping he would fall asleep soon. For the first time in a long time Dean didn't acknowledge Lisa in anyway. Instead he turned his back on her, hating himself for not wanting her to be there as much as Castiel.

Dean wondered how was it possible that he had fallen for someone in such short time. It had never been like this before, not even with Lisa. Sure, they had started dating few days after they had met, but it had taken Dean months to even think about whether or not he wanted to spend the rest of his life with her. Being apart from Lisa hadn't been difficult for him, he had missed her, but never quite like this. Dean groaned and turned her back to his wife, closing his eyes and silently praying for sleep to take all this yearning away.

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><p>Castiel had no idea what to do with the time he had on his hands on Monday afternoon. Just yesterday morning he had been certain he would be attending a garden party of some sort with Ruby, but she had, in her own words, forgotten to transfer Castiel's payment on due time. Now Castiel had nothing else to do than watch day time TV and wish someone would take the chance and call him to see if he was free for the day. That didn't happen too often, since Castiel's clients were mostly rich workaholics with little to no social life.<p>

It wasn't that Castiel didn't like his day offs, but he had just taken almost the entire weekend for himself and he didn't like to stay home for too long. It wasn't that he couldn't support himself without working for longer periods of time, he had quite impressive savings on one of his accounts, but staying out of business for too long meant a great risk of losing one's clients. Castiel shuddered at the thought and checked his e-mail for umpteenth time. Nothing, again. Castiel was about to abandon all hope when his phone rang, more precisely, the phone he used for work rang. Castiel ran to thank who ever it was that needed him, and answered without looking at the caller ID.

"Hello to you too. I was just wondering if you're still coming to Malibu this weekend," said a soft voice with a british accent. Castiel fell on the beanbag Chuck had left to his living room, smiling almost affectionately.

"Of course. I've marked it to my calendar with pink, glittery pen and drew even hearts on that page. It's quite cute, actually," Castiel replied with slight teasing in his voice. The voice on the other end of the line laughed warmly and Castiel smiled in victory. He really was good at what he did.

"I'm sure you have. Just wanted to let you know that I'm going to drag you to this new gallery they're opening. I've been asked to make a quick appearance there so you need to either take something you can wear in there, or I'm going to have to take you shopping." Now it was Castiel's turn to laugh.

"Since when have you refrained yourself from buying me stuff? I was just about to empty my closet and give all my clothes to charity because I thought to myself, 'you're going to Malibu with Balthazar, you won't have enough space for all those clothes he's going to insist on buying to you'. Have I somehow misjudged your character?" Castiel teased.

"No, you're probably right. But it's not my fault you won't charge me by your book. And I know you don't, so there's no use on denying it. I have to give you something for putting up with me," Balthazar argued, but his tone betrayed a smile.

"You got me a very expensive apartment. I'll be forever in your debt," Castiel reminded sarcastically. Balthazar snorted and Castiel could practically see him shaking his head and the wide grin he had on his face.

"My apologies, I'll be sure not to do such thing ever again," Balthazar promised mockingly. They continued to banter for a while, until Balthazar had to leave for a meeting. Castiel was still sprawled on the comfy beanbag as the call ended, and he entertained the idea of actually giving some of his out dated clothes to charity. It seemed like a good idea.

Castiel reluctantly got up and headed for his closet. He needed something to get his mind focused on. He had already cleaned the entire kitchen to busy himself, but cleaning wasn't his idea of a good time. Going through massive amounts of clothing, however, sounded like a time well spent. Castiel turned the radio on as he passed the stereos, and turned the volume up just to fill out the silence. Castiel hummed along the song coming from the speakers as he pulled entire content of his closet to the floor and started picking up various pieces of clothing so he could evaluate them. It was fun, trying some of the clothes on and trying to decide wether or not they were worth keeping, some of the clothes earned a spot in the 'throw away' pile without a second thought and some went back to the closet with one quick glance.

Everything was fine until Castiel let his mind drift to the places it wanted, and within seconds the subject he had been skillfully avoiding all day popped to his head. It came out of nowhere, Castiel was just in the middle of trying on a well fitting black long sleeved shirt with a v-neck that flattered his collarbones, when he found himself wondering whether or not Dean would like the shirt on him. That thought earned the shirt a a trip to the pile that would soon leave the house.

Castiel had done his best to put Dean from his mind, not that he had anything against thinking Dean in general, but Castiel wanted to be able to keep Dean from invading his thoughts whenever he wanted. It wouldn't do for him to start thinking about his new.. What? Crush? Castiel definitely wasn't ready to go there right now, but he would have to keep Dean from his head on a job. It couldn't be that difficult, but Castiel had the need to practice it, so that he could be sure Dean wouldn't just come popping into his head when he was with a client.

_Especially if I am with a client_, Castiel pressed in his mind and could almost see it, being pressed to a bed or any other available surface with one of his clients on top of him and then Dean would just pop to his head and most likely stay there. Castiel shuddered at the horrible thought, he had always been proud of his professionalism, he was discreet and always gave the client his full attention. If Castiel would have Dean in his mind while working his magic to bring a client over the edge (preferably more than once), since it could very well bring a disaster upon Castiel.

Castiel pushed the uncomfortable thoughts from his mind and concentrated on the task at his hands. He pushed Dean from his mind and intended to do better at keeping those particular thoughts at bay until he decided otherwise.

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><p><strong><em>AN : _**_It seems to be an unfair fact that siblings can tell when you're lying or interested in someone. Unless you are the one utilizing this amazing ability, then it's really nice._


	12. Chapter 11

**_A/N : _**_I had few scenes written for this chapter (and some other chapters as well), that I just couldn't fit anywhere in the story. I can put them up here after the last chapter of this story is posted._

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><p><strong>Where Do We Draw the Line<strong>

**Chapter 11**

Sometimes Castiel was rather disturbed by the fact that he could tell if someone was using drugs, smoking or drinking, and even guess their eating habits by just giving them a blow job. The thought about the absurdity of it popped to his head once again when he walked down the busy street, his mouth twisted into a barely visible grimace due to the taste in his mouth. Castiel had agreed to meet Pamela for coffee and now he was grateful for that, a cup of espresso should wash the unpleasant taste from his mouth.

When Castiel reached the coffee shop where he had agreed to meet Pamela he spotted her waiting for him by the front door. She waived at him happily and Castiel responded in a similar manner. They entered the coffee shop and Castiel hurried to the desk to order himself a double espresso. Pamela shot him a questioning look as they sat down and Castiel took the first long drink form the cup.

"Anti-depressants and spicy food," Castiel said like it explained everything, and in a way it did. Pamela's face was light up with knowledge and she grinned wickedly.

"That's what you get when you go around blowing strange people," she teased and Castiel gave her a small, affectionate smile in return. The strong coffee helped to get rid of the taste in Castiel's mouth, and he took his time to drink the rest of it.

"So how are you recovering from the break up with your secret friend?" Pamela asked suddenly. Castiel raised an eyebrow slightly at the question and looked at his friend disbelievingly.

"We didn't 'break up'. Besides, he's still my friend. He apologized to me after you and Chuck left on Sunday," Castiel answered calmly. He did his best to keep the fondness he felt every time he even thought of Dean out of his voice.

"Right. And how's your crush for him doing? And does he have a name or do we just keep calling him your not-boyfriend?" Pamela retorted with fond mocking. Castiel glared at her murderously, but his friend knew him too well to take it seriously.

"His name is Dean, and I don't have a crush on him," Castiel countered sharply and continued to glare at Pamela over his cup. Pamela simply laughed at him and shook her head amusedly.

"You can deny it all you want but I know you too well, you're crushing on the guy harder than I've ever seen anyone do, and I've seen a lot," she insisted and Castiel had to give it to her, she was really good with seeing right through his defenses. Sometimes he wondered if Pamela had some sort of sixth sense when it came to people.

"Fine, maybe I like Dean just a bit more than I should, but that doesn't change anything. He's still married, and most likely completely straight. I'm not going to put myself between him and his wife," Castiel said, raising his voice slightly. Pamela opened her mouth to say something, but Castiel cut her off hurriedly.

"And don't you dare to say I already spend half of my time sleeping with married men, it's different, I don't put myself between them and their wives, they pull me in for their own reasons. If I would make any kind of pass on Dean, I would be consciously putting myself between his marriage. If he'd want me and make it known, fine, but I will not be the one to make the first move," Castiel said firmly. Pamela quieted down after that, and neither one of them said anything for a while.

"At least you don't need to worry about sexual frustration," Pamela mused more to herself than to Castiel. They stared at each other for a second, before bursting to laugh. They weren't very good at holding grudges against each other.

Castiel left shortly after that to get ready for the long evening waiting for him. He had managed to keep Dean out of his head while on a job, but when he was left alone there was nothing to stop him from thinking Dean. It didn't bother Castiel that much anymore, he accepted the fact that he was attracted to his friend, and he was in a middle of figuring out how to deal with it.

Castiel had decided that morning that he would let Dean to be the one to take the first step in fixing their relationship. He was willing to trust Dean's word that he wouldn't walk out on Castiel, so logically that meant that Dean would contact him sooner or later, but preferably sooner. Castiel hummed a tune he had heard on the radio earlier and went to pick the clothes for that evening. As he went through his clothes Castiel considered the pros and cons of workaholism, and whether or not it would help him put Dean from his mind.

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><p>The first day of Dean's mission to stay away from Castiel was fairly easy. He had three meetings to attend, dozens of phone calls to make and a pile of paperwork that seemed like someone had ripped it from a nightmare. Dean was too busy to think about anything except work, and he was grateful for that. He stayed for few hours of overtime just so he could finish some papers that needed to be done, before driving home with the welcomed weight of tiredness. He ate dinner with Lisa and listened to her stories about her day, commenting only when necessary, before going to bed. Dean was too tired to do anything else, he barely managed to get out of his clothes. He may or may not have dreamed about intensive blue eyes and dexterous hands upon his person that night.<p>

The second day was slightly harder, because Dean didn't have as much work on his desk that morning. He had few free moments for himself between calls and various tasks that needed to be done, and his thoughts seemed to automatically shift towards Castiel. Dean wondered how the other guy was doing, did he miss Dean as much as Dean missed him? What Dean pointedly refused to think about was the possibility of Castiel being with someone who was not Dean at those moments. The jealousy Dean felt when the idea even faintly entered his mind was frightening, leaving Dean shaking and red faced. He didn't want those people touching his Cas. And when had Dean decide he had any claim on Castiel anyways? That evening Dean couldn't bring himself to look at Lisa in the eye, and he claimed he was in a middle of a particularly difficult assignment. He fell asleep on the living room couch, and when he woke up around three a.m because his neck hurt, well, Lisa had already pulled a comforter over him so why should he get up and go to bed?

On the third day Dean decided it wouldn't hurt him to ask Castiel how he was doing. Dean sent a text he spent five minutes writing even though he only wrote one sentence, casually inquiring Castiel's well being. The waiting for the response was hard, and Dean kept eyeing his phone every ten seconds even though he had work to concentrate on. He received a response ten minutes later. Castiel was preparing to go to Malibu. Dean had to know why, so he queried it along with wishing good luck and hoping everything would go well. When Castiel, after what seemed like an eternity, informed Dean that the trip was for work, Dean slammed the desk furiously before he could stop himself, scaring the poor intern who had come to ask if Dean would be able to have a word with him. The kid disappeared quickly, and Dean didn't mind it at all. He was on a bad mood for the rest of the day, and if he snapped at his worried wife a little when he got home, well, he was tired and he had a difficult job to blame.

The fourth day was difficult, because Dean knew Castiel was leaving to Malibu of all places to screw some guy for the whole weekend. Dean was bitter and when people asked what was wrong he replied in a harsh tone and told them nothing was wrong, he was just tired. Lisa was looking at him suspiciously, and acted too cautiously around Dean for his liking. At home he shut himself into the small office and tried not to think about Castiel. He had very little luck on it, so he did the only logical thing one can do when jealousy and doubt are driving you mad, he downed an almost the entire bottle of the whiskey he had bought with Lisa for special occasions. He passed out on the bed few hours later, and he dreamt of Castiel kissing a faceless man with fierce passion.

On the fifth day Dean called in sick because of his hangover. He cursed himself fir being stupid enough to get drunk in the middle of a week. He also received a wary look from Lisa before she left to work, but at the moment he couldn't just care about it enough to do anything about it. Dean spent most of the afternoon drifting in and out of sleep. His cell started ringing around three, and Dean answered it with a great deal of effort. The call was from Sam, and Dean groaned into his pillow upon hearing his brothers accusing voice. He had talked to Lisa few hours ago, and they were worried about Dean. Sam kept asking what the problem was, but Dean couldn't tell him. He couldn't say he was forced to bear the thought of Castiel with someone who wasn't him, that the mere possibility of it was driving him mad with jealousy he didn't know he could even feel. Dean managed to convince Sam that he had just been overworking himself, and they ended the call on good terms. That night Dean wrapped Lisa in his arms to gain some sense of normality back to his life.

Dean spent the weekend fixing the current situation with Lisa. On Saturday they had a nice morning having breakfast in a comfortable silence, they watched some TV before going grocery shopping. They had good time, and by the time they got home Lisa had forgiven Dean his behavior towards her on the past few days. Dean took a look at his cell without thinking it too much, and his heart nearly stopped when he found out that Castiel had sent him a text message. He hurried to the office and opened the message.

_Def Leppard or Led Zeppelin?_

Dean didn't really understand the meaning behind the message, but after a brief internal debate he answered Led Zeppelin simply because his two favorite songs were from them. After few minutes Castiel sent him a response, _Okay. _The conversation ended there, but it had been enough to drop Dean back to his brooding. It took him an hour to collect himself properly and go back to his wife. He said he had done some work and pulled her into a deep kiss. On Sunday Dean decided that starting some old hobbies again would be a great idea, and he picked up running again.

The next week went mostly like the previous one, except now Dean had slightly calmed down and was able to keep his act together. The need to be with Castiel was still there, and Dean was starting to doubt he could ever just push aside his feelings for Castiel and look at him as a friend. Everything seemed to be pointing to the opposite, every day Dean could literally feel his - what, love? Affection? He wasn't even sure him self - growing deeper. He was constantly worrying about the younger man and wondering if he was safe ,considering his profession. What if someone would harm Castiel? The thought made shivers of fear run through Dean. He calmed himself by reminding himself that Castiel wasn't stupid and he wouldn't willingly put himself into any kind of danger.

Dean entertained the idea of calling Castiel several times a day, but he never did. Partly because he didn't want to seem like a teenage girl mooning over her love, partly because he wasn't willing to break the vow he had made to Lisa when he had married her. He had a new mantra, _I will not cheat on Lisa_, that he kept reciting to himself every time he was alone or his thoughts were drifting towards Castiel. He also went running every evening to tire himself properly. Lisa accepted this new turn of events with a nod and a smile, she seemed glad that Dean had started running again.

Castiel didn't contact him for the whole week, and Dean was getting worried he never might. Not that Dean could really blame him, they still hadn't properly sorted things out between them. That would take some hard work, and until they did that Dean would have to keep himself on check constantly, so that he wouldn't accidentally scare Castiel away. Dean frowned at the thought. It wasn't like he was about to confess his undying love for Castiel, ever. He wasn't thinking about making even the smallest pass on the guy, at least not on purpose. Dean had come to the conclusion that was a very big difference in wanting someone and not do anything about it, and wanting someone and taking them. He was intent on doing the initial.

Besides, who was Dean to think that Castiel even reciprocated his feelings? There was always the possibility that Castiel saw him only as a friend. The thought made Dean feel hollow, even though he knew it would be best for everyone that Castiel would never consider Dean anything more than a friend. A part of Dean screamed in fury at that possibility, that part considered Castiel his own and no one else's. It was also that part that spread a darkness consisted of jealousy and hatred for those who dared to touch Castiel. Dean hated that part of himself, even though at times it seemed so easy to just give in to it.

After three weeks of not seeing Castiel Dean gave up to his desperation and promised himself he would ask Castiel out the next day. Dean was glad it was Friday already, he didn't need to worry about waking up early in the morning and he could just watch TV and wait until Lisa fell asleep before getting to the bed himself. It had become a sort of a habit for him to not go to bed if Lisa was awake. He had also gotten very good at coming up with excuses. So he watched the late night movie about some guys trying to rob an armored truck with a little luck even though he was scared half way to Hell. What if Castiel didn't want to see him again? He hadn't done anything to acknowledge Dean's existence in two weeks, surely that meant Castiel had forgotten him completely. Dean pushed the thought aside and forced himself to concentrate on the movie.

Dean started to get ready to go to bed around eleven p.m. He was tired beyond belief, not only physically but emotionally as well. He brushed his teeth slowly and tried to come up with a good way to ask Castiel for coffee after all the time they had been apart. Dean also needed to come up with an excuse for Lisa. Now he understood why he had been reluctant to tell Lisa about seeing Castiel, he had known deep within himself that in a long run it would be best if Lisa knew as little of Castiel as possible. It was easier to be around her when Dean knew Castiel's name wouldn't come up in their conversations.

Dean was careful to be quiet as he opened the door to the bedroom. He sneaked into the room and dug out his cell phone, checking that the sounds were off before placing it on the nightstand. He kicked his clothes off and did his best to place them somewhere out of the way. Dean didn't want to have neither one of them tripping on clothes because of his laziness, that would've been really embarrassing.

Dean let out a contented sigh as he crawled to the warm bed and curled next to Lisa. He had to admit that even though he wanted Castiel to be there by his side when he fell asleep, Lisa was still a comforting presence. Dean put his arm around Lisa tentatively and waited for the sleep to catch up with him. It took him a long time to fall into a restless slumber.

Less than two hours later Dean was yanked out of his light sleep. He tried to locate the reason he had woken up without opening his eyes, so he could get rid of it as quickly as possible. It took him a second to realize that his phone was buzzing persistently on the night stand. Dean wondered who would possibly need him at this hour as he cracked his eyes open. He reached for the the phone reluctantly and brought it to his ear, answering the call with a sleepy voice. He woke up completely at the moment he heard Castiel's shaking voice on the other end of the line.

"Are you okay?" Dean asked worriedly in a hushed tone. All the remains of sleep had disappeared from him. Dean got off of the bed hurriedly, but as quietly as he could and got out of the room, so that he wouldn't have to worry about accidentally waking Lisa up.

"I'm not sure, I think so. Um, could you come and take me home?" Castiel asked with desperation in his voice. Dean had to take a deep breath to calm himself down, Castiel's voice made his skin crawl and he didn't want Castiel to hear it.

"Of course. Where are you?" Dean said as calmly as he could as he made his way downstairs and searched for pen and paper. He intended to write a note for Lisa in case she woke up before he got back home. Dean thought it would be for the best, he remembered the last time Lisa hadn't been sure where he was in the morning all too well.

"Um, I'm at 52nd street. Could you hurry, please?" Castiel more or less pleaded. Dean couldn't fight the small, rueful smile rising on his face when he heard Castiel being polite even when he was clearly in distress. Dean quickly went over his mental map to figure out the quickest possible route to his friend.

"I'll be there in twenty minutes," Dean promised as he decided the route he'd take and hurried back to the bed room to get some clothes for himself. Castiel thanked him and they ended the call with Dean promising to get to Castiel as fast as he could.

Dean didn't turn on the lights as he pulled a T-shirt and jeans from the drawer without giving much thought to what he was doing. He pulled the shirt over his head as he made his way back downstairs and pulled the jeans on while picking up the car keys. His mind was racing with different scenarios, all worse than the other, and the only reason he didn't loose his composure completely was the knowledge that Castiel needed him. Dean ran to the Impala and drove off to the dark night.

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><p><em><strong>AN : **Facts about this chapter :_

_1) It is a scientific fact that food, smoking, alcohol, coffee and drugs etc. affect the scent and taste of all body fluids. For example, you can smell it if someone is on antidepressants when they sweat, even tif you don't really realize it._

_2) The movie Dean i watching is Armored, and it has Milo Ventimiglia, Laurence Fisburne and Matt Dillon in it._

_3) 52nd street is taken from the Dark Knight._

_4) Dean said that his favorite song is a tie between Ramble On and Travelling Riverside Blues by Led Zeppelin in 4x18 (Monster At the End of This Book). It is a pretty tough choice between those two, by the way._

_5) I was listening to El Tango De Roxanne from Moulin Rouge for two hours while I wrote the Dean bit. I think it shows in there at the beginning, but I just couldn't get that bloody song out of my head. (And now it's back…)_


	13. Chapter 12

_**A/N :** I got caught up with my work for a few days and didn't get around posting this until now._

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><p><strong>Where Do We Draw the Line<strong>

**Chapter 12**

The drive through the empty streets was hard. Dean was gripping the steering wheel so tightly his knuckles turned white, and he was biting his lips hard enough to draw blood. Dean was sick with worry and if he was over speeding heavily he didn't care at all. Dean had only one clear thought in his mind at that moment and it was get to Castiel as quickly as he could, everything else could seemed so unimportant compared to that. All thoughts of how Dean was supposed to consider Castiel only as a friend had vanished from his mind a long time ago but Dean didn't care, he didn't even think about not acting on his feelings at that moment.

It didn't take Dean twenty minutes to reach the 52nd street and spot Castiel sitting on the corner of the small antique shop. Dean pulled the car over and stepped out of the car, hurrying to Castiel. He didn't close the door after him, it seemed to be so insignificant thing compared to Castiel who was slumped on the ground with his head on his knees. Dean's heart almost stopped at the miserable sight as he ran to his friends side without a moment of hesitation. Castiel raised his head as he heard Dean stopping and crouching in front of him. Dean could feel the color leaving his face when he saw the teary eyes and blood on Castiel's pale face. He couldn't get a word out of his mouth. Castiel tried to offer him a trembling smile as he wiped his face to the sleeve of his leather jacket, smearing the blood on his face even more.

"Can we go now?" Castiel asked, voice barely above a whisper, and Dean was shocked to find out his heart could hurt even more than it already did. He grit his teeth, nodded solemnly and helped Castiel up from the ground and towards the car. Castiel was holding his right arm protectively on his chest, and now that he was standing Dean noticed the poorly wrapped bloody cloth around his hand. Dean bit his tongue to keep his mouth shut, Castiel would tell him what had happened on his own time. Nothing however stopped Dean from wrapping a protective arm around Castiel's shoulders, and the surprised but grateful look Castiel gave him sent warm sparks flying in Dean's heart.

Dean helped Castiel into the car, opening the door for him and making sure he was comfortable before hurrying into the drivers side. Dean started the car and pulled back to the road while stealing glances at Castiel every chance he got. Castiel looked miserable, he was leaning to the window, eyes closed cradling his hand and taking deep breaths. Dean wouldn't be surprised if he had fallen asleep.

They drove to Castiel's apartment in silence, and when Dean pulled the car behind the apartment building to get to the small parking lot Castiel had slumped on his seat in a way that only a sleeping person could. Dean stopped the engine and turned to look at his friend, wondering if it would be a good idea to wake him up. In the end he decided that sleeping in the car probably wasn't the best idea now that the air was getting colder with the closing winter.

"Cas I think you need to wake up now," Dean coaxed and shook Castiel's sleeping form gently. Castiel snapped awake and it took him a moment to focus his startled eyes on Dean, who was smiling reassuringly.

"Let's get you inside," Dean said and leaned over Castiel to open the door for him. He took a second to marvel in the closeness he shared with Castiel for that unfortunately short period of time. Castiel thanked him and got out of the Impala, Dean following closely behind him after locking the car doors. Castiel turned around when he heard Dean calling for him to wait up and tilted his head confusedly when he saw Dean following him.

"Don't think I'll let you out of my sight until I'm sure you're okay," Dean declared and put his arm protectively around Castiel, who relaxed into the embrace after a brief consideration. They got all the way to the elevator without neither one of them saying another word. Dean wanted to ask Castiel what had happened to him and if there was a need to beat someone up for hurting him, but he could see now was not the time for pushing the matter further, Castiel was clearly still too upset. When the elevator doors closed Castiel pressed himself closer to Dean and rested his head on his shoulder, looking up with wide eyes. Castiel was so close to Dean that he could count his friends long eyelashes and it didn't take long for Dean to get lost in the moment.

"Thank you, I know it wasn't really fair to drag you here in the middle of the night. You should go home to your wife, I'll be fine now," Castiel said quietly, snapping Dean out of the trance he had fallen into.

"I left Lisa a note, she'll understand. I won't leave you," Dean assured, squeezing Castiel briefly a little harder. He had to fight really hard not to do anything else, even if he wouldn't be married this was definitely not the time to start expressing his undying love for the younger man. Castiel seemed to appreciate the closeness, and Dean had nothing against holding him for as long as he was allowed. When the elevator came to a halt it became necessary for Dean to ease his hold on Castiel, and he did so with a great deal of reluctancy.

Castiel led the way to his front door and opened it with his good hand. They took of their jackets and Dean placed his keys on top of the small drawer in the hallway. Castiel was already half way to the kitchen when Dean went after him. Dean remembered the last time he had been here all too well, and he had to consciously push the memory out of his mind. Castiel was sitting by the table when Dean reached the kitchen, unwrapping the cloth from his hand.

"Could you get the tweezers from the bathroom? They're on the first shelf in the left cabinet beneath the counter. There should be some bandages and disinfectant in there too," Castiel requested without raising his eyes from his hand. Dean nodded and hurried to get the requested items. He didn't pay any attention to his surroundings as he grabbed what he needed and strode back to Castiel as quickly as he could. Dean pulled a chair next to his friend who was inspecting the damage on his hand with mild interest. Dean could see small pieces of what looked like glass stuck in the wounds.

"Here, let me help with that," Dean said and took Castiel's injured hand gently to his own and started pulling the glass pieces out. Castiel gritted his teeth, but didn't try to pull away from Dean.

"You can ask what happened if you want. I'm not a china doll," Castiel said after few minutes of silence. Dean glanced at him scrutinizingly before returning his attention back to Castiel's hand.

"What happened?" He asked now that he had a permission to do so. Castiel let out a quiet laugh and Dean could tell without looking that the other man was smiling.

"I got caught between a domestic dispute. One of my clients called me to keep him company while his wife was on a business trip and he had to stay home because his arm had broken earlier this week. He just didn't want to be alone, you know. So we set up to watch Sin City and actually made it half way when my clients wife's brother storms in. He was this huge guy, I had hear all kinds of horror stories about him before so I tried to vanish as quietly as I could, but he spotted me. He was drunk and the court has ordered him to anger management therapy but it doesn't seem to work since I was supposed to sit down and listen to what he had to say. He pushed me to a showcase," Castiel explained and Dean had to force the anger bubbling inside of him to stay at bay for now.

"I got out after that, and that guy is probably down at the station already," Castiel added as an after thought. Dean must have gripped Castiel's hand too tightly since the other guy hissed painfully and yanked his hand from Dean.

"Sorry. I just - I don't know," Dean tried to apologize without looking at Castiel and reached for the disinfectant to get something else to do.

"I don't normally get into any kind of trouble. This is the first time in eighteen months. And I know what could've happened, I got off easy. The guy wasn't even supposed to know how to get into that house. I'm fine, Dean, I just got a little shocked when the reality hit me, that's all," Castiel assured Dean and gave his injured hand back to him. Dean nodded sharply, but he wasn't convinced. He concentrated on cleaning the wounds that now seemed more superficial than he had suspected, and put a clean bandage around the hand when he was sure there wasn't any spot he had forgotten to clean.

"You should go to see a doctor tomorrow," Dean observed and finally raised his eyes to meet Castiel's, who was looking at him with eyes filled with what Dean could only describe as affection. They stared at each other for a small eternity. Dean absently realized he was still holding Castiel's hand and stroking it softly with his thumb.

"I'm glad you're here," Castiel said softly, as if he didn't want to disturb the comfortable silence. He squeezed Dean's hand lightly.

"I'm glad to be here," Dean answered in a similar tone and returned the squeeze, mindful of the injuries in Castiel's hand. There was another silence that neither one of them had any need to break.

"I should probably get some sleep," Castiel said after a while. He didn't sound too enthusiastic about the idea, but Dean agreed with him. Castiel did need to rest, especially after the day he had had. Dean waisted no time to usher the younger guy out of the kitchen while telling him to go brush his teeth. Castiel rolled his eyes in an annoyed manner, but the faint smile playing on his lips betrayed him. He promised to do as Dean ordered as long as there would be a glass of water waiting for him on the nightstand.

"And get my phones from the pocket of my jacket. Both of them," Castiel ordered teasingly and Dean saluted him just to get that bright smile he loved so much in return. Dean did as requested and got the phones and the glass of cool water before going to the bedroom to wait for Castiel. Dean kicked his boots off and pulled the covers aside to busy himself with something. His hands were shaking with nervousness and excitement. Dean hadn't forgotten the last time he had been in this room, and he wondered if he could crawl next to Castiel as he has wanted to do for the past three weeks. He faintly remembered Lisa waiting for him back in their bed, but that didn't compare to the possibility of spending another night close to Castiel. Dean sat on the bed and inhaled deeply.

"I think I can manage everything from here," Castiel said amusedly as he entered the room. Dean noticed he had changed his clothes somewhere along the way. Instead of the classy look he had had earlier was now missing, replaced by a huge, black t- shirt that was long enough to nearly reach Castiel's knees, and had a fainted tribal painted on the front side. To Dean Castiel was the most adorable sight in the entire world at that moment. Castiel raised a questioning eyebrow and crawled to the bed, clearly tired. Dean smiled fondly and laid down next to Castiel, earning a confused look to go with the eyebrow.

"I could stay?" Dean suggested lightly, like it didn't really matter what the answer would be. In truth Dean would be willing to crawl on his knees and beg for a permission to stay right where he was. Castiel smiled at him sleepily and nodded.

"You can stay," he confirmed as his eyed drifted close. Dean got up only to kick his jeans off, before getting under the covers with Castiel. Dean felt like a kid on a Christmas Eve, but he tried his best not to show it. Castiel cracked his eyes slightly open and looked at Dean for a long second before closing his eyes again with a content smile playing around his lips. Dean put his arm around Castiel tentatively, and Castiel's eyes snapped completely open in surprise. Dean felt his mouth dry in anticipation as they stared at each other. He was sure he had crossed a line when the time seemed to stop momentarily, but then Castiel shifted closer to Dean and pressed himself to Dean's side. Dean smiled blissfully and let himself relax as Castiel snuggled himself impossibly close to him and pressed his face to the crook of Dean's neck.

Dean stayed awake for a long time, breathing in Castiel's scent and listening to his slowing breathing as he fell asleep. Dean brushed his knuckles across Castiel's cheek when he was sure the warm weight on his side was really asleep, and he forgot Lisa completely at that moment, his world shrunk down to Castiel's sleeping form in his arms. Dean pressed a soft kiss to Castiel's forehead on an impulse, very much like he always did with Lisa, before closing his eyes and allowing sleep to claim him.

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><p>Castiel woke up slowly to the warm light shining through the curtains. It took him a moment to register the warm presence pressed to his side, and he turned to see what it was. A loving smile spread across his face when he saw Dean sprawled in his bed. Castiel snuggled a little closer to Dean and laid his head on the other man's chest just because he could, sleeping practically on top of someone wasn't something Castiel wasn't used to have. Dean shifted slightly under Castiel's weight and put an arm around him, managing to make Castiel smile warmly as he closed his eyes and quickly fell into a light slumber.<p>

Castiel had no idea how long had passed since he had closed his eyes and he didn't really care. He got gently pulled out of his dreams when Dean woke up and started running his hand through Castiel's hair in what seemed like an absent-minded manner. Castiel yawned and opened his eyes slowly, turning to face Dean who didn't seem to realize Castiel had woken up.

"Morning," Castiel murmured and offered Dean a sleepy smile when the older man turned to face him. Dean's hand stilled in Castiel's hair.

"Morning. You feel any better?" Dean asked softly. Castiel hummed quietly in agreement and pressed his head demandingly against Dean's hand, making Dean laugh fondly and continue brushing Castiel's hair.

"You're like a lazy cat, you know that?" Dean teased with fondness in his voice. Castiel nodded contently, speaking seemed like too much trouble at the moment. He had never felt this comfortable in his life, and he couldn't care less what Dean thought about the whole thing as long as Castiel was allowed to stay right where he was. Dean laughed quietly and Castiel could feel it bubbling in Dean's chest, and he marveled at the feeling as closed his eyes again. They stayed like that for a long time, but in the end Castiel had to break the silence.

"I could use some coffee," Castiel mumbled and raised his head, causing Dean's hand to fall on his shoulder. Dean nodded but didn't give any indication of getting up. Castiel wondered how bad it would be if he'd just lean forward and kiss Dean. The thought sent sparks of anticipation flying through him and his heartbeat quickened. He was suddenly aware of everything, like how Dean's hand laid heavily on his shoulder, and maybe if Castiel were to relax he'd collapse under it, and how their legs were entwined themselves without neither of them noticing it. Before Castiel could do anything reckless he forced himself to get off of Dean and sat up, ripping his eyes from Dean's lips he had been staring rather hungrily.

"I'll go and put the coffeemaker on," he informed Dean hastily before getting up and going to his wardrobe to get some clothes for himself. He could hear Dean sitting up and felt his eyes burning holes to the back of his head.

"Is something wrong?" Dean asked in a voice that made it very clear he wouldn't let the matter go until he's get the truth. Castiel didn't want to start an argument, so he decided that telling only a part of the truth wouldn't hurt anybody. He didn't turn to look at Dean when he answered, fearing the other man might see he was leaving something important out.

"No, it's just that I'm not really used to waking up with anybody. I don't know what I'm supposed to do, exactly. I always know what to do, it's really.. Disorienting not to know how to act," Castiel admitted. Sure, he knew what he was supposed to do with a client, but this was Dean, how do you act when you wake up with someone who isn't paying for you, and who also happens to be the object of your unrequited love? Castiel had no idea. He pulled on a pair of old, worn out jeans with a hole in the right knee, the first jeans he had brought with his personally earned money. They held a great emotional value to Castiel for that reason.

"Oh, okay. I just thought that maybe I did something wrong," Dean sounded relieved somewhere behind Castiel's back. He was pulling the oversized tee over his head at that moment, so he couldn't turn around and glare Dean incredulously like he wanted to. Castiel quickly pulled on a black dress shirt and turned to face Dean while buttoning the shirt.

"What do you mean?" Castiel asked, not understanding what Dean could've possibly done wrong. Dean studied him unbelievingly for a second before shaking his head, disappointment in his eyes. Castiel had no idea what he had missed, but it was clearly something important. Before Castiel could ask what it was Dean got up and grabbed his jeans from the floor.

"Nothing," he finally answered. Castiel let it go, he wasn't sure if this was one of those things that he could push further without upsetting Dean too much. Castiel nodded to himself and went to make the coffee as he had promised. Maybe Dean was still getting used to his lifestyle, Castiel frowned sadly at the possibility, but they had been really close to each other, probably more so than friends should. His thoughts were cut off when Dean cleared his throat behind his shoulder. Castiel jumped a little and turned around only to find Dean standing a little bit closer to him than he probably should have.

"I can make you breakfast if you like," Castiel suggested and leaned to the counter, tilting his head in a way he hoped wasn't flirtatious, he was pretty sure he failed miserably when Dean blushed and turned to look at something behind Castiel's shoulder.

"I think I can manage, besides you really should consult a brush and I think that might take a while," Dean teased, making Castiel laugh warmly. He told Dean where everything was before heading to the bathroom where his brush would be waiting. Castiel tried to make his hair obey his will, but as usual he had no luck with it. By the time Castiel got back to the kitchen Dean had already helped himself with a cup of coffee and was eating a sandwich. He seemed to be lost in his thoughts since he didn't acknowledge Castiel in any ways as he poured himself some coffee before sitting next to Dean.

"What are you thinking about?" Castiel queried nonchalantly, and Dean lifted his eyes to meet Castiel's.

"Nothing, how's your hand?" He answered hastily and Castiel got the impression Dean was desperately trying to change the subject.

"It's fine. Hurts a little but it's nothing I can't handle," he said, allowing Dean to keep his secrets even if it hurt just a little to know Dean didn't want to share them with him. Dean regarded Castiel with a solemn face for a while before apparently coming to some sort of conclusion.

"Cas, you know that I like you, right?" Dean started and Castiel nodded hesitantly, this would either be something good or something really bad.

"I'm not good with chick flick moments so this will probably come out wrong, but is it possible if there wouldn't be another three weeks until we see each other again? Not that I'm leaving right now, I don't need to be home any time soon, Lisa's meeting up with some friends. I really- What you do for living isn't a problem for me, okay? And I shouldn't have reacted like I did," Dean pulled the words out of himself. Castiel's smile was barely visible as he nodded happily, not trusting himself to speak just yet. It didn't seem to bother Dean since he relaxed and gave Castiel a bright grin.

They moved to the living room after a while. Castiel put the TV on, but neither one of them spared a glance at the screen. They sat close enough for their legs to brush every time they made the slightest movement and talked about everything and nothing at all, and Castiel loved every moment of it. After a while they fell into a comfortable silence and just mooning over each other. Castiel pressed his leg to Dean's and left it there, barely smiling at his friend who studied him curiously before pressing his own leg more tightly to Castiel's. They stayed that way for a brief moment, as if to see if it was okay for them to go any further, and then Dean let his hand fall on Castiel's knee. Castiel's heartbeat quickened and he was sure Dean could hear it as he placed his own hand above Dean's without getting any objections. Dean actually smiled at him, and Castiel couldn't help but do the exactly same. They looked at each other with such intensity Castiel thought he might just choke from it, and for a moment he thought he might have to pinch himself to make sure he wasn't dreaming.

The moment was abruptly broken by the doorbell being pushed multiple times in a row and a loud banging. Castiel's eyes widened as he jerked away from Dean, who seemed as surprised as Castiel felt. There was a muffled command for Castiel to open the damn door, and Castiel groaned in frustration upon recognizing the voice. Dean looked at his friend incredulously, but before he could say anything Castiel waved him quiet.

"You should know that there are aspects in my life I'm not completely satisfied with," Castiel whispered, his eyes darting between Dean and the direction of the noise. The attack against the front door continued as well as the demands to get in, and Castiel was forced to get up.

"There is going to be a hurricane of a small scale in here. I'll completely understand if you'll want to leave," Castiel told Dean who shot a curious look at him. Castiel turned to leave, but stopped at the last moment.

"Just ignore everything they say or do. Pretend they don't even exist," he added hastily and went to get the door. Castiel cracked the door open and was greeted by the grinning faces of Chuck and Pamela.

"Not a good time," he told them sternly through the crack, but his friends just laughed at him and pushed past him.

"Too bad, we haven't seen you in ages so you have no say on this," Pamela pinched Castiel's cheek on her way in while Chuck simply greeted him with a wave of his hand.

"Please come in," Castiel remarked with dry sarcasm as his friends kicked their shoes off and took their coats off. Castiel left them at it, deciding to go to Dean's protection while he still could. Dean was still seated on the couch, and he smiled upon seeing Castiel entering the room. Castiel stepped protectively in front of him when Pamela and Chuck stormed in. They eyed Dean curiously and gave Castiel amused smirks. Castiel was forced to step aside and let his friends introduce themselves. When Dean told Pamela and Chuck his name the situation stilled to halt as the duo stared at him with wide eyes, making Dean seem a little lost.

"So you're the boyfriend," Chuck finally observed and Pamela chuckled knowingly when Dean's jaw dropped and Castiel slammed his hand to his forehead with a hard slap, drawing the attention of his friends to himself.

"What happened to your hand?" Pamela gasped suddenly and hurried to Castiel's side. Castiel eyed his hand and shrugged, glad that the attention from Dean was now directed to him.

"Doc's lunatic brother-in-law," he told and it was enough information to his friends, they had known each other for long enough to know what it meant.

"So you finally managed piss someone off by just breathing. Good job," Pamela teased and ruffled Castiel's hair affectionately. Everything went fine after that, Chuck had bought popcorn and two bottles of Pepsi Max and declared they would have a movie afternoon since Pamela had a date later that evening. Castiel shot an apologetic look at Dean who just smiled at him and patted the spot next to him discreetly, and Castiel was quick to take the hint and hurried to the couch. Chuck wrestled the beanbag chair back to the living room, Castiel had moved it while scrubbing the apartment few days ago, and Pamela got them all glasses and put the popcorn to a bowl.

"Today were watching Pretty Woman," she declared with a wicked grin and Castiel groaned miserably, letting his head fall on Dean's shoulder.

"You're a mean torturer from Hell," Castiel declared and glared at Pamela menacingly. She just shrugged at him and put the DVD to the player.

"Maybe next time you'll think twice before letting us think you're dead," Chuck said as the movie started, and Castiel took some comfort from Chuck's pained shriek when Pamela jumped to his arms. Castiel pressed himself closer to Dean and prepared himself for two hours of torture. Ten minutes into the movie Dean wrapped his arm around Castiel's shoulder and pulled him closer.

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><p><em><strong>AN :** Facts about this chapter :_  
><em>1) The idea for Cas' big night shirt came when I saw my sisters boyfriend when he had just woken up. He was wearing this Slipknot t- shirt that was so big it was cute. I've been waiting for a chance to add it into one of my stories.<em>  
><em>2) I was watching the Secret Diary of a Call Girl the other day and there was this episode where Belle showed a great disdain for Pretty Woman. I just thought that movie might actually be something a real prostitute wouldn't like.<em>  
><em>3) True friends always appear when you need them the least.<em>


	14. Chapter 13

**_A/N : _**_Sorry it took a little longer to update this time, I've been busy recently and barely had much time to even check my e-mails. That's why this chapter isn't as long as I planned it to be, I'm just not the type of a person to stay on one chapter for over a week so I thought it'd be better if I leave this as a little shorter than I planned and make it up in the next one. But I still hope you like this anyways._

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><p><strong>Where Do We Draw the Line<strong>

**Chapter 13**

By the time the movie ended Castiel had sprawled himself across the couch and into Dean's lap without any intentions of moving. He glared at Chuck and Pamela menacingly for forcing him to endure the highly unrealistic movie. The only thing that had helped him to keep his sanity was Dean's arm wrapped around him. Pamela regarded Castiel with a fond smile playing on her lips.

"Don't look so grumpy, you loved it," she said and laughed when Castiel frowned at her. Chuck's eyes darted between his friends and he looked highly uncomfortable under Pamela's weight, but Castiel had no sympathy for him at the moment.

"You know, next time you want to see me give me a call first. And you know I don't like that movie, so why do you have to purposefully annoy me?" Castiel questioned Pamela with a quiet voice, and her smile faltered briefly as she removed herself from Chuck's arms and went to retrieve the DVD.

"Sorry, I though you could take a joke but obviously I was wrong. My apologies, it won't happen again," she countered with a hurt tone. Dean fidgeted anxiously under Castiel and Chuck studied his hands closely, neither one of them didn't have any interest in taking part in the conversation.

Castiel knew Pamela had had the best intentions in her heart, but a big part of him just wanted to kick her out for ruining his perfect moment with Dean, but in the end he decided not to listen to that part and just forget the whole incident. Castiel huffed in mild frustration and got up from Dean's lap before he grabbed the throw pillow from the other end of the couch and aimed for Pamela's head. She let out a surprised yelp when the pillow hit her and turned to stare at Castiel with wide eyes. Castiel gave her a small smile as a way to let her know there was no bad blood between them, he regretted it soon when Pamela grabbed the pillow from her feet and threw it right at his face without any warning.

"Hey! You'll mess my hair," Castiel complained without really meaning it, and all three of his friends burst into laughter. Castiel settled to smiling at them and waited for his friends to calm down. He was glad Dean had been, apparently, accepted into the group without any problems, even though he was pretty sure it was only because Pamela and Chuck knew what Dean meant to him. When the laughter quieted down Castiel cleared his throat to get the attention of his friends, and they all turned to look at him.

"I met this publisher earlier this week and I offhandedly mentioned Chuck's books to him," Castiel started casually, but Pamela was quick to interrupt him.

"At work?" She asked with doubt in her voice, and Castiel nodded with embarrassment.

"How very unprofessional from you. And I don't want to know any details about the setting of that particular chat," Chuck declared and Castiel could feel his cheeks turn red, even though the conversation had taken place at a dinner table in a fancy restaurant.

"Well, it was the first thing that popped to my mind. And that's not the point. He'd like to read your work," Castiel told and was met with a disbelieving silence.

"You did tell him that Chucky here is the worst writer on this side of the Saturn?" Pamela asked with a teasing wink directed to Chuck. Castiel stole a glance at Dean who was observing the situation curiously.

"I might have said something along those lines, but he was insistent. I got his card somewhere if you're interested," Castiel said and received an enthusiastic nod in return. He got up and went to get the card from his wallet.

"I can give you details about him if you'd like," Castiel offered innocently as he returned and handed the card to Chuck, whose face fell at the offer. He shook his head violently.

"No thank you," Chuck yelped and Castiel grinned at him. Pamela giggled and slumped on the couch. Castiel was quick to place himself between her and Dean, Pamela raised a knowing eyebrow at him. Castiel shot her a warning glance before turning his attention to Dean.

"They're insane," Castiel admitted apologetically and shuffled a little closer to Dean.

"We'll just have to make sure to keep Jo away from them," Dean said with false seriousness. Not soon after that Pamela and Chuck started interrogating Dean. They questioned him about his job, family, tastes in music and movies, and about his intentions towards Castiel, who cut the conversation quickly at that by declaring it was getting late and Pamela had that date she needed to get ready to. She hugged Castiel and thanked him for reminding her about the date before ushering Chuck out of the apartment with her. Before they left they bullied Castiel into promising to keep in touch with them so that they wouldn't have to come knocking at his door to be sure he was still alive.

Castiel closed the door behind his friends, let out a relieved breath and hoped Dean wasn't too upset about the whole thing. After getting his act under control Castiel went to the kitchen where Dean was making them more coffee.

"Are you hungry? I could heat up some lasagna if you'd like," Castiel offered and rubbed his hands together nervously, he wasn't sure what Dean thought about the whole incident with his two best friends. Dean turned around and nodded with a small smile and Castiel relaxed.

"I'm really sorry about that. They usually call before they come over," Castiel apologized while he dug the lasagna from the fridge. When he turned around he saw Dean smiling at him in a way he couldn't quite name. Castiel stuck the food into the microwave oven when Dean answered him.

"I think it was nice meeting your friends," Dean said thoughtfully. Castiel turned to look at his friend and fought the need to pull him into a kiss when he saw the thoughtful pout on Dean's face. After few seconds Dean shook his head minutely and turned his gaze to Castiel and gave him a quick smile. They ate in a companionable silence, only interrupted by Dean asking Castiel three times if he had really cooked the lasagna himself, their legs brushing coyly under the table every once in a while but neither one of them acknowledging it in any way.

Castiel considered the possibility of asking Dean to stay for another night, but in the end he didn't say anything, it would have been selfish of him to keep Dean from his wife. He had just accepted the fact that Dean would be leaving for the night and he would be all alone again when Dean spoke.

"Maybe I should stay for another night. I mean, what if that crazy dude comes after you or something. Do you know for sure he was taken into custody? Or if he's been released? I'd need to go pick some stuff from home and tell Lisa about it, but I'm sure she'll understand," Dean babbled hurriedly. Castiel got the expression Dean was trying to come up with a reason to stay, and Castiel was more than willing to accept his offer. After all, Castiel hadn't even suggested that he wanted company for another night. Castiel hummed in agreement and gave his friend a grateful smile.

"But I'll want that cup of coffee before I go anywhere," Dean stated and let his foot linger on Castiel's ankle for a little longer than he should have, and Castiel smiled knowingly to himself. He had caught up with the game they were apparently playing and knew his attraction for Dean wasn't a one sided deal. It made Castiel's heart beat like a jackrabbit and his breath caught up in his throat every time he allowed himself to think that Dean did actually want him like he did Dean. But still, Castiel refused to be the one to push this any further than it had already gone. He wouldn't make anyone break their marriage vows by knowingly seducing them. He could react to what ever Dean did, but he wouldn't act first, and if that left him with nothing more than fantasies then so be it.

Dean got up from his seat, took the plates to the washing machine and got them both full cups of steaming coffee. Castiel thanked Dean and made his way to the living room Dean hot in his heels. After they sat down Dean started planning his trip home once again, and Castiel listened him quietly, nodding when ever it was appropriate and hoping that Dean would truly be able to stay for the night.

"I'll need to leave pretty soon so I'll get a chance to say hi to Lisa face to face, and I'll need to grab some stuff too. It shouldn't take too long, maybe an hour or so. I'll come back here as soon as I can," Dean mused before looking at Castiel, who was sitting cross legged by his side. Castiel nodded with fondness and wondered what it would be like if Dean wasn't married, maybe then they wouldn't have to worry about hurting anyone by doing as they wished. It seemed a little too good to ever be real. He sighed dreamily and got a curious glance from Dean in return. Castiel was quick to look away and tried to keep his face from turning red.

"I'll try to come up with something for us to do while you're gone," Castiel promised and turned to face Dean when he was sure his face wouldn't betray his thoughts. They drank their coffees in silence, and after that Dean had to say his goodbyes to Castiel for now. Castiel walked Dean all the way to the door and even opened it to him. He smiled when Dean promised for the ninth time he would come back and closed the door behind him. Now all that was left to do for him was to wait for Dean's return.

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><p>Dean felt uncannily giddy when he thought about spending another night with Castiel. <em>Oh God, I'm turning into a girl. <em>Dean pushed the thought violently away as he hurried to his Impala and drove home as quickly as he could without braking any speed limits, and for once he didn't mind the REO Speedwagon's Can't Fight This Feeling playing on the radio, it was rather fitting in an ironic way. Dean would have to come up with a believable explanation for staying at Castiel's for another night, but somehow he doubted it would be a problem. Dean pulled the car to the driveway after a while and hurried inside where he found Lisa from the bathroom putting on her make up. She smiled happily upon seeing Dean.

"Hey, I'm really sorry but I gotta leave in a moment, I don't think I'll be home for tonight," Dean apologized as he hugged Lisa briefly. She looked at Dean with a contemplative frown on her face before asking the reason Dean had to leave.

"A friend's in trouble. Some guy tried to beat him up yesterday and the cops are still looking for him. I just don't think it would be wise to leave him alone right now," Dean explained without blinking an eye. He was surprised how easy it was to lie to Lisa just so he could be with Castiel for one more night. Lisa looked at Dean with loving eyes and nodded.

"You're like a knight in shining armor, you know that? And I trust you to know what's for the best," Lisa said and Dean felt a strong bang of guilt, he knew Castiel didn't really need him for protection, and the only reason Dean was lying to his wife right now was that he would rather be with Castiel than with her. Dean didn't let his guilt show, instead he smiled at Lisa and thanked her for being so understanding. They talked while Lisa finished her make up and fixed her hair, even though Dean would rather just hurry back to Castiel. He thought that in order to convince Lisa there was no-one else for him than her, he should probably stay with her for a while and act like the loving husband he was. And Dean did really love Lisa, there was no doubt about it, it was just that Castiel had something in him that made Dean feel like he had never felt before.

"I'll be going now. Give my best wishes to your friend, okay?" Lisa asked and kissed Dean quickly after he nodded in agreement, and headed to the door. Dean walked her all the way to the Toyota and waited until he couldn't see her anymore after she drove off, before nearly running to grab his toothbrush and another set of clothes. Dean was just about to go back to the car when he stopped at his tracks and quickly turned around. He decided to take a quick shover and shave before going back to his friend, after all it wouldn't hurt to look a little better. It took Dean twenty extra minutes before he was ready to leave, but in the end he thought it would be worth it. He had also put on some new clothes and grabbed what he needed before running back to the Impala and driving off, barely following speed limits.

Thirteen minutes later Dean was ringing a doorbell and waiting for Castiel to open the door. He didn't have to wait for long until Castiel let him in with a bright smile on his face, and Dean had to suppress the sudden impulse to pull Castiel into a passionate kiss. They settled down in the living room while Castiel teased Dean for taking so long to get back. Dean told a partial truth, he needed to spend some time with his wife before coming back.

"I get it. Besides, it gave me time to clear my schedule for few days to heal my hand a bit more," Castiel said and played with the bandage on his hand. Dean let it go on for a minute before stopping Castiel by gently taking his hand. Castiel eyed him curiously and Dean got the impression he knew exactly what was going on in Dean's head, it was rather disturbing possibility. Dean wasn't sure if he wanted Castiel to know how he felt for the younger guy, but he doubted he had been very well at concealing his attraction. Dean sighed submissively and admitted the truth, he couldn't keep the truth hidden forever no matter how much he wanted. He noticed he was still holding Castiel's hand and that the messy haired man was studying him worriedly.

"Is something wrong?" Castiel asked quietly and shifted a little closer to Dean, who shook his head quickly and tried to pull his hand away, but unfortunately Castiel wouldn't let him do so.

"Nothing's wrong, really. I was just thinking," Dean assured and Castiel let go of him. Dean immediately missed the lost warmth but couldn't bring himself to ask Castiel to give it back.

"I got something for you, by the way," Castiel said suddenly with a secretive grin spreading to his face. Dean gave his friend a curious look when he got up and left the room only to return with a small box in his hands. Dean eyed the box suspiciously until he recognized it and his jaw nearly dropped through the floor. Castiel handed Dean a box of the Complete Studio Recordings of Led Zeppelin with a sheepish smile, and Dean took it from him like it was an ancient piece of parchment.

"Please tell me you didn't actually buy this for me," Dean gasped, turning the box in his hands slowly. Castiel nodded slowly and shrugged his shoulders with an apologetic smile.

"I had some free time on my hands back in Malibu," Castiel said like it was nothing. Dean had actually thought about buying the set himself, even though he did have most of the records in some form already.

"Thanks," he said and considered hugging Castiel, but decided against it in the end, he might end up doing something he'd regret later. Castiel smiled at Dean and changed the channel on the TV. Dean didn't really care what was on it, though, he was too busy studying his new CD collection and Castiel. He wasn't so sure if staying here with Castiel was such a good idea after all.

While it was true that this was where he wanted to be he had to think Lisa and his family. What would his parents say if they found out he had cheated on Lisa? Sam would probably just say 'I told you so' and give him the most righteous speech anyone would ever hear. But would it really matter? Sam was right, Dean was living a lie and it wasn't fair to anyone, especially to Lisa. Maybe he should finally admit that his marriage wasn't the idyllic one he had wanted, but was, in fact, nothing but a terrible lie from the very first moment. The small nudge on Dean's side suddenly snapped him out of his thoughts.

"What are you thinking?" Castiel asked, looking at Dean with fondness and curiosity. Dean shrugged and smiled quickly.

"Nothing special," he answered. There was no way he would tell Castiel the truth. Castiel looked at him with doubt but let it go, and Dean was grateful for that. They spent most of the early evening laughing at various TV programs they watched, and arguing whether or not Jason Voorhees could beat Freddy Krueger. They didn't reach a final conclusion, but agreed that the ending in the movie had been rather good. Castiel dragged Dean to the big window in the bedroom so that he could grab a smoke without having to actually go outside. Dean was appointed as the ashtray holder while Castiel hanged out of the window, doing his best to make sure no smoke got into the room. Castiel explained to Dean that he didn't like the smell of cigarette smoke in his apartment.

At nine p.m Castiel decided he wanted to watch Brokeback Mountain, and that Dean didn't have a say on it. Castiel put the movie on with a gleeful look on his face before curling next to Dean, who was more than happy to put his arms around his young friend. Twenty minutes into the movie Castiel was more or less in Dean's lap, but neither one of them gave any acknowledgment to it. Around the midway of the movie Dean was stroking Castiel's cheek gently and Castiel had wrapped his arms tightly around Dean. Fifteen minutes from that Dean pressed his face to Castiel's hair and took in his scent, forgetting the heavy weight of his wedding ring on his left hand and Lisa completely at that moment. Castiel pressed himself closer to Dean and let out a content sigh.

Twenty five minutes before the movie ended Castiel turned to face Dean to say something, but the words died on his lips when he realized how close he actually was to Dean. They stared at each other for what seemed like forever. Dean tried to remember why he should pull away from his Cas, but couldn't come up with an answer, maybe there was no reason why he should do so. Dean pressed his forehead gently to Castiel's and slid his hand from Castiel's cheek to the nape of his neck without giving it much thought, making Castiel shiver minutely.

Dean knew he should run as fast as he could and never look back but he was clued to the spot. He took one look of Castiel's darkened eyes and forgot that this wasn't supposed to happen. Dean barely registered the speed his heart was beating at or the shallow breaths he was taking. He really should pull back and go home to-, he wasn't sure what, but Dean knew this was something he wasn't supposed to do. Their noses were touching and Dean could feel Castiel's breath on his own lips as the younger man clutched a little tighter on Dean and brought their faces ever so slightly closer, like an invitation. An invitation Dean took before he could even think about stopping himself.

Dean's brain shut down as he closed remaining distance between them and crushed their lips together, finally finding out what Castiel really tasted like. He could taste the cigarettes Castiel had smoked and the faint trace of coffee, and something that could only be described as Castiel as he deepened the kiss and nibbled Castiel's lower lip with a hint of desperation. A part of him faintly worried that Castiel might pull away, but he just tangled his fingers in Dean's hair as he returned the kiss and he kept Dean from pulling away from him. Not that Dean would've wanted to separate himself from Castiel, he was more than happy to keep their lips firmly sealed together until they would both pass out from the lack of oxygen. His whole body was on fire and he couldn't even feel anything but Castiel and the heat he emitted with even the slightest of touches and the intoxicating way he moaned that went straight to Dean's groin, and Dean couldn't remember if it had ever been like this with Lisa.

The sudden remembrance of his wife made Dean pull away from Castiel and left him gasping for air with cold terror quickly overtaking him. Dean couldn't look at Castiel in the fear of forgetting Lisa again, no matter that the damage had already been done. He didn't know what to do, and the knowledge of what he had done to Lisa hurt more than he could have ever imagined. Dean was shaking and he had to bite his lips to keep the lump in his throat in check, though he wasn't sure if he was about to cry or laugh. Castiel placed his hand on Dean's shoulder tentatively and Dean let him, relaxing into Castiel's touch and letting out a shaky breath. Dean didn't know how much time had passed, but Castiel's hand on his shoulder offering silent support was a comforting presence and that was all that mattered.

"It's okay," Castiel whispered tenderly to Dean's hair and squeezed his shoulder a little harder. Dean did his best to stop himself from breaking down, but he was tired of fighting against every emotion he had, and he squeezed his eyes shut as he buried his face on his hands and drew in a deep breath. Everything Dean had ever built for himself was shattered into millions of small pieces and he had no idea how to put it all back together, and at that moment the only absolute in his life was the feeling of Castiel's solid presence next to him.

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><p><strong><em>AN : _**_Facts about this chapter :_

_1) My ex had the Complete Studio Recordings of Led Zeppelin, and I just thought Dean might want it too._

_2) Castiel and Dean were talking about Freddy vs. Jason. I liked the ending, it was left open to speculation._

_3) I once forced three of my friends to watch Brokeback Mountain without asking their opinions. I don't know if they liked it or not, they knew better than to disagree with me when it came to that particular movie._


	15. Chapter 14

**_A/N :_**_ This was easy to finish, once I had a chance to actually sit down and write. Hope you like it! _

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><p><strong>Where Do We Draw the Line<strong>

**Chapter 14**

Castiel didn't know what else to do than to rub Dean's shoulder gently as he sorted his emotions out. He never wanted to see Dean broken like this, and he had to fight back the flood of emotions threatening to overwhelm him. This was not the time for Castiel to start sorting his own feelings out, Dean needed him to be strong right now. Castiel gave Dean all the time he needed to get his act together again, he was in no rush. The theme of the movie they had been watching was playing on the background, but Castiel didn't have the heart or the interest to shut the television off at that moment, he didn't want to disturb Dean's thoughts by moving. It took Dean a few minutes to calm down and raise his head from his hands.

"I'm fine," Dean said unconvincingly and turned so that he could face Castiel a little better. Castiel studied him with concern, letting his hand fall from Dean's shoulder. He didn't exactly believe Dean, but he seemed a little better and that would have to do for now. Castiel wasn't sure what he was allowed to do at this situation, so he just sat by Dean and studied his hands carefully, waiting for something to happen. A terrifying thought entered Castiel's mind and he wasn't sure he wanted to know if it was true, but he had to ask anyways.

"You want to go home?" Castiel kept his voice soft even though he was secretly terrified that Dean wouldn't want to stay with him. Dean shifted so that he was fully facing Castiel, and regarded him with a serious glare.

"No," Dean answered and shook his head. He looked tired. "No I don't think I do," he added more to himself than to Castiel and turned his gaze down. Castiel brushed Dean's cheek gently with the back of his hand and Dean's eyes snapped back to him. Castiel gave him a stern look and decided to address the obvious problem Dean was having at the moment.

"You know this isn't your fault, right? You didn't choose feel what you feel, and you couldn't have stopped it. Just don't blame yourself, okay?" Castiel said solemnly and stared at Dean in a way he knew was piercing. Dean nodded after a while, but then shook his head, and Castiel knew he was confused.

"I know you're right. It's just that-. I-," Dean stuttered, looking around the room and trying to find the right words.

"Lisa," Castiel helped him, and Dean nodded in resignation. To Castiel it seemed like Dean would give anything to erase that particular aspect of his life for a moment to make things easier, and that was something Castiel could relate to. He had spent the last six years doing his best to erase his own family from his life. Dean turned his eyes to Castiel and gave him a sad, weary smile.

"Sorry. I just don't know what I'm supposed to do now," Dean admitted quietly. Castiel understood him, but he didn't know what to say to ease Dean's distress, and it hurt, so he did the only thing he could come up with and stroked Dean's hair with all the love and affection he could find in himself.

"I want to stay with you," Dean decided finally and tugged Castiel to his arms with a barely visible smile that didn't quite reach his eyes. Castiel was more than happy to comply and curled tightly to Dean's side, wrapping his arms around Dean and letting out a relieved breath. Dean ran his hand through Castiel's hair and pressed his jaw to his temple, and Castiel closed his eyes when he could feel a smile playing on Dean's lips. He couldn't remember when he had been this comfortable and he didn't want it to end.

"Maybe we should turn that off," Dean suggested quietly, pointing the television and Castiel nodded, but gave no indication of doing anything to shut the DVD-player off. Dean laughed a little and reached for the remote with a great deal of difficulty since Castiel refused to move. Dean switched the DVD menu to some movie playing on TV, and leaned back to the couch rearranging their positions slightly to get more comfortable. Castiel let Dean do so, and wondered how much he had missed this. Not that he had had lots of moments like this with David when he was still living with his parents, but there had been few of them. This was still somehow different, maybe it was because both of them were adults and not teenagers, but what ever the reason was Castiel didn't really care as long as this wouldn't end just yet. After a while Dean cleared his throat and turned his eyes to Castiel.

"I don't know where this'll go, but I know I want you. But I'm still married and I'm not ready to leave Lisa. I used to think there would never be anyone I'd want more than her and I'm still a little confused with this all, so maybe we should just take things as they come for now," Dean said pensively. Castiel nodded solemnly, he understood Dean's reasoning.

"I wouldn't ask you to leave your wife for me, it's not my place to tell you what to do with your marriage. And I want you to know I'm here for you whenever you need me," Castiel assured and got a small smile in return. Dean studied Castiel for a few second's before pulling him into an affectionate kiss, and Castiel was more than happy to let himself melt against Dean, groaning in frustration when Dean pulled away. Dean laughed warmly at Castiel and squeezed him tighter against himself for a brief moment.

"Okay, I think that's enough of the sharing and caring kinda stuff for a while," Dean declared and focused his attention to the TV screen. Castiel looked at him amusedly as he shifted a little to get more comfortable.

They stayed quiet for a long time, watching the television and just holding each other. Castiel was rather surprised by the domesticity of the situation, but he didn't voice any complains, he knew Dean wasn't really the type to do this kind of fluffy domestic stuff and pointing that out to him might not be the best idea. Castiel pressed a soft kiss to Dean's jaw simply because he could, and Dean turned to smile at him and pressed his lips to Castiel's forehead.

"I could make us some hot chocolate if you want," Castiel offered because he suddenly needed to say something and 'I think I love you' didn't seem like the right thing to say at the moment. After a brief consideration Dean agreed and Castiel had to get up. He managed to take few steps to the kitchen before Dean caught up with him and wrapped his arm around his shoulders. Castiel couldn't help but grin widely when Dean matched his steps with his.

Castiel made sure Dean was comfortably seated before turning to the counter and fixing them two cups of hot chocolate with whipped cream and cinnamon. He placed one cup in front of Dean before pulling his chair closer to Dean's and sitting down himself.

"I hope you like it," Castiel smiled and got an nonchalantly raised eyebrow in return. Dean took a careful sip from his cup and took his time to consider the taste.

"I like it," he assured after a while and Castiel's smile widened. He would be willing to keep Dean here for as long as he was allowed, and the only reason Castiel wasn't going to tie Dean down was because he didn't want to be charged with kidnapping by Dean's family and friends.

Castiel was glad he had taken the next two days off to heal his hand a bit, now he didn't have to leave to work in the morning. And how would Castiel even work now that he had Dean? Castiel wasn't about to leave his job for Dean at this point of their-, what, relationship? He liked his job and Dean was married, and that was enough of a reason not to expect any permanency to this thing between them, at least not for now. Castiel knew his profession would most likely become an issue at some point, but right now he wasn't going to bring it up, he would let Dean sort his thoughts first.

"Maybe we should go to bed," Castiel said after a long moment of comfortable silence. Dean looked at him with wide, confused eyes and took a long drink from his cup to busy himself.

"You know, sleep? I don't know about you but I could use some rest," Castiel continued and got a smile and a nod from Dean.

"That's not a bad idea," he agreed. After that they grabbed a quick snack, shut the TV, hunted down their phones and brushed their teeth before turning off all the lights and going to the bedroom. They did all of this with light chatting, Castiel caught the slight unease Dean was barely showing quickly and he did what he could to put the other man to ease. Castiel wasn't surprised that Dean wasn't entirely comfortable with going to bed with him, some of his clients behaved in a similar manner on their first appointments, especially if they were married, and Castiel decided quickly it would be best to let Dean set the pace to the development of their relationship.

When they finally got out of their clothes and crawled under the covers Dean pulled Castiel to his arms and into an innocent kiss. Castiel responded in a similar manner, placing one of his hands to Dean's chest and ran the other through Dean's hair. It was thrilling and Castiel could have kept it up forever, he hadn't experienced anything like this in ages. Sure he had kissed almost every single one of his client's, but it was always acting and never real like this, never with any real emotion. Castiel couldn't keep the annoyed frown from his face when Dean pulled away, and Dean huffed a fond laugh.

"You're impossible, you know," Dean laughed and stroked Castiel's cheek. Castiel pouted at Dean, knowing he was acting childish but he just couldn't care about it at the moment. Dean grinned at him and Castiel tried not to smile since he was supposed to be upset.

"It's your fault," he countered, trying to sound hurt but failing miserably when the smile finally broke to his face. Dean laughed warmly as he pressed Castiel to his chest and shook his head lightheartedly. Castiel was happy to lay his head onto Dean's chest and made sure he could hear Dean's steady heartbeat. He sighed contently and closed his eyes, but didn't expect to fall asleep any time soon. Dean petted Castiel's hair absent-mindedly for a while, lulling Castiel into calmness he had no idea was possible.

"Cas? I could buy you lunch on Monday if you don't have anything else to do then," Dean suggested offhandedly. It took a moment for Castiel to register the words and gather the energy to nod. Dean shifted under him and huffed amusedly.

"Don't let me keep you awake," he said and fell silent. Castiel fell asleep soon after that. His last conscious thought was that there had to be God after all, why else would Dean have entered his life and given him something he hadn't even realized he had missed so much?

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><p>When Dean woke up in the morning he had a little trouble remembering what was going on at first, but then it all hit him and a lazy smile spread to his face. Dean marveled at the feel of Castiel's weight sprawled on top of him as he cracked his eyes open and stretched his arms before wrapping them around Castiel. Dean pointedly ignored the small voice in his head that was screaming for blood since he had the guts to cheat on Lisa. It wasn't like he didn't know that what he was doing was wrong in so many levels he couldn't even count them, Dean just couldn't ignore the louder voice telling him he was allowed to have what he wanted, and he wanted Castiel more than anything.<p>

Dean gently traced Castiel's jawline with his thumb and decided that he would take things as they came. He wasn't going to leave Lisa right at that moment though, not when he had worked so much in building a life with her. Besides, what if this thing he had with Castiel wouldn't work out? Then he would be left with nothing for no reason. Dean's thought process was cut off when Castiel stirred and lifted his head slightly, turning to face Dean.

"Morning," Castiel mumbled and gave Dean a sleepy smile.

"Hi," Dean answered and placed a soft kiss to Castiel's forehead just because he could. Castiel's smile widened ever so slightly and he buried his face to the crook of Dean's neck. Dean wrapped his arms around Castiel and pressed his face to Castiel's hair, taking in the scent of the young man. In a way it was weird how good it felt to have Castiel in his arms, Dean was used to the soft curves and an ever present faint scent of perfume Lisa always had around her, while Castiel was all lean muscles and lacked the scent of perfume hanging around him. Dean liked it.

"You remember what we agreed last night?" Dean asked after a long moment of comfortable silence. Castiel had been half asleep when Dean had asked if they could grab a lunch tomorrow. Dean could feel Castiel frowning against his neck, trying to remember the rather one sided conversation.

"You asked me out?" He finally answered questioningly and Dean nodded, careful not to disturb Castiel in any ways since he was still in the slow process of waking up.

"Lunch on Monday," he reminded. Castiel hummed his agreement against Dean's neck, sending a pleasant chill down Dean's spine. Castiel wrapped his arms tighter around Dean and pressed a lazy kiss right below Dean's ear.

"I'll have a salad and coffee," Castiel said softly and raised his head, smiling at Dean as he pressed their foreheads together for a brief moment, before sitting up and stretching his arms. Dean returned the smile and sat up right after Castiel who was running his hand through his hair, making it even messier than it already was. Dean smiled, tangled his fingers in Castiel's hair and pulled gently, and Castiel let his head fall to Dean's shoulder, closing his eyes as he let out a deep sigh.

Dean took one look at Castiel's exposed throat and his mouth started to water at the sight. He pressed his mouth hungrily against the pale flesh in front of him, drawing a pleased moan out from Castiel that only encouraged Dean only further. He wrapped his free arm tightly around Castiel and pulled him closer while sucking and nibbling at his throat, knowing there would be a mark later. Castiel's breath hitched and he grabbed Dean's hair, pulling him onto a brief but passionate kiss before pushing him back down on the bed.

Dean gasped in surprise when Castiel straddled him, his lips attacking Dean's mouth while his hands sneaked under Dean's shirt. Dean lost all touch with reality, his existence coming down to Castiel's mouth on his own while his tongue traced the insides of Dean's mouth and his hands mapping Dean's skin, taking notes of the different reactions he drew form Dean. If Dean had any sanity left in him he lost it when Castiel ground their hips together. Dean had to break the kiss before he'd pass out from the lack of oxygen, and he pulled Castiel even closer to himself and bit his lip to prevent a moan from escaping his lips. Castiel didn't seem to care about the human need to breathe as he attacked Dean's throat with his mouth and continued to slowly rub their bodies together, and the friction to Dean's already painfully hard erection was pure ecstasy. Dean was just about to tell Castiel to move a bit so that they could get rid of their clothing when the unthinkable happened and his phone rang, and the ringtone was the one he had for Lisa.

"Son of a bitch," Dean cursed from the bottom of his erratically beating heart and considered about ignoring the call when Castiel stopped his skillful ministrations and grabbed the phone. He took one look at the screen before handing the phone to Dean with a solemn eyes.

"It's your wife. Trust me, it's better if you answer it now," Castiel said and sat up as Dean took the phone and steadied his breath before answering the call.

"Hi, Lisa. What is it?" Dean answered with a voice he hoped didn't betray anything. Lisa didn't seem to notice anything when she launched into one of her rants about a hungover friend sleeping on the couch, empty fridge and a sleepless night. Dean ground his teeth together tightly and for the first time in his life he hated Lisa just a little bit. He had been mad at her before, sure, but he had never felt any hatred towards her before. Castiel noticed Dean's discomfort and petted his cheek gently, before getting off of Dean.

"I'll make us some breakfast," he whispered and grabbed his clothes from the floor where he had thrown them last evening before getting out of the room and giving Dean some privacy, not that Dean actually needed it. He listened to Lisa's voice without paying any attention to what she was actually saying, his mind was still reeling from what he and Castiel had been at not only a minute ago.

"Dean? Are you there?" Lisa inquired forcefully and Dean snapped back to attention. He had no idea what Lisa had said and he had to come up with a good reason as to why he hadn't been listening her.

"Yeah, I'm here. You just woke me up and I'm still half asleep. Sorry," Dean explained with the most apologetic tone he could come up with. Lisa was silent for a moment before answering.

"You were sleeping at 11:30 a.m? You never sleep that late," she questioned incredulously. Dean winched and sat up, rubbing his eyes with his free hand and took a look around himself.

"Yeah, well, I stayed up really late. Look, can we talk when I get home? I'd like to be fully awake when I talk to my lovely wife," Dean said and got himself off the loop, Lisa laughed just like when she felt flattered.

"Well, okay, I'll talk to you later then," she agreed and they ended the call there with warm goodbyes. Dean sighed, still annoyed and shook his head. He didn't want to talk to Lisa and he didn't want to see her, he just wanted to stay right where he was, with Castiel. Dean slowly got up, put on his clothes and went to the kitchen after making a quick trip to the bathroom.

Castiel was pouring coffee to his cup when Dean entered the kitchen. He didn't turn around even when Dean stepped behind him and placed his hands on Castiel's hips. Castiel seemed tense and Dean couldn't really blame him.

"I'm really sorry about that," Dean apologized sincerely, and Castiel turned enough to look at Dean.

"One thing I've learned is that somehow wives seem to have some sort of a sixth sense when it comes to their husbands. It's not your fault," Castiel said and gave Dean a reassuring smile. Dean wasn't convinced and frowned disapprovingly at the young man in front of him. Castiel studied him for a moment before lowering his eyes and shaking his head, laughing ruefully.

"I've never-. You could say that this is a new experience to me," Castiel said with the small, rueful smile still on his face and tilted his head thoughtfully. Dean got curious, though, Castiel had been about to say something else but had chanced his mind in the last moment. Dean eyed Castiel as he got himself his own cup of coffee, he wanted to know what he was keeping from Dean. He didn't get a chance to ask, though, when Castiel spoke again with downcast eyes.

"The last time I was in any kind of a real relationship was when I was sixteen, so I don't know how this is supposed to work, exactly. Sure, I can pretend to be the ultimate boyfriend for one day but it's not really me. For once I just don't know what I'm supposed to be," Castiel admitted, avoiding Dean's eyes seemingly at any cost. That was why Dean lifted Castiel's chin gently and stared at him until he was sure he had Castiel's full attention.

"I want you to be you, even if you seem to have an annoying way of getting me drawn into all kinds of chick-flick moments. Seriously, Sam would treat you as Obi-Wan Kenobi if you'd tell him how you do it," Dean said, trying to lighten the mood a little. The amount of gratitude in Castiel's eyes would probably have melted even the Devil's non-existent heart, and Dean knew he had said the right thing. He wasn't sure if he understood what Castiel meant, but at least he had told the truth. They sat down and finished their coffees in a pleasant silence. They also grabbed a quick breakfast before moving to the living room.

Castiel made sure Dean was comfortably seated before disappearing somewhere for a while before reappearing with a stack of file folders which he dropped to the living room table with a heavy thump. Dean eyed the pile in front of him and Castiel with confusion.

"Work. I need to check few things," Castiel explained with an easy shrug of shoulders, and Dean's eyes widened a bit. He hadn't expected Castiel to have any need for clearly extensive bookkeeping. Castiel eyed Dean for a moment before sighting in resignation and sitting down and helpfully organizing everything on the table.

"The white folder is for basic bookkeeping. I have an accountant who takes care of my taxes and stuff like that, I just make her job easier with this. I have a double-entry system, I put down all my incomes and outlays and do the math at the end of every month. I could go on for hours about this, but I don't think you'd be interested in that," Castiel explained, pointing out the larger one of the file folders. Dean nodded to let Castiel know he was following.

"The red folder is for keeping a tab on my work supplies and stuff like that," Castiel was quick to dismiss the second folder, moving on to the large black book that he lifted from the table. Dean wasn't sure if he even wanted to know what supplies for work meant to Castiel.

"This is my datebook. It has all my appointments listed with the locations, hours, possible additional notes and payments. And then there are all on my own personal goings added in too so I won't accidentally promise to be in two places at once," Castiel finished going through the items and turned to look at Dean.

"Any questions?" He asked with a mask of calmness, probably knowing the answer already since he grinned cheerfully when Dean shook his head quickly. Castiel went through the files in silence, writing short sentences down every once in a while. Dean let him do so, he wasn't about to start dictating Castiel's working hours just because they were, apparently, in a relationship. After a while Castiel took the file folders and the black book back where he got them, and when he returned he asked if Dean would like to join him as he went to grab a smoke. Dean agreed gladly and got up hurriedly. Castiel took Dean's hand like it was the most normal thing in the world, and guided him to the bedroom where they talked about nothing in particular and smiled at each other in a way that could only be described as loving.

Dean never wanted this to end.

* * *

><p><strong><em>AN : _**_Facts about this chapter :_

_1) I put Lisa's call where it is because a few years ago I dated a guy whose ex always called him when we met, even if we were just grabbing a coffee downtown. I swear she was spying on us and purposefully making our lives more difficult._

_2) I had originally written the part where Castiel explains his filing system to Dean to chapter 9, but it didn't seem to fit in there. Since I had to do some actual research for that I added it here._


	16. Chapter 15

**_A/N :_**_ I've been taking a small vacation from writing just to preserve my sanity and general interest in writing, so I'll apologize right now for taking a bit longer than usual to get this finished. Right now I have a lot of things to do before Christmas, so the next update might take a bit longer too, but no worries, I'll finish this even if I'll have to write this from my grave._

* * *

><p><strong>Where Do We Draw the Line<strong>

**Chapter 15**

Castiel hadn't been sure if it was a good idea to sort his books in front of Dean, but he had wanted to take care of it when he still remembered he actually needed to do it. Dean hadn't seemed too upset about it though, and that was something Castiel appreciated more than he thought ever he would, he had never even truly considered how much it really meant to have people who accepted him as he was around. Castiel knew that anything related to his work would be a sensitive subject between him and Dean, but if they could act like adults then maybe they could work everything out without too much trouble.

Another sensitive subject between them was Dean's wife. Castiel doubted they would ever talk about her more than was absolutely necessary, they would most likely do their best to ignore her existence when ever they could and that was perfectly fine by Castiel. He didn't hate Lisa or even dislike her even if she was a huge obstacle between him and Dean, the only problem Castiel had with her was that she had gotten to Dean before he had.

Dean shifted under Castiel and snapped the young man out of his musings. They were currently sprawled on the couch, Castiel half lying on top of Dean and Dean absentmindedly stroking his hair while they watched the television with an amazing amount of laziness in the air. Castiel stole a quick glance at Dean before returning his attention to the TV screen, where a re-run of Dr. Sexy M.D was currently on. Castiel snickered quietly when he noticed Dean's intense concentration on the show, Dean hadn't struck him as the type to like cheesy soap operas. To Castiel's luck Dean didn't seem to notice his amusement, but unfortunately it didn't take long for Castiel to get to his usual Sunday mood as Chuck liked to call it, he got bored out of his mind but didn't have it in him to do anything about it.

"I hate Sundays," Castiel declared after a while and earned an amused, yet slightly disbelieving chuckle from Dean.

"How come?" Dean asked and turned his attention from the television screen to the relaxed body on top of him. Castiel took a deep breath as he turned to face Dean.

"There's never anything to do on Sundays and I don't like to be bored," he explained with a slight tilt of his head and a barely visible frown. Dean regarded Castiel with a contemplative frown of his own as he tried to come up with a solution.

"We could do something else," Dean suggested after a long moment. Castiel eyed him intriguingly and nodded slowly, before sitting up and letting his eyes wander around his apartment while he absentmindedly bit the insides of his cheeks.

"You could tell me more about your family," Castiel suggested lightly without looking at Dean. He heard Dean exhale slowly but didn't turn to face him, he knew his request probably was not the most usual one to make.

"What it is with you and families?" Dean asked with a strong hint of cynicism in his voice even though he dragged his knuckles across Castiel's cheek tenderly. The contrast in his voice and actions was enough to pull Castiel back to Earth and turn to face Dean. He considered his answer for a moment, not sure what he was willing to tell Dean. It wasn't that he didn't trust Dean, it was just that he wasn't too keen on the idea of thinking about his own family, not to mention he hadn't talked about it for years and he would like to keep it that way for as long as possible.

"Mine wasn't exactly perfect," Castiel finally said with a nonchalant shrug. Dean shot him a glare that was somewhere between amusement and disbelieve while Castiel stared at Dean with a prefect pokerface, not wanting to betray any of his conflicted emotions considering his family.

"Whose is?" Dean wondered out loud, but after Castiel gave him what Pamela had christened as his infamous wounded puppy eyes Dean rolled his eyes defeatedly and gave Castiel what he wanted.

Dean told Castiel about his mother, who was without a doubt the best paramedic in Lawrence, and his father and Bobby, who had taken over Mike Guenther's part of the garage business after the man had retired. Dean's eyes lit when he explained Castiel all about the garage his father and Bobby owned, and the days he had spent learning everything he could about cars.

Castiel listened to Dean's explanations with a soft smile and gladly let Dean have his full attention. It was nice, listening to Dean's reminiscences, but for a while Castiel regretted he had no stories from his childhood he wanted to share with anyone, he doubted anyone would like to hear about his rather questionable family dynamics. Dean entwined their fingers lazily, seemingly not even realizing what he was doing, and Castiel gave Dean's hand a gentle squeeze as Dean recounted an incident with Sam and some blond girl while they were kids. Dean laughed warmly when he told Castiel how Sam had called him asked his advice on how to hit on the girl.

After a while Dean took a look at the clock on the screen of his cellphone and his bright expression disappeared within a second, replaced with barely concealed darkness Castiel hadn't expected to ever see on Dean and, in a way, it was unnerving to see the expression on Dean's face.

"I should probably be going," Dean sighed finally and gave Castiel an apologetic smile. Castiel felt a strong bang of misery at the thought of Dean leaving him, but he understood why it was necessary. If they were to pursue anything else than friendship it was crucial that Dean would spend time with his wife like he usually would so that she wouldn't get suspicious. If Lisa would start to doubt Dean's love for her they both would be in more trouble than neither one of them had ever been. Castiel had once dealt with a husband who had found out his wife had cheated on him with Castiel, and he had no desire to repeat that situation ever again.

"Okay. Does the lunch invitation still stand?" Castiel asked with a seemingly easy smile. He didn't want to upset Dean by sulking, not to mention he really didn't even have any real right to do so, Dean wasn't bound to him like he was to his wife.

"Of course. My break is around twelve, I can give you a call when I know a bit more accurate time," Dean offered and relaxed slightly. Castiel agreed and got up, expecting Dean to follow him as he sauntered to the kitchen to get a glass of water. Against Castiel's expectations Dean stayed on the couch and seemed to be lost in his thoughts when Castiel returned. He crouched next to Dean and waited patiently for him to acknowledge Castiel's presence, and after a few long seconds Dean turned his eyes to Castiel and sighed.

"I don't want to go," he admitted, and Castiel had to fight the need to tell Dean he could stay as long as he wanted. In fact, he could just move in and forget his wife for good. But Castiel knew that it wasn't the right thing for him to do, and if Dean wasn't leaving Lisa at the moment it was his choice and Castiel wouldn't ask Dean to file a divorce because of him.

"I'd like you to stay but you need to go back to your wife," Castiel answered calmly after few long seconds, even if telling Dean to leave hurt more than he liked to admit. Dean got up slowly and Castiel stood up after him, following Dean quietly as he gathered his belongings. After Dean had found everything that was his the two of them stopped and stood silently in the middle of the living room, avoiding each others eyes the best they could, the silence in the room was more than uncomfortable and it made the air suffocating. It took a couple of seconds for their gazes to accidentally meet, and they stared at each other miserably while they were forced to admit that Dean really had to leave. Dean took the final few steps separating him from Castiel and pulled him into a tender kiss. Castiel wrapped his arms around Dean, holding him like he'd never willingly let go and returned the kiss with passion.

"I think I'll be going then," Dean admitted sadly as he broke the kiss and pressed his forehead to Castiel's. Castiel nodded and let his arms drop from Dean's shoulders reluctantly before taking a step back, accepting the fact that he would have to be without Dean for the rest of the day.

"Yeah, but we'll see again tomorrow," Castiel promised and walked Dean to the front door. Dean gave him a quick, mirthless smile as he grabbed his jacket and put it on, and Castiel could admit that his promise wasn't the best possible comfort to offer at the moment.

"I'll call you later if I can, Lisa might be a bit mad at me for staying here for so long. Not that she really has any right to be, I've spent over six months hanging around with her friends, I'm entitled to have a few hours to myself," Dean said with a slightly accusing edge in his voice. Castiel just nodded since he didn't believe he would be a very good consult on marital issues, so this would be something Dean would have to solve himself. Dean pulled Castiel into a brief, fairly innocent kiss before he left with a wave of his hand and a lingering look. Parting truly was a sweet sorrow.

Castiel closed the door behind Dean and a nearly overwhelming feeling of loneliness filled him immediately. It was like someone had ripped a part of him off and hadn't bothered to fill that void with anything. It was disturbing how Dean's absence affected Castiel now that they had developed this knew aspect to their relationship. Castiel moaned in annoyance when the reality hit him in the gut and went for his cigarettes.

This would not end well.

* * *

><p>The drive home was one of the most difficult things Dean had ever faced. He had to stop himself from turning the car around and speeding back to Castiel several times, but Dean knew he had to go back to Lisa unless he wanted to end their marriage right there. Dean's hands tightened around the steering wheel turning his knuckles white when he found out that part of him wanted to leave Lisa to be with Castiel, but Dean just couldn't bring himself to do it. He had put too much of himself in building a life with Lisa to just abandon it on a moment's thought. He'd need to think this through and consider all possible opinions available to him.<p>

Dean fixed what he hoped was a bright smile on his face before entering his home, briefly regretting that he had left the CD box Castiel had given him to the car, but he really didn't want to have to explain it to Lisa at the moment. Dean sneaked to the shower after calling Lisa to let her know he was back home. Avoidance seemed like the best course of action at the moment, Dean couldn't face Lisa just yet, Castiel was still too freshly in his mind and that wouldn't bode well for his necessary time with his wife if their marriage was to survive.

The truth was, Dean had no idea how he was supposed to look at Lisa from now on. He loved her, that he knew for sure, but what he felt for Castiel was stronger than what Dean had ever had with Lisa, and in all honesty it scared Dean more than he would like to admit. Should he tell her the truth or keep quiet and pretend everything was just like it used to be? Dean had no idea, but eventually he decided to keep his mouth shut until he figured everything out, there was no need to upset Lisa over nothing. Maybe this thing with Castiel wouldn't even last for very long and then Dean would have ruined his marriage for nothing by telling Lisa he had had an affair, and with another man none the less.

Dean would have been lying if he had said he had figured everything out by the time he went to find Lisa who was heating herself some of the pasta she had apparently made yesterday while Dean had been out. Dean cleared his throat to get Lisa's attention as he casually leaned to the door frame. Lisa turned around with a slightly surprised expression, and gave Dean a bright smile when she noticed him before placing the plate in her hands to the counter and hurrying to him. Lisa was quick to put her arms around Dean and placed her lips on his. Dean let her do so, even though he would have preferred Castiel in Lisa's place. Lisa must have sensed Dean's discomfort, since she pulled away from Dean with a contemplative frown.

"Is something wrong?" She asked worriedly and touched Dean's face tentatively. Dean sucker punched himself mentally and leaned into Lisa's touch.

"Nothing. I was just thinking," Dean lied hastily, he had no intention to tell Lisa the truth at the moment. Lisa studied Dean with piercing eyes and Dean felt the familiar uncomfortability he always felt when Lisa directed that particular stare at him. After few seconds Lisa's eyes and expression softened and Dean let himself relax slightly, not trusting himself to let his guard completely down.

"You're worried about your friend," Lisa guessed and offered Dean understanding smile. Dean saw no reason to deny it, even though he wasn't worried about Castiel, just missed him really badly.

"Yeah, he's in a pretty bad shape. Pity I couldn't do more to help him," Dean sighed and passed Lisa while he went to get some water. It was a good excuse for his current behavior, and since Lisa had brought it up in the first place she would logically buy it.

"You know, I don't think you've told me your friend's name. Maybe I know him," Lisa said suddenly, and Dean nearly chocked on his water. He hadn't expected Lisa to start questioning him about Castiel, but on a hindsight he probably should've seen this coming. Dean needed to be really careful on what he'd let Lisa know, he needed to come up with something that would be enough to satisfy her curiosity, but not enough to make her want a fully detailed description, and not anything that Lisa could ever use to hunt Castiel down. Dean didn't turn around when he answered.

"What, Cas? I don't think you know him. At least he didn't seem to know who you are when I told him about you," Dean said, his tone harder than he would've liked. He didn't need to see Lisa to know she had crossed her arms and stood in a firm, insulted pose. Dean schooled an apologetic expression to his face before turning to face Lisa.

"I'm sorry, it's just that he's a friend who got hurt. And you know me, I get protective easily," he apologized and was grateful when Lisa seemed to relax a bit, even though she still stared at him speculatively.

"You've been acting strangely for the past few weeks now. Is there something I should know?" Lisa questioned with bare concealed accusation in her voice. Dean winched minutely at her cold tone and tried to come up with an explanation without actually telling the truth.

"Yeah well, I'm in a middle of making a really big contract at work, and Jo's been asking me to go over her place. Then there's Sam's new girlfriend who needs to get the big brother talk. I guess I'm just tired. Sorry," Dean explained. He got a bit annoyed at Lisa for questioning him about things that he didn't think were any of her business. If Dean wanted Lisa to know something then, obviously, he'd tell her about it, he always had and would do his best to do so in the future too.

"Well it's getting a little frustrating. Work it out somehow and stop taking it out on me," Lisa requested harshly and took her now chilled pasta before getting out of the room, leaving Dean alone with his thoughts. Dean didn't have the energy to go after her and apologize even though he knew they should sit down and talk about this situation like rational human beings. Before he met Castiel they rarely ended up in situations like this, they had always tried to work everything out straight away without raising their voices. It had been Lisa's idea to do so, and Dean had agreed simply because it sounded like a good idea at the moment.

Dean let out a weary sigh and resolved the current problem by getting his paper work and settling down in the office he and Lisa both used. Dean stared at the numbers and words on the paper in his hands but couldn't wrap his mind around them. Everything in his life had suddenly been turned upside down. A small part of Dean wanted to go and work everything out with Lisa, while a bigger part of him was actually happy that she was mad at him so that he had a good excuse not to talk to her. There used to be a time when Dean couldn't stand not being able to talk to Lisa, but that didn't seem to be an issue anymore.

Dean sifted in the chair and became acutely aware of the heavy weight of his phone in his jeans pocket. The need to call Castiel was almost overwhelming, but Dean didn't want to seem clingy or desperate, so he resisted the urge the best he could. He would call Castiel later in the evening and casually inquire his well being. Dean smiled to the empty room, somewhat proud of his plan, when his phone rang and made him jump in surprise. Dean pulled the offending piece of technology from his pocket and eyed the screen, not sure if he'd want to answer. When he saw Sam's name on the screen he knew he had no choice but to answer, and he tried to sound as cheery as he could.

"Dude, I think this thing with Jess just got serious," Sam told Dean with mildly terrified excitement. Dean raised an unimpressed eyebrow to no-one even though a small smile was trying to worm its way to his face.

"Oh really?" He countered disbelievingly, knowing very well Sam wouldn't get offended by his tone. Dean could almost see Sam nodding in the other end of the line.

"Yeah. We might move in together when the next semester starts, get a bigger apartment and stuff like that. You know," Sam explained. Dean was happy for his brother, but the good luck he seemed to be having in his newly found love life caused jealousy to raise its ugly head in Dean. Why couldn't things be well with him too?

"Good for you. Just remember that she's a woman so you can't live like you'd normally live alone or with another guy. But I guess that won't be a problem to you, you're already such a girl yourself," Dean teased fondly.

"Jerk," Sam muttered, and Dean was quick to respond.

"Bitch," he countered the insult without even thinking what he was doing, the exchange was something they had been doing since they were kids, much to their parents horror. There was no hard feelings behind the words, it was more like their own secret way of letting the other one know how much they cared, and the best part was that people who didn't know them just didn't understand it. Dean's rising good mood got crushed when Sam asked how things were going.

"I had a mild fight with Lisa right before you called," Dean had no reason to lie about it, married people fought sometimes, it was perfectly normal. When Sam asked if Dean wanted to talk about it Dean's first instinct was to say no, but he decided to let Sam know certain aspects behind the argument, if only to stop his brother from giving him a talk about how bad suppressed emotions were for his mental health.

"Cas got hurt in a fight few nights ago and I went to make sure he was okay. I stayed there for the whole weekend, it didn't seem like a good idea to leave him alone. And now Lisa's pissed because I'm tired and don't want to answer all of her questions," Dean explained and the frustration inside of him seemed to grow with every word. Sam hummed in understanding before speaking again.

"Take a moment and let yourself calm down. And just to be sure, we're talking about the same guy you have a crush on?" Sam asked cautiously, and Dean would have exploded at him if Lisa wouldn't have been in the same building with him.

"What the hell that has to do with my fight with Lisa? And for the matter, it's none of your business what I happen to feel for anyone," Dean hissed angrily, he was determined to keep his voice low so that Lisa wouldn't get curious and come see what was the problem.

"Nothing. Well, you have a habit of getting really protective over someone you like, so if Lisa was complaining about you spending time with him then you might have turned a bit hostile towards her without even realizing what you were doing," Sam explained calmly, not letting Dean's outburst affect him in any way. Dean had to admit that Sam had a point, but that didn't mean he had to like it, or admit it to Sam. He decided that a chance of subject would be the best way to deal with this situation.

"I'll sort it out with Lisa later. Hey, I'm meeting Jo in a couple of weeks. If you want to come too then you have to bring that girl of yours too, I'm gonna have a talk with her," Dean said with false easiness in his voice. For a moment he was sure Sam was going to push the previous subject further, but finally he sighed and let it go.

"I wouldn't put her through that kind of a torture," Sam informed Dean, and they ended up arguing whether or not Dean had the right to tie Sam's girlfriend down and cross-examine her while pointing a bright spotlight to her face, maybe try some water boarding if she didn't co-operate. Dean thought it was perfectly acceptable way of making sure she deserved his brother, but for some reason Sam didn't agree with him. They ended the call on good terms after Dean had promised not to tie Jessica down or torture herm and had agreed to consider leaving the spotlight off of his plans.

The easy conversation left Dean feeling a bit better, but when he returned his attention to the papers in front of him the heavy shadow inside of him creeped back to his mind. Dean stared at the words on the paper without seeing them as he realized in how much trouble he truly was with his marriage to Lisa and his relationship with Castiel. After the realization hit he didn't feel anything at all for a moment, but then the quick rush of dread shot through him and he had to take few deep breaths to calm himself down again.

How could he have let this happen?

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><p><strong><em>AN : _**_Facts about this chapter :_

_1) Mike Guenther owned a garage with John Winchester (01x10)_

_2) Dean telling about Sam and the girl is a very vague reference to the Girl Next Door (07x03)_

_3) Parting is a sweet sorrow is a line from Romeo And Juliet Act 2, scene 2, 176–185. My previous teacher made my class read the whole thing, and even though I like reading old plays etc. I would've enjoyed Macbeth more._


	17. Chapter 16

**_A/N : _**_I've been busy with Christmas preparations so I hadn't had much time to write. I took the time to finish this though, and this can be my Christmas present for all of you people. Hope you like it =)_

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><p><strong>Where Do We Draw the Line<strong>

**Chapter 16**

Around 10:00 PM Dean and Lisa had worked up a silent agreement for a truce and were now sitting in the living room doing their own things. Lisa had disappeared behind a book even before Dean had entered the space, so Dean didn't have any reason to blame himself for it as he concentrated on taking in the news playing on the TV screen. He would try to talk to Lisa again tomorrow, there was no reason to try to sort things out while they both were still agitated from their argument. It wasn't good for them to fight like this, they had always been rather idealistic couple. After a while Lisa closed the book she was reading and got up after telling Dean coolly she would take a shower and go to bed, and he nodded absent-mindedly while he kept his eyes glued to the TV screen, not really seeing what was on.

Around 10:00 PM Dean and Lisa had worked up a silent agreement for a truce and were now sitting in the living room doing their own things. Lisa had disappeared behind a book even before Dean had entered the room, so Dean didn't have any reason to blame his presence for it as he concentrated on taking in the news playing on the TV screen. He would try to talk to Lisa again tomorrow, there was no reason to try to sort things out while they both were still agitated from their argument, they would just ruin their chances for a good nights sleep. It wasn't good for them to fight like this, and they had always been rather idealistic couple even with their problems. After a while Lisa closed the book she was reading and got up after telling Dean coolly she would take a shower and go to bed, and he nodded in acknowledgement while he kept his eyes glued to the TV screen, not really seeing what was on.

Dean waited for what seemed to be hours until he finally heard the shower being turned on. When he heard the sound he jumped from the chair and hurried to the front door while pulling his cellphone out and dialing Castiel, he had no intention of having this particular conversation inside the house where Lisa could easily hear him. It took Castiel less than twenty seconds to pick up, and his voice filled Dean's heart with love and warmth immediately.

"Hey, I was thinking about tomorrow, maybe I should pick you up when we go for the lunch," Dean suggested rather hastily. He needed to say something quickly before he'd loose his courage. Castiel laughed a little and Dean grinned rather stupidly at the sound.

"Sounds good. Just give me the heads up before you come so that I don't have to hurry, okay?" Castiel agreed and Dean promised to call Castiel when he'd leave the Sandover building. They fell into an uneasy silence, neither one of them knowing what to say at the moment. It reminded Dean of the conversations he had with his high school crushes, and the thought made him chuckle.

"What are you laughing at?" Castiel inquired with fond amusement. Dean was pretty certain his newly found lover had a bright grin on his face, at least if Dean had learned to read him as well as he believed he had. The possibility filled Dean's heart with a new kind of warmth and he wished he had found the young man on the other end of the line before he had married Lisa, it would certainly have eased his life tremendously.

"Nothing, it's just that this situation reminds me of high school. You remember those awkward conversations you'd have with someone you had a thing going on with? This is a bit like that," Dean explained and tried not to laugh. He reminded himself that he needed to keep his voice down so that Lisa wouldn't hear him.

"I wouldn't know, I only dated one guy in school and we didn't have much awkward situations after we got acquainted," Castiel admitted casually, but Dean could catch the underlying sadness in his voice and it caused a sudden burst of protectiveness course through Dean's whole being, he never wanted anyone or anything to cause even that barely noticeable sadness to Castiel.

"Don't worry about it, I've never cared about it so you shouldn't either. Besides, I've got you now. Right?" Dean smiled at Castiel's need for reassurance, it was actually kind of endearing in it's own way.

"Right," Dean assured like it was the most obvious thing in the world, but deep down he doubted the truth in his words. How could he promise to be there for Castiel if he was stuck with Lisa? Dean felt like he was betraying two people instead of one with his promise, he was cheating Lisa with Castiel, but on the other hand he was cheating Castiel with Lisa too. It seemed like a vicious cycle and there was no way out of it unless another one of the relationships were to end, but that was not something Dean wanted, at least not at the moment.

"Where are we going tomorrow anyway? I need to know what to wear," Castiel changed the subject suddenly, and it took Dean two seconds to realize it and a couple more to come up with an answer.

"We could go for that place we were that one time. You remember, the time when that chick.. Meg was it? Cornered us. What was it," Dean trailed off as he tried to remember the name of the small, cozy establishment they had went for a coffee once.

"Jenni's? I'm okay with that. They have this amazing salad plate they serve only on business hours and I've actually thought about going there as soon as I have time. And they serve really good pie too," Castiel mused and Dean noted with relief that he wasn't the only one with the need to babble nervously.

"Then I'll get you that salad," Dean promised. He had no idea when he had turned into the guy who was willing to do anything for someone they cared and lost all reason whenever said someone even crossed his mind. It was quite disorienting and, in a way, scary. It wasn't like Dean couldn't think straight whenever Castiel was involved, but it just seemed a lot more reasonable to make sure Cas got what he wanted.

"Okay, just remember to call me a few minutes before you get here," Castiel reminded and Dean promised to let him know when he would be coming.

"Well, I'll see you tomorrow then," Castiel finally said with reluctance.

"Yeah, see you then," Dean agreed even though he had no interest in ending the call. He had to remind himself that he would have to get some sleep if he wanted to be able to get up in the morning. They were forced to end the call, which left Dean feeling slightly hollow in a way he had never felt before, but he was pretty sure it was just because this thing with Castiel was still so knew and he needed to adjust to it.

As Dean got to bed twenty minutes later, careful not to disturb Lisa's sleep, he had achieved a some sort of peace of mind. He knew he shouldn't keep hurting Lisa in the way he was, but it was difficult to decide between the safety of his marriage and Castiel. Because making a decision seemed such an impossible thing at the moment Dean did what he did best, he stuffed all the problems away and promised himself he would deal with it later. Dean looked at the sleeping form of Lisa and sighed quietly before closing his eyes and slowly drifting off.

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><p>Castiel has always prided himself as being patient, but when he lies fully awake in his bed before seven a.m, staring at the ceiling, he had to admit that patience wasn't apparently something he would practice on that particular morning. Castiel groaned in frustration and slowly sat up, he had no idea why he had woken up so early, but maybe it had something to do with Dean and their lunch date. Castiel smiled lazily at the thought, he had an actual, non paid date with someone he was... Well, not exactly in love with, but things seemed to be heading that way, at least if Castiel wasn't completely out of touch with his emotions.<p>

Castiel got up and turned the alarm off since there was no need for it to wake him up in a few hours. He wandered to the kitchen to turn the coffee maker on before heading to take shower. Castiel intended to just grab a quick shower, but the pleasantly hot water was way too soothing and he quickly relaxed under the stream. It was easy to stop thinking and forget everything, and before Castiel even noticed he had stood under the water for nearly twenty minutes before he remembered the coffee waiting for him and the realization was enough to snap him out of the comfortable daze.

It didn't take long for Castiel to turn off the water, grab a towel and dry himself off in a relative hurry. He didn't bother to find himself any clothes at the moment, with the coffee waiting Castiel settled on wrapping a towel around his waist before sauntering to get the cup of coffee he had been wanting to have since he woke up. He briefly considered grabbing a smoke, but dismissed the idea quickly, he had was no need to get anymore addicted to cigarettes than he already was. Castiel sighted as he leaned to the kitchen counter with the fresh cup of coffee in his hands, it wasn't hard for him to guess that the sudden edginess he felt was caused by the date he had with Dean in a few hours.

Castiel let out a noise that was somewhere between an amused laugh and a displeased groan, the idea of him on a date seemed somehow absurd and, if Castiel was honest with himself, a little scary. The truth was Castiel had very little knowledge on how one should behave in a situation like this, and he got paid for going on dates along with a dozen other things that he would not think at the same time with Dean. Castiel shook his head to snap himself out of his thoughts and put the now empty mug to the counter he had been leaning on before heading to pick clothes for the day.

Castiel had't suspected it would be very difficult to choose a good looking outfit from his clothes even when he left out the ones he used while working, but while he stood eyeing his clothes he had no idea what to put on, and this was one problem he had never faced before. Maybe it was because he was trying too hard to impress Dean, and Castiel took a moment to calm down, he took a deep breath and looked at the situation rationally. Dean knew him already and there was no real reason why Castiel couldn't just put his normal clothes on. With this in mind Castiel picked his favorite clothes, a simple white button-down shirt and a pair of worn out jeans. He studied his reflection in the mirror and gave himself a satisfied nod, this would do and all that was left was doing something to his unruly hair.

Castiel knew there wasn't much point in trying to get his hair to obey his will, but there was no harm in doing what he could to make his head look a bit more like he had actually bothered to look in the mirror when he got up. Besides, Castiel thought the messy look wasn't too bad on him, probably since he had lived with it since the day he was born, and no one besides his parents had ever complained about it.

Castiel was slightly worried that the coffee had burned while he had fixed his hair and picked his clothes, even though he had shut the machine and had hoped the warmth in the pot was enough to keep the coffee warm for long enough for him to get himself ready. Castiel was relieved to find out that even though the coffee had a slightly bitter after taste to it, it was still warm enough to drink. Unfortunately it didn't take long for Castiel to get anxious even when he had coffee in his reach and the morning paper to read.

Castiel briefly considered if it was wise to ask Dean if he knew when he would be ready to grab the lunch, and quickly decided there would be no harm done if he'd send Dean a text and asked about their schedule. He wrote the text while reading an article about the crash of United Britannia Flight 424, apparently none of the seven survivors had any idea of what had happened. Dean responded to Castiel's text fifteen minutes later saying he would be able to leave at 11:30. Castiel checked the time (closing on ten a.m) and let out a resigned sigh, there was nothing else to do but wait at the moment.

In the end Castiel decided to surprise Dean by showing up at his workplace, or at his car to be precise, Castiel had no intention to actually go inside the building and disturb Dean while he worked. He grabbed his jacket and everything he might need, and left his apartment without any hurry, if he was right the walk would take about twenty minutes, give or take a little, and he had more than enough time in his hands. When Castiel stepped outside the chilly wind made him wrap his jacket a bit tighter around himself while he absent-mindedly pulled a pack of cigarettes from his pocket and hoped that Dean wouldn't mind him showing up without a warning.

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><p>Dean couldn't stop himself from fidgeting in his chair and eyeing the clock on the wall every twenty seconds. He could barely wait for his lunch break to start and had to consciously stop himself from bolting out of the office and running straight to his car. This, however, did not mean that Dean was neglecting his duties in any way, he did his best not to let his anxiety affect his efficiency even after he had closed a huge deal and there was really nothing too important for him to do before the break. Dean had an hour of paperwork to do before he could leave, and he set his mind on actually finishing it in time, no matter what the distraction in his mind was.<p>

Dean finished filling our yet another form and got up to get himself another cup of coffee to pass time while he waited for the clock to be kind enough to allow him to leave for his lunch break. Dean relished the chance to stretch his legs a bit as he strode to the small rec room they had on sales floor and quickly poured himself a cup of fresh coffee someone had made as he eyed the sticker someone had put on the side of the microwave on the shelf.

_Don't fry your head_

Dean raised an amused eyebrow and wondered where the sticker had come from, but he doubted he'd ever find out. Most likely one of the directors would order it to be removed within days and it would become one of the jokes in the sales department. Dean felt a bit sorry because of the lack of sense of humor on the board of directors, but it wasn't his place to complain so he kept his mouth shut, even though it was really hard sometimes. Dean headed back to his office, determined to get some work done while he had the chance to do so.

Thirty minutes later Dean was finally able to get up and head out of the office. He acted as if nothing was out of the ordinary even though he was, for the first time in years, among the first ones to leave for their break. Dean received few questioning looks, but he ignored them and strode to the elevator. Before Dean could reach his destination he felt the phone in his pocket vibrate. Dean was quick to get the phone to his hand and check the caller, and when he saw Bobby's number on the screen he refused to acknowledge the bang of disappointment he felt. Even though the caller wasn't the one Dean had hoped it would have been he still answered the call, happy to hear Bobby's voice.

Bobby had called to ask if Dean was coming to Sioux Falls any time soon to check the new cars that had been brought to his Salvage Yard that he still kept even though now days he mostly worked with Dean's father. Bobby seemed convinced there would be something Dean would find interesting, and it was enough to get Dean's attention. He promised to come over as soon as he could, but at the moment he couldn't say when that would be, exactly. The call ended when Dean was ready to step outside with Bobby reminding Dean to let him know when he was coming over and the obligatory idjit thrown in. Dean smiled warmly at the familiar words as he put the phone back to his pocket and begun to dig out his car keys, he would get into the car before calling Castiel to let him know he was on his way.

What Dean had not expected was to find Castiel leaning casually to the Toyota he had driven to work with, talking to a phone with a cigarette on his other hand. Dean's step faltered and his jaw might have dropped a little in surprise, but the sight of Castiel was not unwelcome. Dean regained his composure quickly and headed towards the car and Castiel as casually as he could, waiting for Castiel to notice him. Dean managed to get within ten feet from Castiel before the young man turned slightly as he heard the closing footsteps and saw Dean, and the smile that spread on Castiel's face could probably have stopped all fighting in the world if given the chance.

Castiel raised his hand and stopped Dean from saying the words he had been about to say before taking a long drag from his cigarette while boring his eyes into Dean's with intensity that made Dean feel unpleasantly exposed, it was like Castiel was reading his very soul. Dean shifted his weight from one foot to another as he watched with fascination as Castiel slowly let the smoke escape through his parted lips. Dean had never considered smoking to be appealing in any form even though he didn't find it disgusting either, but the sight of Castiel was definitely one of the hottest Dean had ever seen. Maybe it was because of the slight tilt of his head, or that inhumanly intense stare combined with the downright seductive way Castiel was leaning to the car that sent sparks flying all over Dean, and Castiel had the nerve to smirk smugly as he noticed Dean's expression. Dean glared Castiel menacingly while he finished the call and dumped the cigarette, and got off of the car.

"I thought I was supposed to pick you up," Dean said, but it was clear from his tone he didn't really mind Castiel showing up like this. Castiel gave him a nonchalant shrug as he walked pass Dean and circled the car to get to the passengers side. Dean was silently grateful that Castiel ignored the whole concept of PDA at that moment, it would have been rather difficult to explain why he had another man in his arms or violating his personal space in any other way when Dean wouldn't be able to do nothing to put a stop to it.

"I got bored so I thought I might as well pass time by getting here. Can we go now?" Castiel explained and looked at Dean with bright eyes, and Dean doubted he could ever say no to him, so he just nodded and opened the doors. Castiel slipped into the car quickly and Dean followed his example gladly, grinning excitedly at the younger man next to him as he started the car and veered off the parking lot. When the tall building disappeared behind them Castiel smirked at Dean mischievously before dragging his hand lightly across Dean's thigh and placing it by his knee. The action startled Dean slightly, and he tried to fight back the gentle blush attempting to make it's way on his face.

"I missed you," Castiel said suddenly, his voice serious but warm. Dean glanced at him briefly before placing his own hand on the one resting on his leg, giving it a gentle squeeze.

"I missed you too," Dean admitted with his eyes firmly on the road. He really hated getting stuck in these emotional moments, no matter how brief they may be. In his experience a moment might last less than thirty seconds, but it also expand into few hours if one is not careful and do everything they can to avoid it. Dean thought he should probably consider himself lucky when Castiel gave him a heart melting smile and turned to gaze out of the window.

Dean wasn't sure if Castiel just knew him well enough to know when to stop with the emotional stuff, or if he just thought like Dean did. What ever the reason was he was pretty sure he could handle these kind of things as long as Castiel wouldn't go to Sam level of chick-flick on him on regular basis. Dean decided not to look the apparent gift horse in the mouth as he reluctantly let go of Castiel's hand so he could park the car as quickly as possible. They got out of the car and into the street, heading to Jenni's to grab their lunch. Castiel tried to prevent Dean from paying for the whole thing, but he had very little luck on it, and they got the small table from the far corner of the establishment. Dean decided to try out the strawberry pie that was calling out to him, and as he had promised he got Castiel a salad, and he knew it had been the right thing to do the moment he saw Castiel fight a smile and thank him while staring at him like Dean was something truly special.

"Wish I had more time," Dean mused out loud after they had settled down and Castiel had attacked the salad with enthusiasm that Dean thought rivaled Sam's. The thought had him smiling, of course he would fall for someone who had a strong liking for healthy food.

"You can always come over to my place whenever you want. Just call me and I'll try to be home," Castiel replied and looked at Dean in the eye, like he was trying to will Dean into believing it was the truth. Dean knew Castiel wasn't lying or giving idle promises, and the realization warmed his heart as he nodded once and took a stuffed his mouth full of the pie to avoid saying anything stupid. Castiel eyed him for a moment before returning his attention to the food in front of him.

Dean suspected he shouldn't have been surprised when he felt Castiel brush his ankle with his foot, dragging a rather pleased smirk from Dean in the process. It was a nice reminder of what they had going on and Dean appreciated the gesture even if it might not be what some people would call appropriate considering where they currently were. Castiel asked about Dean's day, honestly interested, and Dean told him about it, looking for any signs that Castiel might loose his interest in the topic, but that didn't happen though, Castiel clung to Dean's every word like remembering it all might save his life some day.

Dean had set a reminder to his phone to alert him when he needed to leave so that he wouldn't be late from work, and it rang far sooner than Dean would have liked. He grit his teeth tightly together as he fished out his phone, shut the alarm and told Castiel he needed to get back to work without raising his eyes to meet the ones staring at him intensely.

"Okay," Castiel said like it was nothing and Dean's eyes snapped to him, not quite believing what he heard, but when he saw Castiel's eyes he knew he wasn't the only one regretting the situation. They got up and walked out staying close enough to each other that their hands brushed occasionally. Dean made sure that Castiel followed him to the car without actually ushering him there, and when they stopped Dean opened the door for Castiel, receiving a questioning eyebrow and a head tilt for his trouble.

"Get in, I'll drive you home," Dean said and smiled when Castiel did as he was told.

"Who knew chivalry hasn't died yet?" Castiel teased as he stepped into the car and Dean laughed, not sure if he should be offended or not. He didn't want to pick a fight at the moment, so he decided to let the comment slip and got into the car. The drive to Castiel's front door was disappointingly short, and when Dean pulled the car over he quickly took in his surroundings before doing what he had wanted to do from the moment he had seen Castiel on the parking lot, and pulled Castiel into a brief but possessive kiss.

"I'll see you later, okay?" Dean whispered when he pulled away form Castiel, pressing their foreheads together for a few seconds before letting go of the pleasantly flushed looking Castiel, who nodded and slowly dislodged himself properly from Dean.

"I'd better let you get back to your work. Let me know when you have time for me again, will you?" Castiel asked with a small smile playing on his lips, that only spread further when Dean promised to call him as soon as he could. Dean waited until Castiel got inside before heading back to work, and if he had to drive a little over the speed limits he promptly ignored it. The only thing in Dean's mind was the next time he would be seeing Castiel, and how he would have to make sure they would have more time together then. Some part of Dean tried to remind him of Lisa, but it was very weak and easy to ignore as Dean contemplated if leaving his wedding ring to his pocket would be something Castiel would appreciate when they were together. It didn't seem fair to shove the fact that Dean was married to Castiel's face every time they saw each other.

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><p><strong><em>AN : _**_Facts about this chapter :_

_1) I'm channeling my new addiction to salad plates. Seriously, I went to a restaurant with my friends even though I wasn't even hungry so I got this light salad plate and now I don't want to eat anything else ever again._

_2) The plane crash happened in Phantom Traveler (01x04). I included it here mainly because I had a helluva lot of fun scaring my friend with the episode (she's terrified of flying)._

_3) The story behind the sticker is very simple; in the episode It's a Terrible Life (4x17) Paul Dunbar kills himself by sticking his head into a microwave. I thought it was a very original way of committing suicide and just wanted to add some sort of reference to it in here._

_Merry Christmas to everyone!_


	18. Chapter 17

**_A/N :_**_ This goes for my friend who is currently in a hospital. She made few requests that I tried to fill the best I could. And somehow I got this online before the next year._

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><p><strong>Where Do We Draw the Line<strong>

**Chapter 17**

Castiel couldn't help but feel like the most terrible person on the existence when he stepped out of the fancy hotel to the sunny afternoon and got into the taxi he had ordered just minutes ago. It had been five days since he had seen Dean, and thirty-one hours since they had talked the last time, and it had been time for Castiel to get back to work if he wanted to be able to continue living like he was used to do. The problem was that now, after every meeting with a client, Castiel felt like he was betraying Dean by doing his job which just happened to include sex with people that weren't Dean, and for the first time in years Castiel wondered what it would be like to quit it all and do something else. Maybe he could go back to school and get an actual education for himself, but the nagging voice in the back of Castiel's mind told him it would be stupid to throw everything he had away for a new relationship with someone who was married.

Surprisingly enough Castiel had been able to push Dean out of his mind for the few hours he had spent with his client, and he hadn't had too much trouble doing so, the problem had arose when he had left. The guilt for what he had done had risen quickly within Castiel and had left him with something he never expected to experience again, he wasn't sure about anything in his life anymore, even his relationship with Dean kept him constantly on edge. How was he supposed to be sure about what was going on between them when Dean would return to someone else when he left Castiel and went home? But still, despite his doubts, Castiel wasn't willing to even suggest Dean he should leave his wife, at least not when what they had was still so new to both of them. Castiel was willing to hope that some day Dean would do the right thing and not leave him by the end of the day.

Castiel paid the driver when they reached their destination and thanked him for the drive before stepping out of the car and going home. He made it all the way to his kitchen without getting anymore uncomfortable thoughts floating to his mind, and he is quite grateful for that. He got himself a glass of water and dug out his phone to check if anyone had missed him. A wide grin spread to Castiel's face as he saw he had gotten a text from Dean, asking where he was. After Castiel managed to get down from the euphoric high he had ended up he quickly typed an answer for Dean, saying he just got home. As an afterthought Castiel added that he hadn't planned on going anywhere that evening, before pushing the send button and placing the phone to the counter. He needed to take a shower.

Castiel took his clothes off while making his way to the bathroom, throwing the various pieces of clothing all over his apartment, taking some satisfaction from being able to do so. The hot water felt good against his skin as Castiel scrubbed away the evidence of his earlier activities that day, and for a moment there was nothing wrong in the whole world. Castiel took his time in the shower, and when he finally stepped out of the spacious shower stall and grabbed a towel he felt calm in a way he hadn't felt in days, maybe even weeks, it was amazing what one shower and a simple text message could do. Castiel wrapped the towel around his waist and padded back to the kitchen to make some coffee and get something to eat.

Castiel got the coffee pouring and was just about to open the fridge when someone rang his doorbell insistently. Castiel froze for a second, his usual paranoia that had come with his job kicking in, before snapping out of it and hurrying to the living room to grab his jeans, and after a moments thought he took the towel with him, drying his hair as he quickly made his way to the door as the bell rang for the second time. Castiel opened the door with a healthy amount of caution, only to be taken aback with surprise when he saw Dean smiling at him apologetically. Castiel was fairly aware that he must have looked like a fish with his eyes wide and his mouth hanging open, but he couldn't help it, he hadn't expected for Dean to just appear behind his door like this.

"Are you gonna let me in or do you want me to stand here all day like an idiot?" Dean asked after a minute or so had passed, and while he had an amused smirk on his face it didn't reach his eyes. Castiel frowned minutely before nodding and stepping aside to let Dean in. Dean quickly discarded his suit jacket, placing it to the coat rack and made his way into the apartment with Castiel right behind him, his calm mood disappeared a while ago. Dean turned towards Castiel and seemed to actually look at him for the first time as he took in the current state of undress Castiel had, swallowing nervously when Castiel got deep within his personal space and studied his face carefully.

"Is something wrong?" Castiel asked softly and played absentmindedly with the towel he still had in his hands. Dean shook his head slowly, but Castiel couldn't bring himself to believe that everything was fine. He raised a disbelieving eyebrow and stared Dean, silently demanding the truth. Dean fidgeted minutely and his eyes darted around the room, focusing on everything except Castiel.

"I just got off from work a bit earlier than I expected, thought I'd come say hi," Dean said clearly avoiding the true reason why he was currently standing in Castiel's living room. His eyes fell on Castiel once again, wandering on Castiel's body with obvious desire, and Castiel suddenly got an idea. He dropped the towel to the floor and gave Dean a barest hint of a smile before pushing him to the couch without a word and straddled him. Dean's eyes widened and he opened his mouth to protest, but he didn't get a chance to make a sound before Castiel was pressing their mouths together hungrily, swallowing any objections Dean might have voiced.

It took Dean less than fifteen seconds to stop objecting, pull Castiel even closer and grip his still soaking hair, and Castiel did nothing to stop the pleased moan from escaping his lips. He wanted to make Dean feel better and take away what ever it was that had made him sad and maybe then Dean would look at him and the light that was always in his eyes would return, so Castiel did the only thing he knew he could do to make this happen. He trailed light kisses along Dean's jaw while he quickly worked the leather belt on Dean's pants off along with the button and the zipper, relishing every desperate sound Dean made like a man able to hear for the first time in his life as he slipped his hand in Dean's pants and stroked him lightly through the soft fabric of his underwear.

Castiel sent out a silent prayer that he would make Dean feel better as he got down on his knees and took Dean into his mouth without a moment's hesitation, and for the first time he did so purely out of love and the heavy weight of Dean's erection was sweeter than anything Castiel had ever felt. Dean's hand shot into Castiel's hair gripping it strong enough to pull few strands off, and as Castiel put every trick he knew to better use Dean cursed loud enough to make Castiel sure he would be receiving odd looks from his neighbors for days. Castiel closed his eyes and allowed himself to enjoy the moment while a part of him still begged for Dean to understand how important he was to Castiel, and that there was nothing he wouldn't do to make him happy.

"Jesus Christ, Cas," Dean gasped and his hips bucked up, and by doing so he pushed his erection deeper to Castiel's throat. Castiel moaned around Dean and sucked hard, making Dean curse and thrash, and the grip Dean had on Castiel's hair only tightened, holding him in place. Castiel didn't mind the slight manhandling at all, instead he worked his tongue around Dean's cock and opened his jeans hastily so that he could take his neglected erection to his hand.

Castiel's eyes rolled in his head at the feel of Dean in his mouth, his own hand around his cock and Dean's breathless voice in his ears. Castiel took a moment to collect himself before continuing his ministrations on Dean. Somehow Castiel managed to wonder how amazing this felt, he had done lot of things with many people, but this was something completely new, and all Castiel could do was to let himself get lost in the moment, and the feeling of Dean coming down his throat was enough to send Castiel over the edge as well.

It took Castiel a while to regain his senses, and when he did he gently tucked the dazed out Dean back to his pants and sat next to him. Castiel briefly considered kicking his jeans off, but it seemed like too much work at the moment. Instead he threaded his fingers to Dean's hair with a sated smile on his lips, waiting for Dean to come down from the high Castiel had sent him.

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><p>If there was heaven, then Dean had found it. That, or his brain had melted down and he had turned into a vegetable. He was absently aware that Castiel was sitting next to him, stroking his hair gently, and even though Dean wasn't one for post coital cuddle he had to admit it was kind of nice. Dean cracked his eyes open and let out a contented breath as he turned to face Castiel, who upon getting Dean's attention leaned in to give him a slow kiss. Dean smiled lazily when he tasted himself on Castiel's lips, but he didn't have the energy to deepen the kiss like he would have liked to do. Castiel pulled away after a while and studied Dean's face with carefully concealed concern that made Dean flinch internally. He knew full well what had caused the look on Castiel's face, and he knew even better that he should probably tell Castiel why he had really barged in without a warning. Dean took a deep breath and readied himself for an inevitable chick-flick moment.<p>

"You're amazing," Dean announced, his voice hoarse, as he tried to open a conversation in his reduced state of intelligence. The blush that creeped to Castiel's face could only be described as adorable, and it was accompanied by an innocent smile.

"Thank you," Castiel replied softly and Dean was suddenly reminded of a teenager who receives the very first compliment from their first crush, but now that they had broken the silence Dean knew it was time to get serious. The thought deflated his euphoric mood considerably, but sometimes it was for the best to take his little brothers advice and just _talk_.

"I had a fight with Lisa and I don't think I'm really wanted at home right now," Dean blurted quickly and let out a shaky breath, closing his eyes as the words sunk in. He had just admitted the hard truth out loud for the first time since he and Lisa had yelled their throats bloody yesterday evening and he had gladly spent the night on the couch, leaving to work a lot earlier than usual just to avoid seeing Lisa in the morning. Castiel looked at him sympathetically and silently prompted Dean to continue.

"I don't even know what happened. I mean, we fought over how to cut a kiwi in two pieces. And we don't even have any kiwis in the house! And then the whole thing just escalated and got out of hands," Dean explained resignedly and looked at everything else but Castiel, he didn't want to see the look on the younger man's face, knowing it was most likely mocking him. Castiel shifted next to Dean before getting up and disappearing somewhere, Dean couldn't really bring himself to care at the moment, only to reappear after a long moment fully clothed and holding two cups of steaming coffee.

"It might be a little burnt. I can make more if you want," Castiel said as he sat back down next to Dean and took a tentative sip of his coffee, grimacing slightly at the taste. Dean followed his example and examined the taste lingering in his mouth, the coffee was slightly burnt, but still drinkable.

"Could be better," Castiel observed and Dean let out a small noise that could be interpreted as an agreement.

"I'm not very good at giving marital advices but if you want to talk I'll listen," Castiel said after a moment of uneasy silence. Dean thought about keeping his mouth shut and letting the whole thing be, but in the end he found himself spilling his problems to Castiel, who just sat by his side and listened. Dean had never realized how comforting it could be to have someone listening to you without judging your every word, it made it easier for Dean to tell things how they really were and not color the truth in any way. For the first time Dean admitted out loud that he wasn't sure if he still wanted to be married to Lisa, he hasn't been sure about it in a long time, and that he was pretty sure he'd end up in a mental institution if he kept his job for much longer. It just seemed like he lived a life that wasn't really meant for him.

"And Sam is coming here tomorrow. I don't know how I'm supposed to tell him that it's a really bad idea to come over because our house is currently a freakin' war zone," Dean finished with a long sigh and sunk deeper to the couch cushions. Castiel frowned thoughtfully and tapped his his coffee cup softly. Dean let him think in peace, hoping that Castiel would solve his problems, or even help him see things in a less complicated light.

"Well, maybe you and Lisa should just take some time apart and cool down before sorting this - fight of yours out. And I can't really tell you what to do with your life so that's something you need to figure out yourself, but I can promise I'll always be here if you need me," Castiel said finally and gave Dean a brief but reassuring smile, and Dean returned the favor.

"Are you trying to get me stay here over night again?" Dean teased and hoped Castiel would say yes. Castiel dropped his eyes and sighed, and Dean's heart dropped.

"You don't want me to stay?" Dean asked hesitantly and immediately kicked himself mentally for sounding so disappointed. Castiel quickly returned his eyes to Dean and shook his head.

"No! I mean, I want you to stay but, um-, I got- I got to go to work tomorrow," Castiel hurried to say, but ended up stuttering, blushing and looking at some distant spot on Dean's right. Dean didn't know what to say to that, it wasn't that he didn't know that Castiel worked, it was that, until now, he had done his best to not think about it.

"If you want to stay then you can stay. I'll just be gone for few hours tomorrow. I'd be gone from about three to six, and that's counting in the time that it takes me to get there and back," Castiel continued when Dean didn't say anything. Dean got the feeling he should do something else than just sit there quietly, so he cleared his throat and made a decision.

"If you don't have a problem with me being here then I could stay. I'll just need to get some stuff from home," Dean said casually and pushed any problems he had with Castiel's job from his mind and did his best to ignore them and since he had always favored this way of dealing with problems it was rather easy to do so, and if Castiel noticed what Dean did he ignored it.

"I should probably go now when Lisa's still home so that I can let her know where I'll be. It won't take long," Dean continued but made no move to get up. Castiel nodded slowly and smiled encouragingly.

"Just remember to be civil with her, okay?" He prompted kindly and managed to make Dean laugh warmly, Castiel reminded him surprisingly much of a parent and he told it Castiel, earning himself an amused laugh.

Dean left soon after that, not wanting to postpone the the inevitable confrontation with his most likely still furious wife. The drive home seemed a lot shorter than usual and Dean was anxious because he hadn't had the time to think about what he was going to say to Lisa. He entered the house cautiously, every muscle in his body tense as he searched for Lisa. Dean found her in the kitchen drinking one of her health drinks and reading a magazine. Lisa raised her head when she heard Dean entering the room and gave him an angry glare before returning her attention to the magazine in front of her, and for a moment Dean felt like the biggest jerk in the universe, but then he remembered that he hadn't started the argument that had lead to their current situation. Never the less Dean cleared his throat and took another careful step closer to his wife.

"We should do something about this situation," he started and Lisa raised her eyes to meet his again. She studied him critically for a while before nodding slowly and setting the magazine aside.

"Okay, I agree. I was actually thinking that maybe I should spend few nights at Madison's house and we could both just cool off a little. We haven't been away from each other properly for a long time and I think it's starting to get to us," Lisa said contemplatively, and Dean was more than happy to take the bait.

"Yeah, that's what I thought too. But you should stay here, I can go somewhere else." Dean pointedly did not mention Castiel, even if Lisa didn't know about them Dean didn't want her to think Dean spent all his time with Cas, it might make Lisa want to meet him. Dean could already see how he would introduce the two to themselves, _Cas, this is my wife Lisa. Lisa, this is Cas and he's my boyfriend. _Yeah, and while he was at it maybe he could fill the world with fluffy bunnies. That was definitely not going to happen. And when exactly did Dean start thinking Castiel as his boyfriend?

"No, Madison and I have been talking about getting together for weeks now, so you stay here and I'll come home on Thursday after we come back from New York," Lisa insisted and for a second Dean was willing to agree, but then he caught up with Lisa's words.

"What do you mean you come back from New York? You haven't said anything about even going there," he pointed out a little more harshly than was necessary, and by doing this the relatively calm mood in the room was gone before Dean had a chance to do or say anything to fix it.

"I don't have to tell you all my plans especially when they're not even sure yet. I would've told you about it when I was sure I'd even be going, but now I'm not sure you'd even care! You don't pay any attention to me anymore, it's like there's always something more important going on," Lisa shouted and ran her hands through her hair frustratedly. Dean wasn't sure what to say to that, he cared about Lisa, but he couldn't deny the truth in her words. Still, it wasn't very hard to decide he wouldn't tell her she was right.

"There's nothing more important than you," Dean replied calmly, trying to avoid another fight. He knew he wasn't telling the truth and he hated to lie to Lisa, but it was better than telling her about his affair. Lisa deflated visibly, but Dean could tell it was not because she believed him, she was just too tired to argue about it.

"You know you can tell me anything, right? What ever it is that's bothering you is keeping us apart and I don't want to loose you because of it. I don't care if you don't tell me what's wrong right now, but promise me you'll tell it to me before one of us wants to walk away and never come back, okay?" Lisa looked at Dean pleadingly as she took a small step towards him, trying to make him see her side. Dean couldn't look her in the eyes knowing that the truth would end their marriage right there, but he still nodded minutely as he answered.

"Okay," he promised and actually meant it at that moment. Lisa seemed relieved and that was all Dean needed, he hated to see her upset. They let the conversation drop and Lisa went upstairs to pack. On her way she told Dean that there was food in the refrigerator and that Dean should ask a friend to come over now that he had the whole house to himself. Dean promised to think about it and thanked Lisa for filling the fridge before leaving, and told her to take the Toyota if she needed a car. Twenty minutes later Lisa left with a wave of her hand and a sad smile that didn't reach her eyes, and Dean was left alone in their home for what seemed like the first time ever.

Dean wandered upstairs and into the bedroom, where he fell on the empty bed and fought back tears threatening to fall. He knew it was pointless to try to save his marriage, but he just couldn't let go of Lisa without a fight, he had worked too hard to get where he was to just let it all go that easily. Dean thought about ways to save what was left of the life he had had just few months ago, but couldn't come up with anything that would actually work in real life. The easiest way to fix everything would be to get rid of the reason things needed fixing, but even the faintest thought of leaving Castiel made Dean want to either throw a temper tantrum or beat someone up really badly.

Dean pulled out his phone and toyed with it for a while, trying to decide his next move. After few minutes he dialed Sam only to find him talking to someone else. When that didn't pay off Dean came up with an idea and quickly called Castiel. It didn't take long for Castiel to pick up the phone and ask Dean how he was doing, and if the talk with Lisa had been successful. Dean assured him everything was fine and that him and Lisa were doing better.

"Lisa actually went to see a friend for few days, so I was just wondering that if you wanna see where I live now would be a good time," Dean suggested a bit unsurely, toying with the soft fabric of the bedspread to busy himself. Castiel fell silent for a brief moment, and Dean was sure he had said something wrong. He opened his mouth to tell Castiel he didn't need to come over if he didn't want to, but he never got a word out before Castiel spoke.

"Sure, why not. You want me to stay for the night or..." Castiel trailed off leaving it up to Dean to decide what they would do. Dean thought about having Castiel in his bed, and even though there was something really twisted in the idea Dean still liked it. It would be nice to be the one who makes the breakfast in the morning for once. Suddenly Dean couldn't get the idea of Castiel in his home out of him mind, and he made up his mind without really even thinking about what he was agreeing on.

"Yeah, you can stay," Dean said with a smile. Castiel ordered Dean to give him some time to get ready and promised to call as soon as he could leave. Not soon after the call had ended Dean got up and went for the door, but froze after a few steps and turned around to look at the bed and went back to it. He lifted the covers and saw the same sheets he had slept in before he had been dumped on the couch. Dean pulled the covers aside and started changing the sheets he knew smelled like Lisa, and that was something he really didn't want when Castiel was about to sleep on the bed. After changing the sheets Dean ran around the house, rearranging stuff and and hiding some of Lisa's most obvious belongings, namely in the bathroom and the bedroom. By the time he was considering hiding the wedding pictures in the living room Sam called him.

"So you finally stopped gossiping. Who were you talking to anyway?" Dean answered the call cheerfully, he had been waiting for Sam to call back.

"Lisa," Sam answered rather coldly, and Dean's good mood vanished into nothingness, it wasn't hard to figure out what they had talked about. Suddenly Dean wanted to end the call right then and there.

"She told me what's been going on in there. I just wanted to let you know that we're going to be talking about this tomorrow when I come over. My flight is there at 15:35, are you going to pick me up or do I take a taxi?" Sam's tone made it clear he wasn't happy with Dean, and that he wasn't about to accept any arguments on the matter. Dean quickly went through his schedule for the next day.

"I'll pick you up," he promised and Sam thanked him before hanging up. Dean could easily picture the conversation he was facing and it wasn't something he looked forward to, but Sam was clearly determined to come over and there was very little Dean could do to change that. Fifteen minutes later Castiel called Dean to let him know he was ready to go, cheering Dean up in the process. Dean made it half way to downtown before he realized he had done nothing to the wedding pictures, but there was nothing he could do to that now, all he could do now was to hope Castiel wouldn't mind them.

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><p><strong><em>AN : _**_Facts about this chapter :_

__People tend to fight about insignificant things to cover up really big things. It's fascinating.__


	19. Chapter 18

**_A/N :_**_ I have rediscovered my love for Sam, yay!_

_In other news; this story has been divided into three parts, and I have decided to seperate the parts so that each one deals with a different point in the relationship between Dean and Cas, and how it all affects them as well as the people around them. I had known I'd be doing this from the start, but I wasn't exactly sure how I would execute it._

_So this is the beginning of the whole ordeal, and this is the final chapter on this part. I'll be adding the next part in this same post, and the next chapter will be an interlude betweent the two parts._

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><p><strong>Where Do We Draw the Line<strong>

**Chapter 18**

Castiel hadn't really thought about ever seeing Dean's home, but when Dean asked if he wanted to come over he found it hard to say no. Castiel tried not to think about the implications of the situation as he packed all the necessary things he needed to take with him and made sure he wasn't accidentally leaving any electrical devices on. If Castiel was honest with himself he had no idea what it meant that he had been invited to spend a night at Dean's house while his wife was away, or if there even was a meaning behind it, but nevertheless it was happening. When Castiel was ready he took a deep breath and called Dean to let him know he was ready before taking his jacket and going downstairs to wait for his ride.

Castiel couldn't remember the last time he had been this nervous about something. He couldn't stay still, and even the cigarette he lit did nothing to ease his mind. Dean showed up far too soon for Castiel's liking even if he was happy to see the older man again. Castiel knew enough of cars to show Dean the cigarette in his hands and not enter the Impala and get the smell of the smoke stuck on the upholstery or accidentally drop any ash on it, not to mention Castiel was fairly sure Dean wouldn't take it very lightly. Dean nodded at Castiel and got out of his car, a small smile playing on his lips as he came to Castiel's side.

"Hey. Let me get that," Dean said as he gently took Castiel's bag from him and put it on the backseat of his car. Castiel appreciated the gesture, and noticed the way Dean seemed a bit on edge, obviously Castiel wasn't the only one who was nervous over the way things had turned out.

"Sam called, he said his flight tomorrow lands around twenty-five to four, so I was thinking that if you want I can drive you back here before you need to-, you know," Dean trailed off and waved his hand absently, and the smile Castiel gave him was pure adoration as he stepped to Dean's side and gently placed his hand on Dean's arm.

"Thank you," Castiel breathed, grateful that Dean was willing to do this little thing for him, he knew it couldn't be easy for Dean to accept the fact that he was currently dating an escort and was even willing to make sure he actually made it to work on time, and that was more than Castiel could ever ask.

They got into the car as soon as Castiel had dumped his cigarette, and the silence surrounding them was somewhere around anxious. Neither one of them said anything for a long time, and after a while Dean turned on the radio to fill the silence with something while Castiel tried to come up with something to say. In the end he decided to go with the question in his mind.

"I don't want to sound like I'm clinging on to you or something but if your brother's coming over tomorrow what do you want me to do?" He asked and turned to face Dean, who frowned thoughtfully at the road.

"I don't know yet, I need to talk with Sam first and see what mood he's in, but I'm highly doubtful I'll introduce you to him. Sam tends to be a bit righteous sometimes and I don't want you to meet him until I'm sure he won't preach you to death," Dean answered after a while, giving Castiel a quick, apologetic smile. Castiel nodded, understanding what Dean meant and also what he left unsaid, he wasn't ready to have Castiel around his friends or family, and Castiel doubted he was ready for that either.

"I want you in my life. You know that, right?" Dean asked suddenly and surprised Castiel with the question, he wasn't sure why Dean suddenly needed the reassurance, but he nodded anyway as he studied Dean closely.

"Of course I do. Trust me, I wouldn't be here if I didn't," Castiel said and tried not to slap Dean, who was biting his nails and staring at the road intensely, there was no need to cause an accident over bitten nails. Castiel could feel his hand twitching from his effort to control himself, when Dean suddenly returned his hand to the wheel and gave Castiel a brief smile.

"We're here," Dean said and pulled the car into the driveway of a nice looking two story house, and Castiel did his best to not appear like he was taking in every single detail of it while Dean parked the car and turned the engine off before turning to stare at Castiel with a look that was somewhere between worried and defensive with a small hint of trepidation thrown into it. Castiel studied the expression curiously, wondering how Dean managed to pull it off with so much ease. Dean seemed to find what ever it was that he had looked for from Castiel's eyes and relaxed before getting out of the car and grabbing Castiel's bag from the backseat. Castiel followed his example and stepped out of the car and hurried to Dean's side, expecting him to know what to do now.

Dean led them to the front door and into the house, and showed Castiel where he could put his jacket while Castiel let his eyes wander around his new surroundings. He was a bit surprised that the place didn't bring Dean to his mind, everything seemed to be organized in a careful manner and everything was in its place. Castiel was absently aware of Dean's staring on his back, but he couldn't come up with the needed concentration to turn around and face him at the moment.

"Lisa took care of the decorating. She had me at gunpoint so that I'd have to agree with everything she wanted," Dean explained with a mildly fond tone, and Castiel smiled understandingly, he had learned that it was safer to let women to do the decorating and shut up when he had helped Pamela to move into her current apartment few years ago. He could still see the murderous glare Pamela had given him when he had tried to suggest a color for the curtains. Dean showed Castiel around the house before ushering him to the kitchen.

"You want something? Lisa said she went shopping before she left so there could be pretty much anything in here," Dean said as he opened the fridge and stuck his head inside of it. Castiel declined and told Dean he had had lunch. Dean grabbed a small tupperware box and turned to stare at Castiel with a disbelieving look.

"You're telling me you can survive a whole day with a lunch?" Dean asked with a voice that matched the look on his face perfectly. Castiel was torn between telling Dean that for some reason he looked extraordinarily cute with the tupperware in his hands and trying to explain that he really didn't need to eat that much. He decided to go with the latter since he was pretty sure Dean would throw the box in his hands at Castiel if he'd call him cute.

"I eat enough, I just don't get hungry that often," Castiel shrugged, making Dean roll his eyes while he opened the plastic box, placed the slice of pie in it to a plate and put it into the microwave to heat it up a bit. Castiel leaned to the counter and eyed his surroundings while Dean focused all his attention to heating the pie. After Dean was satisfied with the pie he poured Castiel a large glass full of apple juice and he didn't take any objections on the matter. He guided Castiel to the cozy living room and plopped himself down on the couch with a satisfied huff.

"On the day we moved in Lisa said I could eat and on the couch all I want but if I'd ruin it she'd have the right to torment me about it until the day I died. I try not to do this as much as I can. Lisa can get pretty vicious when she wants to," Dean told and stuffed his mouth full of the pie like it was something special and not to be wasted. Castiel sat next to Dean and relaxed into his side, still amazed how good it felt to be able do this. After a minute or two Dean nudged Castiel gently, drawing his attention.

"You're very quiet today," Dean observed and placed the now empty plate on the table before turning to face Castiel fully with a hint of concern in his eyes. Castiel looked at Dean with wide eyes and feigned innocence the best he could, but Dean simply hardened his expression and continued to stare Castiel down until he gave up and sighed resignedly.

"It's nothing, I've just been thinking," Castiel tried to explain it off as vaguely as he could, he wasn't sure how to tell Dean he had been having a some sort of identity crisis at the moment, especially when it was mostly Dean's fault, not to mention how uncertain he sometimes felt about him and Dean. He didn't want Dean to think he wanted to break up or anything like that because he didn't, he just wanted a bit more certainty to his life again. Dean gave him a curious look and shifted slightly.

"Seriously, it's nothing," Castiel assured and hoped Dean would just let it go. Castiel wasn't exactly sure if his face betrayed something, but suddenly Dean pulled him closer without a word and held him tightly for a moment before loosening his grip without letting go of Castiel.

"I guess I'll just have to believe you then," Dean said lightly, almost joking, but there was an edge in his words close to worry. Castiel was more than happy to let the subject go so he didn't say anything to alleviate Dean's worry, he simply sunk deeper into his embrace and sighed competently and hoped it would make everything a bit better. He wasn't all that surprised when Dean relaxed and started petting Castiel's hair absently.

At some point they decided to see if there was anything worth watching playing on the TV, and when Dean found a channel that was about to show a Star Wars movie he announced he was going to make them some popcorn and asked if Castiel would like a beer. The sudden change in the relaxed atmosphere confused Castiel a bit, but he still nodded at Dean's question and let him get up. After Castiel was left alone in the room he finally had the chance to look around properly without Dean's anxious stare on his back, and he got up and wandered to the bookshelf to take a closer look at the photographs he had noticed earlier.

There was one picture of Dean and a very tall man, whom Castiel supposed was Dean's brother after scrutinizing the picture for a while. He then moved to look at the wedding pictures that had been the first thing he had noticed, but hadn't wanted to see at first. Castiel felt a strong surge of guilt when he saw how happy the couple was, but when he took in the beautiful woman that was Lisa the guilt quickly turned into jealousy. He could easily see why Dean had fallen for her, but Castiel couldn't help but hate her just a little bit for it, he couldn't help but wonder that if she wasn't so pretty then maybe he'd have Dean all to himself. Not to mention that everything Castiel had told him about her indicated that she was an amazing person.

Castiel jumped minutely when he heard Dean's closing steps and he quickly moved back to looking at the picture of Dean and possibly his brother. He heard Dean stop abruptly somewhere behind him, before taking a breath and coming to Castiel's side and wrapping his arm around him. Castiel let his head fall on Dean's shoulder as he pointed at the picture he had been looking at.

"Is that your brother?" He asked and was pleased to feel Dean huff a laugh, the fact that he was able to get that particular reaction out of Dean made him feel more comfortable after seeing the wedding pictures.

"Yeah. Just so you know, I used to call him squirt a few years back, but then he had to go and stretch like that. Now I call him Sasquatch instead," Dean told Castiel with fond laughter in his voice. Castiel smiled amusedly when he tried to see the giant form that was Sam being short, but he knew he did very poor job on it, there was simply no way Castiel could ever imagine Sam any shorter than he was in the picture.

"Can we watch the movie now?" Dean asked and headed to the couch. Castiel could sense the discomfort radiating from Dean after he had taken his eyes off of the picture of his brother and noticed the one of him and Lisa, and he didn't want to make Dean feel any worse about this whole affair than he already did, so Castiel followed Dean to the couch and acted as if he hadn't even noticed the picture and curled next to Dean who offered him one of the beers he had brought with him. Dean put his arm lazily around Castiel's shoulder as the movie started.

Later, after the movie had ended and Dean had insisted they had to eat something, Dean guided Castiel to the bedroom without saying anything, but Castiel couldn't bring himself to complain, he was too tired to care. In fact, Castiel hadn't even realized how tired he had been until now. After they had taken their time to brush their teeth Dean helped Castiel out of his clothes and gently tucked him under the covers, and Castiel grinned lopsidedly at him, amused at the motherly way Dean was treating him all the sudden. A faint blush rose to Dean's face as he noticed the way Castiel looked at him, but he still crawled to the bed next to him and after Dean had fixed the covers he wrapped his arm around Castiel and placed a soft kiss on his forehead. Castiel wanted to tell Dean how much he meant to him, but he didn't have the energy to open his mouth and say the words. Instead he flung his arm over Dean's chest and let himself fall asleep.

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><p>Dean bit his lip, nearly drawing blood and considered if it would be a good idea to turn the car around and go tie Castiel up and hold him prisoner. In the end Dean doubted Castiel would appreciate it very much, so he let the idea go and concentrated on calming himself down enough that he could face Sam. It wasn't that easy though with the memories of the morning still fresh in his mind, how he had woken up to Castiel mapping his chest and abdomen with slow, wet kisses, and the vivid memory of being inside of Castiel was enough to make his jeans seem two sizes too small. Dean tried to pull his thoughts elsewhere, but now that he had allowed himself to think that particular part of his day he couldn't get his mind off of it, the memory of the way Castiel had gently guided Dean through it all, showed him what to do to make Castiel arch his back in pleasure and babble Dean's name incoherently was impossible to let go. Dean also remembered clearly how later that morning they had taken a shower together and he had washed Castiel's hair.<p>

Dean forced his mind out of the memories when he had to get out of the car and go find Sam inside the terminal, it wouldn't do any good for him to think of Castiel while facing Sam for the first time in a long time. Sam wasn't hard to spot in the sea of humans, since he was almost a head taller than the majority of the people in the terminal. Dean waived his hand to get his brothers attention as soon as he spotted him, and Sam raised his hand to let Dean know he had been seen before grabbing his bag and making his way towards Dean. Sam gave Dean a polite nod when he walked towards him, and Dean suddenly felt really guilty, he knew Sam was still upset about the whole thing with Lisa. They walked to the Impala in a heavy silence and drove off the airport without a word.

Dean knew this visit wouldn't go as they had planned, but that didn't change the fact that he was glad to see his brother. He tired to come up with something to say, but nothing good game into his mind, and Dean didn't want their first conversation to be about him and Castiel and his fight with Lisa. They made it all the way to Dean's home without a word, but once they were inside and Sam had put his stuff to the guest room he gave Dean the Look, and Dean knew he had no choice but let Sam speak his mind no matter how much it would hurt. Dean sat down on the couch and stared at the black TV screen while he waited for Sam to open his mouth.

"So, tell me what's been going on. And don't give me any bullshit, I can tell when you're lying," Sam said finally and somehow managed to sound judgmental, compassionate and completely clinical at the same time, making Dean wonder for the umpteenth time how he did it. Unfortunately for Sam Dean had no idea what to tell him. He couldn't bring himself to say out loud that he's cheating on Lisa, and he didn't want to talk about what had been going on between him and her, so there was really nothing he could say. Dean shook his head tiredly and hoped Sam would let it drop, but he knew his brother well enough to know there was no chance for that.

"Lisa said you two had a fight, and that you've been acting strange. She's really worried, you know? I didn't tell her anything, but she's afraid that if you don't fix this problem you might end up getting a divorce, and she doesn't want that. She said it should be the last resort, so you two need to work this out, okay?" Sam continued and sat down next to Dean, who didn't have any response for him. Dean knew Sam was right, and he agreed with Lisa, divorce wasn't something he wanted. Since Sam was clearly waiting for some sort of response Dean nodded weakly and waited for Sam to continue.

"You're not helping very much," Sam observed, sounding a little insulted, but he still continued on trying to fix everything. "Like I said, I didn't tell Lisa about you and... What was his name again?" Sam frowned in concentration as he tried to recall the name.

"Castiel," Dean helped quietly, mainly because he wanted this to end as soon as possible. Sam looked at his brother and seemed a bit surprised to hear him talk, but the surprise faded quickly and was replaced with hope.

"Castiel, right. Sorry I forgot, I've had a lot in my mind lately. Anyways, tell me about it," Sam prompted and Dean let out a unamused laugh, it was so typical of Sam to apologize for forgetting the name of the guy who Dean was having an affair with.

"There's nothing to tell," Dean said and finally turned towards Sam, daring him to push the subject. Sam studied him for a while, and Dean knew he would end up giving Sam what he wanted if he'd keep talking. Dean had been keeping everything to himself for far too long to not want to talk about it with someone even for a while, and here Sam was offering that chance. Still, Dean knew what it would mean if he'd have this conversation and let Sam inside. He'd have to admit betraying Lisa's trust and he doubted Sam would ever look at him the same again.

"Dean," Sam said with a demanding tone, and as Dean had suspected he couldn't find the will to keep arguing anymore. He got up fast and started pacing the living room, running his hands through his hair irritably.

"What do you want me to say, exactly? That I'd rather be with Cas than Lisa? That every time I'm around him I feel more alive than I have in years and I hate it that I can't feel anything even close to it with Lisa? Or that I can't let Lisa go because maybe, if I did and I'd move in with Cas or something he'd decide I'm just not worth it all and then I'd end up alone and I would've ruined my life for nothing. You want me to tell you how scared I really am knowing that Cas could leave me at any moment and not look back, and so could Lisa? Is that what you want to hear?" Dean shouted angrily, letting his emotions take over and not really paying any attention to what he was actually saying. Sam was still seated on the couch, but now he was studying Dean with a sympathetic glow in his eyes, and Dean hated it, he didn't want Sam's pity.

"I just want you to talk to me like you used to," Sam said quietly, almost whispering, and Dean's anger deflated almost immediately. Dean knew he had just thrown all his insecurities at Sam without even meaning to do so, and suddenly he felt very tired. He slumped down on the armchair and looked at Sam like he expected him to hold all the answers Dean needed. They sat in the heavy silence for a while until Sam let out a heavy breath and looked at Dean apologetically.

"I wish I could tell you what to do, but this is something you need to figure out yourself. I'll be here for you, of course, but I can't make any decisions for you," Sam said with a sad puppy look on his face. Dean nodded, and even though he would have liked to have Sam telling him what to do he understood why he didn't do it and agreed with him, this was something Dean needed to do by himself. Since the sharing and caring seemed to be over Dean relaxed a bit and ran his hand down his face before making a decision.

"You want waffles? I think there's still some left from this morning," Dean asked and got up, heading to the kitchen without waiting for an answer. Sam followed him and accepted the offer confusedly. Dean didn't spare Sam a glance when he took a look inside the fridge and pulled out a plate with few waffles on it, waffles that Castiel had made for him after discovering that Lisa owned a waffle iron. Dean had let Castiel do as he wished since it had seemed to make the younger man happy, and that was all Dean wanted. Dean heated the waffles and put them on two plates, making sure they both got an equal share, before getting the maple syrup and pouring it on the plates.

"Here you go," Dean offered one of the plates in his hands to Sam who accepted it with a thank you, and they went to sit by the dining table. Dean observed Sam curiously as he took the first bite of his waffle, and smiled proudly when Sam let out a surprised sound. Sam looked at Dean with wide eyes and motioned towards the plate with his fork while he swallowed.

"These are amazing. I didn't even remember how well Lisa made these," Sam said with wonder, making Dean flinch minutely. Sam must have noticed it since he stared Dean with a questioning frown while he cut himself another mouthful of the waffles. Dean saw no point in lying since Sam already knew how he felt about Castiel, and he didn't want to risk Sam accidentally complimenting Lisa on her waffle making skills the next time they talked. Dean cleared his throat and prepared himself for Sam's disapproving stare.

"Actually, I had Cas staying here last night and he kinda insisted on making these after he found the waffle iron," Dean told Sam and avoided facing him the best he could. He knew the fork in Sam's hand had stopped somewhere around midway to his mouth, and Dean could feel the disbelieving stare directed to his way.

"Oh," Sam huffed and let the fork fall back on the plate, and Dean had to restrain himself from remarking that Sam hadn't had anything against the waffles until he had heard who had made them.

"Can I meet him?" Sam asked suddenly and Dean nearly dropped the fork in his hands to the floor, and almost choked on the waffle in his mouth. Dean held his hand up to keep Sam quiet as he regained his composure, and Sam took the time to finally guide his fork to his mouth, probably to busy himself while Dean slowly choked in front of him.

"No, you can't," Dean stated firmly as soon as he was in no immediate danger of dying. Sam frowned at him and was clearly trying to understand why Dean wouldn't allow him to meet Castiel. Dean just stared at him hard and didn't bother to explain his decision further.

"Why not? I'd like to know what he's like," Sam tried again and this time Dean slammed the fist that was holding the fork to the table with a bit more force that was really necessary to drive his point home, making Sam jump a little in his chair.

"Because I don't want you to criticize him, or look at him like he'd done something wrong or like you're better than him, and I definitely don't want you to going all high and mighty on him and start giving him one of your moral pep talks," Dean snapped and took some weird satisfaction from the hurt look Sam sent his way. They continued to eat their waffles in silence, and when they had finished Sam collected the plates and took them to the kitchen while Dean stayed sitting by the table. Sam returned after a while with a contemplative frown on his face, and Dean was immediately on guard.

"Just one more thing. You don't need to answer this if you don't want to, but is it really worth it to stay with Lisa because you're used to it and not take the risk and see if you could really make it work with this Castiel?" Sam asked and left, leaving Dean alone with the question still hanging in the air. Dean didn't have an answer for Sam, but for the first time he actually thought about the question.

Was Castiel really worth leaving Lisa for?

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><p><strong><em>AN : _**_Facts about this chapter :_

_1) I used to bite my nails but then one day I just stopped. Now my sister's boyfriends habit of biting his nails is driving me up the walls. I've actually smacked him with a book to make him stop, and apparently my sister has done the same thing couple of times. FYI, violence doesn't seem to be the solution on this case._

_2) Telling women how to decorate is practically a suicide attempt, or at least that's what all my male friends tell me... I think they're right._

_3) Thing about eating : Because of metabolism some people have to eat a lot and others very little, some gain weight easily without actually eating that much more than anyone else, and some can stuff their faces full and still look really thin. I once knew a guy who had a habit of eating two or three full plates at one go, twice a day along with chocolate, candy and cola, and he just wouldn't gain any extra pounds. On the other hand I can go without eating for few days and not even realize I haven't eaten anything (I drink coffee every day but I doubt that counts)._

_4) The waffles are included in here because I've been watching Heroes for a while now and they are always eating waffles and now the waffles are haunting me._


	20. Interlude - Sam

_**A/N :**__ This is something I came up eight chapters ago, and this was originally meant to be written from Lisa's POV, but I decided to leave that for later since I've already written the ending of the last chapter of the second part of the story and if I do this again Lisa will be perfect there. I'd really love to jump right to the third part even though I have a lot planned for happening before it because there will be some very big stuff happening there. On the other hand there will be some very big stuff happening next too so maybe I'll just write it first._

_I've also been thinking about putting together some of the remaining outtakes (my computer freaked out and some of them got deleted) from the first part and maybe post them now since I might be taking few weeks away from this story before I start really writing the next part. There's some scenes taking place before the first chapter, and few cut scenes from the story itself (like the first time between Dean and Cas, I had written it weeks ago but forgot to add it in the previous chapter)._

_So if you people are interested in reading those outtakes now let me know and I'll post them ASAP. Otherwise I'll just finish the whole story first and put all the cut stuff together in one big post._

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><p><strong>Where Do We Draw the Line<strong>

**Interlude - Sam**

Sam loved his brother, he really did, but sometimes Dean drove him mad with his need to protect everyone he loved even if it meant he'd have to suffer. Sam could admit it was a horrible thing to do, but he had gently tried to talk Dean out of marrying Lisa because of this. He had known Dean would never be able to leave her when it would be the best choice, because he wouldn't want to hurt her feelings, and now Dean was trapped in a Hell of his own making. The part of Sam that spent all its time worrying about Dean and trying to make him see reason couldn't help but be satisfied because of Dean's current misery.

Sam wasn't exactly sure if Dean hadn't expected him to figure out what was going on between him and this Castiel, but Sam knew his brother a bit too well and had caught up with the situation immediately. Dean had, of course, tried to deny it all at first, but Sam had known he had been right. Dean had yet to actually admit out loud that he was having an affair, but he had admitted he had feelings for Castiel, and that was a start. Sam could see it in his brothers eyes that what Dean felt for Castiel was far stronger than what he felt for Lisa, and somehow Sam managed to be a little happy for Dean now that he had found the one he had been looking for. The fact that Dean had fallen for another man wasn't anything Sam really dwelled upon, he had known about Dean's interest in men for years, and even though it had been a little weird at first Sam had grown used to it pretty fast. Sam wasn't sure if their parents knew about it, though.

The point was that Sam had always tried to help Dean the best he could even if Dean sometimes disagreed with him, but now Sam was facing a situation where he couldn't just tell Dean what was the right thing to do. All he could do was to offer some advice and hope Dean would take it. Sam wanted Dean to do something about the situation as soon as he could, because he knew it wasn't fair for anyone involved in it that Dean kept both Lisa and Castiel to himself when it was clear that his marriage to Lisa wasn't working and he had started a relationship with someone who had to endure the fact that Dean was never completely his.

And Dean had been wrong when he had said Sam would look at Castiel down his nose just because he was sleeping with his brother who just happened to be married. Sam didn't approve of it, but he wasn't stupid enough to think that people could control their emotions, especially the ones that were as strong as love. So no, Sam didn't like the way their relationship had started, but he couldn't really blame Castiel for it now could he? There had to be something wrong in a relationship if one of the parties involved in it was willing to cheat on the other. Sam was just interested in what kind of person Castiel was, that's all. He wanted to know what kind of a person could make Dean glow in the way he did when he thought of Castiel.

Sam was pretty sure he knew exactly what Dean was feeling towards Castiel, because he felt it for Jessica, and that was one of the reasons Sam wanted Dean to do something about the status quo, he didn't want to introduce his girlfriend to his family when Dean was such a mess, he didn't want to put Jess in the middle of this horrible situation Dean had created for himself. How could he bring Jess to his family when his brother's marriage was hanging on the edge? Sam had explained to Jess that his brother was having some trouble in his life and that was why he hadn't taken her with him to meet Dean, because Sam didn't want Jess to think that he didn't want his family to meet her.

If Dean hadn't had that fight with Lisa Sam would might have brought Jess with him, but after he had talked to Lisa he couldn't bring himself to put Jess in the middle of Dean's personal crisis. Sam could still hear Lisa's worried voice in his head when she had told him what was going on in their life, and how she had asked Sam to talk some sense to Dean because he wouldn't listen to her anymore.

Sam had been in the middle of packing when his phone had rung, and the moment he had seen the caller ID he had known something was up. Sam had answered the phone cautiously, hardening himself for what ever it was that had been going on in his brother's life this time. Lisa had sounded teary and so worried when she had explained the situation to Sam.

"It's like he doesn't see me anymore, and if he for some reason notices me he's cold, like he doesn't want me there. I don't know what to do anymore, I've tried to talk to him, I've let him sulk and I've gone along with it all but I just can't take this anymore. Dean's been distant before but never like this. This started few weeks after he met up with you and Jo, and it's just getting worse every day. Can you please talk to him?" Lisa had explained, and Sam had unfortunately known right away what the problem was, but he couldn't tell it to Lisa, it wasn't his job. Instead he had tried to calm Lisa down and had promised to see if there was anything he could do.

And now, here Sam was, trying to fix something that couldn't possibly be fixed. This whole thing had a disaster written all over it and Sam didn't know if any one of them would come out of it and not be broken. Sam had Jess if he would need to talk to someone, but Dean would have no-one if Sam wouldn't be there for him, and Sam wasn't sure if he could see his brother through this one. He tried not to think about it too hard as he played with the phone in his hand, he had promised to give Lisa a call after he had talked with Dean, but he had no idea what to tell her. Still, Sam dialed Lisa's number and waited for her to answer while listening for Dean's footsteps in case he decided to come and check on his little brother. It didn't take Lisa long to answer, and Sam suspected she had been waiting for the call anxiously.

"Hey Lisa, it's Sam. I talked to Dean and I think I might have got him thinking," Sam said and heard Lisa let out a relieved breath. She was strong, Sam had to give her that, he just hoped she could find it in herself to forgive Dean for what he had done if she ever found out about it.

"So, what's going on with him?" Lisa asked tentatively, and Sam didn't like the answer he was about to give at all, but it was the one he needed to give.

"I think that's something you need to talk about with Dean. I don't want to start making things any worse by telling you what's going on with him when he's not ready to tell it to you himself. Just remember that Dean loves you, I'm sure of that," Sam said, and he was proud of himself for not lying. He knew Dean loved Lisa, but just not enough to want to spend the rest of his life with her. Sam could almost see Lisa nodding slowly on the other end of the line, and when he got no answer he continued.

"I'm sure you two can work this out, just give Dean a little time. Maybe, if you really think things are that bad, you could get some professional help. You know, to have a third party there to help you sort things out, get you both talking to one another," Sam suggested and hoped Lisa would see that right now it was the best opinion for them. Lisa sighted heavily and Sam gave her time to consider his suggestion. He didn't really thing that getting help would fix everything, but maybe it would help Dean and Lisa to start talking to themselves again and then they could work everything out without killing each other.

"I think you're right. I hate to ask this from you but do you think you could talk about it for Dean? I'll make the choice with him, of course, but I think he'd listen to you a little better right now," Lisa agreed in the end, and Sam was more than happy to help her in this matter. They ended the call and Sam let out a tired sigh. He was getting a headache from everything he had to put up with his brother.

After a lot of persuading Dean agreed to consider getting help for him and Lisa even though he made it very clear he didn't like the idea at all, and he would never be willing to bring him and Castiel up, and suddenly Sam had the creeping suspicion that Dean had only said he'd think about it to make Sam shut up. Sam would have argued about the benefits of any for of relationship counseling for a bit longer, but Dean's phone rang, letting them know Dean had received a text message, and suddenly Dean was bolting around the kitchen, putting the water glass in his hands to the sink and practically running to the front door. Sam hurried after him, unsure what to think about the whole situation as he tried to get Dean to tell him what was going on.

"I told Cas to let me know when he'd get off from work so I could pick him up since I won't be seeing him for few days. I won't be long," Dean explained and then he was out of the door, leaving the confused Sam standing in the hallway. He didn't really mind Dean leaving him alone for a while, but it would have been nice if Dean would have let him know about it a bit sooner. Sam strode to the living room and turned the TV on, wondering how this all would end and hoping that Dean would do the right thing, whatever that was. Maybe some day Dean would even let Sam meet Castiel.

* * *

><p><em><strong>AN :**__There really isn't that much to be said about this, but I've never really written anything from Sam's POV and it was kind of nice to do so now that I had a good reason for it. I wanted to add an outside view to the relationship between Dean and Cas, and somehow Sam seemed like the logical choice since he knows what's going on but has to suffer in silence._

_At this point I'll thank you all for keeping up with me this far and I promise I'll start working on the next part before January ends. T_ell me what you think of the story so far, and if there's something you'd like to see in the future just let me know, I'll see if I can add it up.__


	21. Part 2 : Chapter 1

**_A/N : _**_I'm back, and I'll try to work up a relatively steady updating pace from now on, just give me a moment to get back on the track again. This chapter is shorter than I would've liked, but somehow I just got stuck and had to end it there (not a writers block, I assure you, just a minor obstacle in the way). From now on things will slowly (or not so slowly, depending on my moods), get more intense, and I have already written most of the last chapter for this part, so now I have something I can work towards to. Let's just hope my muse stays with me for a while._

* * *

><p><strong>Where Do We Draw the Line<strong>

**Part 2 : Chapter 1**

_Few months later..._

Dean was going to murder his brother, there was no doubt about it. He had just got off the phone with Sam who had had the guts to tell him he had accepted an offer to come and work at the local law firm for the summer, a bit like a summer job like Sam had put it. Dean couldn't believe that the only reason Sam had accepted the job offer was because the owner of the firm was related to one of his teachers who had asked if they could take some of her students over to get a little job experience. Dean was convinced Sam took the job so that he could be keeping an eye on Dean every day of the week like he wanted to, and that would make it harder for Dean to see Castiel.

Dean had created a sort of an art form from keeping people oblivious to his relationship with Castiel. They rarely met in the middle of the week, unless Dean had a longer lunch break and Castiel had free time, and Dean had agreed with Lisa that they would both be taking Saturday as a day to do what ever they wanted, and they would both spend the Sunday evening at home. That left Dean with regrettably few chances to see Castiel, but the arrangement worked for now and everyone seemed happy.

Lisa and Dean had worked most of their differences out, but even Dean had to admit their relationship was not what it had been before Castiel had showed up, it seemed like they were always on guard around each other nowdays. Not to mention that Dean could practically see how hard Sam tried to keep himself from glaring at Dean murderously every time they met, which would be very often if he was indeed coming over for the entire summer. Sam would come and ruin everything Dean had worked for, he had balanced his life again, and was in process of slowly getting more time for Castiel out of his time with Lisa and work, but it took time and planning, and Dean didn't want his brother to come and disrupt the delicate order he had created. Ecpecially when that order allowed him to work on his problem of attempting to choose who he wanted more, Cas or Lisa.

Castiel would laugh and shake his head affectionately if Dean were to tell him what was going on in his head, and weirdly enough the thought gave Dean some comfort. In the past months Dean had found out many things about Castiel, like the fact that even though he could be called a neat freak he had no idea how to keep his clothes in order, or that he couldn't decide whether or not he liked cats better than dogs, and you would have to be suicidal to piss him off. Dean had never actually seen Castiel mad, but he had told him about his time in college and how he got kicked out. Dean still had trouble believing that Castiel could actually hurt anyone, but he didn't want to take his chances.

The one thing Castiel was extremely tight lipped about was his family, and that was something that bothered Dean more than he would've liked to admit. Castiel had interrogated Dean about his family in multiple occasions, but the one time Dean had tried to do the same to him Castiel had shut down and the coldness that had surrounded him had actually been quite terrifying. Dean could still remember the death glare Castiel had given him, and it was not a pleasant memory. Dean couldn't help but be curious about the matter, though. What was it that made Castiel so reluctant to even tell Dean the names of his family members? Dean had once had a chance to ask about it from Pamela, but she had just raised her arms and shaken her head, saying that Dean's guess was as good as hers.

Dean shook his head and got up from his chair where he had been staring at the laptop monitor for the past fifteen minutes, and went to the kitchen. He avoided arousing Lisa's attention mainly because he wasn't in the mood for chatting. Dean managed to dodge Lisa, and he got himself a glass of cool water while he thought about everything that had happened to him.

Dean had given serious thought about telling Lisa everything that was going on, but in the end he never got around it. The idea of looking at Lisa in the eyes and telling her he had betrayed the trust she had given him was unbearable, and that had stopped Dean when he had actually tried to start a conversation about the matter. That was one of the reasons Dean wanted to keep things as they were, if he was to gather the courage to tell Lisa the truth he needed things to be as normal as possible before everything went straight to Hell, so Dean really didn't need Sam messing everything up right now.

Dean frowned miserably and accepted the fact that he needed to come up with a new way to deal with his life if Sam was moving into the same city with him. He forced himself to go and tell Lisa about his brothers latest way of sabotaging his life, and maybe he could convince Lisa that it would be a very bad idea to have Sam over for dinner more often than once a week. Dean found Lisa sitting on the couch in the living room, staring at the TV screen and biting her fingernails nervously. Dean took one look at the screen and smiled amusedly when he saw that Lisa was watching the horror movie Dean had recorded last night for the weekend. Dean sneaked behind Lisa and tapped her shoulder, making her jump in surprise.

"Stop scaring me," Lisa shrieked and slapped Dean halfheartedly as he slid to the couch and pulled Lisa closer, trying to re-create something that had been destroyed months ago. Lisa seemed happy to wrap herself around Dean, though, so Dean put his arms around her and buried his face in her hair, taking in the familiar scent of his wife. Sometimes Dean missed the time when he didn't know Castiel, and at those times he wondered if it would be better for everyone that he'd take Lisa and move to another city, and not tell Castiel where they were going. Dean never did anything like it, though, he knew he would miss Castiel and he'd never be happy if he couldn't see those bright blue eyes as often as possible.

"I talked with Sam. He said he's grabbing his girlfriend and coming over here for summer. Apparently they've got summer jobs at some law firm in town and they've already rented a place to stay," Dean told Lisa after few minutes of comfortable silence. Lisa was quiet for a while before turning to face Dean with a soft smile on her face.

"Maybe we should help them move in. I'd like to meet that girlfriend of his, Jessica wasn't it?" Lisa said and her smile widened when Dean gave her a horrified look.

"You do not want to help Sam move in. He'll be there with a ruler to see that everything is precisely in the right place, and if you do something wrong he'll bitch about it 'till you die," Dean told in a convincing tone, but Lisa just laughed at him and placed a affectionate kiss to his cheek.

"I think I can handle Sam," Lisa assured, and Dean knew she was right. He just didn't want to leave Lisa and Sam alone for long, who knew how morally obligated Sam would feel to tell her about Dean and Castiel? Dean considered his options on the matter while they watched the movie play on the screen. He could always go with Lisa and make sure Sam wouldn't get the chance to say anything to her, but then he would have to endure Sam's accusing glares.

"Why did you want to see this again?" Lisa asked after a while, interrupting Dean's musings. Dean glanced his wife quickly with a disbelieving eyes before returning his eyes to the TV screen.

"It's Johnny Depp's first movie. I thought that since I've seen so many movies with him in them I could watch this one too," Dean answered nonchalantly, leaving out the part where Castiel had made quite a fuss on taking the evening off so that he could go over to Chuck's place with Pamela and they would watch the movie, and Dean wanted to see it so that he could talk about it later with Castiel.

"Well, he is pretty gorgeous," Lisa admitted and Dean agreed, drawing an amused laugh from Lisa. Dean tried to feel like he used to when he heard that particular laugh, but he couldn't find that loving warmth inside of him anymore, at least not exactly the same kind. The warmth was there, but the love Dean had always felt for Lisa had changed, turned into something closer to friendship than anything else. Dean wondered if Lisa would understand him if he were to tell her about him and Castiel. Knowing Lisa she would accept it at some point, but Dean was pretty sure there would be a lot of screaming and disgusted looks before that.

"So what are you doing tomorrow?" Lisa asked suddenly, startling Dean who hadn't expected to be questioned about his plans for the next day. He knew it would be Saturday so he would be spending the day with Castiel, but he hadn't really thought about what he would tell Lisa. Last week had been easy since he had went to see Jo in the morning before spending few hours with Castiel, but now he didn't have anything like that to cover him.

"Um. I'll probably go out with some friends. Why? Did you have something in mind?" Dean answered quickly and hoped he didn't sound too guilty. He really wished Lisa hadn't come up with anything else for them to do, Dean wanted to spend the day with Castiel like he had planned.

"No, just wondering if you could drop me off at the mall, me and some of the girls are going shopping," Lisa replied and Dean relaxed. He promised to take Lisa where ever she wanted to go only if she promised not to spend all their money on clothes, shoes, bags and other stuff she didn't really need at the moment. Lisa agreed on the terms even though she laughed at Dean's need to put them up in the first place. They stayed silent after that, Dean petting Lisa's hair absently and Lisa keeping her hands loosely wrapped around him until the movie ended. After that Dean got up and said he'd finish his work before getting to bed since he didn't want to have to do it during the weekend. Lisa gave him a nod and a pleasant smile, but Dean could see a hint of sadness in her eyes and he knew it was there because of him. Dean would have to talk to Castiel tomorrow, see if he had anything to say about this situation.

* * *

><p>Castiel sat by his window and tried to blow smoke rings. He had managed to do it few times in the past, but lately it had been very difficult for him to relax enough to actually do it. Castiel could have handled problems at work, a fight with Chuck or Pamela or even them both, but somehow he had developed a whole new stress level, and it was all because of Dean. Castiel gave up his attempt to create smoke rings for now, instead he tried to come up with an explanation as to why he would willingly let himself endure everything his relationship with Dean put him through, and he didn't want the only explanation to be love, that couldn't really be it.<p>

Castiel didn't mind them meeting only few times a week, sometimes not even that. He didn't really even mind Dean being married, and Castiel knew Dean had to feel bad about Cas' line of work as well and when you thought about it, Dean and Castiel were both cheating on each other, Dean by being with his wife and Castiel by doing his job. What was really driving Castiel up the walls was the uncertainty, all he wanted was some reassurance that Dean loved him and then he'd be happy, Castiel could wait for Dean to decide what he wanted even if it would take years.

Castiel put out the cigarette and and let out a deep breath before closing the window and going to the living room to wait for Dean to arrive. He knew that he'd stop doubting Dean's feelings for him the moment he'd walk in Castiel's front door, and at that moment it was something he hated. Of course, Castiel knew he wouldn't care about it as long as Dean was with him, but he also knew the doubt would return the moment Dean would leave. Castiel couldn't stand the effect Dean had on him.

It took Dean five minutes to interrupt Castiel's musings by ringing the door bell, and Castiel jumped up in excitement and ran to the door, opening it with a bright smile on his face. Dean returned the smile as he pushed Castiel back inside and closed the door behind him before capturing Castiel's lips in a searing kiss that Castiel returned immediately, making sure Dean knew exactly how much Castiel had missed him. When they finally parted their lips just enough to breathe, Castiel felt really terrible and incredibly happy at the same time, he knew he'd have to tell Dean he wasn't going to stay here for the whole evening, but Castiel didn't want to ruin the moment. In the end they managed to get to the living room where Dean slumped on the couch and pulled Castiel to his arms.

"Sam's moving in here in a couple of weeks," Dean said as soon as they were comfortably seated on the couch. Castiel wasn't exactly sure what he should say to that, he knew Dean loved his brother more than anything in this world, but he also knew that lately Dean hadn't been too keen of the idea of seeing his brother. Castiel hadn't yet come up with a proper answer when Dean spoke again.

"Good thing I've got you. Did you have something in mind for this evening or do we just go with the flow?" Dean's question made Castiel flinch, and unfortunately Dean noticed it. He gave Castiel a questioning look and tensed a little as Castiel disentangled himself from Dean's arms and sat up straight, not looking at Dean.

"I, um, I've got to go to work later. One of my regulars is going to Europe and his flight has a four hour stop in here. He called me yesterday and I promised I'd go see him," Castiel explained hastily, unable to meet Dean's eyes even as he sensed the man beside him tense and the air around them turned from loving to ice cold. Castiel waited for Dean to say something, anything at all to break the silence, because he had no idea how to make the situation any better.

"We get one whole day together in a week, and you'd rather spend it screwing some stranger than with me? In what universe does that make any sense?" Dean demanded harshly, making Castiel wish the Earth would open up and swallow him down. Unfortunately Castiel wasn't that lucky, and he was left there to feel like a complete idiot, of course he wanted to be with Dean, but he also needed to do his job.

"You know I'd rather be with you than anyone else, but I need to work too. I can't control other peoples schedules and I can't always take a day off because it happens to fit _your _timetable. I don't tell you how to organize your days, or complain about your working hours or the time you spent away from me, so the least you could do is to give me the same courtesy," Castiel snapped and got up, stomping to the kitchen even though he didn't really need anything from there. He had no idea what had made him lose his temper in such manner, and he didn't like it at all. Dean came after him, but didn't come to stand by Castiel like he usually did.

"What is it that do you want me to do, exactly?" Dean asked after a few long seconds. _I want you to tell me you love me,_ that was what Castiel wanted to say, but he couldn't get the words out. Instead he turned around and finally faced Dean with a sad smile.

"I don't want to fight," Castiel said quietly and it was true, he had no interest in fighting with Dean over anything and that was one of the reasons he had never asked Dean to leave his wife even if that was something Castiel wanted more than almost anything.

"Yeah, me neither. But you know I can't stand your job and I just thought we'd have the whole day to ourselves," Dean admitted, his anger deflated, and he walked up to Castiel and pulled him in a loose hug. Castiel took a moment to relax to Dean's touch and be grateful that they had avoided a full blown fight before giving Dean a quirk of a smile.

"Well, think about it like this; even though I get paid for having sex with other people it's you who I always come back to. And you're the only one who actually gets to have the real me in the bed and not just some imaginary character I've made up," he said seriously with a tone that left no room for doubt, Castiel wanted Dean to understand just how much he meant for him, and that he had given Dean the real Castiel, something no-one else had had a chance to get. Dean studied Castiel's face for few seconds before relaxing and letting a fond smile come to play on his lips.

"I'll keep that in mind," Dean promised with a light tone, but Castiel could see in his eyes that he meant it and that was all he really wanted. Castiel stole a soft kiss from Dean before gently removing himself from Dean's arms and wandering back to the living room now that they had cleared the air. Dean followed him silently, and it wasn't hard for Castiel to figure out that Dean was still sulking because he had to go to work later, but Castiel hoped Dean would be wise enough to not let it ruin the time they still had in their hands.

Castiel waited until Dean slouched on the couch again, before he sat on Dean's lap and gave him the most innocent look he could muster. Dean glared at Castiel briefly, but the fond spark in his eyes was more than obvious to Castiel and he let a wide smile spread to his face. Dean kept stealing glances at Castiel from the corner of his eye every few seconds while he went through the TV channels trying to find something worth watching for more than few seconds, not that they would be watching it much. A while ago Dean had insisted they should watch one movie every week, and that one of them would pick the movie and the other would have to suffer through it. A week ago Dean had made Castiel sit through _The Untouchables,_ and Castiel had nearly choked Dean after the first hour because he kept quoting the lines every other minute.

Castiel snuggled closer to Dean and tried not to think about leaving in a few hours. They didn't talk much, there was really nothing to discuss at the moment, and Castiel could see that Dean was still upset because he had to go to work. Castiel hoped there was something he could do or say to ease Dean's mind, but the facts remained the same no matter how he looked at them. Castiel also regretted breaking their habit of watching a movie, but they didn't really have the time to watch anything at the moment, and he was more than happy to sit in Dean's arms for the rest of his life if that would have been possible.

In the end Castiel still had to get up and tell Dean he had to go to work, and he did so with a great deal of reluctance. Dean's expression turned unreadable when Castiel went to change his clothes, making cold chills run down Castiel's spine. He hated it when he didn't know what was going on in Dean's mind, because then he might accidentally say or do something that would piss Dean off. Not that Castiel was overly careful not to make Dean angry and they had had few rather heated arguments in the past, but there were times when he preferred not to do so, and this was definitely one of them. That was why he kept a bright smile on his face while pulling Dean into a deep kiss that left no room for doubt on who it was exactly that Castiel loved the most in the world, before he had to leave in order to be on time on his appointment.

Dean walked with Castiel until they got to his car, where he turned to face Castiel and directed a piercing stare at him. Castiel knew he would have to hurry if he'd stay and talk with Dean for much longer, and the look directed at him wasn't exactly a pleasant one, but he stopped and faced Dean even if it wasn't the best decision to make. Dean played with the car keys and averted his eyes when Castiel returned the stare questioningly.

"You sure you don't need a ride now? Or later?" Dean asked quickly, but Castiel shook his head. He had the feeling that Dean wouldn't allow him to leave the car if he'd get in it, and he doubted he'd have much use for a ride later.

"No, I'm fine. But I can call you later if I need a lift," Castiel promised because there really was no harm in doing so, and Dean would understand if Castiel would get a taxi to drive him home. Still, the look on Dean's face was more hopeful than anything Castiel had seen from Dean for a long time, no matter how hard Dean was trying to hide it, and Castiel made a mental note to ask Dean for a ride later even if he didn't really need it.

Castiel kept his eyes strictly on Dean's car as he drove away, before walking a few blocks and grabbing a free taxi driving by. Castiel forced himself to push Dean from his mind for the time being as he relaxed in his seat and closed his eyes for a moment.

* * *

><p><strong><em>AN : _**_Facts about this chapter :_

_1) The movie Dean recorded was the first Nightmare on Elm Street._

_2) Dean made a big fuss about The Untouchables in the latest Supernatural episode (7x12), and I thought it was actually a bit adorable. I also loved Sam in that episode, mainly because he said cartoon smut, how many times you hear a character in a TV show say that?_

_3) The whole "let's watch a different movie every week, I pick one for this week and you the next" is something I used to do with an old friend, so I'm sort of paying my respects for her with this._

_And don't forget to tell me what you think =)_


	22. Part 2 : Chapter 2

**_A/N : _**_I was thinking that maybe I could get some offical looking paper saying that I need to get my own nhorse because my back requiers the kind of work out that you get from riding. Seriously, I got hospitalized because my muscels are constantly so tensed that I can't even breathe well. And this happened after I had to quit riding for a few months. I've been to all kinds of therapies in these past months but nothing seems to help. Guess I just have to get a new horse under training._

_But anyways, here's the second chapter of the second part. Hope you enjoy it =)_

* * *

><p><strong>Where Do We Draw the Line<strong>

**Part 2 : Chapter 2**

Jessica wasn't really what Dean had expected her to be when he had thought about what Sam's girlfriend would be like. He had expected to meet someone slightly naive and geeky, like Sam, but Jessica was surprisingly sharp tongued, and while she knew a lot about computers and stuff like that, she wasn't what one would call a geek. Not to mention she was one of the hottest people Dean had ever met, and he had to raise a metaphorical hat to Sam for managing to get such a woman to fall for himself. Maybe Sam had actually taken some of Dean's advices about girls to his heart after all.

Dean was also more than happy to notice that Lisa and Jess got along really well from the start. So after the four of them had unpacked a few boxes that Sam and Jessica had dragged into their new apartment, Lisa and Jess grabbed their purses and Lisa informed the two men that she would be taking Jess out for a coffee. Dean gaped at her in the most offended way he could, earning himself an amused snort and a quick kiss before the women disappeared through the door, laughing at something that was most likely a girl thing. After the door closed behind them Dean turned to look at his brother with a mischievous smirk on his face, and Sam raised his hand to silence Dean before he had a chance to say anything.

"I know what you're thinking, so you don't need to say it," Sam informed his brother with a stern tone and opened another box that had _fragile _written on top of it. Dean snorted, but decided to let it drop for now. He had been aiming knowing looks at Sam's way all day, so maybe he had done enough teasing for few hours. Not to mention that Sam seemed a bit stressed and against his brothers firm belief Dean wasn't a complete ass.

"I wasn't going to say anything," Dean said in the most innocent voice he could come up with and gave Sam his own version of the puppy eyes that, unfortunately, came nowhere near as irresistible as Sam's. The only person Dean had ever seen to be able to match Sam in that particular area was Cas, and that said a lot about his talents. Sam simply gave his brother one of his famous bitchfaces, not buying Dean's innocent act for a moment.

"If you're not going to be teasing me for the rest of the day, which I don't really believe by the way, then you can at least tell me when I'll get to meet your boyfriend," Sam said nonchalantly after a while, not looking at Dean as he spoke. Dean dropped the books he was holding back to their box at the words and froze for a second, before turning to face his brother, anger turning his face red.

"We've been through this. You're not gonna meet Cas because I don't want you to make him feel bad. I know you, and you'd be looking at him down your nose and making sure he'd know just how little you think of him," Dean snapped, trying to keep his voice from raising. Sam gave Dean a look that managed to communicate annoyance, disbelief and patience at the same time. If Dean had been in any better mood he would probably found it fascinating even after all the years he had known Sam, but right now he couldn't really care less.

"If I'd be looking at someone down my nose it would be you," Sam responded matter of factly, and Dean glared his brother murderously while he fought the need to ask what Sam meant, even though he already had a pretty good idea. Sam had made it clear that he had nothing against Castiel, even if they had never met, and that he didn't blame Cas for his relationship with Dean. Sam had even made sure Dean knew that Sam didn't mind Dean having feelings for another guy, and that the only thing Sam did have a problem with was Dean having a relationship outside his marriage. Dean took a deep breath to calm himself, and readied himself for the conversation that would no doubt start after Dean told his brother what he had been thinking for a very long time now. Dean dreaded the topic more than anything, but if he ever wanted to get some sense back to his messed up life he needed to talk to _someone _about it, and Sam was his best choice at the moment.

"I've been thinking about getting a divorce," Dean told his brother as casually as he could without meeting Sam's suddenly wide eyes. He didn't need to see Sam to know he was staring at Dean with his mouth gaping in surprise. Dean waited for Sam to get over the shock he was clearly in and say something.

"That's- great, I guess. I mean, it would solve a lot of problems. I'm glad you've come to a conclusion on this Dean," Sam answered after a while with a voice that was a weird mixture of happiness and sadness at the same time.

"I haven't decided anything. I've just been thinking about it," Dean clarified and tried to keep the annoyance in his voice in minimum while Sam studied his brother with an irritated frown, like he couldn't quite believe what he was hearing. Dean knew that from Sam's perspective there was nothing to think about, and that Dean should just leave either Castiel or Lisa. Dean could feel the anger building inside of him when he thought how easy Sam seemed to make this mess in his head, like the choice between Lisa and Cas was easy to make. Sam just didn't get it.

"Do you love him?" Sam asked quietly out of the blue, surprising Dean and pushing him way out of his comfort zone. It was Dean's turn to stare at his brother in shock as he tried to come up with an answer. He had thought about that question a lot, and the more he thought about it the more clearer the answer became. Dean looked at his brother straight in the eye as he gave his answer with more seriousness and determination he had ever put to a single word.

"Yes." Sam looked a little taken aback by Dean's tone, but he was quick to get his act together. Dean couldn't really blame him, and he hated to admit that this was the first time he had actually admitted his feelings for Castiel without evading the subject. Dean had been trying to work up the courage to tell it to Castiel, but every time he tried to say those three words he couldn't get even the faintest sound out of his mouth. Castiel usually just gave him a warm smile every time Dean failed to say what he wanted, and Dean wouldn't have been all that surprised if Castiel somehow knew what was going on in his mind.

"Then what's the problem?" Sam questioned with a soft voice, as if afraid that Dean might freak out. To avoid answering his brother right away Dean resumed unpacking the books, he wasn't really sure what to tell Sam anyway. In truth Dean wasn't even sure himself why he hadn't just explained everything to Lisa and made everyone's lives easier, and maybe he kind of used his uncertainty as an excuse not to say anything to his wife.

"I don't know," Dean admitted quietly, he didn't really want to dwell even deeper into his far too jumbled feelings. The two brothers were quiet for a while, both contemplating the situation on their own, Sam trying to come up with something that might help Dean, and Dean attempting to figure out something to make Sam shut up. As usual Sam was faster to come up with a reply.

"Is it that you don't really want to make a choice between Lisa and Castiel? I mean, I know you have your issues with abandonment but don't you think it's unfair for everyone involved in this that you won't make a choice. Sooner or later either Lisa or Cas, or maybe even both of them will walk out away and then you'll truly be alone. You'll probably spend the rest of your life wondering what if you had just picked one of them," Sam reasoned with what Dean suspected to be his lawyer voice in practice, and Dean had to give it to the kid, he was pretty good. Not to mention that Sam's words hit way closer to home than Dean would have liked, but there was no way he was going to let Sam know that.

"You're full of shit, you know that?" Dean retorted, putting on a mask of indifference and hoping Sam couldn't see how much his words had affected him. Sam raised a skeptical eyebrow that made it clear Dean's attempt to fool him hadn't worked, and Dean tried not to let his disappointment for this show on his face.

"How about you stop doing that," Sam suggested, knowing Dean knew exactly what he meant. Dean was about to respond in a very nasty way when his phone rang, leaving the two brothers staring at each other with challenging looks on their faces.

"Are you gonna answer that?" Sam asked after few seconds of immobility. Dean glared at Sam as he pulled his phone from his pocket before quickly glancing at the screen to see who was calling to him at such a crucial time, but his mood changed when he saw Castiel's name flashing on the screen. Dean gave his brother one last glare before turning around and putting a little bit of distance between him and Sam.

"Yeah?" Dean hoped Sam didn't figure out who he was talking to, he didn't need to know how his brother would react to that knowledge.

"Pam's trying to force me to wear her clothes. I was hoping you could come up with a better response than 'Not a snowballs chance in Hell', and that's excluding the ninth circle," a frustrated sounding Castiel told Dean, who couldn't help but smile at his tone. He had got to know Pamela well enough to know that there was no force on Earth that would stop her from doing as she wished if she set her mind to something.

"And I'm not talking about just putting on high heels and and a skirt, she's talking about thongs, and I'm not even getting paid for this!" Castiel exclaimed with outrage that made Dean laugh, even though he had to admit that the thought of Castiel in thongs wasn't an unpleasant one.

"That must be horrible," Dean agreed so that Castiel wouldn't get mad at him, but he was pretty sure his amusement over the situation was clear in his voice.

"You're enjoying this, aren't you?" Castiel questioned Dean with an accusing tone after a few seconds of silence.

"Maybe a little," Dean admitted and tried not to laugh, Castiel didn't sound like he'd be very forgiving. Sam looked at Dean with a curious expression that Dean was quick to dismiss as he put a little bit more distance between him and his brother, he didn't need Sam to start eavesdropping on him. Sam frowned at Dean when he left Sam alone in the living room as he went to the kitchen, that was as full of unpacked boxes as the rest of the small apartment.

"Tell Pamela to take a picture for me, will you?" Dean teased Castiel against his better judgment.

"I hate you," Castiel declared wholeheartedly, making Dean laugh, he knew Castiel didn't really mean what he said.

"Okay, you want to make fun of me, that's fine, but don't think I'll be letting you anywhere near me in the indefinite future. You'll be sorry." Dean laughed even harder at Castiel's petulant tone. It took Dean a few seconds to compose himself enough to get a word out of his mouth.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to offend Your Highness' fragile ego," Dean said between snickers. Castiel made an indignant sound, but Dean wasn't sure if it was because of what he had said or if he was just reacting to Pamela's voice. Dean tried to make something out of the excited sounding voice of one Pamela Barnes, but she was too far away from Castiel to be heard through the phone clearly.

"Pam says hi and wants me to tell you that she wants you to come here today," Castiel told Dean after a moment, making Dean's good mood disappear within a second.

"I don't know if I can make it there today," Dean answered truthfully, his voice sad even as he tried to figure out a way to make some time to go to see his friends. He didn't want to break his promise to help Sam move in, so the chances that he would have enough time to go see Castiel were slim at best.

"I know, it's fine. I'll have Pam take a picture of me for you," Castiel promised, and even he sounded sadder than a minute ago. After a few lingering comments the two men ended their conversation, and Dean stayed in the kitchen for a couple of minutes to get his act together before he returned to Sam.

Dean had hoped Sam had forgotten their previous conversation, but upon entering the living room and seeing the look on Sam's face he knew they had not finished their conversation. Dean sighed dramatically and went for the nearest box to get an excuse to ignore his brother. Dean could see Sam starting to prepare a verbal attack against his older brother, making Dean tense up and hold his breath.

"Was that him?" Sam asked bluntly, and Dean was both grateful and annoyed for his brothers ability to go straight to the point. Still, Dean felt a surge of protectiveness towards Castiel because of Sam's tone.

"_He_ has a name. And yes, it was," Dean bit back, not bothering to deny Sam's guess at who the caller was. It would be a lot easier to just admit he had talked to Castiel and avoid fighting on lying and holding things from Sam, who also happened to be the only person Dean could actually talk about Castiel and be truthful about everything, Dean had no intention on losing that one thing that still gave him some perspective to the mess that was his life.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean it to sound like that," Sam apologized sincerely, and Dean calmed down a bit.

"I know," Dean answered with a frosty voice, but the hostility had almost disappeared from him. Sam was wise enough to let Dean wallow in his thoughts until Lisa and Jessica returned, opting to throw judging, worried and sympathetic looks at his older brother every once in a while.

* * *

><p>Castiel was sound asleep when his phone rang. His sleepy brain ordered him to ignore the offending sound, but in the end there was no way Castiel could sleep with his phone wailing right next to his ear. He reached for the phone and after a few attempts managed to get a hold of it without opening his eyes.<p>

"Hullo," he answered the phone, mostly talking to his pillow.

"Did I wake you up?" Dean's apologetic voice asked from the other end of the line, making Castiel smile even in his barely awake state.

"Yeah, but don't worry about it," he answered and turned to lie on his back so that his face wasn't constantly pressed into the pillow. It really made talking to someone on the phone a lot harder.

"Sorry. I just wanted to talk to you," Dean apologized. Castiel had to give it to Dean, he knew how to maximize the regret in his voice.

"It's fine. What'd you wanna talk about?" Castiel answered and hoped this wasn't going to turn into a deep and meaningful conversation, his brain wasn't working well enough for that at the moment.

"Nothing, really. I guess I just wanted to hear your voice. And if you ever tell anyone I said that I'll punch you," Dean said, and his threat made Castiel laugh. It was really amusing how sweet Dean could get, and how he reacted every time he realized it.

"Don't worry, my lips are sealed," Castiel assured his lover, sleep finally starting to slowly leave his mind.

"Pam said she won't make me wear her clothes until you can see it too," Castiel said when it became clear that Dean wouldn't come up with anything to talk about.

"Great, can't wait to see you looking like a girl," Dean replied amusedly and Castiel was glad he managed to cheer him up. It always made Castiel feel better when Dean was in a good mood, and even if he always liked the people around him to be happy somehow Dean was a special case.

"Look, you sound pretty tired. Maybe I should just let you get back to sleep," Dean suggested after Castiel yawned very loudly, and made Castiel shake his head before remembering that Dean couldn't actually see him.

"I'm fine. I'm actually starting to wake up," Castiel admitted and considered sitting up before determining it was still a bit too energy consuming.

"Of course you are," Dean agreed sarcastically, and Castiel let the comment slide in favor of stretching his muscles lazily, to be honest he was still pretty tired even if it didn't really bother him anymore.

"What are you doing up at this time anyway?" Castiel asked after he happened to glance at the clock on the nightstand, it was almost three in the morning.

"I couldn't sleep, can't get the stuff I talked about with Sam today out of my head. Not that it was anything really important, just that Sammy has a way of making such a big fuss about everything," Dean admitted after few seconds, clearly trying to sound like it wasn't a big deal. Castiel couldn't help but roll his eyes at the empty room because of Dean, sometimes he couldn't help but feel that it would be easier to pull infected teeth from an unrestrained bear than to get Dean to tell what was going on in his head.

"If you can't get it out of your head then it clearly was a big deal," Castiel pointed out even though he knew the chances that this conversation would end well weren't exactly big. Castiel heard Dean huff in annoyment at his words, and he knew that if he wouldn't tread carefully they would end up fighting over nothing.

"It was nothing, seriously. We just talked about Jess, Sam's school and-," Dean trailed off, but Castiel knew what Dean had almost said.

"Me," he ended Dean's sentence for him, and Dean's silence was enough to let Castiel know he was right.

"Look, Dean... I don't care if you talk about me with your brother. I've never met him and I don't care what he thinks about me, because he doesn't even know me. You don't have to protect me," Castiel stated in a tone that left no room for doubt.

"Don't say that," Dean bit out, confusing Castiel a little bit.

"What?" Castiel asked probably a bit too harshly, but he had been woken up from his much needed sleep by an uncooperative lover, and he wasn't in the mood for playing nice anymore.

"That I don't need to protect you. I'm hardwired to protect people I care about," Dean answered with an almost unnoticeable tremor in his voice. Castiel was slightly taken aback by Dean's words, but soon he found his annoyance at Dean again.

"For fucks sake, Dean. I've been taking care of myself since I was seventeen, I don't want you to get a stick up in your ass because someone just happens to say something about me that you don't agree with," Castiel snapped, raising his voice instinctively as the words came out, but he managed to get himself under control before he said anything he might truly regret. He took a deep breath before continuing.

"I appreciate that you want to take care of me, but you need to understand that I've always looked after myself, ever since I was a kid I've had to protect myself, so it's hard for me when you put yourself between me and everything that might upset me. It's really freaking me out, so if you could stop treating me like a Disney princess I'd be really happy," Castiel continued a lot more calmly, and hoped Dean wouldn't get mad at him. Dean was quiet for a few long seconds before speaking.

"Sam doesn't have anything against you, it's me he's pissed at," Dean admitted finally. Castiel didn't know what to say to that, he was used to be blamed when something was wrong, and to hear that this time that wasn't the case was something new to him.

"Oh." Castiel couldn't come up with anything clever to say, and he was starting to feel bad because of his outburst.

"I'm betting you're trying not to hit yourself right now," Dean guessed, trying to light up the mood, and Castiel was grateful for Dean's decision to ignore the excellent opening for an argument.

"Yeah, not one of my greatest moments," Castiel had to admit, and just like that all the tension had disappeared from between the two men. Castiel yawned loudly when the sudden adrenaline rush started to dissipate, and Dean laughed on the other end of the line.

"I should let you get back to sleep, and I should probably get to bed too," Dean said in the end, and Castiel had to agree with him, sleep did sound like a good opinion at the moment. They ended their call soon after that, and Castiel was glad that they did so in good terms. It didn't take long for him to fall asleep again, but even as he got back under Castiel couldn't help but wonder why he had this barely there nagging feeling. He could just hope it would either be gone in the morning or make some sense.

—

**_A/N :_**

_Battling a minor writers block here. I really want to write, but I feel like I'm not getting anything decent done. I really hope this is better than I think it is..._

**__**_Oh, and I always say hullo (or ollo after seeing Megamind). I'm infecting my own speech patterns to the story._


	23. Part 2 : Chapter 3

_**A/N : **Sorry it has taken me a while to update, but I've been studying for my final exams and they've pretty much taken up all my time lately. I was actually supposed to update this story a while back but life got in the way and my whole internet life was kinda left in the background._

_But please enjoy the update, I'll try to get back to a little more regular updating rhythm ASAP =)_

* * *

><p><strong>Where Do We Draw the Line<strong>

**Part 2 : Chapter 3**

"I don't think this is going to work," Castiel said more to himself than to Chuck, who was clearly counting on Castiel to keep his mind away from the fact that Pamela was reading the first draft of his finished novel. They were spending the weekend at Chuck's, though they hadn't planned any further than that. Chuck looked at his friend questioningly before asking what Castiel meant. Castiel looked at Chuck confusedly for a second before realizing what he meant.

"Nothing," he replied hastily. Pamela chuckled from her spot on the floor, not taking her eyes of the manuscript she was reading. Both Castiel and Chuck turned their eyes on her, but not really expecting any clarification to her amusement. Pamela finished reading the paragraph she had been tracing with her fingers before turning towards her friends and smiling sadly at Castiel.

"Cas is taking about him and Dean," she said and Chuck's face lighted with understanding, while Castiel threw a nasty look at Pamela. Pamela ignored Castiel in favour of continuing her reading of Chuck's manuscript.

"I'm not going to talk about it," Castiel told Chuck the moment he opened his mouth, efficiently cutting his friend off.

"Cas has a chance to move to Europe and go to some fancy school there, he's just worried how Dean will react," Pamela told Chuck, ignoring the murderous glare Castiel threw at her.

"It's really not a big deal. Besides, who says I'm going anywhere?" Castiel pointed out to his friends. Pamela looked up from the manuscript and eyed his friend incredulously.

"You're thinking about going, and let's not forget that going to school is pretty much your biggest dream. So yeah, you're going, you're not going to let some doomed to fail relationship with a married guy stop you from fulfilling your dreams," Pamela said with determination in her voice. Castiel averted his eyes from his friend, knowing her words were true but not wanting to admit it, mostly because he didn't think he'd be able to let Dean go.

"Besides, even if Dean would leave his wife for you the odds that he'd cheat on you too are pretty big. It's a fact that people who only cheat once do it again," Pamela continued, ignoring the hurt look Castiel gave her before getting up and heading to the kitchen under the pretense of getting something to drink. He didn't need to hear Pamela's statistics when it came to his relationship with Dean, he already knew how bad the situation was. Castiel took his time drinking the glass of water he had filled, and thought about his possibilities. It started to seem like Castiel would have to let Dean go if he wanted to pursue his dreams, and the mere thought caused a lump to rise to Castiel's throat. Castiel took a deep breath to calm himself down before going back to his friends, preparing himself for the continuation of the conversation he had been trying to avoid.

"Look Cas I like Dean, I really do, and as far as I'm concerned you can screw anyone you want. Except crazy axe murderers, but that's a completely different conversation we should have in the near future. The point I'm trying to make is that you should do what _you_ want to do, not what would make others happy," Pamela said with a calm tone, almost like she was talking to a child. Castiel made an agreeing sound and hoped the subject would be now dropped.

Castiel was in luck, and soon Chuck was demanding Pamela to tell him what she thought about his newest story. This prompted Pamela to launch into a long analysis of Chuck's story, and Castiel was more than happy to listen. It was nice to know that some things would always be the same. And there was always a chance that Castiel would come up with some way of keeping his relationship with Dean intact, right after he would make up his mind about whether or not it would even be worth it. As much as it hurt Castiel to admit there were moments he wasn't sure if he should cling to what he had at the moment instead of finding out what he could get if he'd let go and move on, maybe even change the continent. Castiel was so lost in his thoughts he didn't realize Pamela had stopped talking, and when he finally turned to look at his friends due to the uncomfortable silence he knew the rest of the day had just become very unpleasant.

"You know what Cas, we're going shopping. Right now!" Pamela announced suddenly with a too bright smile for Castiel's liking, and he threw a pleading look at Chuck who simply shrugged and gave his friend a look that clearly said 'she's your problem now'. Castiel groaned as he was manhandled out of his chair and towards the front door.

* * *

><p>It was just Dean's luck that faith decided to remind him of how much she truly loved Dean when he was having a passive aggressive argument with Lisa, in broad daylight on a busy street after two hours of shopping. Lisa had just taken three bags full of clothes to their car, and they had continued walking down the street because Lisa wanted to check one more shop, but Dean wasn't interested on this anymore.<p>

"If you're so tired then go wait in the car. It's not like I'm forcing you to stay with me," Lisa suggested nonchalantly, but Dean could hear the true meaning behind her words. _I'm not forcing you to stay with me_. Of course she wasn't, and Dean knew it.

"Maybe it would be better if I just left," he replied in the same tone as Lisa had spoken, and Lisa stopped, she knew what he was implying. They stood there looking at each other calmly, while the situation sunk in.

"Do you really think that would solve everything?" Lisa asked, suddenly serious, and Dean thought about it for a moment. This could be his chance to truly be with Castiel and that was great, so why did he have to think about it so much? Dean was just about to tell Lisa that maybe it would be for the best, when he heard an unmistakeable shriek of joy and his name being called. Lisa looked over Dean's shoulder and narrowed her eyes suspiciously as Pamela drew Dean into an affectionate hug, and if Dean wasn't panicking enough already, seeing Castiel trailing after Pamela was enough to make him want to disappear until the end of days. Castiel gave Dean a small nod of acknowledgment while grabbing the hem of Pamela's shirt and tugging it slightly to make her let go of Dean.

"Hi, what are you doing here?" Dean asked simply because he didn't like the sudden quietness that had fallen over them.

"We're getting Chuck a present. He's finally written something that might just get published," Pamela explained as she pulled Castiel closer to herself, wrapping her arms around his waist and winking at Dean mischievously.

"I didn't know you knew a writer," Lisa injected the conversation while looking at Dean with blame in her eyes. She was still clearly upset about the conversation they had been having before Pamela had so kindly interrupted them.

"He's not very good. And who are you anyways?" Pamela answered her, and both Dean and Castiel shared a worried glance, they could sense an unpleasant tension starting to build up between the two women.

"Oh, I'm sorry. I'm Lisa, Dean's wife," Lisa introduced herself politely, but there was still a barb in her voice. Pamela looked surprised for a moment, and Dean feared how the situation would dissolve. Luckily Pamela got her act together quickly.

"Pamela Barnes, psychologist. I'm writing a thesis on sexuality, its aspects and how they manifest in people. This is Castiel, my most trusted friend. I'd date him but unfortunately he's completely gay," Pamela introduced herself and Castiel with a perfect pokerfaced, making Castiel groan miserably and look up to the sky like it could save him from his torment. Lisa frowned at Pamela's words and gave Castiel a quick glance, and it wasn't hard for Dean to figure out she was quickly forming an opinion about his friends that could probably be a little bit better. Castiel gave Lisa a kind smile while he elbowed Pamela, who in turn gave Castiel a nasty look. Dean was trying to come up with something to say to end this situation while hoping he would wake up in his own bed sooner rather than later.

"What are you going to get to Chuck?" Dean asked quickly before Lisa had a chance to say anything, and Castiel spared him a grateful look.

"No idea. I don't think anybody sells mugs with '_Congratulations! You don't suck after all_' written on them," Pamela said brightly.

"Maybe we should get him something that won't upset him?" Castiel suggested and made a move to get away from Pamela, but she simply tightened her hold on him.

"You're absolutely right, we'll get him a really big cake," Pamela said with mock seriousness, looking at Lisa speculatively. Dean hadn't dared to look at neither Lisa or Castiel, but the look in Pamela's eyes made him turn his eyes towards his wife. Lisa didn't seem too happy with the situation, and she studied Pamela and Castiel intensely. Dean wished he could just run away, but he was fairly certain it would make him look like an idiot so he stayed where he was, hoping the situation wouldn't go off like an atomic bomb in the middle of the busy street.

"Dean said you teach yoga. Care to tell me about it?" Pamela changed the topic suddenly and released her hold on Castiel. Lisa relaxed at the familiar topic and gave Pamela a genuine smile for the first time.

"Sure. Besides, it's nice to talk to someone who might actually pay some attention. I always forget how bad idea it is to take Dean shopping with me," Lisa told Pamela while giving Dean an apologetic smile.

"I know what you mean. You'd think that when your best friend is gay you'd have the best possible shopping partner but no, if Cas isn't in the mood for shopping then he'll whine like a baby until he get's back home," Pamela agreed and Dean felt like banging his head on something hard. He didn't think this was any better than a full blown fight.

"You do realize we're right here, right?" Castiel injected to the women's conversation. Both of the women looked at him like they would have genuinely forgotten he was there, and Dean would have loved to give Castiel a kiss at his hurt look. Pamela laughed and patted Castiel's cheek lovingly.

"Sorry, we forgot. But hey, now you and Dean can wait here while Lisa and I go do our shopping. Or you two can go for a coffee or what ever it is that guys do while spending time at the town. How about that?" Pamela suggested and Lisa nodded in agreement while Dean and Castiel exchanged worried glances.

"Pam, can I have a word with you?" Castiel asked rather forcibly, and Dean was grateful that Pamela agreed without question. While Castiel pulled Pamela to the side Dean turned to look at his wife questioningly.

"We're going to continue the talk we were having before your friends showed up at home. Right now I'll be more than happy to spend some time with someone who actually seems to want my company at the moment. You can go for a coffee with this Cas-," Lisa cut out mid sentence, seemingly lost in thought, before her whole face light up and she pointed at Dean triumphantly.

"Castiel, the guy you picked up by the road that one time. He dropped his phone to your Impala, remember? And you forgot to mention that he's cute," Lisa said cheerfully. Dean was a bit surprised that Lisa actually remembered that whole incident, but he still nodded and gave Lisa as sheepish smile as he could. To Dean's luck he was saved from further discussion by Pamela and Castiel returning.

"Ready to go?" Pamela asked Lisa, who nodded before leaning in to give Dean a kiss.

"If you want to go back home before I'm done let me know, I can always take a taxi or something if I need to," Lisa said to Dean and gave Castiel a bright smile before being dragged away by Pamela. Dean kept his eyes averted from Castiel until he couldn't see his wife or Pamela anymore. When he finally turned to look at Castiel the other man was wearing an apologetic expression on his face. Dean gave him a smile he hoped was reassuring before asking Castiel what he had talked about with Pamela.

"I just told her to keep her mouth shut about us. She promised she wouldn't say anything since it's not even her place to tell Lisa the truth," Castiel replied, putting Dean's mind at ease about the possible topic Lisa and Pamela might be discussing.

"Coffee?" Dean asked as a way to get some normality back to the situation. Castiel seemed relieved by Dean's suggestion and agreed readily. They walked in silence to a near by café, where Castiel insisted on paying both of their coffees. After they had sat in silence for few minutes Dean figured it was up to him to break the silence. He took a deep breath as he tried to come up with something to say, but Castiel beat him to it.

"One of my clients has arranged me a spot in a college in Europe, if I want to take it. I'd have to move in there for few years but it would be a great chance to start over," Castiel told Dean in a quiet voice. Dean was shocked, he had pretty much made up his mind about leaving Lisa, and he was about to tell as much to Castiel, but how was he supposed to tell someone he was willing to leave the woman he had sworn to love until the day he died when that person was talking about moving to another continent.

"Excuse me?" Dean couldn't come up with anything better to say to Castiel's revelation, and unfortunately it seemed to be the wrong thing to say. Castiel became guarded, leaning back on his chair to get farther away from Dean, who felt like the biggest jerk on the planet.

"I didn't mean it like that. I just didn't expect you to say you're moving to Europe, that's all," Dean tried to fix his mistake, but if the look Castiel gave to him was any indication he wasn't doing a very good job.

"I didn't say anything about moving, just that I've been offered a chance to go to a good school," Castiel said calmly, almost clinically. Dean nodded and tried to come up with something else to say. His idea about asking Castiel how he would feel about him leaving Lisa had left Dean's mind completely. The only thing Dean was thinking about was the possibility of Castiel going away, and that filled his insides with ice.

"I know, I just assumed that you'd be going since it's such a great chance," Dean tried. Castiel gave him a skeptical look as he took a long sip of his coffee.

"Never assume anything," Castiel said, while eyeing his coffee like it held all the answers in the world. Dean wasn't sure what he was supposed to say. He knew he had offended Castiel with his initial reaction, but he wasn't sure what he was supposed to say to fix it.

"Cas, I'm sorry, I just got a bit freaked out. I mean, you say you've been given a chance to go to some school on the other side of the world. How the hell am I supposed to react?" Dean asked as calmly as he could, fighting a sudden urge to raise his voice at Castiel for getting angry at him over this.

"You don't need to get mad at me because of it. Besides, it's not like it's even any of your business. And it's not like this thing between us is good enough of a reason for me to start asking your opinion on what to do with my life," Castiel told Dean, his voice getting angrier at every word, and when he finished talking Castiel suddenly got up and hurried towards the door, leaving Dean gaping after him. It took Dean a few seconds to get his act together and hurry after Castiel, and by the time he reached the younger man they were on the street.

"Cas, wait!" Dean grabbed Castiel's arm and stopped him on his tracks. Castiel let out a shaky breath and slowly turned towards Dean, but he kept his eyes averted from him, making Dean even more anxious than he already was.

"Look Cas, I really hope you're just pissed at me and that's why you're belittling what's between us, because you have no idea-," Dean looked at Castiel, silently pleading he'd understand what Dean couldn't say. Castiel finally looked at Dean, studying his face closely before surprise took over his features. Dean let out a breath he hadn't realized he'd been holding when Castiel nodded slowly and gave him a small but understanding smile.

"Sorry," Castiel whispered, and Dean wanted to tell him there was no need for him to apologize for anything, but he decided it was probably better if he simply let it go this one time. Dean also decided to ignore the fact that they had barely touched their coffees, and decided to make it up by buying at least the next two round of coffee they would get in the future. Dean had completely forgotten that he was supposed to tell Castiel about what he had been thinking about, how he had come to the conclusion that maybe it would be best if he would leave Lisa, and then he could be with Castiel.

If Dean would leave Lisa he could have Castiel and he could stop feeling so guilty.

_**A/N : **Facts about this chapter_

_- Castiel's comment about never assuming is from the Silence of the Lambs._


	24. Part 2 : Chapter 4

_**A/N :**Another chapter for you, next one is being written at the moment =)_

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><p><strong>Where Do We Draw the Line<strong>

**Part 2 : Chapter 4**

Dean wasn't too happy about the fact that he and Lisa had never gotten around continuing the conversation they had started at the town after their shopping trip a few days ago. He had hoped they could sort everything out, tell each other how they felt, and Dean was even prepared to tell Lisa what had been going on between him and Castiel, but when Dean had tried to bring the topic up Lisa had shut him down with an almost desperate look in her eyes, and Dean had let it go. Dean was also aware that when they would both go to work tomorrow they would probably use that as an excuse to keep the subject from being brought up again. But before their escape to work tomorrow there was the matter of Sam and Jess' movie night later that evening.

Dean would have been lying if he had claimed that the rapidly closing movie night at Sam's apartment didn't cause him to feel very displeased. He had been hoping that maybe this would be the night he would finally work up the courage he needed to sit Lisa down and have the discussion they had started while at the town. The only problem at the moment was Sam's instance to commandeer his evening to watch some silly movie about a bunch of people trying to solve their relationship problems, and Dean was fairly certain Sam had agreed to Lisa and Jess' wish to watch that kind of a movie only to torment Dean a little more, as far as Dean was concerned he thought he had enough drama in his life as it was.

Dean was pulled from his thoughts when his phone started ringing insistently, and when Dean checked the caller ID his day seemed to become a lot better, and he answered the call with a cheerful hello.

"Hey! Why have you forgotten my existence? You'd better have a very good reason for it," Jo's voice was accusing, but Dean could tell he wasn't in any mortal danger.

"Sorry. I've had a lot on my mind lately," Dean answered honestly, not sure how much he could tell Jo over the phone.

"Not good enough, but if you can clarify that a bit I just might forgive you," Jo stated, and Dean had to smile at her determination.

"Sam moved over here with Jess, and... Yeah, it's been really busy here," Dean told his friend, mostly because he didn't want to talk about the real problems in his life over the phone, and partly because he wasn't ready to share them with Jo.

"Well you tell Sam I'm going to have a chat with him too. And don't think I didn't catch that little stop you just gave me!" The anger in Jo's voice was mostly gone, replaced by curiosity, and Dean was grateful about it, but he didn't want to talk about these things over the phone. A long silence fell over them as Dean wondered how to best phrase his thoughts. In the end he decided to settle for the honest truth.

"I don't want to talk about it. Especially not over the phone," Dean said and he could practically hear Jo thinking over the line.

"Well, how about you come see me some time? You know I'm always here for you when you need me, right?" Jo said finally, and Dean promised to see her as soon as he could. After the call ended Dean was feeling much better, hearing from Jo had always had a way of cheering him up. With his new found good mood Dean decided to be a man and entertain his brother by trying to enjoy the upcoming movie night.

Dean found himself standing at the kitchen entrance, watching Lisa who was making a dip for the evening. Dean remembered the hour long conversation Lisa had held with Jessica about what snacks they should get for the evening, and how it had ended with a decision of making everything they could themselves. Dean knew there was a high possibility that every edible thing at the table would be vegetables, and he thought he should probably call Sam and ask if there would be chips or something. Dean knew that Sam would have no problem eating carrots and cucumbers, but Dean needed his chips.

"I know what you're thinking, and I'm going to get you your chips when I go to town to pick up some things," Lisa said suddenly, and Dean got the feeling he should be defending himself somehow. Lisa turned to give him a kind smile and Dean answered in a similar way. Maybe today wasn't the day they would talk about things and most likely end their marriage.

"I might be gone for a while, I talked to Pamela earlier and we might grab a cup of coffee or something," Lisa continued when she tuned back to her still unfinished dip. Dean grimaced, he had hoped that Pamela and Lisa wouldn't really become friends, but apparently they had gotten along better than they had initially thought they would, and they had been talking over the phone a lot lately. Even Castiel thought it was worrying even though he knew that it wasn't Pamela's nature to spread other peoples secrets. Still, if Lisa and Pamela would become good friends she might feel obligated to tell Lisa the truth.

"As long as you don't leave me alone with Sam and Jess," Dean answered after a beat, not exactly sure what to say. All of their conversations had been like this for a while now, stops and starts and trivial topics. Lisa gave him no answer, and after she finished making the dip she put it in the refrigerator and left the room, leaving Dean alone with his thoughts. Dean briefly entertained the idea of calling Castiel until he remembered Cas was probably asleep, having been at work for all night. While Dean had made it very clear that he had a problem with Cas' choice of profession, Dean liked to think that he wasn't a complete jerk like Sam kept insisting, and he tried to prove it by adapting to Castiel's sometimes very weird daily rhythm.

Dean made his way to the living room where he laid on the couch, staring at the ceiling while he let his mind wander. Maybe he should call Jo back and ask if he could come over some time next week. Maybe he should call his parents and let them know that all hell was about to break loose.

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><p>Castiel had been awake for an hour at best after his phone had kept ringing for minutes, and now he was slouching on his couch thinking about the best way to spend the rest of the day. He knew Dean had plans for the evening, and for once Castiel was actually happy about it, he didn't feel like he could deal with Dean at the moment. Castiel twiddled the leaflet of the European school he had a chance to go in his hands, trying not to think about that topic and failing miserably. There was a big part of Castiel that wanted to pack his bags and take off, but there was also a part of him that wanted nothing more than to stay where he was, with his friends, and with Dean.<p>

Castiel frowned, he wasn't sure he liked the fact that Dean seemed to pop up in every big decision he had to make. Castiel knew very well that he loved Dean, too much even, but to his understanding of normal relationships including the other person in life altering decisions wasn't really required until said relationship was committed and serious, and Castiel could hardly call his and Dean's relationship either. Maybe he should just move to another country and fulfill his lifelong dreams.

Castiel didn't get a chance to dwell on his thoughts, since somebody decided it was a great moment to abuse his doorbell. Castiel had a pretty good idea who was behind his front door, but he really didn't need any company at the moment. Still, always the good friend, Castiel went to open the door. As Castiel had suspected Pamela's less than happy face greeted him when he opened the door.

"Answer your phone when I call," Pamela ordered Castiel, who sighed, but made no move to let his friend into his apartment.

"I thought about answering, but ignoring the ringing seemed like a better idea," he answered truthfully, even though he knew it would do nothing to change Pamela's bad mood. Pamela stared at her friend like she couldn't quite believe what she had just heard, and it took her a second to snap out of it.

"Just so you know, I was really worried. You've always answered before, even if it was just to tell me to go to hell," Pamela said, and her words made Castiel pay closer attention to his friend, and he could see the worry under the fuming exterior. Castiel moved aside to let Pamela enter his home, but she didn't move, just stared at him accusingly.

"I'm sorry. I don't know what I was thinking, but I never meant to make you worry about me," Castiel apologized sincerely, and Pamela relaxed slightly.

"Well, you'll be making it up to me for a long time. I'd love to stay and chat but I've got better things to do. I might come over later if Chuck mans up and throws me out," she said before hugging Castiel quickly and leaving her friend standing on the doorstep looking after her confusedly.

Castiel shook his head and closed the door, not really sure what to think of Pamela's brief visit, but he did make a mental note to be sure not to make her worry like that again. Castiel returned to his leaflet and eyed it accusingly, like all his problems were somehow its fault. He knew it was stupid to blame an inanimate crumbled leaflet for his problems but he didn't really care about that. Besides, the newest complications in Castiel's life were due to the school that had given him the leaflet in the first place.

Unsure of what to do Castiel picked up his phone that confirmed what he already knew, Pamela had called him five times, before he started going through his contacts without any purpose to actually contact anyone. For some reason he stopped at a number he hadn't used in over six years, and he wasn't even sure if it still worked. Castiel took a deep breath as his fingers worked on their own and pressed the call button. Castiel brought the phone tentatively to his ear and let out a deep breath he hadn't realized he'd been holding when he head the dial tone. The number still worked, and maybe that knowledge was enough, maybe he could hang up and live with that.

Before Castiel could decide whether or not he should end the call right then and there, the call was picked up, and for a moment there was a sound of fumbling before a tired voice mumbled a hello. Castiel couldn't get a word out of his mouth, all he could do was swallow around the lump in his throat. He hadn't thought he'd react like this, unable to talk and on the brink of crying. The voice on the other end of the line was getting anxious, and Castiel forced himself to open his mouth and say something.

"Hello Anna," Castiel managed to say, and the line went dead silent for a long time. Castiel began to worry he had made a huge mistake by calling her.

"Cas?" Anna breathed more than spoke, but she still managed to sound shocked but hopeful. Castiel nodded before remembering that Anna couldn't actually see him.

"Yeah. It's been a while," he said, unsure whether or not he was sad or happy.

"You think? Next time you decide to run off don't wait seven years to let me know you're alive! I've been expecting to get a call telling me you've been found dead in some ditch or something. You're a really lousy brother, you know that?" Anna yelled even though her voice lacked any real anger. Castiel couldn't help but laugh a little at her rant, he hadn't been sure what to expect from her, but for some reason the only thing he hadn't expected was for her to react in the most obvious way.

"I know, and I'm sorry," he apologized as he wiped his eyes that had suddenly become very moist. He could hear Anna sniffing on the other end of the line and it wasn't hard for him to guess she was in a similar state of mess that he was.

"Just don't do it again," Anna pleaded and there was no way Castiel couldn't promise her he wouldn't. They were silent for a long time, just listening to one another breathing.

"So. What have you been up to?" Anna asked finally, and Castiel could easily tell she wasn't feeling nearly as carefree as she was trying to sound. Castiel took a moment to think what he could tell Anna, obviously leaving out the fact that he had spend over six years selling himself for money. He was also a bit unsure if it was okay for him to tell her about Dean, and Castiel could always leave out the part about Dean being married.

"I'm doing great, actually. Um, I met this art dealer who gave me a job as his assistant, and I've been saving up for school, and I actually have a chance to go to this school in Europe. I'm not sure if I'll be going though. And I've got friends, well two friends, Pamela and Chuck. Chuck is a really lousy writer and Pam's a psychologist, not the kind who listens to people, I think she's writing a thesis or something," Castiel told Anna enthusiastically. He hadn't had even the slightest idea how much he had wanted to talk to his stepsister and tell her about his life.

"That sounds great. I'm really glad you're doing great. And don't get me wrong, I'm glad you called, but why are you calling me now?" Anna asked curiously. Castiel thought about an answer, but in all honesty he wasn't sure why he had called Anna.

"I don't know. I guess I just missed you," he offered Anna finally. She seemed to consider his words, but didn't push it any further. Castiel was pretty sure she didn't want to risk a fight over the phone after all these years.

"Okay. By the way, are you still trying to give mom a heart-attack with your vile and evil ways with other boys?" Anna teased Castiel, making him chuckle.

"Naturally. I've actually been going out with this one guy. It's nothing too serious but it's nice," Castiel told Anna but toning the truth down a bit. Anna made a happy sound, but didn't say anything. Castiel wasn't sure if he had done the right thing mentioning he was seeing another guy, even if he knew Anna had never had anything against Castiel being gay, they hadn't talked in a long time and a lot could have changed.

"You do know mom loves you, right? I don't know if you ever realized how unwell she really is," Anna said after a while, making Castiel frown.

"I know she's sick and I'm sorry about that, but she's got a really twister way of showing me how much she supposedly loves me," he bit out and instantly regretted it, he didn't want to start a fight.

"I know Cas, trust me. And I'm not blaming you for taking off or anything, I just... I want my brother back," Anna's voice cracked a little. Castiel wanted to apologize to her and make sure he hadn't just ruined everything.

"Hey, listen Cas, I gotta go, work and stuff, but we'll talk later. I'm going to hunt you down if that's what it'll take. I'll set the FBI after you if you even think about disappearing again," Anna threatened, and Castiel was quick to promise he'd keep in touch with her. They ended the call and Castiel put the phone away, realizing only then that his hands where shaking. He couldn't believe he had just talked with Anna of all people. Castiel laughed incredulously, but he figured it was time he did some changes in his life, and he had to admit that no matter how much he liked his job and the freedom it gave him now, he knew he wouldn't want to spend the rest of his life having sex for money. Maybe that was why Castiel picked up the leaflet for the school once more, this time straightening it out and laying it gently to the living room table.

Castiel sat on the couch eyeing the leaflet thoughtfully. If he was honest he would have loved to go to a school again, but he wasn't sure if he needed to go off to Europe to do so. Maybe he could just apply to a school closer to home, that way he could still see his friends and Dean. Castiel snorted, he couldn't remember the last time he had seriously considered going back to school and it felt weird, but luckily it was the good kind of weird, so Castiel didn't really mind it.

Two hours later Castiel still hadn't made up his mind about the whole school thing, and he didn't get a chance to think about it more, because Pamela kept he word and called him, ordering him to come to Chuck's home. Castiel promised he'd be there soon, and went to get his coat. He lit a cigarette soon as he got outside and started walking down the street to the spot where he knew he could get a cab. Castiel didn't hurry as he walked, giving himself time to let his mind wander while he smoked his cigarette. He thought he should probably let Dean know he would have to cancel their usual Monday lunch meeting since he had agreed to meet a client at the same time. Dean probably wouldn't be too happy about it, but it was Castiel's decision and he was already thinking up ways to make it up for Dean. Castiel couldn't help but smile brightly as he hailed himself a cab.

He had a feeling that things would turn out just fine.

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><p><em><strong>AN : **So, there's really nothing I have to say about this. I'm off to write more since some pretty important stuff is about to happen in this story soon =)_


	25. Part 2 : Chapter 5

_**A/N :**_ _If there's even one good thing coming out of me when I'm suffering from my oh so lovely pollen allergy it's that I'm too sick to go anywhere, but not sick enough not to be able to write. Which means I have tons of ideas and actually time to write them down._

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><p><strong>Where Do We Draw the Line<strong>

**Part 2 : Chapter 5**

Dean was having a bad week, he hadn't seen Castiel in days, Lisa had been giving him the silent treatment since Monday morning and Sam had been trying to get him to talk to Lisa. Dean had tried to explain to him how he had tried to talk to her ever since last weekend, but she wouldn't listen. Unfortunately for Dean Sam wasn't very keen on listening Dean either. And on top of everything else Castiel was apparently too busy to exchange more than a few words over the phone every once in a while. By Saturday morning all Dean wanted was for someone to listen to him. It didn't take him long to remember he had promised to see Jo as soon as he had some free time on his hands, and he was on the phone almost in an instant, hoping that Jo hadn't planned anything for the evening.

Dean was glad to learn that Jo was more than happy to leave Ash to entertain his friend Garth, and that Dean should bring pizza when he would come. Dean felt better knowing that in a few hours he would be spending time with someone who actually wanted to see him. He hurried to tell Lisa about his plans, and promised he'd be back before 7pm, since he wasn't completely heartless and knew Lisa was planning on trying a new recipe for dinner. Lisa nodded her acknowledgement at Dean's words without looking up from the computer. Dean couldn't help but roll his eyes affectionately when he saw that she was once again lost in the land of Facebook, he doubted there was nothing that would ever stop him from finding some of Lisa's habits and quirks endearing.

Dean took his time getting ready to leave, and when he finally got to the Impala he made sure to follow all the speed limits. Driving the Impala calmed Dean's nerves considerably, and by the time he was out of the city the volume of the radio had been turned up and Dean was humming along the music. He had already placed an order at Jo's favorite pizzeria, and had said he'd be picking the order up in a little over an hour, which meant he had no need to hurry, and Jo would be pleasantly surprised when Dean would turn up on her doorstep with two pizza boxes, because Dean knew she wasn't really expecting him to get her any pizza. For a moment Dean actually forgot that he'd had a really crappy week.

So, after picking up the pizzas Dean headed to Jo's apartment. Dean had been right when he had suspected that she would be happily surprised to see Dean carrying the deliciously smelling boxes. She was quick to take the boxes from Dean and take them to the kitchen, before she ambushed Dean in the living room and gave him a bone crushing hug.

"God I've missed you," Jo said, completely ignoring Dean who tried to get her to ease her hold on him.

"Yeah, I've missed you too, but I'd appreciate if you wouldn't crush my ribs and kill me," Dean managed to say, and finally Jo backed off. She took a second to study Dean before speaking again, and as Dean had expected she wanted to know what had been going on in his life lately. Dean wasn't sure what to tell Jo, but she deserved to know certain things.

"Me and Lisa, well, we're not doing very well. We're pretty to just going our separate ways. It's just not working and I think we both stopped trying to do something about it a while back," Dean admitted, leaving the reasons out, at least for now, he didn't want to tell Jo about Castiel just yet. Jo didn't seem all that surprised by Dean's words, but she didn't seem happy either. Dean suspected that she had either talked to Sam or had figured everything out on her own.

"Sam said something along those lines when I talked to him a couple of days ago. I didn't really buy it, but I can't say it's a big surprise," Jo admitted and Dean made a mental note to have a chat with his brother about talking about his life to others, even if it was to Jo. Dean gave Jo a bitter smile before asking if they could maybe eat the pizza before it got cold, knowing full well that Jo knew he was trying to change the subject.

"Fine, but this chat isn't over. As your best friend I'm allowed to know things about your life," Jo said and followed Dean to the kitchen. Dean gave her a nod and went to grab a beer from the fridge, and getting one for Jo as well when she ordered it. They settled around the table, eating slices of each others pizzas and telling funny stories. Jo told Dean about Ash's adventures with Garth, and she went into a bit too much detail on the one time they had met a guy called Richie and nearly set Garth's home on fire. Dean laughed for the first time in what felt like years.

It didn't take long for day to turn into early evening, and Dean had to admit that he needed to go back home. He didn't hurry with getting up and leaving, and it took him over half an hour to finally pull his coat on and hug Jo goodbye.

"I'll come to see you soon," Dean promised, fully intent on keeping his word. He had missed Jo and not seeing her was actually quite strange, they had used to be in each others company a long time ago.

"You'd better, or I'll get on a bus and come to get you," Jo countered, making Dean laugh once more. Jo had been at his house a few times, but somehow it had become their habit to come over to Jo's place, and Dean wasn't one to question it.

On the way back home Dean started getting agitated once again, and the usually soothing sound of the Impala's engine did nothing to calm his mind. Dean didn't want to go home. He wasn't sure what he wanted at the moment, but he knew where he didn't want to be and that was a start. A part of him wanted to go to see Castiel, but Dean ignored it, hellbent on still being angry at Castiel for not being able to have even one normal conversation over the phone for the whole week. Not to mention that he was supposed to be working. And going to Sam's place was out of the question as well, with Sam being Sam, he'd feel obligated to get Dean talking about what was going on, and that wouldn't help this time, not to mention Dean didn't want to talk about it with anyone.

Thinking about it all made Dean seethe, and without really paying any attention to what he was doing he steered his car away from his usual route to home. He needed some time to be alone.

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><p>Sam had had an amazing evening with Jess, and there was nothing that could ruin his good mood tonight, not with Jessica looking so breathtaking in her new white dress, giggling at the joke Sam had told her while he went to get the wine Dean and Lisa had brought them as a housewarming present. Sam couldn't stop grinning, this was the one day that would be perfect, and he would be reminiscing about it when he was old.<p>

"Sam, your phone is ringing. Don't worry, I'll get it for you," Jessica's voice pulled Sam away from his thoughts, and he grabbed the wine, corkscrew and the two classy wine glasses he had spend a good moment searching for.

"Who is it?" He asked upon entering their small living room, and the smile he'd had on his face fell instantly, Jessica seemed extremely worried. Sam couldn't believe this was happening, it had been such a perfect day so far. He placed the wine and the glasses on the small table they had brought not six days ago, and quietly asked if he should take the phone. Jessica nodded and told who ever was on the other end of the line that Sam was now there, and handed the phone to her boyfriend. Lisa's voice greeted Sam over the line, and as soon as she started explaining Sam what was wrong he understood why Jessica had seemed so worried.

"Dean isn't here, and normally I wouldn't bother worrying but we've been arguing and fighting for God knows how long and he promised he's be here before seven, because he knows it always takes me a longtime to get anything done when I try a new recipe for dinner. He's always saying that if I try to cook something I haven't done before then maybe I should start earlier because otherwise he might starve to death. And now it's past ten and he's not here. I tried calling him but his phone was turned off. I just need to know he's okay," Lisa's voice broke, and Sam could understand her worry, Dean wouldn't break a promise unless he absolutely had to.

"Okay, Lisa? We'll find Dean. Jessica and I are coming over there, because I don't think it's a good idea for you to be alone right now. I'll get Dean back home before you know it," Sam promised and was glad to see that Jessica had already put the wine back where it belonged and had grabbed their coats and keys. She was truly an amazing woman. Sam ended the call with a promise to be at Lisa's home within minutes while he and Jess walked to their car.

"I'm really sorry about our evening," Sam said as he started the car and, without actually speeding, drove as fast as he could to his brothers house.

"It's okay, you'll just have to make it up to me later," Jessica answered with a mischievous smile. Sam managed to smile to her in return, and the rest of the trip was done in anxious silence. Jessica might be new to the Winchester family, but she genuinely liked Dean and was worried about him, as well as about Lisa.

Lisa was waiting for them by the door by the time Sam and Jess arrived at their destination. Jessica was quick to usher her back inside and make her sit down, while Sam started calling their friends and family to see if anyone had heard from Dean. He grew more and more worried as everybody told him that they hadn't talked to Dean, and when Jo said Dean had left hours ago Sam considered calling to all the hospitals in the area as well. He was about to do just that when a thought hit him like a train, there was still one person who might know where Dean was.

"Can I borrow your phone Lisa? You probably have some numbers I don't have," Sam said and Lisa handed her phone over quickly without a word.

"I'm gonna go outside to grab some fresh air. I'll be right back," Sam said to the women seated on the couch, and hurried outside. He remembered Dean's recount of a shopping trip not long ago, and while he had been sympathetic to Dean at the time now he couldn't have been more grateful about it. It took a while before his call was answered, and Sam's patience was starting to wear thin.

"Hey," a questioning voice answered, and Sam send a silent thank you to heavens.

"Hi, I'm Sam Winchester, Dean's brother. Lisa gave me your number," Sam explained hastily.

"Oh, right, the genius. Pamela Barnes, nice to make your acquaintance." Sam decided to ignore being called a genius, right now it was time to concentrate on finding Dean.

"Yeah, um. I have a request to make. I need to talk to Castiel, and I know you know him. I was hoping you could help me," Sam said, deciding to jump straight to business and exchange pleasantries on some other time. The line went silent for a long time, and Sam was just about to explain why he made such a request when Pamela spoke up again.

"There's very little that would make me do anything to even consider giving his number to you or anything like that, but I gotta ask out of curiosity, why?" Her voice was stern, and Sam could tell she would protect her friend, no matter what it took.

"I know what's going on between Dean and Castiel, and personally I have nothing against him, I haven't even met him, so there's no need to worry about me yelling at him or beating him up, but Dean's missing, and Castiel might be the only person who knows where he is," Sam explained a lot more calmly than he thought was possible at the moment.

"Why didn't you just say so in the first place? God you guys can be so thick sometimes. You got a pen?" Pamela replied almost instantly, and Sam was a bit taken aback by it. He told Pamela that he had another phone in his hands, and took up the number he was given.

"Cas is supposed to be out right now, so if he doesn't answer right away wait a minute, he'll call you back as soon as he finds his phone from his bag. Trust me, he's one of the most easily reachable people I know. If you got his number," Pamela instructed, and Sam thanked her for her help before ending the call. He copied the number flashing on Lisa's phones screen to his own and saved it before deleting it from Lisa's. Dean would kill him if he found out Sam had accidentally given Lisa the means to contact Castiel.

Sam took a deep breath and calmed himself down. Panicking wouldn't help Dean in any way, and he didn't think panicking would help him when talking to Castiel, if he could reach him. When Sam was ready he hit the call button and waited with baited breath for the call to be picked up.

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><p>Castiel made his way to the bus stop as he tried to find his phone from one of his bags many pockets before it stopped ringing. He cursed under his breath when the ringing stopped seconds before he could find his phone and he was surprised to find out that the call had come from a number he didn't recognize. What made the whole thing unusual was the fact that the number was persistently flashing on the screen of Castiel's personal phone. Castiel came to a halt when he reached the bus stop, andCastiel checked the time, and after finding out he still had over ten minutes before the bus would arrive, he decided to take a chance and call the mystery number. A kind but slightly worried voice answered the call, and under any other circumstances Castiel might have thought it was attractive, but right now he had only one thing in mind.<p>

"How did you get this number? Because I don't remember giving it to you and I'll have a big lawsuit at my hands if you found it from a phonebook. And if Pam put you up to this you tell her I'll torch her eyes out unless she stops acting like a baby," Castiel begun without thinking. The voice on the other end of the line was dead quiet for a long moment.

"Um, okay. Hi, I'm Sam Winchester, Dean's brother. I actually did get your number from Pamela, but I haven't been put up to do anything," the mystery voice told with a careful tone. Castiel was dumbstruck for a few seconds before his brain caught up with who he was talking to and a bright smile spread to his face.

"So you're the guy who makes Einstein look like an idiot," he declared triumphantly, proud in his slightly sleep deprived state that he had remembered what Dean had told him about his younger brother.

"I don't know about that," Sam replied, sounding a bit embarrassed by such compliment, Castiel liked the guy already.

"That's what Dean always says when he talks about you," Castiel said, not quite understanding what the big deal was.

"Actually, it's Dean I wanted to talk to you about," Sam changed the subject, turning serious. Castiel prepared himself for a moral speech about sleeping with married men, so what Sam told him was rather shocking.

"I was wondering if you've seen him. He went to see a friend who lives out of town this morning, and he was supposed to come back hours ago. Jo said he left on time but no one we know has seen him or heard from him. I thought you might know where he is," Sam explained, his voice worried.

"No, I'm sorry. I've been out of town myself, I'm actually waiting for a bus right now. Dean knows I'm not home so I don't think he'd go there since I was supposed to come back tomorrow morning," Castiel admitted, growing worried every second.

"Shit. Okay, maybe you could maybe call me or something if you hear from him?" Sam requested, worry evident in his voice, and Castiel could relate to that.

"No problem. And if you need help finding Dean just let me know. He might have gone someplace, maybe get a drink or something. I haven't actually seen him this week but we've talked on the phone a few times and he's sounded a bit stressed," Castiel answered. He was already going through all the possible places Dean might be in his mind.

"I hadn't even thought about that, maybe I should go check the town or something. And some help might actually be a good idea, if you don't mind. I don't really know this city all that well yet and Dean could be anywhere," Sam said, and somehow Castiel could tell he was already coming up with a plan to find his brother.

"My bus is at the central stop at 23:45, if you want to come and pick me up. We'll find Dean," Castiel suggested and Sam was quick to agree. They ended the call, and Castiel was happy to see the bus coming. He got on the bus in a hurry and found himself a seat while mentally getting ready to meet Dean's younger brother for the first time. Dean had told Castiel that Sam had nothing against him, and Castiel hoped it was true, he wasn't sure he could handle being in the presence of someone who didn't like him when Dean was missing and he was worried beyond believe.

The bus ride seemed to last forever, and Castiel actually considered getting up and asking the driver to hurry up a few times. When the bus finally reached its destination Castiel was the first person out of the doors, receiving few disgruntled words from the other passengers who all seemed a lot more tired than he was. Castiel scanned the mostly empty parking lot until he spotted a very tall young man standing by a car, checking his phone every few seconds. Castiel smiled and hurried to the man, who had raised his eyes from his phone to him.

"Hello," Castiel greeted Sam and offered his hand to him.

"Hi, nice to finally meet you," Sam replied and shook Castiel's hand before motioning him to take a seat in the car. Castiel complied, knowing that the time for getting to know Dean's brother would come later.

"Would it be too much trouble if we would drive by my place? I'd like to change my clothes and there's always the chance that Dean might have forgotten I'm not supposed to be home and gone there," Castiel said when Sam drove the car away from the parking lot. Sam glanced at him and raised his eyebrow, and Castiel gave him a sheepish smile. He was glad he didn't really look like an escort, but he knew Dean would recognize his work attire and Castiel didn't want to cause anymore trouble. Sam agreed to take Castiel to his home, and after receiving the address and a few driving instructions he nodded and set the course.

Once they arrived on their destination Castiel guided Sam hurriedly inside, greeted the doorman and asked if anyone had tried to contact him. The doorman shook his head apologetically and gave Sam a quick once over. Castiel pulled Sam to the elevator, and the ride up was done in heavy silence. Castiel didn't really pay attention to the act that he was taking a complete stranger to his home, something he didn't usually do even with people he knew, Dean, Pamela and Chuck being the exceptions to the rule. Once they were inside his apartment Castiel couldn't help but smile at Sam's awed expression.

"How can you afford this?" Sam asked after Castiel turned on the lights and told Sam to make himself at home while he would change into something more appropriate.

"I got it from my employer, he's an art dealer and owns a few places around the world. He never used this one and I needed a place to stay," Castiel told Sam without thinking about it too much, he had come up with answers to most work and money related questions a long time ago. Sam nodded and Castiel gave him a moment to look around and learn what he could about the man who was having an affair with his brother. Castiel did a quick job changing his clothes, and after that he hurried to the kitchen to start the coffeemaker.

"I've been up for over 20 hours," Castiel explained when Sam came to see what he was doing. Castiel grabbed his thermos and stood by the coffeemaker, willing it to work faster.

"I don't think that staring at the machine will make it work any faster," Sam observed with amusement in his voice, and Castiel jumped a bit before turning around to look at him with a smile.

"That's exactly what Dean said to me. I tried to explain to him that it was morning and I was fully aware that I can't actually stare electronic devices to work any faster, but it didn't mean that I couldn't try. Besides I was really tired and it was Dean's fault," Castiel said before thinking about what came out of his mouth. He quickly turned back to the coffeemaker and mentally banged his head against the counter. It probably wasn't the best of the ideas to start talking about all the times Dean had stayed the night at his apartment to Sam.

"I've never seen Dean as happy as he is when he talks about you. He gets all dreamy eyed, and it's actually kinda disturbing. I don't know what you did to make him that happy, but thank you," Sam said softly after a long and uncomfortable silence. Castiel turned back around and looked at Sam bemusedly. He had never been thanked for ruining someones marriage before. Unsure of what to say Castiel simply nodded and poured the now ready coffee to the thermos.

"Lets go find Dean," he said determinately and led Sam back to his car. They had a long night ahead of them.

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><p><em><strong>AN : **Facts about this chapter_

_1) I had this weird idea of Ash and Garth teaming up.. Don't know if it'd be any good but at the moment the idea seemed pretty funny._

_2) Richie is a hunter in the episode Sin City (03x04)_

_3) I kept thinking if I should write Sam's POV here, but in the end I don't think that this would've worked without it._


	26. Part 2 : Chapter 6

_**A/N :** New chapter is here, and the next one is being written. Nothing more to say at the moment =)_

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><p><strong>Where Do We Draw The Line<strong>

**Part 2 : Chapter 6**

The search for Dean proved to be in vain, and by the time Sam and Castiel were ready to give up they had gone through every possible place in town they could think of while drinking the coffee from the thermos. They had been forced to go get a few cups from an all night diner as well. Sam was close to tears, partly because he was tired but mostly because his brother had vanished from the face of the Earth. His parents had called a few times, unable to sleep and promising that they would fly over if Dean wasn't found by the next day.

"I was supposed to spend a nice, romantic evening with my girlfriend, and it's so like Dean to do _something _to ruin it," Sam muttered, clearly completely worn out and ready to go to bed, Dean be damned, and Castiel laughed at his words.

"I don't think he'd ever purposefully do anything to screw your evening up," he said and Sam made an agreeing noise. They both knew that Dean wasn't the type to purposefully ruin his brothers evening by running off into the night.

"All I want right now is some peace and quiet, and a moment to think without the world bothering me every few minutes," Sam declared and suddenly Castiel had an idea. He remembered Dean talking about a lake nearby, and how it would be a perfect place to hide from everything for a few hours.

"We forgot to check the beach," Castiel said, making Sam frown. Castiel suspected that Sam might not know about the beach, being new to the city and all.

"There's a lake few miles out of town, Dean once said that it'd be good place to escape the world if the need ever arose," Castiel explained, and Sam asked for directions to said lake, if there was a chance that Dean might have gone there then Sam would check it out, and Castiel was more than happy to guide Sam towards the lake. The only sound in the car was the radio playing music on low volume. Castiel had grown to like Sam in the few hours they had spent together, and he hoped that they would get a chance to sit down for a coffee or something some day.

When they reached the lone parking area of the lake Castiel couldn't help but hold his breath. He scanned the area frantically and could barely believe his eyes when he spotted the familiar looking Impala at the far edge of the area. He pointed it out to Sam who let out a relieved sigh and drove his car next to the other one and stopped the engine. Castiel couldn't help but notice how shaken Sam seemed now that they had found Dean's car, and most likely Dean as well.

"Do you have a blanket or something? Dean's probably freezing by now," Castiel asked as he collected his stuff. Sam nodded absentmindedly and handed Castiel the car keys, telling him that there should be a blanket in the trunk. Castiel left Sam to get himself together and went to search the trunk. He found the blanket quite easily, and frowned at the bright pink abomination in his hands.

"It's Dean's idea of a joke," Sam explained with a pained smile when he got out of the car and came to see if Castiel had found what he was looking for. Castiel eyed the blanket for a little while longer, but he couldn't see anything that might be considered funny. When he told as much to Sam the other man laughed and explained how Dean was always calling him a big girl, and suddenly the pink blanket made more sense.

"He even got me a barbie for one Christmas," Sam remembered and that actually made Castiel laugh while they walked hurriedly towards the beach. As soon as they reached the beach they scanned it in hopes of spotting Dean. It took them a while to see him, and Castiel was just about to start screaming his frustration out to the world when Sam sprinted from his side yelling Dean's name. Dean had been lying on the sand, but upon hearing his name being called by his frantic brother he had sat up, and Castiel relaxed upon seeing him unharmed. On the other hand this brought up a whole new set of problems, such as how was Castiel supposed to act now, with both Sam and Dean present? Sometimes Castiel wished he could just stop thinking, but as he slowly made his way towards the brothers, giving them some time alone and himself a moment to think, he reached the conclusion that he would just have to roll with it.

Castiel smiled when he saw Dean flailing as Sam hugged him, and Castiel could hear him say something about being unable to breath. Dean was still sitting in the sand after Sam released him, smiling at his brother reassuringly and listening to Sam tell him how horrible his day had been. Sam had pressed his face to his knees, so he didn't see the smile disappear from Dean's face when he saw Castiel, who froze on his tracks at the sudden change in his lovers expression, he was worried that Dean didn't want to see him, or that he had done something wrong. He held the blanket tighter to his chest, but it didn't take long for him to realize Dean wasn't angry at him. Dean shoved Sam as hard as he could and glared at him while motioning for Castiel to come closer. Castiel could see that Dean was cold as he had suspected, and he offered the blanket to him without a word, but Dean declined it.

"I'd rather freeze to death," Dean declared, and Castiel stared at him with a less than a kind look in his eyes. Dean gave him a cheeky grin that faltered quickly under Castiel's steely eyes while Sam was looking at them both amusedly. Dean was the first to give up and grab the blanket from Castiel and wrap it around his shoulders while mumbling to himself. Castiel sat down a well, wrapping his arms around himself and occasionally sipping the lukewarm coffee he still had in his cup.

"So, you want to give me the talking down now or later?" Dean asked after they had all settled down again and Sam had seemingly said everything he needed to say for now. Castiel studied the sand on his feet for a second before turning to look at Dean.

"I don't think I need to say anything. I think it's better if I'll just listen what you have to say," he said calmly, and Dean searched Castiel's face for something, Castiel didn't know what, but he seemed to find it.

"Well I don't have anything to say. How about you two tell me what the hell you're doing here?" Dean requested with an air of cheerfulness that was clearly false, but it didn't stop Sam and Castiel from obligating his request and recounting the events that had led them to that beach.

"Hey, weren't you supposed to come back tomorrow?" Dean asked suddenly, eyeing Castiel curiously. Castiel grimaced, and earned himself a demanding glare from Dean and a curious look from Sam.

"I lied, okay? I wanted to sleep tonight so that I could've gotten up early to make something out of the horrible amount of blueberries Chuck gave me few days ago. I was thinking pancakes and pie. You could've been my test subject," Castiel admitted with an accusing frown directed at Dean, whose face fell a bit, and Sam burst out laughing. Castiel watched amusedly how Dean kicked some sand at Sam, who did the same at Dean and soon they were both covered in sand while Castiel hid under the blanket he had quickly stolen from Dean.

"Okay! Cut it out, we're not going to act like children, it always gets out of hand," Sam declared in the end, running his hand through his hair while sand fell from it.

"Yeah, I might be tempted to put some Nair in your shampoo again," Dean chuckled.

"You've put Nair in his shampoo?" Castiel was forced to ask, just to be sure he had heard right. Dean nodded, clearly trying not to laugh while Sam glared at him. The situation calmed down quickly, the were all tired both physically and emotionally, and Castiel couldn't quite believe they were all still awake.

"So, are we ready to go home now?" Sam asked after a while, but Dean shook his head. Castiel pulled the blanket tighter around himself as he turned to look at Dean, who was biting his lip thoughtfully, ignoring Sam's exasperated look.

"Just give me ten minutes. You can go wait in the car," Dean said to his brother, and even in his barely awake state Castiel couldn't miss the meaningfully raised eyebrow Dean directed at Sam, who glanced quickly between his brother and Castiel before understanding lit up his face.

"Right, car. You wan't me to take that away?" Sam asked and pointed at Castiel's coffee cup as he got up.

"Please," Castiel said as he handed the cup to Sam, who gave him a small smile before walking away, leaving Dean and Castiel alone on the beach. Castiel chuckled when he realized the sun was rising, coloring the sand and the lake beautifully in shades of red and orange. Dean wrapped his arms around Castiel, pulled him closer, and pressed a soft kiss on his neck.

"I'm sorry if I made you worry about me. I just needed some time to think about everything. I'll tell you about it when I'm ready, and when I'm not about to turn into a sleep deprived zombie. You just need to be a bit more patient with me, okay?" Dean spoke softly, and no matter how much Castiel might have wanted to argue he didn't have it in him at the moment. He just wasn't sure how much patience he still had left for Dean, but ha also knew this wasn't the time nor the place to bring that up, so he nodded and pressed himself closer to Dean.

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><p>Dean had no good explanation for his actions, but sitting by the lake in the chilly night had been just what he needed to get his act together and decide what he wanted. Now it was simply a matter of finding the courage to actually follow his decisions. Dean breathed in Castiel's scent, feeling a surge of jealousy when he smelled the faint trace of perfume on his lover. He squeezed Castiel a little harder, getting a displeased mutter in return. Dean looked at Castiel and huffed when he realized the other man was practically asleep.<p>

Dean was glad Castiel had come find him, though he had been fuming when he had seen him on the beach the first time, trailing after Sam with that stupid pink blanket. Dean couldn't believe Sam had tracked Castiel down just because he couldn't find his brother on his own. The anger had dissipated quickly when he had seen the startled look on Castiel's face. It had been nice to realize that Sam and Castiel actually seemed to get along, and when Dean realized Sam had kept his word and hadn't started to criticize Castiel Dean started wondering why he had really ever even doubted his brother.

"Hey, sleepy head. Time to go home," Dean said gently as he nudged Castiel so that he would wake from the doze he had fallen. Castiel opened his eyes slowly and snuggled closer to Dean, reminding Dean once again how young he was. Dean ran his hand through Castiel's hair and smiled a bit ruefully when he thought about the fact that he was in love with a guy who was younger than his little brother.

"Seriously Cas, we need to go," Dean tried again, and this time Castiel actually got up, with a little help from Dean. Castiel folded the blanket sloppily and started to wander in to the direction of the parking area. Dean shook his head fondly and put his arm around the younger man to help him stay up a little better. Castiel leaned against Dean nuzzled his neck with a content sigh. Dean let himself enjoy the moment, and when they reached the parking area Dean had all but forgotten about Sam, but there he was leaning against the car with an amused grin on his face as he watched Dean practically drag Castiel to the car.

"I talked to Lisa, Jess is apparently fast asleep on the couch. Lisa told me to drive you home, and I don't think it's a good idea to argue with her right now," Sam told Dean in a hushed voice, mindful of Castiel dozing against Dean. Dean frowned and threw an alarmed look at his beloved Impala.

"I'll drive you back here as soon as you wake up if that makes you feel any better," Sam suggested, and Dean nodded reluctantly, he might have been tired but he knew his wife well enough not to go against her wishes at the moment. Sam gave him a relieved smile before turning his attention to Castiel, who might have actually fallen asleep. Dean nudged him gently as Sam opened the back door for him.

"Okay Sleeping Beauty, get in the car," Dean prompted his lover fondly as he maneuvered Castiel to the backseat. Castiel seemed to wake up enough to grab Dean's arm for some reason and yank him hard enough to make him momentarily loose balance and nearly fall over Castiel. Sam snorted somewhere behind Dean while Castiel giggled uncontrollably. Dean had to admit Castiel was pretty adorable in his sleep deprived state. Somehow he managed to get Castiel seated on the backseat, and by the time he and Sam got to their seats Castiel seemed to have fallen back asleep. Dean leaned over to the backseat for long enough to cover Castiel with the blanket he was still clutching in his hands. When he got back to his seat Sam was looking at him with a dopey smile.

"What?" Dean snapped, whispering so that he wouldn't wake Castiel. Sam just continued to stare at his brother with that puppy look on his face.

"Dude, could you be anymore in love?" Sam sounded amazed, and Dean wanted to smack him. He glanced at Castiel to make sure he was still sleeping as he told Sam to just start the car and get him home.

"We need to take Cas home first," Dean told Sam, knowing his brother would understand what he meant. Sam nodded and drove the car toward's Castiel's apartment while Dean dozed against the window, the events of the night finally taking their toll on him. He didn't wake up until Sam stopped the car in front of Castiel's home. Dean thanked Sam and said he'd just make sure Castiel wouldn't fall asleep in the elevator or something similar. He was about to open the door to the backseat when Sam got out of the car. Dean was just about to tell him to wait in the car when Sam interrupted him.

"I know you Dean, you'll do what ever it takes so that you can stay just a bit longer with him, and I'm really sorry but right now you need to go home to your wife, and I want to go to bed. I'll just tag along while you help him," Sam's stern tone left no room for arguments, and Dean knew his brother was right, if he could he would stay with Castiel for the whole morning, since the night had already passed. Dean decided to ignore his brothers presence as he opened the door and coaxed Castiel awake. Castiel made a few complaining noises as he was forced to walk to the door that Sam was already holding open for him and Dean.

"You do realize that I can get to my apartment on my own?" Castiel said while fighting off a yawn, and Dean grinned at him fondly as he propped Castiel against the wall by the elevator.

"Of course you can. It's not like you're gonna fall asleep on the elevator or in the corridors and be found in a few hours by your neighbors. And if you'd by some miracle would actually make it to your apartment you most definitely wouldn't fall asleep by the front door," Dean agreed mockingly, but without any malice. Castiel smiled at him tiredly, and Dean thought Castiel had no right to look as good as he did while being barely awake on his feet. Dean cursed Sam silently for tagging along, since he didn't think it was okay for him to start making out with Castiel in front of his brother, who was in a hurry to get him home to his wife.

The elevator ride up proved to be awkward with Castiel pressing himself against Dean. Sam hadn't said a word since they had gotten inside the building, so Dean glanced at him to see if he could figure out what was going on in his brothers head. Sam was studying his nails with a spaced out expression, and Dean figured he must have been too tired to really care what Dean and Castiel were doing. The elevator came to a sudden stop, and Dean guided Castiel out of it, and if his hand on Castiel's back was little lower than what may have been appropriate then Sam could suck it up, since Cas didn't have complains. Dean checked to see if Sam was actually still following them only to find his brother watching him with an unreadable expression.

Dean let it go for now, concentrating on the feel of Castiel pressed up against him instead. He took the keys Castiel was handing out to him when they reached his front door, and unlocked it. Before Sam could react in any way Dean had already slipped into the apartment, and was helping Castiel out of his jacket. Sam cleared his throat and tappet the watch on his wrist to remind Dean that they couldn't stay for very long. Dean was just about to tell his brother to go screw himself when Castiel wrapped his arms around Dean's neck, cutting his train of thought about yelling at his brother.

"I'll manage from here. Now Sam will make sure you get home safely, and you're going to be nice to him because you ruined his date night with Jessica," Castiel stated matter of factly, standing far too close to Dean for his liking, considering the fact that his brother was right there. Castiel didn't seem to care about it, though, since he saw it fit to pull Dean for a languid kiss. Dean momentarily forgot that his brother was standing right next to them. Sam cleared his throat again, and somehow he managed to make it sound like he wasn't really that serious about getting their attention. Dean held out a hand to him to make him give him a second before letting Castiel go.

"Call me later?" Castiel asked sweetly when Dean made a move to leave. Dean promised to do so as soon as he'd wake up, and Sam waved at Castiel, clearly ready to go.

"Good morning to you two. And try to drive safely," Castiel said before the door closed, leaving Dean feeling immediately lonelier. Sam tugged at his sleeve to make him move, and Dean followed him reluctantly to the car. They drove to Dean's house in silence, for which Dean was grateful, he wasn't sure he could handle Sam's opinions at the moment. By the time they reached their destination Dean had fallen back to his miserable mood that Castiel had momentarily driven away.

"For what it's worth, I really like Cas. And I think you two fit together well," Sam said when he parked the car on the driveway of Dean's home. Dean thanked him, unsure of what else to say, and told Sam to get to the passengers side of the car, he'd tell Jessica to come and take him home. Sam nodded and followed Dean's instructions while Dean walked to his front door with a heavy heart. He went to wake Jessica up as soon as he got inside, as a way to avoid facing Lisa right away. Dean could hear her in the kitchen, and after apologizing to Jessica for scaring her and telling her to take her boyfriend home that was where he went.

"This isn't working," Lisa stated when Dean entered the kitchen. Dean frowned at Lisa, unsure of what she was talking about. He had expected her to be mad at him, and maybe yell a little, but not this. Lisa studied him closely, taking all the time she wanted before finally continuing.

"Us. We're not working," she explained neutrally. Dean tensed up, not sure how to react to Lisa's words that held nothing but truth in them. He had been hoping they would have this conversation in the near future, and he had even planned it on the beach, but this was too soon, and Dean was too tired to deal with this right now. Still, he owed it to Lisa to say something.

"I know," he agreed, better to get this quickly out of the way, a bit like ripping off a bandaid. Lisa nodded slowly and sat down on the chair she always kept in the kitchen, Dean was left standing on the doorway all by himself, and the distance between them wasn't only physical at the moment.

"I've been thinking about this for a while now, and I still wish we could get this to work. But you know what? I don't think that'll happen, and I'm tired of pretending that everything's alright when we're out there with our friends, or even in here. And that stunt you pulled today was the last straw. I can't keep doing this. I'm going to Chicago on Monday for four days, there's a conference I want to attend to and my boss will be paying for the trip. When I come back I'll expect you to have sorted yourself out. Figure out if you still want to be married to me or not, because this show has to end!" Lisa's tone told Dean she wasn't going to discuss the matter any further.

Dean thought about his options for a minute, before deciding that if they were going to think about continuing their marriage Lisa deserved to know about him and Castiel. Dean ignored the part of his mind that screamed how bad this idea was, he knew exactly how bad it was, they were both tired and upset, and he was about to tell his wife he'd been sleeping with another guy. Dean opened his mouth to come clean to his wife before he lost his sudden rush of courage, but Lisa raised her hand to silence him.

"Don't say a word. No matter what it is, I don't want to hear it right now. I'm literally too tired to deal with it right now," she explained her actions, and Dean fell silent even though he knew he might not be able to tell the truth to Lisa on another occasion. Dean's heart broke hearing Lisa so exhausted, knowing it was completely his fault.

"I'll take the couch," Dean offered and tried to smile, failing miserably. There was nothing to do anymore, except wait until Lisa felt ready to sit down and listen to what Dean had to say.

* * *

><p><em><strong>AN : **Facts about this chapter_

_1) Dean getting Sam a barbie for Chritmas is from A Very Supernatural Christmas (03x08)_

_2) When Michael Moore interviewed Marilyn Manson for his Bowling For Columbine documentary he asked Manson what he would have said to the students at Columbine. Manson replied, "I wouldn't say a single word to them. I would listen to what they have to say and that's what no one did." This is one of the wisest thing I have ever heard anyone say._

_3) Dean putting Nair in Sam's shampoo is from Hell House (01x17)_

_4) Staying up for 20-25 hours can, at best, resemble a 1‰ blood-alcohol content, making you act like you're drunk. It's actually not as much fun as it sounds._


	27. Part 2 : Chapter 7

_**A/N : **__I don't know about this one... I kinda dislike it, but that might be because I spend most of my time writing this planning and writing down bits and pieces for the next chapter, but this just had to happen before I could get to the next part._

* * *

><p><strong>Where Do We Draw The Line<strong>

**Part 2 : Chapter 7**

Castiel hadn't made pie from the blueberries like he had planned. He had called Dean to ask if he would have wanted to come over now that Castiel had nothing else planned for the day, but Dean hadn't paid him any attention until the point he made it very clear that he had better things to do than come see Castiel. It wasn't like Castiel didn't understand that Dean had his own life, and it was perfectly fine, he had just ditched Dean for a whole week, but Dean didn't have to be so callous about it. Castiel thought he deserver some kindness after being dragged out into the night to find Dean.

So Castiel hadn't made pie out of spite against Dean who wasn't even coming to see him, and he knew very well how petulantly he was acting, but he had had plans for the day, and they had just been crushed. Castiel needed to talk to someone, and surprisingly the first person to come to his mind was Anna. So Castiel picked up his phone, went to open a window so that he could grab a smoke and dialed his sister. He needed to take a moment to remind himself that Anna had told him he could call her anytime he wanted, since Castiel still felt a little uneasy about just picking up the phone when he wanted to talk to Anna.

"I think I'm dating an asshole," Castiel said incredulously as a way to open a conversation when his sister picked up. The realization had hit Castiel as he had waited for Anna to answer, thinking about the best possible way to explain why he was upset.

"Um, could you hold that thought for a sec?" Anna said after a long silence, and Castiel waited, listening to the mumbled sounds coming from the other end of the line.

"Sorry, I had to get out of the house. Now if you would be kind enough to repeat that previous thing you said. I kinda missed it since I never thought you'd open a chat with something like that. No offense," Anna said, sounding like a big sister should when her younger brother does something unexpected.

"I think I'm dating an asshole. I just realized it. I mean, okay I get that he has his own life to live, but that's no excuse to start bitching at me for asking if he'd want to do something today. Especially when I'm supposed to have time for him when he wants to see me. Am I not allowed to have my own life anymore? Why is he allowed to get mad at me for doing my job of all things, and I'm supposed to accept that he just 'has other things to do' when he doesn't want to see me?" Castiel ranted without thinking too much what he was actually saying. It felt good to just let it all out for once.

"Run," Anna's response made Castiel frown, he wasn't sure what his sister meant and he said as much. Anna sighed theatrically on the other end of the line.

"You're not dating an asshole, you're dating a possessive asshole, and that's exactly the type of person to flip out and murder you. You need to run," Anna clarified. Castiel tried to imagine Dean attempting to murder him, and the thought made him laugh.

"Dean's not gonna kill me, he's not that kind of a person," Castiel assured his sister.

"Are you sure about that?" Anna questioned with a hint of genuine worry in her voice. Castiel couldn't blame her, she hadn't heard from him for so long it must have made her protective big sister instinct go on overdrive of sorts when she finally got Castiel back in her life. At least that was how it seemed to Castiel on the few occasions they had talked.

"Yes," Castiel said with conviction. He knew Dean wouldn't kill him, but he didn't see any reason to tell Anna how good Dean was at tearing Castiel's heart to shreds piece by piece, because Castiel knew Dean wasn't doing it on purpose. Castiel hear Anna talking to someone else over the line, and waited patiently for her to get back on the line before asking where she was, exactly. The voice he had heard had seemed familiar.

"I'm at... At our parents house I've been here the whole weekend," Anna told Castiel, who suddenly didn't feel like talking to Anna any more.

"I haven't told them I've been talking to you if that's what you're thinking. Though maybe I should, they're really worried about you," Anna continued with a hushed tone, and Castiel spared a second to be grateful for that.

"Did you fun at the church this morning?" Castiel asked slightly mockingly rather than starting to debate whether or not it was okay for Anna to let their parents know he was still alive.

"I didn't go," Anna said casually, and after she got no response from the stunned Castiel she continued. "I told you mom's doing better. Well, at least on that department. She makes you a birthday cake every year, get's you a card and puts money away so that you can choose your present, and she buys you presents for Christmas too. She started it about a year after you left, I think she feels guilty about what she put you through. I think her stay at the Briar Ridge helped her a lot," Anna told Castiel, sounding like she truly wanted Castiel to believe that everything was better now, and he could come home.

"I'm glad she's better but I don't want anything to do with her. I'm not ready for that," Castiel said, genuinely sorry for not being able to make his sister happy.

"I get it. Take your time, and let me know when I can tell them to stop worrying. I gotta go now," Anna said slightly apologetically. Castiel thanked her for understanding and they said their goodbyes, and Castiel was left alone once again. He briefly entertained the idea of calling Pamela or Chuck to ask them to come over, but he decided against it, he did have things that needed to be done, and this was the perfect time for it. Castiel lets his eyes wander around his apartment thinking how much he loves it, and how weird it would be to start a life somewhere else. He sighed wistfully as he grabs his work phone and dials Balthazar. It doesn't take long for Castiel's favorite client to pick up and they fell into an easy conversation right away.

"So if I take you up on your offer will I be living in one of your apartments or do I need to get my own place?" Castiel asked, he was eighty-five precent sure he would be going back to school, and now he just needed to make some arrangements to make that dream come true.

"I'll set you up, if you promise I can still take you as my date when I need it," Balthazar answered, and Castiel smiled fondly.

"I'll think about it," he promised, already knowing he would go with Balthazar if he'd ask, he liked going to the events Balthazar always dragged him into.

"Look darling, I know you want to go back to school, and I'm thinking there's a reason you're still only considering it," Balthazar said, suddenly serious.

"I just... It's a big chance, and moving to Europe wasn't never really in my plans," Castiel admitted, knowing there was no point to lie about this, it was an important piece of information. Balthazar was quiet for a long time, and Castiel knew he was thinking about a solution to Castiel's problem.

"You'll figure it out," he declared eventually. "Though there's a pretty obvious solution to this, but you'll figure it out on your own and then you'll be happy."

"Thanks," Castiel said dubiously. The conversation drifted from topic to topic for a while, before Balthazar finally admitted that he had somewhere to be, and he should get going. After the call had ended Castiel spent a long time pondering Balthazar's words, and tried to find it in himself to take the chance he had been given, even if it meant he might have to give Dean up.

Castiel sighed tiredly and got up to make himself more coffee, he needed something to do and drinking himself into a coffee stupor seemed like a good opinion. When the coffee was slowly coming along Castiel went to grab a smoke while he waited, wondering how long it would take for him to become a chronic chain smoker.

* * *

><p>Dean sat stiffly on the couch and listened to Lisa packing for her trip. He flinched when he thought of how even the way she was throwing her belongings into the suitcase sounded pissed off, this was not what he had wanted. Dean hoped that Sam would come pick him and take him to the Impala up soon, he needed to get out of the house and the thought of the Impala all alone in some remote parking area was making him sad. When Dean was checking the clock for what seemed like the thousandth time he heard the familiar sound of Sam's car from the driveway, and Dean was at the door and when he opened the door he caught Sam by the surprise just when he was about to ring the doorbell.<p>

"Are we in a hurry or something?" Sam seemed amused by Dean's behavior when he got over the surprise. Dean nodded and was about to start to usher Sam back to his car when Lisa came down the stairs and stopped them.

"I want to talk to Sam. Alone, if that's okay," she said, and the tone of her voice made it clear that there was no denying her wish. Sam spared Dean a confused glance as he followed Lisa to the living room, and Dean shrugged at him, pretending he didn't know what Lisa wanted. Dean went to wait by Sam's car, knowing Lisa was telling Sam about the one sided conversation they had had when Dean had gotten home the night before, and Dean didn't need to be there for it, even if Lisa hadn't told him she wanted to talk to Sam alone.

When Sam finally came out of the front door the grim expression on his face told Dean all he needed to know, he was in for a long chat with a very unhappy Sam. They got into the car in a heavy silence, and Dean couldn't bring himself to relax even as Sam turned on the radio and sped towards the Impala. It took Sam a little longer than Dean had expected to finally break the uncomfortable silence.

"What the hell?" Dean didn't have an answer for Sam, so he stayed quiet and stared stubbornly out of the window. Dean could feel Sam giving him exasperated glances at him while he drove.

"Seriously, Dean. Are you to going to break up? Are you going to continue this stupid charade you've got going on? What the hell are you going to do now?" Sam's voice grew with every word until he was practically yelling at Dean.

"I tried to tell her," Dean answered quietly, speaking more to himself than to Sam.

"Tell her what?" Sam asked, softening his voice.

"About Cas. I tried to tell her but she told me to can it," Dean replied defeatedly. He didn't have it in him to start a fight with Sam too.

"Well you should have told her about Cas a long time ago. And you should have ignored her and told her everything even if she didn't want to hear it." Sam was clearly back to being upset with Dean.

"And then what? Start a fight with Lisa when we're both ready to keel over from lack of sleep? Have her kick me out of the house? Should I have called you to pick me up, or woke up Cas so that he can come open the doors for me so that I can get some sleep after I would've walked there, because my wallet is in the Impala?" Dean was getting angry, but not at Sam, at everything, but Sam was there and he was practically asking for a fight.

"Yes! You should have called me to pick you up, I'm your brother, of course I would've come. And I'm sure Castiel wouldn't have minded waking up if you'd told him what had happened! Are you completely blind or just stupid? Can't you see how much he loves you?" Sam shot back.

Dean glared at his brother angrily for a few seconds before leaning against the window and turning his attention to the passing scenery. Dean wasn't sure if he believed Sam on Castiel loving him as much as Sam clearly thought he did, because if he really loved Dean so much why hadn't he ever said so? Why hadn't he ever asked Dean to just leave Lisa and stay with him instead? And why in the hell was Castiel still selling himself for money if Dean was so important to him?

"Are you okay?" Sam asked suddenly, worry evident in his voice. Dean hadn't realized that thinking about Castiel's choice of career, and it wasn't hard to believe that it had showed on his face, and Dean quickly schooled his features to something less dark.

"Yeah, this has all been a bit too much, that's all," he lied, and if Sam didn't believe him he didn't say anything. Dean was grateful for the moment of uneasy silence, and he knew they were only few minutes away from the safety of the Impala. Thankfully Sam stayed quiet all the way up to the parking area, were the lonely Impala waited. Dean was ready to bolt out of the car when Sam parked it, but Sam's hand on his shoulder stopped him.

"Are you going to leave Lisa?" Sam asked quietly, and there was no judgment or expectations in his voice. Dean took a deep breath and held it for a few seconds before letting it out.

"I think I am," he answered without turing to look at his brother, and opened the door. Sam's hand fell from his shoulder and Dean missed the feeling almost immediately, Sam might annoy him with his never ending compassion, but Dean had to admit that it felt good to have someone who knew the truth of what was going on and still had the capacity to be sympathetic towards him. Dean tried not to stumble as he hurried to his car and the safety it offered. He waived Sam goodbye and quickly started the engine, and drove off, leaving Sam to follow him at his own time.

Dean hopes his day doesn't get any worse than it already is, and he couldn't help but blame himself for it. He felt especially guilty for snapping at Castiel who had called him shortly after Dean had woken up, and he had been tired, and he knew he had hurt Castiel. Dean thought he should probably call Castiel to apologize and make sure Castiel wasn't too upset with him. Dean thought should probably tell his young lover he appreciated Castiel coming to find him when he could have just gone home and sleep, and he should definitely tell Castiel he knew he had no right to snap at him like he had done.

Dean was still trying to decide the best way to apologize to Castiel when he got home. He didn't step out of the car after turning off the engine, instead he sat there, squeezing the steering wheel and trying to decide if he should man up and face Lisa's wrath and tell her the real reason for their broken marriage. On the other hand he should probably give Castiel the heads up before telling Lisa anything, since Lisa had made good friends with Pamela, and Dean had no doubt Lisa would tell the other woman everything, and he was fairly sure Pamela would talk to Castiel, and there was a chance Lisa might see him too. The last thing Dean wanted was for Castiel to find out about Lisa finding out from someone else than him.

Dean decided to call Castiel a bit later, after he knew exactly what to say, and with this in mind he left the safety of the Impala to face the storm that is the remains of his marriage. The house wasn't welcoming, but if Dean was honest with himself it had stopped being welcoming a long time ago. Dean didn't actively try to avoid Lisa, but when he saw her in the living room eating noodles he came to a sudden stop and backed away quietly, just because he wasn't avoiding Lisa didn't mean he had to be in the same space with her.

"What did Sam say?" Lisa called after Dean, making him curse silently for his lack in ninja skills as he returned to the living room entrance.

"Nothing much. He mostly called me names and stuff," Dean told Lisa, aiming for casual tone but probably failing miserably. Lisa studied him closely for a moment before nodding slowly.

"Good. Okay, I'll be going off to bed early today, I'm taking an early flight and I want to be able to drive the car to the airport. Just thought I'd let you know in case you're leaving somewhere today," Lisa said as she returned her attention to the bowl in her hands.

Dean realized for the first time in a long time he truly saw Lisa when he looked at her, and she was clearly tired, not only physically but emotionally as well, and Dean knew it was his fault. He knew there was nothing he could do to take it all back anymore, but he would do as Lisa had told him to do, and really think his choices while Lisa was away, even if he knew already what he wanted. He still needed to decide how much he'd tell Lisa, and how he should tell everything to her, should he just tell it how it was or should he ease her into it? This was Lisa, after all, the woman he'd swore to love until the day he died.

"You know, you're what I always wanted for my life," Dean said suddenly, making Lisa's head snap up. She looked at him with wide eyes before giving him the first genuine but slightly mournful smile.

"I know, and I also know I've always loved you more than you love me," she replied, and Dean saw no reason to start claiming she was wrong. Dean nodded stiffly before retreating to the relative safety of his office, where he planned to spend the rest of the day in hiding. He managed to spend nearly an hour surfing the internet without really paying attention to what he was doing until he gave up to his sudden craving for a sandwich. He avoided Lisa while he made the trip to the kitchen and back to his new sanctuary, and while he wolfed down his sandwich he contemplated calling Jo. It would give him something to do and Dean was fairly sure she had been one of the first people Sam had called when he started looking for his wayward brother.

The call was a lot longer than Dean had anticipated, and most of that time was taken up by Jo screaming at Dean for making her worry about him. Dean spent more than five minutes offering her apologies until Jo finally agreed on a truce, and made Dean promise never to do anything like that again, and Dean agreed quickly, though his promise didn't stop Jo from threatening to do bodily harm to him.

It took Dean a few hours and two more sandwiches longer to decide he was ready to call Castiel, and by the time he was picking up the phone from the desk Lisa knocked on the doorframe.

"I'm going off to bed. I made macaroni casserole for you so you won't starve while I'm gone. If you want to come to bed tonight it's fine by me," she said and Dean gave her a nod, not trusting his voice when she looked so resigned. It was strange, now that Dean was ready to end their marriage he seemed to see Lisa like he used to, before Castiel came along. Paying attention to her was a lot simpler, and Dean didn't know how to explain it, maybe it was because he finally knew what he wanted and he didn't have to spend time on thinking about it.

When Dean was sure Lisa was in bed he finally dialed Castiel, and as he waited for the younger man to pick up he went over his well practiced line in his head. _I'm sorry about this morning. And I'm going to leave Lisa._ It was short and to the point, and Dean could get it out of his mouth in one breath. Dean waited for Castiel to pick up, but after a long while it became clear that it wasn't going to happen. Dean didn't think too much of it when he hung up the call, Castiel could be in the shower or something, he would call back in a few minutes. Dean went to the living room and turned the TV on, not really caring what he was watching as long as he had something he could concentrate on.

Dean kept checking his phone, he knew Castiel was nearly obsessive about answering all his calls and texts, so the only reasons he wouldn't call him back were if he was hurt or he simply didn't want to call back. An hour went by without a word from Castiel, and Dean began to worry. Two hours later it became clear that Castiel wouldn't call back, and three hours later Dean fell asleep on the couch with his phone still in his hands.

—

**A/N : **Facts about this chapter

1) Briar Ridge is from Green Mile (the film, I can't remember if it was featured in the books as well)

2) I love noodles, but only in the summer. I don't know why but I don't eat noodles when it's winter. It used to be the same with Pepsi, but lately I've learned to drink it even if there's snow on the ground.


	28. Part 2 : Chapter 8

_**A/N : **__I've managed to nearly finish one of the stories I usually write only when I'm suffering from writers block, or when I need to work on something else than this, and that is why this update took a bit longer than I expected._

* * *

><p><strong>Where Do We Draw the Line<strong>

**Part 2 : Chapter 8**

Castiel knew he should have called Dean back when he had called the previous night, but he had been having a bad day and he didn't want to talk to anyone at the time. It was nearly lunchtime on Monday when Castiel finally decided to call Dean, but when he picked up his phone he hesitated, he didn't want to bother Dean if he was still working. So instead of calling Dean Castiel opted to send him a text asking if he wanted to get out of the office for a while. Dean called him fifteen minutes later.

"I'm sorry I didn't call you back yesterday," Castiel apologized before Dean got a word out of his mouth, but if the warm chuckle he received was anything to go by Castiel wasn't in too much trouble.

"It's fine. I was just calling to say I'm a jerk and I shouldn't have snapped at you like I did," Dean paused for a moment, and Castiel could imagine him shuffling uncomfortably. "And there's something I want to tell you. It's nothing bad, but I was thinking that maybe I could come over at your place or something?" Castiel was curious, but he was willing to respect Dean's wishes, since this seemed to be important to him.

"If you want to go out for lunch it's fine by me, though Sam and Jessica have kinda blackmailed me into getting lunch with them, but if they won't bother you I don't see any reason why you couldn't come," Dean finally answered the question Castiel had texted him.

"Great, I liked Sam and I think it would be fun to meet Jessica, Sam talked about her a lot," Castiel said, making Dean laugh.

"Yeah, that sounds like Sammy. The usual place?" Dean asked and Castiel agreed, saying he'd get a taxi when Dean offered to pick him up, there was no need for Dean to take his time away from his brother because Castiel needed a ride. Castiel let Dean get back to work while he went to change his clothes and called a taxi to pick him up. He was in no actual hurry, but he wanted to be on time. While Castiel waited for the taxi to arrive he tried to figure out what Dean wanted to tell him, and he was relieved he could scratch Dean braking up with him from the list, since Dean had assured him the news would not be bad.

The arrival of the taxi forced Castiel to snap out of his thoughts, and as he climbed into the back seat of the car and gave the driver the address he couldn't help but smile at the though of seeing Sam again. He had genuinely liked Dean's younger brother and was more than happy to get to know him even better, especially if Castiel was ever going to be a part of Dean's life. When Castiel arrived at the small restaurant he and Dean usually occupied every Monday he saw Sam walking towards him with a beautiful woman by his side, and it wasn't hard for Castiel to figure out this was Jessica. He waived at Sam with a happy smile on his face.

"Hi, good to see you again," Sam greeted Castiel and shook his hand. "This in my girlfriend, Jessica. Jess, this is Castiel," Sam introduced them before scanning the area for his brother while Jessica and Castiel exchanged pleasantries. Dean turned up soon, and Castiel noted instantly how tired he seemed. Dean was quick to notice Castiel's worry, and he gave him a reassuring smile. Castiel let it go for the moment, but he would ask Dean about what was bothering him later, for now he would enjoy their lunch.

Dean slipped in what he probably thought was an inconspicuous way, but both Sam and Castiel raised a skeptical eyebrow at him. Dean glared at them while Jessica covered her mouth with her hand to cover her laughter. Dean hid behind the menu while mumbling something under his breath that Castiel didn't quite catch. Castiel knew Dean didn't really need to see the menu to decide what he wanted to get, but he let it slide, if Dean wanted to hide then it was his choice. Sam spared Castiel a knowing but amused smile.

"So what is everyone going to get?" Jessica asked after they had settled in and taken a look at the menus. Everyone nodded and Dean signaled the waitress they were ready to order. Castiel had to kick Dean to stop him from ordering for him as well, since he didn't know how much Jessica knew.

"So, what will we talk about to break this silence?" Jessica asked and looked at the three men sitting with her expectantly.

"Anything but work," Castiel answered quickly, earning agreeing sounds around the table, Castiel doubted any of them had any interest in discussing their respective jobs at a lunch break, and he was happy about that, it meant he didn't have to start lying about what he did. Dean spared him an understanding glance.

"Well I don't know what we should talk about, but I'm saying this right now; I'm not leaving until Sam buys me pie," Dean said and stared at Sam, challenging him to argue. Sam gave Dean an indignant glare and opened his mouth to argue, but Dean raised his hand to stop him.

"You promised me pie if I'd have lunch with you, so you're getting me pie," Dean continued, and Sam slumped on his seat with a frown even as he nodded resignedly. Castiel's eyes darted between the brothers, watching their exchange amusedly, it reminded him of the chats he used to have with Anna when they were younger.

Castiel's thoughts were cut suddenly when his phone started ringing, and as soon as he realized it was the one he used for work he froze, and of course Dean noticed his reaction. Castiel excused himself from the table and went to answer the call. The last thing Castiel wanted at the moment was to be bossed around by Crowley, but the worst part was that Castiel knew Dean was sitting at the table feeling bad. Castiel took some comfort in knowing he had a way out of his current way of life, if he'd just get the courage to take it.

When Castiel retuned to the table after the short call the first thing he noticed was the way Dean was holding himself. He may have seemed like he had no care in the world, but Castiel could tell he was upset. He had a sudden and most likely a very stupid idea, and he couldn't fight the mischievous smirk as he slipped back to his seat next to Dean, and leaned to whisper in this ear.

"I was thinking we could forgo dessert so that I can give you a proper apology for that. Or if you really want to have your pie I could always sneak into your office again," Castiel suggested, and he took great delight in the choked sound Dean made at his words. Castiel grinned at Dean who was now looking at him with an expression that was somewhere between incredulous and thrilled.

Sam cleared his throat, reminding Dean and Castiel that they were not alone. Jessica was shuddering with silent laughter, clearly amused by Dean's reactions, and when Castiel sat back and adopted the most innocent expression he could she couldn't hold the laughter back anymore. Castiel was pretty certain that Dean could have handled Jessica laughing at him, but when Sam started sniggering he started pouting and crossed his arms. Luckily their food arrived before anyone could seriously hurt anybody's feelings.

They chatted about inconsequential things, and Sam bought Dean pie for dessert. Castiel stole a bit from Dean's slice of pie, and even though Dean complained about it and moved the pie away from Castiel everybody could tell he wasn't really upset. After they had finished their dessert Sam and Jessica had to hurry back to their workplaces, and they said their goodbyes to Castiel and Dean. Jessica threatened to kidnap Castiel sometime to go to the mall with her, and Sam nodded enthusiastically at her idea, he loved his girlfriend but a day at the mall wasn't something he enjoyed all that much. Castiel promised to see if he'd have some time to go shopping with her in the near future before wishing them good day as Sam and Jessica left.

"Should I sneak you into my office now?" Dean asked teasingly after Sam and Jessica are out of earshot, and Castiel give Dean a bright grin.

"Absolutely," he replied with voice full of promises and follows Dean to his car.

* * *

><p>Dean was in a good mood when he got home from work, and even the hour long passive aggressive argument over the phone with Brad Redding did nothing to his high spirits. Castiel had taken a look around Dean's office like he had done the few times he had been there while Dean pretended to get back to work, and after Dean had settled to his chair Castiel had locked the door and slipped under the desk, and proceeded to make an excellent attempt at sucking Dean's brains out through his dick. Dean shivered at the memory, and for a moment he forgot that he still had to plan how he was going to tell Castiel he was going to leave his wife, since he had told Castiel he had something important to tell him, and he needed to know what he was going to say, so that everything would be clear.<p>

Dean had even briefly entertained the idea of cooking for Castiel after they had had a lighthearted argument over Dean's supposed cooking skills. Castiel was fairly certain Dean couldn't cook to safe his life, but Dean had assured him he could even if he didn't do so very often. In the end Dean had decided that cooking for Castiel, who probably had been a master chef in his previous life, would be something he would have to have a bit more time to prepare to. You can't just make something up for a guy who can conjure up a gourmet dinner without even trying. He was most likely going to sit Castiel down and blurt everything out.

Still, the fact that Castiel had something to tell to Dean as well still remained, and Dean wasn't sure if it was a good thing or not. They had had a good day, sure, but in the back of Dean's mind he could feel like there was something off, but he couldn't quite figure out what it was. Dean tried not to think about it as he searched the fridge for food, and as Lisa had promised Dean soon found the casserole she had made for him.

While Dean waited for the food to heat up in the microwave he realized he might be over thinking how he should let Castiel know he was getting a divorce. It was a big deal, sure, and he didn't want just to let Castiel know it in a fleeting manner, but all he needed to do was sit Castiel on the couch and tell him how things were going to work out, and maybe ask if he could stay with Castiel after Lisa most likely kicked him out of the house after finding out he had been sleeping with another man.

Dean tried to ignore the feelings of loneliness as he sat in the living room eating the casserole. He realized he wouldn't be living in his house for very much longer, and the doleful feeling that came over him made him stare at his plate sadly, hunger forgotten. He hadn't really thought what leaving Lisa would really mean, but now the sad truth dawned upon him. Dean would loose his home, the life he had build with Lisa, and if he was lucky maybe Lisa wouldn't spend the rest of her life hating him. Dean didn't even dare to think what his parents would say when they found out that Dean and Lisa broke up, and he definitely wasn't thinking about what they would say when they found out why exactly Dean's marriage had come to a sudden end.

Dean bit back a sob trying to fight its way out of him, and tried to concentrate on the good things, like how he would still have his beloved Impala, and Sam would definitely be there to help him. And he would have Castiel. That thought brought a warm smile to Dean's face for a moment, until he was hit with a sudden and horrible thought; what if Castiel didn't want to have a life with him? Even though Dean knew Castiel wasn't likely to throw Dean out when he would tell him that his marriage had come to an end, the possibility of the opposite still scared him. Dean bolted to his feet and hurried to take the plate in his hands to the kitchen, so that he could call Sam and hear him say Dean was being an idiot for panicking like this. It took Sam far too long to pick up the phone, and Dean was beginning to regret his idea of calling is brother when Sam finally picked the phone up.

"I can't believe I'm actually saying this, but I need to talk to you. About things. And possible even feelings, if I get really desperate," Dean told his brother, who stayed silent for a long time after Dean's words.

"Okay. Should I come over?" Sam asked finally, and Dean agreed quickly, until he remembered Jessica, and how neither she nor Sam liked Dean butting in on their time all the time.

"Is it okay with Jess? I don't want her to get mad at me," Dean asked, and Sam assured him it was fine, Jessica was out with friends and Sam had absolutely nothing to do at the moment. Sam promised to be at Dean's house as soon as possible, and when the call ended Dean let out a tired sigh, before turning his attention to the now cold casserole on the kitchen counter. After a few seconds of internal debate Dean reheated the food and managed to eat it all before Sam arrived.

Dean was contemplating on getting another serving when Sam opened the front door that Dean had left unlocked when he had come home from work. Dean called out to let Sam know where he was as he made a decision and put his plate back to the microwave. Sam came to the kitchen with a contemplative yet worried look on his face. He leaned to the doorframe after saying hi to Dean, and gave his brother a chance to start the conversation. Dean was glad his brother knew him so well, giving him the space he needed and all, and he took the chance to stay quiet for a moment while he decided where to begin while he waited for his food to be heated once again.

After Dean got his now heated food back in his hands he turned to face his brother. "So let's say I leave Lisa, which is going to happen when she comes back home, by the way. And leaving Lisa would mean I could be with Cas, right? What if he doesn't want that? What if what we have now is all he'll ever want to have with me?" Dean tried not to sound as worried as he was, though he knew Sam could see right through him. Sam took a moment to think through Dean's words, even if he was eyeing his brother disbelievingly the whole time.

"Dean, I don't think Cas will leave you. I think he'd be more than happy to have you as a full time boyfriend," Sam said with barely contained mirth. Dean glared at his brother, mainly for the usage of the term boyfriend, even if it made Dean feel a bit giddy, a fact he would deny until his dying breath.

"He's never asked me to leave Lisa. If he wants a life with me then why hasn't he ever even brought it up? And besides, he's been acting weird for a few weeks, I don't know what's going on with him and he won't tell me. There's this small rift between us and it's getting bigger every day. Today was the first day in a while when things were like they used to be," Dean admitted, and now Sam had the decency to look concerned.

"Maybe you should talk to him. If there's really something wrong you should sort that through before starting to talk about what you two will do after you leave Lisa. And by the way, I'm really proud of you, for finally doing something to fix this mess." Sam's eyes sone brightly, and Dean had to fight the urge to tell his brother to shove his compliments somewhere nasty, because he didn't want to hear them. How could Sam be proud of him for divorcing his wife for another man? Dean couldn't understand it, but he could admit it was a good thing that this long and tiring ordeal was finally coming to an end.

"Yeah, you're probably right," Dean admitted a bit reluctantly. Sam shrugged like him being right was a natural occurrence, and maybe it was, but that didn't mean Sam needed to start rubbing it in Dean's face.

"So what are you going to do when you get the divorce? Are you going to tell mom and dad you have a boyfriend? Where are you going to live?" Sam asked curiously after a few minutes of silence. Dean hadn't really thought about it that much, but he was a grown up and he should tell his parents about Cas, after the dust from the divorce had settled. He might have to look for an apartment as well, if Castiel wasn't okay with Dean just moving in with a moments notice.

"I don't know. I think I'll wait for a few months before telling mom and dad about Cas, they won't be happy about the divorce and I don't want them to take it out on Cas. Not to mention Cas is a guy, so I think it's better if I just wait until they're okay with me being divorced." Dean rubbed his eyes tiredly, he wished he could just have picked up the phone and called Lisa to tell her what was going inside his head, but they had agreed to wait until they were face to face, and telling your wife you're leaving her wasn't something you should do over the phone.

"That's probably for the best, but I think you don't give our parents enough credit. Sure dad can be bit, um, harsh sometimes, but I seriously doubt he's gonna disown or something you like seem to think. And if you'll need a place to stay you can crash on our couch until you find your own place," Sam assured Dean, who raised a skeptical eyebrow at him, even though Sam wasn't wrong.

Dean knew that no matter how much yelling and denial he might get from his father, he'd still be there for Dean, they were a family and that was what mattered in the end, but he hated the fact that he was going to disappoint his parents. Sure, his mother would probably love Castiel when she got to know him, and his father would most likely grudgingly accept him after a while, but that didn't mean Dean could stop thinking about the worst possible situations in his mind, but even though he had given it some thought Dean didn't want to talk about how his parents would react to Castiel. That was why he clung to Sam's promise of a couch to crash if the need arose.

"I might have to take you up on that offer. I don't think it'd be fair to just assume Cas will want me to move in with him just yet. Maybe after a while, when we get used to not sneaking around," Dean said with a dreamy smile on his face. He could see it in his mind, what it would be to wake up next to Castiel every morning, and how nice it would be to come home after a long day at work only to find Castiel trying to make sense of the show playing on the TV. Dean could also imagine how they would argue about who's turn it was to take out the trash, and Castiel would win because naturally he'd use the puppy eyes and Dean was powerless against that particular trick.

"Dude." Sam's voice pulled Dean back to the reality, and he felt the blush creeping on his face when he saw the sappy look on Sam's face.

"Don't say a word," Dean warned Sam, pointing a finger at him for emphasis and made his way to the living room, where he flopped down on the couch and ignored Sam's way too bright eyes still staring at the back of his head.

"I just hope you won't screw it up with Cas too," Sam said softly, and Dean pretended he didn't hear it. He was hoping the same thing, but right now Dean wanted to concentrate on Dr. Sexy, and the new episode they were about to air. He asked Sam if he was interested in seeing it, and grinned at his brother happily when he made a face.

"Aw, come on Sammy, you'll love it! It'll be like that one time you had to spend the day with Madison and she made you watch All My Children, and you're still watching that show," Dean prompted, but Sam shook his head vigorously.

"No way. I'm not going to indulge in your guilty pleasures any more than I have to. I'll just head back home and see if Jessica is home. I suggest that you call Cas and talk to him after your show had ended, and then you'll call me and tell me how it went, okay?" Dean agreed and allowed his brother to make a run for it, before giving Dr. Sexy the attention he deserved.

Dean would talk to Castiel later and make sure he would be able to tell Castiel he was getting a divorce before Lisa came back, and that meant Dean had until Thursday to let Castiel know about it. Dean hoped he'd have more time, but he reminded himself that he could have talked about this with Castiel for months now, and it was his own fault this whole situation managed to surprise him. He'd just have to roll with it, and trust that Castiel cared about him enough to want a life with him. Dean shook himself mentally and directed his attention to the TV screen, getting blissfully lost in the world of sexy TV doctors.

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><p><em><strong>AN : **__Facts about this chapter :_

_1) Brad Redding is from Hollywood Babylon (02x18)_

_2) All My Children was Madison's favourite show, and she got Sam hooked on it too (02x17)._


	29. Part 2 : Chapter 9

**_A/N : _**_This is probably one of the most plot inconsistent things that make complete sense only in my head I've ever written. I blame it on the fact that I've been writing this for two months, and the funny thing is that I actually wrote 1/3 of this chapter when I wrote the very beginning of this story._

_Well, I'm going to go and read one of the 643 fics I still have on my reading list. I really need to start working on that..._

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><p><strong>Where Do We Draw The Line<strong>

**Part 2 : Chapter 9**

Castiel should probably have called Dean and cancel their date because he was definitely not in the mood to see anyone. His morning had been less than pleasant, he had woken up after only three hours of sleep and had been unable to fall back to sleep, so he was running basically on nothing more than coffee and stubbornness. He had also managed to ruin his breakfast by getting lost in his on thoughts while his eggs burned up on the frying pan.

Still, even after everything he had been through already there was one good thing that had happened that Castiel took comfort in. He would never admit it, but he had found the answer to almost all the problems in his life while watching a romantic comedy. Castiel had realized he was once again living his life on other people's terms, and he had to do something about it. He was not going to go back to being his teenage self who did everything in his power to please the people around him. Castiel would do what he wanted, even if it meant he would get hurt in the process, he knew he would be fine in the end.

Castiel felt strangely calm when he thought about his decision, like he was in the eye of the storm, and he took comfort in it for now, he had more important things to do than to have a minor breakdown over his life decisions at the moment. Castiel took a deep breath and got up from the couch he had been sitting on, and after glancing the clock he decided it was as good time as any for him to head out, and since he had so much time in his hands he could grab a muffin before his monthly check up with his doctor, maybe it would cheer him up a bit.

While Castiel could have dealt with the relatively bad start for his day, the muffins he would have wanted had been sold out and there there had been a woman with three children at the doctor's reception, and the children had screamed and ran around and one of them had nearly thrown up on Castiel. After that Castiel had developed a pounding headache and he was standing in the pouring rain waiting for a taxi, because being soaked to the bone was better than losing his hearing due to the decibels a four year old could produce.

Castiel pulled his coat tighter around himself and hurried to the taxi when he saw it coming to the parking lot of the doctor's office. Castiel gave the driver his home address even though he was supposed to go grocery shopping, he was wet and cold and food could wait until he felt a bit better. Castiel was also painfully aware of the fact that he would have to tell Dean about his decision concerning the possibility of going to school on Europe. Castiel wanted to stay with Dean, but he was tired of the constant dull ache in his heart when ever Dean wasn't with him, because Castiel knew he was with Lisa at those times. He didn't want to be cast aside anymore.

When the taxi pulled in front of Castiel's apartment building he paid the driver and told him to keep the change before running inside, his mind firmly set on a hot shower before he'd try to dare the weather again and go do some grocery shopping, hopefully before Dean arrived, so he wouldn't have to hear Dean tell him how he had to wait for Castiel in the lobby, no matter how good naturedly he'd say it. So Castiel made his way inside his home, put his wet clothes to dry and took a hot shower, but his bad mood didn't dissipate, though he was a little better off now that he wasn't slowly freeing to death.

After the shower Castiel went to his bedroom window with a cigarette box in his hands, since smoking usually helped him to calm his nerves. Perhaps it was the combination of the warm shower, fresh clothes and the cigarette that allowed Castiel to finally relax a bit. He still had to go to the grocery store, but for a few minutes Castiel thought that his day wouldn't be a completely horrible. The rain didn't seem to be letting up, and Castiel decided he wouldn't sit inside and wait for a miracle, and he was suddenly reminded how bad his day had been so far.

Luckily Castiel owned an umbrella, and he was going to put it to good use for once. So, deciding to brave the weather Castiel put on his trusted trench coat, grabbed his umbrella and his wallet, put his cigarettes on his pocket, and walked determinately outside. Castiel hadn't called a taxi, since the store he was going to was just a few blocks away, but less than half way to the store he regretted it since the streets were nearly flooding and his shoes and jeans got soaked.

The grocery store Castiel had opted to go shopping wasn't very big, but it usually had everything Castiel would need to make a simple dinner, and the cashiers were familiar with their customers. Castiel dawdled down the different aisles, picking up things without paying much attention to what he was doing, his mind occupied on other things. Like the fact that he had finally made a decision concerning the school in Europe. Castiel was worried about Dean's reaction, but he wouldn't budge on this, it was his life, after all. Castiel paid for his shoppings and gave the cashier a kind smile, and when he accidentally bumped into an elderly woman he apologized sincerely and asked if she was alright, but unfortunately the woman seemed to have as bad a day as Castiel, if the way she started angrily lecturing Castiel about respecting ones elderlies was anything to go by. Castiel left her to her ranting, and returned home.

Despite the umbrella Castiel was once again soaked when he reached his apartment, but at least he had done everything he needed to do on that day so he didn't have to worry about going outside anymore. Castiel put his groceries away and decided to make some noodles, because there was no way he could fail at making noodles. The morning fiasco with the eggs had left a slight dent in Castiel's ego, but he would fix it with this. While Castiel waited for the water to be heated he decided to call Chuck to make sure the long planned movie night was still a go, since the rumor had it that Pamela had met some guy and there was a big chance she was going to go out on a date with him if that were true.

"Hi, Cas. How can I help you on this fine day?" Chuck answered after a few rings, and Castiel was almost certain he had been drinking if the slight slur of his voice was anything to go by.

"Just wanted to ask if we're still having the movie night. I saw Meg the other day and she said she'd seen Pam with some guy, and while I don't usually put too much stock on what Meg says I don't think she was lying and Pam has been a little shifty lately," Castiel said tiredly and rubbed his eyes to remove the the tension behind them.

Chuck hummed thoughtfully. "She hasn't canceled anything, so I guess were still on." Castiel nodded before he remembered Chuck couldn't actually see him, and made an agreeing noise.

"You should stop drinking," Castiel suggested after a short moment of silence.

"I have a headache, drinking helps. But if it's any consolation I've had my share for today," Chuck replied reassuringly and Castiel appreciated Chuck's attempt at putting him at ease. They ended the call soon after that, and Castiel took a moment to take a deep breath and calm down a bit.

It was after that call Castiel came to the conclusion that there was some higher power at play, because most of the water he had put on the stove to boil had vaporized to thin air. Castiel stared at the kettle on the stove, not quite believing what he was seeing, but unable to deny it either. Castiel let out an exasperated sigh and added more water to the kettle, but this time he stayed in the kitchen with his eyes glued to the kettle. After a few minutes he managed to make an edible serving of noodles, and considering what kind of a day Castiel had had so far he thought of it as a small achievement.

The food did vey little to better Castiel's mood, and after he had finished his meal he curled on the couch with a glass of apple juice in his hands to watch what ever show happened to be on, and waited for Dean to come so that they could talk. The thoughts racing in Castiel's mind were setting him on edge, and he couldn't shake the feeling that the day would be ending badly.

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><p>Dean was pacing around his house. He was full of anxious energy, and there seemed to be something in the air, but Dean couldn't quite put his finger around it. He'd come home from work earlier than usual, right around the time the horrible downpour of rain had begun, because he'd gotten into an argument with his boss and had barely managed to keep himself from calling Mr. Adler a pretentious hypocrite. Dean was pretty sure he wasn't going to get fired for arguing, but you never knew with his boss. He knew the fight had happened only because he had been getting more and more restless, and there were moments he felt like he was drowning, but he tried to ignore them, even if it lead to him getting sent home early from work like a misbehaving child.<p>

Dean had spent some of his time home skimming through ads of places for rent, but living in an apartment alone wasn't really something he wanted to do, but he had to be prepared for Castiel not wanting him to move in his place right away. Besides, Dean thought it would probably be for the best if he didn't jump in Castiel's bed right after leaving Lisa, it seemed like such a mean thing to do, and that made Dean laugh mirthlessly, he had picked a hell of a time to start worrying about Lisa's feelings. Maybe if he'd manned up earlier things would be easier to deal with right now, but he was just now reaching the conclusion that Castiel was almost certainly the love of his life, and the thought scared him.

Dean wandered to the kitchen while he imagined what his life would be like without Lisa constantly by his side. Sam would be there for him, but it wasn't the same thing, Dean was so used to waking up with Lisa next to him that, while the idea of waking up with Castiel by his side was more than appealing, Dean knew it would be different and he was a bit anxious about it. Not to mention there was no way for him to know if Castiel even wanted to take their relationship to a more serious level.

Dean calmed himself down while he made a sandwich he was sure Sam would frown upon, saying eating too much cheese and ham wasn't healthy while remembered he still needed to call Sam and ask where he was so that he could go and pick his brother up. Sam had given his car to Jessica in the morning, and he had texted Dean when the rain had started and asked if Dean could come and drive him home when he got off from work, and Dean suspected Sam had something he wanted to say to him face to face.

Sam managed to call Dean right when he was about to pick up the phone and call him. Dean laughed at the coincidence and picked up his phone. "So when were you going to tell me you're psychic?" Dean teased his brother and smiled at the confused sound Sam made.

"What?" Sam asked after getting over his surprise.

"I was literally about to pick up the phone and call you when you called. Figured you read my mind or something and decided to save me the trouble," Dean explained, his worries momentarily forgotten.

"Uh, no, sorry. I'm still just a normal human being," Sam replied with amusement coloring his voice.

"Come on, Sammy, you've never been a normal human being. Relish your freakiness!" Dean laughed at Sam's exasperated huff, and changed the topic to when he should be picking Sam up. Sam told Dean he had just finished work and was ready to be taken home, so Dean promised to come and pick him up right away. Taking care of Sam would take his mind away from Castiel for a while.

As it turned out Sam did indeed have things he wanted to discuss with Dean in person, but it wasn't exactly what Dean had expected. Dean had to stop himself from laughing out loud when Sam recounted the horror of finding out Jessica's parents were coming over to visit next week, and he promised Sam could always hide at his place if he wanted before he remembered he might not have a home next week.

"I'm seeing Cas today," Dean said after Sam quieted down. Sam glanced at his brother and nodded slowly, Dean knew Sam knew what it meant.

"You're going to tell him you're leaving Lisa?" Sam asked carefully. Dean might have made a decision concerning his marriage, but that didn't mean he was happy to just talk about it, and Sam had known Dean for long enough to know this.

"If we can sort everything else out," Dean replied as he parked the car in front of Sam's apartment building. Sam gave him an understanding nod and wished him good luck before he climbed out of the car and ran inside. Dean watched Sam go before accepting he needed to face Castiel, and since he was already in a car he might go to see him right now. Dean made a quick call to Castiel to make sure he wasn't doing anything, and when Castiel said it was fine if he wanted to come a little early Dean pulled the car back to the rain soaked road and made his way to Castiel's place.

The drive there seemed shorter than ever now that Dean knew they were going to sit down and have a serious discussion, and he wasn't sure he was going to like the outcome. Dean took a moment to calm himself down when he parked his car for the second time before heading to Castiel's front door. Dean greeted the doorman and took the elevator up, wondering if this was a good time for him to bolt rather than to actually go through with this whole talking things through thing.

The elevator door opened with a soft ping, and Dean took it as a sign to continue on his way. He rang the doorbell and waited for Castiel to open the door, which he did a little slower than usual. Dean couldn't help but frown when he saw the tiredness on Castiel's face. Dean didn't ask about it immediately, instead he followed Castiel to the living room where he had disappeared right after opening the door for Dean.

"Is everything okay?" Dean asked after it became clear that Castiel wasn't going to say anything. Castiel got up from the couch and walked to the bookshelf, and the sudden tension in his shoulders was obvious. Dean was starting to regret his question, and he was about to suggest they have their serious talk some other day when both of them would be in a better mood when Castiel spoke.

"I'm going to move to Europe," Castiel said quickly, making the world crash around Dean, he had no idea Castiel had even been planning anything like this.

"What about me?" He asked disbelievingly. He had wanted to tell Castiel about his plan to tell Lisa the truth and leave her, he had hoped they could decide what they wanted to do with their relationship but it started to seem like it didn't matter anymore.

"I want to start a new life. You have Lisa here so I understand that you can't come with me, but for once in my life I'm going to think about myself. And I have a client who got me a place at this really nice school and I want to go there," Castiel explained with a determined voice without looking at Dean.

"So you're just going to run off to some new country, to some guy who pays you so he can fuck you?" Dean's voice was full of disbelief and he was getting angry. It wasn't hard to figure out they were about to have a big fight in their hands unless one of them calmed down and soon.

"Yes, I'm going to run off to some new country because a guy who regularly pays me so that I let him fuck me, as you so elegantly put it. Do you know what he's also paid for? My home. And now he's paying my education. I'm going to move to Europe, and he'll take me to dinners, and shopping, and all sorts of fancy events and he'll be paying attention to _me_, without anyone else in his mind, and by the end of the day he'll probably screw my brains out but at least I don't have to wonder where I fit in his life. At least _he_ doesn't have someone waiting at home to go to while I'm left all alone knowing that the one person I've let get close to me than anyone else is with someone he promised to spend the rest of his life with." Dean couldn't make himself move even as he saw the unshed tears in Castiel's eyes. He opened his mouth to say something to fix the situation, but before he could come up with anything Castiel continued his rant.

"And you know what's the worst part? She's your _wife. _At least I don't have any real emotional attachment to any of the guys I sleep with. I could call them at anytime and say that I'm quitting. You think it's easy for me to know that every time you walk out of that door you go to someone you love? Do you really think it's easy for me to know I don't mean enough for you to leave her? And it's not okay for you to tell me to quit my job because you don't like it, and still leave me here so that you can go home to someone else!" Castiel's voice grew louder with every word until he was practically shouting at Dean, and in some level Dean could understand his point, but he just couldn't bring himself around to accept it.

"Lisa is my wife, that's completely different from what you do. I can't just tell her that I'm leaving and that's it," he pointed out even though he knew that was exactly what he had been planning on doing, and suddenly Castiel was on his face.

"No, you can't leave her because you're too insecure to be something other than what you think everyone else wants you to be, so you play the good husband part you think everyone wants you to play. You're not doing any good to her _or _yourself by staying with her, you're just torturing all of us by being a selfish prick who thinks he can have everything he wants! What you're doing is worse than what I do," Castiel nearly shouted, but stopped suddenly with realization dawning on his face. Dean realized faintly that this was his chance to stop the situation from escalating even more, but he was too busy keeping himself from exploding all over Castiel's face to actually do anything about it.

"Actually, no, sorry, I'll take that back, at least mostly. I just realized that you're just like all of my clients, except I've been stupid enough not to have you pay me. Jesus, at least my clients have the decency to give me something back for the things I do for them, unlike you, you just expect me to wait for you to come around for a little while until you go back to Lisa. Well that ends now, I'm done with this, and if you ever want to touch me again you'd better be ready to pay for it like everybody else does. And if that's a problem then fuck you and all-" Castiel never had a chance to say what he wanted before Dean's fist connected with his jaw and he fell to the floor. Dean regretted his actions even before Castiel hit the floor, but he was too dumbstruck to do anything for a while.

Dean hadn't even realized he had moved until he felt the pain in his hand from where it had hit Castiel, all he knew was that he had been getting angrier by the second until he had lashed out. He had known Castiel could get pretty mean when he wanted to, and he knew he hadn't really meant the things he had said, but Dean had been on edge of something for a long time, and he had finally cracked in the worst possible way.

Dean looked at Castiel crumbled on the floor and holding his jaw with a shocked expression, and Dean wanted to take it all back and beg for Castiel to forgive him. Dean opened his mouth to say something, anything to make Castiel look at him, but he couldn't get a sound out. He could barely believe what he had just done, even though the evidence was there right in front of him.

"Cas," Dean finally started, but Castiel silenced him with a raised hand.

"I think you should go now," Castiel said coolly without turing to face him and Dean felt cold, he knew that if he didn't do something to fix this he wouldn't get another chance.

"Cas," he tired again, and Castiel got up and turned his back on Dean.

"Just get out and leave me alone," he ordered calmly, still holding his jaw. Dean reached out to touch Castiel, but the sudden coldness around him stopped him and he let his arm drop.

"I didn't mean to hurt you," he whispered miserably through the tears he refused to shed, and Castiel spun around and shoved him hard.

"Leave me alone!" He ordered and finally Dean believed him. Dean stumbled to the front door and out of the apartment, and into his car and tried to stop the tears falling from his eyes. The trip from Castiel's apartment to the Impala was a complete haze, and Dean didn't even realize he had made it to the car until he was sitting behind the wheel and staring at it numbly.

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><p><em><strong>AN : **Facts about this chapter_

_1) The bit about rather standing in rain getting soaked rather than be in the same space with three kids? That's how I feel after watching after my sisters three kids for a day. Lovely kids, but the noise they make is unbelievable. My ears are still ringing from this morning when one of them squealed a bit too loudly._

_2) I hate to admit it, but I've forgotten a kettle with water in it on a stove a few times, and when I've remembered it the water has always been vaporized._

_3) The end of this chapter was written at the same time with the prologue ant the very end of the second part of this story._

_4) A funny little fact about me and this fic : I broke my classmates wrist a few years ago. Luckily the girl whose wrist I broke had been passive agressively getting on my face for a year, and I had proof of it. I got to go to anger management and a written statement that the incident that caused one broken wrist was due to my emotional brakdown that had been (unknowingly to me) building up for months._


	30. Part 2 : Chapter 10

_**A/N :** Okay, so, I got a new job, and I have to wake up at 5 am to walk my dog, so I've been getting used to a new day routine and finding time for writing. And when I finally DO manage to find the time, my hand goes pop, swells up and I feel like I've become a case in House. Seriously, I saw five different doctors in two days because my hand is swollen and hurts. Five! They took x-rays, and now I'm getting an MRI taken, and people around me are going crazy, I swear to God. The bad thing about this whole hand incident is that I'm writing with one hand, and that's a bit problematic, because my it's tiring and not very nice. But hey! New chapter anyways!_

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><p><strong>Where Do We Draw The Line<strong>**  
><strong>

**Part 2 : Chapter 10**

Castiel stared after Dean, fighting the tears in his eyes and wishing Dean would come back so that Castiel could tell him how sorry he was for the things he had said. He hadn't meant to take his bad mood out on Dean, but somehow it just had happened. Suddenly Castiel couldn't breathe, he couldn't believe he had just ordered Dean out of his life, but the reality was crashing in with an alarming speed. Castiel needed to get away, he couldn't stay where he was, not after what had just happened. Castiel got to his feet and tried to get his breathing back under control, absently realizing he was having a panic attack but he didn't need his brain to start supplying him with information right now, he just wanted to feel like he wasn't drowning.

Without even realizing what he was doing Castiel stumbled to his bedroom, pulled out an old duffel bag he had taken when he had left his home a long time ago, and threw some clothes into it without paying any attention to which ones he was pulling out of his closet. He went to the bathroom on autopilot and grabbed his toothbrush, some hair products and the over night bag he had packed a long time ago to take on the job if he needed it. A responsible sounding voice reminded Castiel to take his money and some snacks with him, and Castiel wasn't in the mood to argue with it.

As soon as Castiel had what he needed he left the apartment building and did what he had done one before, a long time ago, he ran. The rain helped to ground him and by the time Castiel had ran two blocks he had calmed down enough to realize that being in the rain wasn't a good idea. Castiel hurried to the shelter of the doorway of a nearby store and pulled out his phone, but he had no idea who he could call, last time he had been in a similar state of mind he had called Dean, and that was obviously out of the question at the moment. The thought of Dean brought the tears back to Castiel's eyes, but at least now he could pretend it was only the rain on his face.

Suddenly it struck Castiel that he _had_ someone to call to these days, he had Anna. Castiel scrolled his contact list until he reached his sisters number, but when it came time to press call he hesitated. Were they at the point where Castiel could call her because his life had just been torn to shreds. But Anna was his sister, and she had told him to call if he needed her. So Castiel dialed Anna and waited for her to answer.

"Hey Cassie," Anna started cheerfully. She was always happy to hear from Castiel these days, and for a moment Castiel regretted calling her, he didn't know how to deal with Anna's reaction to what he was about to tell her.

"I just broke up with Dean," Castiel said, deciding that getting straight to the point would be his best choice.

"Oh, honey. Are you okay?" Anna sounded worried, and Castiel laughed mirthlessly.

"No. I don't know what I'm supposed to do," Castiel admitted, suddenly realizing that he had never actually been through an actual break up before. "Can I come there?" He asked before Anna could say anything.

"Of course you can. Don't ask stupid things," Anna replied and Castiel could breathe a little easier. Anna gave him her address and Castiel got a taxi to the closest airport, and the panic he had felt started subsiding at the anticipation of seeing his sister after so long overcoming it slowly.

Castiel managed to get a seat on the next flight, and he texted his ETA to Anna before finding the nearest place that sold alcohol and getting himself a drink. He had an hour and a half before his flight would leave, and he spent that time thinking anything but Dean. Castiel received a few pitying looks from the other patrons, but he did his best to ignore them, instead he concentrated on making a list of things he needed to do before going to Europe, and he thought he should get somebody to go check his mail while he was at Anna's place. He also needed to establish strict rules about Dean related topics.

When Castiel was finally allowed to board the plane he was too tired to think straight, and when he found his seat he fell into a light slumber almost immediately, only waking up when the plane took off. The man sitting next to Castiel offered him a sympathetic smile that Castiel ignored in favor of going back to sleep. He managed to sleep through most of the flight, though he felt even more tired after the flight than before it.

It didn't occur to Castiel before he was standing in the middle of the busy airport, but this was the first time he was going to see his sister in nearly seven years. He fought down the sudden urge to run back to the plane and go home, took a deep breath and gripped his duffel bag a little tighter. He scanned the area in an attempt to find his sister, who had texted him she would be picking him up from the airport. Castiel wasn't sure if he'd even recognize Anna anymore, but the moment he caught a glimpse of fiery red hair he just knew it was Anna.

Castiel gulped his nervousness down and slowly walked towards his sister. He stopped for a few seconds several times on the way to Anna, he wasn't sure what he was supposed to do now that they were about to meet face to face, but the need to worry about that was taken from his hands when Anna turned around spotted him. They stared at each other for a long moment until Anna hurried to Castiel, who stiffened in preparation for what ever was about to come, because Anna was wearing a completely unreadable expression and she was as likely to punch Castiel as she was to hug him. Luckily for Castiel Anna went with the latter and pulled Castiel into a comforting hug without a word, and Castiel let himself relax.

"Let me look at you," Anna said with voice full of emotions as she pulled away slightly and brought her hands to Castiel's face, who let Anna tilt his head as she liked. Anna's face darkened when she traced her fingers across Castiel's jaw gently, and Castiel tried not to flinch at her touch, he hadn't realized how much his jaw actually hurt until Anna touched it.

"I was kinda asking for it," Castiel admitted as much to himself as to Anna, who didn't look impressed with him.

"You can tell all about it to me once we get home." Anna took Castiel's duffel bag from him and started walking towards the exit with Castiel in tow. Castiel tried to grab his back from Anna, but she just swatted his hand away and continued walking with a smile on her face. After a few failed attempts to get his belongings back Castiel let Anna carry his bag, it seemed to make her feel better. Castiel didn't really mind, he was slowly getting enfolded in a comforting numbness that he feared would disappear after a few hours of real sleep.

Castiel was silent as he climbed into Anna's Camaro, and he absently noted that he seemed to be unconsciously surrounding himself with people who owned Chevrolet's. Anna was telling Castiel about her co-workers to fill the silence in the car, and Castiel was grateful he didn't have to say anything since Anna seemed content on talking all on her own while her brother focused on her voice and tried not to think about Dean.

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><p>Dean wasn't sure how he made it home, the only thing in his mind was Castiel, his beautiful Castiel, telling him to go and leave him alone, and Dean didn't know how to fix it. He had no idea why he hadn't just told Castiel about his plan to leave Lisa, and knowing that just saying what he was planning might have very well saved the situation made keeping his mouth shut hurt even more that Dean though possible. Dean thought about calling Castiel and telling him what he had meant to tell the younger man earlier, but he doubted Castiel would pick up.<p>

Dean looked at his hands, and when he saw the beginnings of what would likely to be a nasty swelling on his right hand he felt a sudden surge of panic well in his chest. Dean tried to find something to ground himself and his eyes landed on a box the backseat, and when he picked it up with shaky hands his breath caught in his throat. It was the Led Zeppelin box set Castiel had bought him as a souvenir from his trip to Malibu. Dean clung the box to his chest and let his emotions take over.

Dean let the tears fall for five minutes until he pulled himself together, taking deep shaky breaths and wiping his face on his shirt sleeve. He needed to fix this now, he wasn't going to let things between him and Castiel get ruined like they had with Lisa. Dean got out of the car, still holding the CD box in his hands when he got inside and only putting it down on his bed when he went to wash his face in the bathroom, he needed to get his head together if he was going to do something to fix things between him and Castiel.

Dean sat on the edge of the bed and took the CD box to his hands, just looking at it while he tried to come up with a game plan. It was clear to Dean Castiel had no desire to see him at the moment, but Dean didn't want Cas to be alone. Without even thinking about what he was doing Dean pulled out his phone and dialed Pamela, knowing she would drop everything to go to her friend and make sure he was alright. Dean bounced his leg restlessly while he waited for Pamela to pick up, and when she finally did Dean was ready to cry with joy.

"Hey, I need you to go check on Cas," Dean said the moment he heard Pamela's voice.

"Why?" Pamela asked after recovering from the surprise Dean had caused her. Dean didn't waste time on coming up with any lies, and he was tired of not telling the truth anyway.

"We had a fight and I just want you to go and make sure he's alright. He was pretty upset when I left." Pamela was silent for a second before promising to let Dean know how Castiel was doing.

"Maybe you should call your brother and talk to him, you sound like you could use it," Pamela suggested before hanging up, and after Dean thought about it for a few minutes he had to agree with Pamela, he could use Sam's company. Maybe Sam could help him come up with an apology, Sam was good with that kind of stuff.

Dean wandered to the kitchen to make himself a cup of coffee to get something to do. He'd call Sam later, right now he wasn't sure if he was ready to deal with his brother. Dean would wait until Pamela let him know how mad Castiel was, and then he'd ask Sam to come over and they could come up with an appropriate apology.

Dean was sipping his coffee thoughtfully while he replayed the events of the evening in his mind yet again when he heard the doorbell ring, and for a moment Dean was filled with hope that it was Castiel, but he knew there was no way Castiel would forgive him just like that, and even if he would he'd be calling Dean, not coming knocking at his door. Dean set his coffee cup down and went to open the door, curious as to who would be coming to see him at this hour.

Maybe Dean shouldn't have been surprised to see a worried Sam behind the door, but he was because as far as he knew he hadn't told Sam what had happened. Sam took one look at Dean and stepped inside without waiting for an invitation, and Dean raised an eyebrow at Sam's retreating back.

"Please come on in," Dean greeted Sam sarcastically while closing the door, though he was curious as to why Sam was there, and he briefly entertained the idea that Sam had developed psychic powers.

"Pamela called me. She said you might need company," Sam said when he turned to look at his brother, and Dean wasn't sure why he was so surprised by that.

"She also told me what happened," Sam continued before Dean could say anything. Dean opted not to say anything, and walked back to the kitchen to his coffee with Sam hot on his heels.

"You want to tell me what happened?" Sam asked sounding worried and Dean didn't need to see the look on Sam's face to know it was one of sympathy, and he didn't want that right now.

"I screwed up," Dean said with calmness he didn't actually feel, causing Sam to let out a rather surprised sound.

"Well, it's a good thing you can admit you've done something wrong. It's the first step to fixing things," Sam said after getting over his initial surprise of Dean admitting he was at fault so easily.

"You think?" Dean turned to his brother with a spark of hope flaring inside of him. Sam nodded with a soft smile on his face, and Dean relaxed a bit, letting the worst of the panic inside of himself go.

"Then you can help me come up with an apology," Dean declared with newly discovered enthusiasm and Sam laughed warmly while nodding and getting a cup of coffee for himself. Dean let himself get lost in his thoughts of Castiel, and he would probably ignored his ringing phone if Sam hadn't poked him with an expectant look on his face. Dean took a look at the screen, saw Pamela's name flashing on it and answered the call immediately.

"I can't find Cas." The worry in Pamela's voice made Dean freeze. "He didn't open the door so I used the spare key I have, and he's not here," Pamela continued, and Dean could feel the panic from earlier return with new strength. Sam straightened up with a worried look and put a hand on Dean's shoulder to ground him.

"Did you try to call him?" Dean asked and tried to come up with where Castiel could have gone.

"Yes, his phone was turned off, and I called Chuck in case he'd heard something, but he hasn't talked to Castiel in a few days," Pamela replied quickly. Sam made an impatient sound and Dean waived him off, he'd tell Sam what was going on as soon as he'd get off the phone.

"Do you want me to come there?" Dean asked, but Pamela said there was no need, Castiel was probably just getting some fresh air and would be back soon.

"I'll wait here and let you know what happens. Besides, Chuck is already coming here," Pamela said and like it was no big deal. "I'll let you know if anything changes," she promised before hanging up. Dean sighed and ran his hands through his hair, this was getting out of hand.

"Well?" Sam stared at Dean expectantly, and Dean looked at him with sudden tiredness. He made his way to the living room, knowing Sam would follow him, and fell on the couch. Sam sat next to him, leaning on his knees and crossing his hands.

"You wanna tell me what's going on?" Sam asked, and after a brief internal debate Dean told Sam everything that had happened since he had dropped Sam off, and when Dean finished he felt a little better even though Sam was staring at him with incredulous eyes.

"You punched him?" Sam shook his head disbelievingly. Dean lowered his eyes to the floor in shame, he already felt bad for hurting Castiel and the disappointment in Sam's eyes didn't help him feel any better.

"I wasn't thinking," Dean replied more to himself than to Sam who scoffed at him and got up from the couch.

"You do realize that if you two would just have had a shouting mach like normal people then maybe you wouldn't be sitting there feeling like shit with Castiel gone God only knows where. All you had to do was tell him you'd get a divorce and you two would probably be talking about a future together right now. And going to school on another country doesn't mean he was going to leave you forever. Jesus, Dean, you really know how to screw things up, don't you?" Sam ranted and paced around the living room. Dean didn't try to argue with him, Sam did have a point, and Dean knew he needed to accept that.

"We figure out where Cas is and then I'm going to apologize and hope he'll be willing to talk to me," Dean said after a few minutes of heavy silence. He risked a glance at Sam, who was looking at Dean like he was an idiot, and maybe he was, but Dean wanted to know where Castiel so he could fix things between them.

"Sammy, I need to fix this," Dean stated, looking at his brother and pleading him to understand how he felt. Sam studied Dean for a long moment before understanding light his face and he nodded slowly.

"I'll do what I can to help," Sam promised and sat back down. "When's Lisa coming back?" He continued and Dean groaned at the reminder.

"The day after tomorrow." Dean hadn't thought things could get much worse than they already were, but dealing with Lisa on top of everything wasn't something he was looking forward to.

"You still gonna tell her about Cas?" Sam asked tentatively, and Dean looked at him dead in the eye as he answered.

"Yes." Dean had promised to himself he'd do the right thing, and telling Lisa the truth was just that. Sam seemed a bit taken aback by Dean's conviction, but he shook it off quickly. Dean was about to tell Sam he could use Sam's support for the next few days, but before he could open his mouth the doorbell rang yet again. Dean and Sam shared a curious look before they both headed for the door. Dean opened the door only to find a wide eyed Pamela staring at him with Chuck in tow.

"Cas is gone," Pamela said weakly, and Dean pulled him inside before she would break down in his front yard, and Chuck seemed distraught as well.

"What do you mean gone?" Dean asked after he closed the front door behind Chuck. He turned to look at the now silently crying Pamela who was being comforted by Sam, so he turned his attention to Chuck, who was fiddling with his large hoodie's sleeve.

"When Cas didn't come back we took a look around. Some of his stuff was missing along with his bag, and, well, we think he's run off," Chuck explained. Dean froze, barely registering Sam's concerned voice calling his name.

"Yeah, Sam?" Dean replied automatically, but he didn't really pay attention to the words coming out from his brothers mouth. Dean let Chuck guide him back to the living room while he was coming to terms with the fact that Castiel had left. Dean wanted to get into the Impala and go find his lover, but he couldn't get his legs to move, the realization that he had quite literally driven Castiel away was just a bit too much for him to handle after everything that had happened during his miserable day.

Dean wondered absently if he was in some short of shock, or if he'd just reached the limit of his abilities to feel, because he felt like he was surrounded by cotton, and he couldn't feel anything beyond the numbness that had taken over him. The whole world had seemingly narrowed down to the fact that Castiel was gone, and he might not come back.

Dean wasn't sure how long he sat on the couch staring into nothingness, but he was snapped out of his trance by Sam shaking his shoulder gently. "We should all get some rest. Me, Chuck and Pam are staying over and we can look for Cas tomorrow. None of us is in any condition to be doing anything helpful right now," Sam said quietly and Dean nodded, trusting his brother to know what to do.

"Go to bed," Sam said and pulled Dean up, and nudged him in the direction of his bedroom. Dean went without a fight, and he even remembered to brush his teeth, change his clothes and put his cellphone on the bedside table before crawling under the covers. He stared at his phone for a long time, willing it to ring because he needed to hear Castiel's voice, but when nothing happened Dean picked the phone and dialed Castiel's number. Castiel hadn't turned his phone on, and Dean buried his face in his pillow in an attempt to hide from the world for just a few seconds.

* * *

><p><em><strong>AN : **Facts about this chapter_

_1) I was actually in a constant state of near panic attack a while back, and the worst part about that was feeling like I couldn't breathe properly._

_2) If you punch someone your hand is going to get damaged. To minimalize the damage you should put cold on it, but if you don't your hand is going to swell and bruise and doctors are going to think you have a broken finger. Trust me, I speak from personal experience._

_3) I think there comes a point when you've just had too much of emotional stuff happening to you and your brain just goes 'nope, not anymore' and shuts off. It's not shock, but you just don't feel anything._


	31. Part 2 : Chapter 11

**_A/N :_**_ I've learend to type with one hand! It's actually not as easy to do really efficently as it sounds when you're used to writing with two hands..._

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><p><strong>Where Do We Draw The Line<strong>

**Part 2 : Chapter 11**

Dean woke up slowly from restless sleep, and the first thing he noticed was that the sun hadn't risen yet. It took Dean a few seconds to remember that Castiel was missing, and the realization had Dean reaching for his phone. Though Dean knew that Castiel probably hadn't turned his phone on yet, he had to try and call him, and as Dean had suspected all he got was a voice telling him the number he had called could not be reached, but at least he had tried.

Dean tossed around in the empty bed for a while, but in the end he had to come to terms with the fact that he wasn't going to fall back to sleep. He dragged himself out of the bed with the power of the thought of finding Castiel that day. Dean went to brush his teeth out of habit while planning possible ways of finding or getting in contact with Castiel. Dean was willing to take any confirmation that Castiel was alright and safe, even if it would be accompanied by an order for him to stay away.

Dean tried to be quiet as he made his way to the kitchen and he was a bit surprized to find Chuck going through the cupboards so early in the morning. Dean was careful not to scare Chuck as he stepped to his field of vision, but Chuck did jump a little when he noticed Dean who gave him an apologetic smile and a wave.

"I was just making coffee," Chuck explained. "Can't find the coffee, though," he continued and looked at the cupboards thoughtfully. It wasn't hard for Dean to realize that Chuck was attempting to cope with Castiel's disappearance the best he could, and if making coffee was what made him happy then Dean would help him.

"Here," Dean said and reached for the top shelf of the cabined Chuck had been going through, pulling out the jar labeled _cookies_. Chuck raised an eyebrow at Dean amusedly, earning himself a nonchalant shrug.

"When we moved here we didn't have anything to put the coffee in, so Lisa decided to use one of the dozen cookie jars we had as a temporary solution. I guess it just stuck," Dean told Chuck with a wistful voice. He remembered the day well, Lisa had been smiling brighter than the Sun when she had pulled the jar white with the blue flowers painted on it. They had laughed with tears in their eyes at their solution, and it had proven to be a good way to confuse their friends.

Dean shook himself out of his memories, he had enough problems without getting sad over his good memories with Lisa as well. He let Chuck get on with the coffee making while he got the apple juice and made them both sandwiches. They sat by the counter in silence that wasn't exactly comfortable, but they didn't mind. The sun was rising by the time they finished their breakfast, and Dean could hear Sam coming down the stairs.

"Don't you have to be at work?" Dean asked as soon as Sam entered the kitchen. Sam shook his head and made a beeline to the coffee, and Dean followed him with a frown on his face.

"I'll be helping one of the guys with a case this weekend, and since I don't have anything going on right now I got today off unless I'm needed," Sam explained. "How about you?" He gave Dean a pointed look.

"I'm taking a personal day off," Dean said as he stood up to make a new pot of coffee. Sam smiled understandingly at him before turning his attention to Chuck and set to get to know the man better. Dean left them at it while he made his way to his office to let his boss know he wasn't coming to work. Though Dean knew it was most likely in vain he also tried to call Castiel who still had his phone turned off, and by the time Dean returned to the others Pamela had appeared in the kitchen as well.

"So where do we start looking for Cas?" Dean asked and went to get another cup of coffee for himself. He stole one of Sam's cookies as well and ignored the hurt look Sam directed at him.

"Well, I'd start with checking if any of us knew where Cas is, but since we obviously don't I got no clue what to do. He doesn't really have friends and he never talks about his family so I don't know if there's someone he would go to," Pamela said and rubbed her forehead tiredly. Chuck studied her closely, clearly ready to step in if Pamela would need the support.

"How about co-workers?" Sam asked and the three others laughed humorlessly which made Sam frown in confusion, reminding Dean that he didn't know what Castiel really did for a living.

"He doesn't have the kind of a job that comes with co-workers that'll take him in if he'd need help," Chuck explained, and Sam's frown deepened a bit.

"I thought he lived in a place that his boss got him. To me that says they have a pretty good relationship," Sam reasoned, and Dean fought down a surge of jealousy at his words, he hated to be reminded that Castiel lived in a place he had gotten from one of his clients.

"Yeah, but Cas' boss hails from the beautiful land of France. Or is it Britain these days? Anyways, unless Cas bought a ticket to Europe he's not with anyone he works with," Pamela said before stopping to think about her own words.

"What if Cas bought a ticket to Europe?" She asked worriedly. Dean didn't want to think about such thing as a possibility, so he drowned his quickly rising worry and fear, and decided to act like a level headed adult for once.

"Maybe we should operate under the assumption that Cas is still in the States for now. Most of his stuff is still here, and I seriously doubt he'd leave the country because of a fight. Maybe he's just gone somewhere to calm down, and he'll call us later. He might even be back home already, and if not then all we can really do now is keep our eyes open and try to keep calling him, and go check the places he might be in. And call the cops if we don't find him soon," Dean said and received agreeing nods from his friends and brother.

"I gotta go to work now. I'll see if Cas is at this diner he sometimes goes to on my way there," Pamela said after a few minutes of silence. She got up and pulled a set of keys from her pocket, shaking them in front of Chuck.

"If you want a ride now is the time to get up and follow me," she said to him and left with a wave of her hand and a smile that didn't reach her eyes. Chuck followed her in haste and promising to stop by Castiel's place on his way home, leaving Sam and Dean alone in the kitchen, drinking coffee and ignoring each other to the best of their abilities.

"Do you want me to stay here with you?" Sam asked suddenly, snapping Dean out of his own world. He thought about Sam's offer for a moment before nodding slowly.

"Help me figure out what I should do tomorrow when Lisa comes home," Dean said stared at the empty mug in front of him without really seeing it. The silence returned for a few more minutes until Sam broke it with a huff of laugh, and Dean gave him a questioning look.

"This is weird," he pointed out and smiled at Dean, who had to agree with his brother, they didn't usually fall into such strange fits of uncomfortable silence.

"Tell me about it," Dean said and returned his brother's smile. The uncomfortableness around them disappeared quickly after that, and they relocated themselves to the living room, where they argued about what they should be getting for lunch. Dean wanted a hamburger, but Sam was leaning towards chinese. In the end they agreed on a compromise and decided to go to the Subway near by.

"So, what do we do now?" Sam asked after they had reached an agreement. Dean thought about his question for a moment, realizing it had been a long time since he'd been home on a work day, and somehow the whole day seemed broken, and Dean didn't know what he was supposed to do with it.

"I don't know, we could watch the TV or go drive around town. You know, have a brotherly bonding experience or something like that," Dean suggested lightly, but Sam's stern face made it clear he wasn't in the mood for joking. "Or we could go over what's going to happen after Lisa comes home," Dean continued with far less enthusiasm, but Sam seemed satisfied. Dean took a moment to think about how he should start this particular conversation, and he came to the conclusion that tackling it head on was most likely the least painful way to go.

"Lisa comes home around six, so I was thinking about getting chinese or something for us to eat. I thought I should probably let her get settled before I sit her down and tell her everything," Dean said to the hands in his lap. He didn't look at Sam even though he could feel his brother's eyes on him.

"That sounds like a good plan. I'm proud of you Dean, I know this can't be easy for you," Sam replied and laid an encouraging hand on Dean's shoulder. Dean cleared his throat and straightened up, finally turning to see his brother and regretting it almost immediately. Sam was looking at him with so much pride and sympathy, and Dean felt like he didn't deserve any of it, he had broken his marriage and driven Castiel away, after all.

"And if you'll need a place to stay after tomorrow you just let me know, alright?" Sam continued with a pointed look directed towards Dean, who nodded before looking away.

"Can we just go do something else? It's way too early to be talking about stuff like this," Dean requested and got up from the couch and left the living room quickly, not really caring if Sam followed him or not.

"Fine," Sam sighed and followed his brother to the front door, where Dean was pulling on his boots with his car keys in his hands.

"I should probably take my car to Jess. How about we'll go to my place to drop the car off, and then we'll figure something out after that?" Sam suggested, and Dean agreed immediately. He was just eager to get out of the house and and drive around the city where he might spot Castiel if he was lucky.

After Sam had gotten into his own car and driven off Dean took a moment to try to call Castiel again, but to no avail. Dean bit his lip and tried not to worry too much when he pulled the Impala to the road and followed his brother.

* * *

><p>Castiel woke up in a strange bed to the sound of energetic chatting coming from somewhere around the house he was in, and it took him a moment to remember he was in Anna's quest room. He winced at the pain in his jaw when he touched it, and got up from the bed. Castiel went through his normal morning routine up until he reached the point where he should be deciding what clothes he would be wearing for the day. When he looked at the clothes he had grabbed in his haste last night he couldn't help but laugh mirthlessly, most of the clothes he had taken were for work. Castiel sighed and pulled on a deep purple button down and his favorite jeans that he had luckily managed to take with him.<p>

"Morning," Anna greeted Castiel brightly when he entered the kitchen, where she was making pancakes. Castiel nodded at her and eyed the strange guy sitting by the table while he went to get himself a cup of coffee to get his brain working. Anna handed him a mug with a smile and pointed the guy by the table with a spatula.

"That's Paul. Paul, this is my brother Castiel," Anna introduced them, and the men gave each others an acknowledging nod, Castiel wasn't really in the mood for chatting at the moment.

"That's a nasty bruise you got there," Paul observed after Castiel sat down. Castiel took a closer look at Paul while dodging Anna who was placing a plate and pancakes in front of him.

"It's not that bad," Castiel replied evasively and gave Anna a thankful smile. Anna smiled back at him warmly and handed him a fork and a knife. Castiel poured some of the maple syrup on the table on top of his pancakes and took a small bite under Anna's watchful eyes. The pancakes were the best Castiel had ever tasted, and he told Anna as much and her smile light up the whole room. Paul smiled in that awkward way one smiles when caught in a situation where they're outsiders to a personal moment and cleared his throat to remind the siblings of his existence.

"So, who are you, exactly?" Castiel asked conversationally and returned his attention to Paul.

"I live across the street, moved here a few months ago after I bought a small pub and Anna's been kind enough to help me to get settled," Paul said and exchanged a warm glance with Anna. It wasn't hard for Castiel to see that there might be something more than friendship going on between the pair, and Castiel was happy Anna was doing well.

"So what are you going to do now? How long are you going to stay? Should I call mom and let her know you're here?" Anna questioned Castiel with open curiosity after serving Paul a plate of pancakes and sitting down between the men with her own plate.

"I'll call Pam to let her know I'm fine. Tell me if there's a time limit for how long I can stay, and don't tell mom," Castiel answered all the questions between mouthfuls of pancake. Anna waved her fork at Castiel while she chewed her mouthful.

"Stay for as long as you like, but I can't hide you from mom forever," Anna said. They fell into a comfortable silence and finished their breakfast without any hurry. Afterwards Paul apologized for having to leave so soon, but he had some paperwork that needed to be done, leaving Anna and Castiel alone.

"I'll go call Pamela now," Castiel said before Anna could star questioning him on what had happened with Dean. Castiel had been too tired to talk when they had come to Anna's place last night. Castiel didn't exactly hightail away from Anna, but it was pretty close. He closed the quest room door after him and took his phone from the bedside table. He hesitated briefly before turning the power on, and after taking a deep breath to collect himself he called his friend.

"Where the Hell are you?" Pamela's angry voice came through the lines in a matter of seconds, making Castiel flinch with shame.

"With a relative," Castiel answered and twiddled the corner of the blanket on the bed.

"I was supposed to have a nice evening at home, but then Dean calls me because he's worried how you're doing because you two had some stupid fight about God knows what, and then I couldn't find you, and I couldn't reach you. Do you have any idea how worried we've been? We've had no idea where you are and Dean's been on a brink of a mental breakdown. What were you thinking?" Pamela continued, thought the worst edge of the anger in her voice had disappeared.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to worry any of you, I just needed some time to think and be alone. You can go to my place and mess it up if you want to. And tell Dean-. I don't know. That I'll talk to him later? That's a good thing to say, right?" Castiel wanted to slap himself for not thinking about his friends sooner, and he should probably have realized that Dean would want to make sure he was fine, he had looked so broken after hitting Castiel, and Castiel wasn't sure how long he could stay mad at Dean, because Dean didn't have to call Pamela to go and make sure Castiel was fine.

"I'll let him know," Pamela promised without hesitation. "Don't disappear on me again. If you don't want to talk to Dean that's fine but I have to be able to contact you. You're my best friend," she continued, and Castiel was glad to notice she had calmed down.

"You're my best friend too. And if I wasn't completely gay I'd totally date you," he replied and breathed a little easier after everything was sorted.

"You bet you would," Pamela laughed. After the call ended Castiel took a moment to breathe in relief until he went back to his sister. It wasn't as hard to be with her as Castiel had thought it would be, but maybe it was just because they were siblings, it was natural for them to get along. Castiel found Anna in the kitchen, surrounded by stacks of paper while she typed on her lap top with a immense look of concentration on her face. Castiel leaned on the doorframe and watched her sister work.

"Are you gonna stand there the whole day?" Anna asked suddenly, surprising Castiel who had thought Anna wasn't paying any attention to him. Castiel shifted awkwardly on his feet before stepping completely to the kitchen and went to get an apple from the fridge.

"Why do you keep the apples in the fridge, by the way?" Castiel asked curiously and washed the apple he had picked. Anna spared him a glance before answering.

"I always buy too many of them, and if I don't put them to the fridge they'll rot on the table," she answered and shrugged. Castiel nodded and sat down next to her, eyeing the papers on the table with mild interest.

"It's for school," Anna supplied without looking up from the computer screen. Castiel nodded and let Anna work in peace, wondering if this would be what his life would be like after he started school again.

"I can talk and work at the same time, you know," Anna said after a few minutes and nudged Castiel's leg with her own, and Castiel did want to talk to her, he wanted to tell her everything about Dean and what had happened between them, but he didn't know where he was supposed to even start. Anna stopped typing and turned her attention towards her gloomy brother and waited patiently for him to say something.

"I don't know what I'm supposed to do," Castiel admitted quietly. Anna covered his hand with her, giving Castiel the strength to continue.

"I miss Dean and I want to go back to him, but at the same time I'm so mad at him I don't want to see him ever again." Castiel looked at Anna with pleading eyes, she was his big sister and she was supposed to make things better. Anna seemed as sad as Castiel felt, and she was looking at him with so much sympathy Castiel didn't know how he was supposed to take it.

"Look Cassie, I get what it's like to love someone, but you need to remember that he hit you hard enough to really hurt you. I'm not saying you can't forgive him for what he did, but you need to take your time and calm down, think about this and decide what's best for _you_. If this relationship isn't what's best for you then you have to give it up, and yes, it'll hurt but you're strong, and you'll move on. If you think he's worth a second chance then give it to him, but on your terms, not his," Anna told Castiel firmly and holding his gaze the whole time to make sure her words sunk in, and Castiel had to admit it was working. On a conscious level Castiel knew Anna was right, but a big part of him wanted to deny it.

"What if I can't stay away?" He asked, he didn't want to end up in a bad relationship if he could help it. Anna thought about her answer for a moment.

"If Dean really cares about you he'll make sure you take the time and space you need, and he'll do the same. You're both adults and if you want your relationship to ever work again you need to figure out what you want and find a middle ground," she said, and Castiel wondered when had she gotten so smart.

"Nah, I don't think that's going to happen," Castiel said with a heavy sigh and turned his attention to Anna's papers in front of him, toying with the corner of the nearest one to give himself something to do.

"Why not?" Anna asked softly, but there was an edge of worry laced with curiosity in her voice. Castiel thought what he could tell her, and what he could admit to himself, because saying something out loud made things real, and right now he didn't want things to be that real.

"Dean's married," Castiel said after a long moment of silence. He didn't dare to look at his sister, who pulled her hand away from Castiel and straightened up. Castiel gave her the time she needed to accept what he had just said, and to his surprise Anna seemed to come to terms with the fact sooner than he had expected.

"And the fight you two had was over what exactly?" She asked a bit sharply, making Castiel wince. Anna noticed his reaction and hurried to relax her posture to make things easier for Castiel.

"I want to go to this school in Europe, and Dean doesn't want me to leave him," Castiel explained tiredly. Anna 'hmm'd thoughtfully and leaned on the table.

"How important is it that the school you go to is that particular school? Because the solution to the problem you two are having is pretty simple if you're looking for a compromise; don't move to Europe, there are plenty of good schools in America. Or if it has to be that school then so be it, don't let some guy stand in your way. Especially if he's married and not leaving his wife for you. That kind of a guy doesn't deserve to recieve the love of my little brother," Anna said, and her voice had a playful edge to it that made Castiel turned to look at her with sad smile.

"You think?" Anna nodded solemnly and pulled Castiel into a tight hug. Castiel melted in his sister's arms and let himself and let himself relax. He'd figure out what he wanted to do before calling Dean, and he'd let Dean know exactly how he felt and what he thought about their relationship, and when they both had all the facts they could decide what they wanted to do, and they'd do it together.

* * *

><p><strong>AN : **Facts about this chapter

1) My aunt keeps her coffee in cookie jar, and the sugar can be found in a jar with the pickles label.

2) Subway is always the best compromise to make when arguing about where to go for lunch.


	32. Part 2 : Chapter 12

**_A/N :_**_ This is very Dean-centric.. Well, I think we can all deal wit that =)_

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><p><strong>Where Do We Draw The Line<strong>

**Part 2 : Chapter 12**

Dean was terrified to have Lisa back home, and he was grateful he didn't have to worry about Castiel since Pamela had given him a word for word description of the conversation she and Castiel had with each other. The knowledge that Sam was only one phone call away from coming to him was also helping a little, but what Dean would really like'd to have was Castiel by his side, even if it would have been from afar, he just wanted to have the knowledge that Castiel was there when he would need him. Dean shook himself up mentally, he had sworn to himself he would face the mess he had made and fix it, and that was exactly what he was going to do even if he would face it all alone.

When Dean heard Lisa's car drive to the driveway he wasn't anywhere near ready to face her. Dean waited by the staircase, sitting on the lower steps and ready to help Lisa with her bags if the need arose. Dean waited restlessly while Lisa made her way from the car to the house. To him it seemed like she was purposefully being slow, because the walk from the driveway to the front door should take less than a minute even if you had your hands full.

Finally Lisa opened the door, but the warmness she usually brought with her wasn't there. Dean and Lisa met each others eyes and there was a distance between them that hadn't been there before, or maybe it had been there, but Dean had simply ignored it until now. Dean nodded his head in greeting and Lisa returned the gesture a bit stiffly, they both knew how this day would end even if they didn't want to admit it yet.

"Do you need help?" Dean asked in order to break the uncomfortable silence in the house. Lisa jumped a little at hearing Dean's voice before returning her attention to him for long enough to answer.

"No, I'm fine," she answered lightly and carried her bags inside all by herself and dragged them past Dean, who nodded again even though Lisa couldn't see him from the top of the stairs. Dean got up from his spot and stood in the bottom of the stairs feeling stupid, he didn't know what he was supposed to do. Needing something to get his mind off of what he was about to tell Lisa later Dean went to the kitchen to get dinner ready. He had got them chinese, and he heated the food up before serving it on to plates. Doing something was good, kept his mind occupied and was a nice way of spending time.

"You got dinner?" Lisa's voice snapped Dean out of his thoughts and his head snapped up to meet her eyes.

"Yeah, thought you might be hungry after your trip," Dean explained and pushed one of the plates towards Lisa, who accepted the plate without hesitation. They took their plates and the glasses of water Dean had poured for them, and went to sit by the dining table in an uncomfortable silence.

"How was your trip?" Dean asked casually in an attempt to fill the silence with something.

"Fine," Lisa replied a little too quickly. "Um, it was fine. I learned some new stuff," she continued more calmly after catching herself. Dean nodded hastily and they went back to eating in silence for a minute or so.

"Has everything been okay in here?" Lisa asked and it was Dean's turn to hurry to answer.

"Pretty okay, nothing we couldn't handle." At Lisa's curiously raised eyebrow Dean clarified his statement. "It was nothing that you need to worry about, a friend went MIA, Pamela, Sam and I tried to find him and he called before we even managed to start our search properly." The silence returned yet again.

"Why is this so awkward?" Lisa asked, laughing mirthlessly at the situation. Dean shrugged, he had wondered about the same thing but had put the blame on the fact that he knew he was about to tell Lisa he had betrayed her trust by having an affair.

"How about we just talk things through right now?" Lisa suggested and put her fork down. Dean looked at his still half full plate with quickly rising panic. He wasn't ready for this, he couldn't do this, he couldn't ruin his life like this. Dean swallowed down his rising panic and steeled himself, he had to do make things right.

"Alright. Where do you want to start?" Dean pushed his plate away and turned towards Lisa to give her his full attention. Lisa mimicked Dean's actions and studied him solemnly for a long moment.

"I thought about what I should say. I wrote whole speeches down but I now all those things just seem so useless. I think the bottom line is that I've never been what you need, but at least I used to be what you want. Now I'm not even that. I'm not saying that you never loved me but I know I've always loved you more than you've loved me, and I've accepted that. I just wish I could be enough for you." Dean couldn't deny the truth behind Lisa's words, and he appreciated her honesty. It seemed to be his turn to say what was on his mind. He was just about to tell Lisa what was going on in his mind when Lisa continued.

"We just... We're more like roommates than a married couple. We put up a happy front for everyone else, but when we come home, when it's just the two of us, we just shut down. We shut each other down. You've noticed? When ever one of us actually tries to talk about what's going on the other comes up with something to end the conversation before it even starts. I don't think it's fair for either one of us to keep this show up anymore," Lisa smiled sadly.

"Agreed. And I'm sorry," Dean said sadly. "We should've done this months ago, and I should've just sat us down and make us have this conversation. Or you could've slapped me over the head and told me to man up or something." Dean realized he was stalling and shut up. He just had to say it without any big words and explanations, just the cold hard truth and then it would be over.

"Okay. I met someone a while back, we got along really well and then one thing led to another and-." Dean made an abortive move with his hand.

"You cheated on me," Lisa stated calmly, and Dean was bewildered to notice she wasn't mad, she seemed to be more relieved than anything. Dean nodded and lowered his eyes to the table in shame.

"I knew. I didn't want to admit it, but I knew. It wasn't really that hard to notice, really, you walk around like you'd seen an angel," Lisa continued and while there was clear sadness in her voice there was also relief, and Dean got it. She had been bottling all her suspicions and doubts inside of her, and to be able to let it all out must be liberating.

"I wanted to tell you from the get go, but every time I tried I just froze." Dean rubbed his face with his hands. "I don't know what happened, I just fell for him and I didn't even try to stop it," he said more to himself than to Lisa, and they sat in a heavy silence for a long time.

"It's Cas, isn't it?" Lisa asked, but Dean couldn't answer because of the surprise he felt when Lisa figured it out, nor did he know if it was okay for him to drag Cas's name into this.

"I mean, he's the only new guy in your life and you used to go see him. And then you stopped mentioning him but you were still going somewhere all the time. And you don't need to worry about me tracking him down or something, I'm just curious and from what Pamela's told me he seems like a nice guy," Lisa explained when Dean didn't answer her, and Dean smiled a little.

"He's amazing," he agreed softly. He was tired of keeping things from Lisa, and if she was smart enough to figure it out on her own then who was Dean to tell her she was wrong?

"Are you happy with him?" Lisa asked after mulling over her thoughts for a while. Dean glanced at her, amazed that she still worried about him after all he had done.

"Yeah," Dean smiled warmly at the thought of Castiel until he remembered what had happened between them. "But we had a fight and I don't know if we can fix it," he admitted, and sighed heavily.

"If you don't think you can fix it then why did you tell me about it?" Lisa questioned with curiosity, and Dean turned to face her with tired eyes.

"I promised to myself I'd stop lying to everybody around me," he explained, and he had to admit that telling the truth had made him feel better, if emotionally tired, though to his surprise that tiredness didn't feel bad.

"That's good," Lisa said and they fell into a silence while they both thought about the situation. Dean suspected there was not much they could talk about anymore since both of them were tired and in need time to rest until they decided on how they would handle everything.

"You're taking this all really well," Dean observed after a few minutes and earned himself a quiet huff of laugh.

"Well, I think we've been heading to a break up for a long time now, and like I said I knew you had someone else. Don't worry, I'll get mad at you in a few days when the reality really sets in," Lisa assured him with an edge of tired amusement in her voice.

"Okay," Dean replied with the same tone she had, and for a first time they shared a genuine smile without any reservations or lies between them.

"I'll leave Cas alone," Lisa promised suddenly, and Dean wondered if she had a never ending supply of kindness and patience.

"Thanks," he said, not knowing what else he could really say to that.

"Just promise me I don't have to see him until I'm ready." Lisa looked at Dean with pleading eyes.

"I promise," Dean said readily. He could understand where Lisa was coming from, and there was no way he would flaunt Castiel in front of her. Lisa gave Dean a brief but thankful smile until they fell into another fit of silence. Dean went through everything they had talked about in order to make sure he hadn't forgotten to say anything, and realized he hadn't told Lisa he could leave the house and go to Sam's place if she wanted him out, and Dean wasn't going to presume he was welcome in the house just because Lisa wasn't screaming and throwing heavy objects at him.

"Sam promised he'd take me in if you want me out of the house," Dean said and waited patiently for Lisa to decide what she wanted to do.

"That's probably a good idea. I mean, you going to Sam's place," she said after thinking about it for a moment, and though Dean felt his heart sink a bit he accepted her decision.

"I'll go give him a call." Dean got up and left Lisa alone in the dining room. His steps felt lighter than they had in months, and it was like a weight had been lifted from his shoulders. He went outside to get some fresh air while he called Sam, and the cool breeze in the air helped him to relax a bit more. Sam picked up after only two rings, and Dean was convinced he had been staring his phone for the whole day and just waited for Dean to call him.

"Did you tell her? Did everything go well?" Dean had to give it to Sam, he went straight to business.

"Yeah, I told her. We talked like civilized people and I'm pretty sure I got kicked out of the house in the nicest way possible," Dean told his brother and frowned when he realized he had actually been kicked out of the house. Dean had to admit he didn't mind being kicked out in such a kind way.

"You want me to come pick you up? I can be there in fifteen minutes." Dean's heart melted a little at the sincerity and urgency in Sam's voice.

"Nah, I'll take my baby and come over when we've settled things here," Dean replied, there was no way he was leaving the Impala behind if he was leaving. Sam agreed to stay at home and wait for Dean to come.

"I'll tell Jess you're coming over. You're going to have to sleep on the couch for tonight, our guest room is, well, mostly covered in boxes and stuff we still don't have a place for but we can sort it out tomorrow," Sam said apologetically, but Dean didn't really mind, he could sleep on a couch for a night.

"Yeah, okay, I'll come over in a while," Dean said before hanging up and going back inside. He hesitated for a few seconds before going to find Lisa to tell her he could leave after packing some stuff. She was putting their now cold dinners to the fridge in a clinical manner that showed she wasn't really okay. Dean hoped she would be alright.

"I talked with Sam and he said I could go there. I'll just take some stuff with me," Dean said and after Lisa nodded he waited for her to say something for a few seconds before leaving the kitchen and letting her be alone.

Dean wasn't really thinking about anything while he packed some clothes and his toiletries, and when he had all necessary things together he sat on the bed he would probably never sleep again. Dean stroked the bedspread absently while he thought about all the things he'd never have again, like waking up next to Lisa on a lazy Sunday morning before they would make breakfast and share the newspaper.

On the other hand this meant Dean could stop dividing his time between Lisa and Castiel. A smile spread on his face when he imagined what the look on Castiel's face would be when Dean told him what had happened. Dean imagined Castiel would be quite stunned, but once the truth set in he'd give Dean that blinding smile of his that could stop wars and light up the whole world. Dean didn't notice Lisa coming into the room until she cleared her throat to catch his attention. She gave him a pointed look and started to unpack her things.

"What were you thinking about?" She asked while Dean hurried to get up and look nonchalant, they might have sorted everything between them but that didn't mean Dean was about to start talking about Castiel, especially not his relationship with him.

"Stuff. I just-. I was so damn scared of how this was going to turn out. I was expecting a lot more yelling and possibly flying objects aimed at my head. It's funny how this worked out," Dean explained, and he was happy he wasn't even lying. Lisa turned to look at him with a thoughtful expression and chewed her lip for a brief moment.

"I don't really have it in me to start screaming at you. Besides, this has been coming for so long I'm not even surprised. I'm actually relieved," she replied and shrugged with a small smile on her lips. Dean walked up to her without a word and pulled her to a crushing hug, he wanted to memorize the feel of her and give her some comfort, he wanted her to know how much he loved her. Dean pressed a soft kiss on Lisa's forehead and did his best to ignore the sudden lump in his throat.

"I'll always love you," he said quietly into Lisa's hair and smiled when he felt her nodding her head.

"Love you too," she replied with a broken voice, and Dean held her tightly as she clung to him and cried. Dean rubbed Lisa's back soothingly and murmured words of comfort to her while she sobbed into his shoulder. Dean gave Lisa the time she needed, and after her sobs subsided and she stopped shaking he guided her to the bed and wrapped his arms around her, giving her the chance to tell him what was on her mind in her own terms.

"I'm just tired. I just need to sleep for a day and I'll be fine," she said after a minute with a shaky laugh and wiped her face on her sleeve. Dean pushed her hair from her face and pulled her a little closer, and Lisa relaxed with a shaky breath she relaxed against Dean and wrapped her arms around him.

"It's fine. I know I haven't been here for you for a long time, but I'm gonna change that. I get it if you don't want me in your life, but I want you to know that if you ever need me I'll be there. You just let me know what you need," Dean promised solemnly and willed Lisa to believe him. She turned to face him with searching look in her eyes, and Dean thought she found what she was looking for when her features softened and she nodded.

"I'll keep that in mind," she promised, and after tightening her arms around Dean briefly she got up and ran her hands through her hair with an exhausted breath. "Sam's probably waiting for you," she pointed out and continued unpacking her bags. Dean huffed, he had completely forgotten he was supposed to be leaving the house.

"I'll be going then. Call me when you want to talk," Dean said and after Lisa promised she would they said their goodbyes in goodwill, and Dean left Lisa to finish her unpacking.

Walking out of the frond door wasn't as hard as Dean would have expected, in fact it was freeing. Dean breathed in the cool night air and threw his bags into the trunk of the Impala before sending Sam a text letting him know he was coming. He drove off with a last wistful glance towards the house he and Lisa had decided to make their home. While Dean drove he turned his thoughts from the past to the future, and to the possibility of finally having a real relationship with Castiel.

All the possibilities of what Dean could have with Castiel made him smile even after everything, and even though Castiel was currently mad at him, and would probably tell Dean to go screw himself after what he did to the younger man, Dean would do everything in his power to make it up to Castiel and show him just how important he was to Dean. He knew it wouldn't be easy to get Castiel to forgive him, but Dean wouldn't give up on him, and he was sure things would get easier now that things were over with Lisa, and the next step would be sitting down with Castiel and coming to an understanding about the school thing that had started their fight in the first place.

Sam was waiting for Dean downstairs with a sympathetic expression and clearly ready to surge forward and give Dean a crushing hug. Dean parked the car and got out, and raised eyed Sam questioningly.

"I thought I'd come help you with your stuff," Sam explained and came to stand by Dean, who was opening the trunk. Dean stepped aside and let Sam take his bags, he had packed enough stuff to last for a week at least so that he didn't need to keep going home to pick things up every day. Sam carried all Dean's belongings to his apartment where Jessica was waiting for them in the kitchen with hot cups of tea and a plate full of freshly baked cookies. She gave Dean a tight nod and gestured towards the living room.

"I'll go get you some sheets," she said with a forced smile, and Dean figured Sam had told her what had happened between him and Lisa, though he didn't know Jessica well enough to know if Sam had told her about Dean's affair. Still, Dean thanked her and stepped out of her way. Sam was standing behind Dean, and once Jessica was out of their way he pushed Dean into the kitchen and told him to sit down.

"What'd you tell her?" Dean asked neutrally and picked the biggest cookie on the plate between him and Sam.

"The truth," Sam answered simply, and when Dean stared at him demanding to know more he sighed and continued. "I said you and Lisa broke up, and that it wasn't my place to tell her why." Dean gave Sam a grateful smile. He knew he'd have to tell Jessica the truth eventually, since she was trapped right in the middle of this show and it wasn't fair for her to be left without all the facts.

"Shit. What the hell am I gonna tell mom and dad?" The sudden realization that he was going to have to tell his family and friends about the breakup hit Dean like a lightning, and he buried his face in his hands, groaning miserably at his bad luck.

"Tell them you two hadn't been working for a long time and it just didn't work out. Mom will be sad but she'll understand. And dad'll come around it, eventually. Mom will take care of it," Sam answered readily, like he had been thinking about it for a while, and maybe Dean should have been more disturbed about the possibility that Sam was spending so much time thinking about his life.

"Hey, look, can we talk about this tomorrow? I'd really like to sleep for the next ten thousand years," Dean asked and let the tiredness he felt show on his face to earn a few more sympathy points from Sam while they sipped their teas.

"Sure. We can get lunch together if you want," Sam suggested, and after thinking about it for a while Dean agreed with the idea, lunch couldn't hurt anyone. They were silent while they drank their tea and ate the cookies Jessica came by to tell them she was going to bed, and that she had made the couch ready for Dean, and the men wished her good night.

"Are you going to be okay?" Sam asked after they finished their teas and leaved the kitchen to get ready for bed. Dean assured his brother that he was fine and he would continue to be fine in the morning. Sam didn't look convinced, but he let it go for now. Ten minutes later Dean was lying on a strange couch, staring at the ceiling and thinking about his now completely open future that should definitely include Castiel, Dean just had to show him how he felt. He'd have to get a box of that fancy chocolate Castiel always wanted but never bought, he only got it as a gift from others, and tell Castiel he loved him.

* * *

><p><strong>AN : **Facts about this chapter

1) My best friend was living with her boyfriend (also a fa good friend of mine) and they were in a really shitty place for months. Everything between them got better the second they talked and broke up, and I think that was really amazing. I kinda used it here.

2) I've never paid for pizza, and I absolutely love pizza. It's a weird quirk I have. And since people seem to buy me pizza so easily who am I to complain?


	33. Part 2 : Chapter 13

_**A/N : **It's starting to seem like there'll be 18 to 20 chapters in this part.. Good to finally figure it out =) _

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><p><strong>Where Do We Draw The Line<strong>

**Part 2 : Chapter 13**

It took Castiel five days to decide he was ready to talk to Dean again, and after Anna had ordered him to get out of the house at some point before hurrying off to his job at the local tabloid, where she was working as a journalist to pay for her school. As soon as Anna was out of the door Castiel rushed to his bedroom to retrieve his phone and call Dean before he could talk himself out of doing it. Castiel knew it wasn't fair to call Dean when he was at work, but it was lunch hour and if Castiel didn't start communicating with Dean right now he knew he would just keep coming up with excuses to avoid the inevitable confrontation.

"Cas?" Hearing Dean's voice was amazing and painful at the same time, and Castiel had to take a few deep breaths to calm his furiously beating heart.

"Hi," Castiel greeted Dean weakly. He had no idea what he was supposed to say now. He'd only had one relationship that had been ended on his behalf, and Dean wasn't a client. Castiel was good at handling clients.

"How are you?" Dean asked with concern filled voice. Castiel studied his fingers closely as he contemplated his answer.

"I don't know. Fine, I guess. I mean, after everything that happened last week and seeing Anna for the first time in years I could be a total mess but I think I'm fine. Don't have a clue what I'm supposed to say to you right now, though," Castiel admitted and the warm chuckle he earned from Dean made his heart melt a little, he had intended on being stern and upset, but it wasn't going very well.

"You're doing great. Just tell me what's going on in your head. Take your time," Dean instructed and Castiel frowned in confusion, Dean wasn't supposed to be giving him a pep talk.

"Well, right now I think you might be drinking at work. Or maybe you've been replaced by some weird changeling thighy. You're acting weird," Castiel said in an attempt to light the mood and get the conversation flowing.

"I've been doing some thinking, and talking. And I have something to tell you, but I'd rather do it face to face if that's okay." Castiel felt a chill ran down his spine at Dean's words and he couldn't say anything. He was sure Dean was going to tell him that they were done, and he didn't want that.

"It's nothing bad, I promise," Dean hurried to say. "I just really want to see you when you hear it. I miss you," he explained sincerely, and Castiel felt slightly better.

"I miss you too," Castiel replied with a smile. "Though I'm still mad at you for hitting me," he continued more seriously.

"You have no _idea_ how bad I feel about that. I can't even figure out how to apologize for it, but I really hope we can figure this out," Dean said and he sounded serious enough that Castiel believed him. He wanted to say he forgave Dean, but he couldn't just forget everything that had happened between them.

"Dean, I-. Shit. I want to forget the whole thing but I can't. And it's not just the fight we had it's everything. I don't want to leave you and I can't stand the way you make me feel. Everything's so fucked up in my head and I need to clear my head before anything more happens between us. That's one of the reasons I want to go to that school. It's my one dream and I want to follow it, and if you really care about me you'll understand that," Castiel said quickly before he could stop himself. And Dean had told him to say what was going on in his head so he would have no right to complain. Dean was quiet for a while, thinking about Castiel's words carefully before replying.

"If you want time and space then I'll give you that. And the whole school thing just caught me by surprise. We can talk about it when you come back here. I promise I won't go off on you again," Dean assured sincerely. Castiel didn't know what had gotten into Dean, but he kind of liked the way he was acting.

"Okay. I'll probably be back later this week, I just want to spend a little bit more time with Anna," Castiel replied and relaxed. It felt good to be talking with Dean like adults and sort things out between them.

"Wait. You mean your sister Anna?" Dean asked curiously, surprising Castiel who had mentioned Anna maybe once or twice in passing, and he hadn't thought Dean would remember her.

"Yeah," Castiel replied but didn't expand on it, though he might tell Dean about it after they had sorted things out. Dean didn't push it, instead he apologized because he had to go back to work soon and he wanted to exchange a few words with Sam before it, and they ended the call with a promise to keep in touch.

After the call Castiel laid on the bed and stared at the ceiling. He hadn't thought the call would be so easy, and he had to admit he was positively surprised, though he wasn't going to let himself believe that everything was going to be easy from now on, he needed to think about his own happiness first and foremost, even if he'd have to give up Dean to achieve it. A sudden thought entered Castiel's mind, and he cursed his own stupidity before taking his phone out and sending Dean a text asking him to go check his apartment, because Pamela was out of town for a few days with Chuck to meet a publisher. Besides the two of them Dean was the only one Castiel could trust.

Castiel fell asleep after Dean sent him a text back agreeing on going there after work, and he didn't wake up until Anna came home, banging the door shut behind her and calling Castiel's name cheerily. Castiel jumped awake and looked around himself blearily before realizing it had been Anna's voice that had woken him up. He groaned and cursed himself for falling asleep before getting up and hurrying to find his sister.

"Nice hair," Anna commented with a sarcastic grin upon seeing Castiel. It didn't take long for Castiel to realize he probably looked very presentable with his recently woken up appearance. He tried to flatten his hair discreetly while Anna got a glass of juice and put the coffeemaker on.

"So what did you do today?" Anna asked conversationally, but Castiel didn't miss the underlying bite in her voice, he had promised to leave the house but it was apparently pretty clear he hadn't, and Anna didn't like people breaking their promises.

"I talked to Dean. And then I though about Dean and school and everything else, and then I fell asleep and dreamt about something, can't remember what. I wasn't planning on spending the whole day inside, I swear," Castiel replied and hoped Anna would understand he hadn't meant to disappoint her, he had genuinely intended on keeping his promise.

"Did it go well? The call, I mean. Not the sleeping and thinking," Anna asked and studied her brother with curiosity and concern.

"Better than I thought. We talked like civilized people and agreed to meet once I go back home," Castiel answered and sat down by the table. Anna filled them cups of coffee and sat down with Castiel.

"It's good if you two are talking, but remember you need to think of yourself before anything else. I know you like to put other peoples needs before your own but contrary to a popular belief you can't actually do that in a healthy relationship. You have to be happy and satisfied with your life before you can start thinking about others," Anna said thoughtfully. Castiel thought about her words and decided she was right, he should be happy with his life before including romantic relationships in his life.

"I'll keep that in mind," Castiel promised solemnly and they lapsed into a comfortable silence. Castiel decided during that moment he would continue visiting Anna for as long as she would be okay with it. He briefly entertained the idea of telling Anna he had been selling himself for money ever since he had left home, but he didn't think that chat would go very well.

Besides, Castiel would quit when he would go to school, until then he had to support himself, and since his relationship with Dean was put on hold indefinitely there was really no reason for him to quit right now. He could just drown himself in work for a while to keep himself busy.

* * *

><p>Dean was having dinner with Sam when Castiel called. At first he couldn't believe he was actually seeing Castiel's name flashing on the screen, but as soon as the fact sunk in he hurried to answer the call while he got up from his seat.<p>

"I'll just go outside to get this," he said absently to Sam as he brought the phone to his ear. Hearing Castiel's voice eased a lot of the tension Dean had been carrying around lately, and he leaned on the side of the building to steady himself, because his legs had suddenly gone weak. It pained Dean to hear the hurt in Castiel's voice when he told Dean how he felt, and Dean couldn't believe how big of a jerk he had been to outright deny Castiel the right to follow his dreams and go back to school.

Dean noticed Lisa and Jessica walking into the diner he had been in with Sam, but he was busy going through his mental catalogue of all the information he had on Castiel, because the name Anna was familiar. When he finally figured it out he couldn't help but smile proudly at the awe in Castiel's voice, the younger man probably hadn't thought he'd remember the few mentions of Anna.

Ending the call wasn't as easy as Dean would have liked, but he wanted to let Sam know Castiel was alright since his brother had been worried about him, and he should probably say hi to Lisa and Jessica as well. Dean took a moment to breathe before going inside where Sam was watching the door like a hawk in order to catch his brother walking in while Jessica and Lisa chatted next to him.

"Was that Cas?" Sam asked before Dean had a chance to say anything, and he managed make the women on the table pay attention to them as well. Dean glanced at Jessica and Lisa, and while Jessica looked mildly hopeful to hear how Castiel was doing Lisa was wearing a perfectly neutral expression. They had talked and agreed on some basic stuff for the time they were filing in for their divorce, but they hadn't talked about Castiel once, and Dean let Lisa decide when they would have that chat.

"Yeah. He's fine, he's with his sister in-. Actually I've got no idea where she lives. He said he'd be coming back here later this week," Dean told the others, unable to keep the giddiness he felt completely out of his voice. Sam snorted and smiled at Dean knowingly while Lisa picked her muffin to pieces. It occurred to Dean that Jessica was the only one of the four of them who didn't know about his relationship with Castiel.

"That's good," Sam said happily at the same time as Jessica noticed her friends coming in to the diner. She apologized and hurried to meet them, but before anyone could say anything else Dean's phone beeped. Dean apologized and dug his phone out, getting curious when he noticed Castiel's name flashing on the screen.

_Can you go to my place and check my other phone? I'll call the doorman and tell him to lend you a key. And maybe make sure the food isn't alive?_

Dean agreed without hesitation and sent Castiel a positive reply before returning his attention to Sam and Lisa, and attempted to keep himself from grinning like an idiot, just because Castiel wanted him to go check something at his place didn't mean they were doing okay.

"Cas?" Sam asked and shook with the attempt not to laugh. Dean gave him a warning glare and glanced at Lisa who was sitting next to him with an impressive air of neutrality around her.

"Yeah. I'm gonna swing by his place after work to, you know, check the mail," Dean said with a hand wave and pointedly ignored Sam's puppy look by eating the last bites of his pie. He was grateful Sam took Lisa in consideration and kept his mouth shut.

"We could invite him to dinner some day." Maybe Dean overestimated Sam's abilities to take others into consideration, and that was definitely something he had never thought might happen. Lisa put the remainders of her muffin down with more force than necessary, making both Sam and Dean jump in surprise.

"Sorry," Lisa apologized hastily and ran her hands through her hair. Dean made an abortive move towards her, wanting to comfort her but not knowing if it would be welcomed, so he didn't, and Sam looked sheepishly down on his empty coffee cup.

"No one's inviting anyone to dinner," Dean said a bit forcefully, he hated seeing Lisa hurt over something so stupid. "I'm going back to work now," Dean continued and left the table in a hurry. Sam could deal with Lisa, he was the one who upset her and Dean had work that needed to be done.

Dean poured his frustrations in his work, and by the time he was ready to leave he was feeling a lot better. He took his time getting to Castiel's place, wondering if the apartment would look different post-fight. Castiel had kept his word and called the doorman to let him know Dean was coming, and he received a key with an order to return it before leaving. Dean promised to do so and hurried to the elevator, where he fidgeted with nervous energy all the way up to Castiel's floor.

The apartment didn't look any different than it had before, but Castiel's absence made it seem empty. Dean went straight to the kitchen to empty the fridge, he wanted something to do before he started to pay too much attention to Castiel's absence. Dean threw away the old milk and some other stuff, and wrote himself a note he put next to his keys to remind himself to take the trash with him when he left.

Dean found Castiel's phone pretty easily from Cas's bedside table, but he had no idea what he was actually supposed to do with it. Had Castiel wanted to know if the phone was there? Should he be checking for messages? Not knowing what he should do Dean pulled out his own phone and called Castiel to ask him what to do.

"Yeah, hi. I was just wondering what I was supposed to so with this phone," Dean said and turned Castiel's phone in his hands absently.

"Just turn it off," Castiel instructed. "But before you do that I need you to understand that if I let you give access to my client list you have to understand that you can never tell anyone about it. Those people pay me to keep my mouth shut, and if any of that information gets out I'm in more trouble than you can imagine, and that list'll become useless." Castiel sounded dead serious.

"I promise I won't tell anyone about it," Dean promised just as seriously, there was no way he'd put Castiel at risk. Castiel gave Dean the PIN-code to give Dean access to the controls of the phone. Dean turned the phone off and ignored the small voice in his mind telling him to go through the contact list and all the texts the phone held. Castiel hadn't said it was okay and Dean needed to show Castiel he could be trusted.

"Done," Dean said and placed the phone on the bedside table, and laid down on the bed, enjoying the way the sheets smelled of Castiel.

"Thanks. I gotta go, Anna wants to go shopping and I promised to keep her company," Castiel said, and Dean hurried to stop him before he could hang up.

"Cas, wait. I-," Dean wanted to tell Castiel how much he loved him, but he couldn't get the words out. "I just miss you," he said defeatedly instead, cursing his own inability to admit his feelings out loud.

"Is that enough?" Castiel asked quietly, and when Dean didn't answer he sighed sadly and said his goodbyes for now. Dean lied on Castiel's bed for a long while thinking about Castiel's question. He knew that him just missing Castiel wasn't enough for the younger man, and Dean didn't blame him, and Dean made a decision right there. He got up from the bed and went to make himself a full pot of coffee, because if he was going to clean up Cas's apartment he was going to need an energy boost.

After getting the coffeemaker on Dean got rid of his tie and opened the top buttons of his shirt, rolled his sleeves and went to find a duster of some kind, and set to rid the apartment off the invading dust. Dean wasn't much of a cleaner, but he knew what he was doing and he found it actually nice, though he suspected it was mainly because he liked to do nice things for Castiel. It took him three hours to go through the whole apartment with the duster, vacuum cleaner and a mop, and he managed to down the pot of coffee he had made while cleaning.

Dean thought the place looked a lot nicer now that it was a little cleaner. He let himself fall onto the bed, and decided to rest his eyes for a bit before going back to Sam's place. He thought he should probably let Sam know he was still alive, and after coming to the sad conclusion that he did actually have enough strength to move pick up his phone he called Sam.

"Hey. Where are you?" Sam questioned when he answered the call.

"Still at Cas's. It's all nice and quiet in here," Dean replied and smiled at the laugh he got from Sam.

"Are you saying Jessica and I are loud?" Sam laughed and relaxed now that he knew his brother was alright.

"Absolutely. You two are obnoxious," Dean replied jokingly and grinned, he loved these moments of normalcy where he could joke with his brother without worry.

"Plus everything here screams Cas and that's a plus," Dean added. Sam snorted at him.

"I cleaned the whole place up," Dean continued before Sam could say anything, and Dean could almost hear Sam's jaw drop to the floor.

"I really can't imagine you with a vacuum cleaner," Sam sounded weirded out by the concept. Dean laughed soundlessly and imagined what Sam's face looked like at the moment.

"Don't strain yourself too hard," Dean quipped and settled more comfortably on the bed while Sam told him to shut up.

"Listen, I'm gonna stay here for a little while. I'll see you later," Dean said and hung up before Sam could protest. Dean sighed and buried himself under the covers that he should probably change as well, right after enjoying the scent of Castiel surrounding him. It didn't take him long to fall into a light sleep, and he could almost imagine Castiel lying there next to him.

Dean got pulled from his sleep by his phone beeping to let him know he had gotten a text, and he checked it with tired eyes. The message was from Sam, letting him know Jessica was getting them pizza, and if he wanted his own he needed to get his ass back home. Dean didn't really want to leave the place that was Castiel's, but if Sam and Jessica wanted to have pizza with him then it was the least he could do, they had taken him in when he had needed a place, after all.

Dean sent Sam a text telling him to surprise him with his choices and set out to change the sheets in Castiel's bed. He might have lingered a little, but Dean left the apartment, taking the trash out with him. The doorman smiled to him kindly as he took the keys from Dean, who waved his goodbyes to the man and went to the Impala after getting rid of the trash.

Sam showed his sense of humor by waiting for Dean by the front door with a veggie pizza. Dean cursed Sam for making such a joke, and hurried to hug Jessica who was waving a delicious smelling meat filled pizza in his direction.

"You need to teach him what kind of jokes are socially acceptable," Dean told Jessica and went to the kitchen to cut his pizza into smaller pieces. Sam and Jessica followed his example and the three of them went to the living room to eat their pizzas. Jessica had already taken glasses and lemonade to the small table in the room, and Dean had to admit he had missed these kind of evenings with Sam, and having Jessica there did nothing to ruin things, quite the contrary. Dean and Jessica ganged against Sam on movie choices, and later Dean told Jessica all the embarrassing stories he had of Sam while his brother protested loudly next to them.

In Dean's mind the only thing missing was Castiel, but he was sure they could find away to sort things out and then he could introduce Castiel to the finer points of spending an evening with the Winchester brothers. It was definitely something to look forward to.

* * *

><p><em><strong>AN : **Facts about this chapter_

_I have this mental image of Dean in a sharp suit and an apron going around with a duster while some happy montage music plays on the backround... Yeah, I get weird ideas when I'm tired._


	34. part 2 : Chapter 14

_**A/N :** I started at a new workplace today, so the next update might be coming up after a few weeks._

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><p><strong>Where Do We Draw the Line<strong>

**Part 2 :Chapter 14**

"You can keep the house," Dean said to Lisa without any hesitation. "And keep the car, you have to keep the car," he added hastily, and Lisa smiled amusedly. They were sitting in the living room of their house and were sorting through things, and Sam had agreed to act as their third party bookkeeper after both Dean and Lisa had asked him, they had all felt it was the best choice since Sam knew about Dean and Castiel and he wouldn't start picking sides if there would be a fight.

"I'll keep the car, but we're going to have to sell the house. I can't afford to maintain it all by myself and I don't even want to live in a big house all alone. We'll split the profits," Lisa countered and Dean got her point, and surprisingly enough money wasn't really something they were fighting about, they had already agreed to split all costs caused by their divorce between them, and they had never had an actual shared bank account, just the one where they both put a certain amount of money each month that would be used for food and bills.

"Okay, so that's the property sorted out. How are you going to divide all the stuff you have?" Sam asked after he finished typing on his computer, he was writing everything down in legal terms so that there would be no confusion as to who got and what.

"Well. I think we can both agree on the things that are clearly ours, and on the ones we alredy had when we moved in together," Dean said and Lisa nodded in agreement. They decided to split their mutual possessions with their incomes in mind but with fairness as well, it wouldn't do for one of them to take all the expensive stuff. They spend almost an hour dividing their stuff before getting tired and deciding to stop for a day.

"You are doing really great," Sam complimented the who exhausted couple with him and Dean raised his hand in acknowledgement of the compliment even as he sunk deeper into the couch. Dean knew how things could be going between him and Lisa, and he was more than happy that they were agreeing on things so easily.

"So, are you two going to talk about Dean and Castiel?" Sam asked after a few minutes of easy silence and turned the atmosphere in the room highly unpleasant in seconds. Dean was fairly willing to tell Lisa what she wanted to know, but after their first conversation a week ago she hadn't wanted to hear about Castiel, and Dean had respected her wishes.

Dean quirked an eyebrow and looked at Lisa questioningly, Lisa might not want to talk about it, but Dean's affair with Castiel was something they needed to discuss so that they could both have some peace of mind. She took a deep breath and chewed her lip thoughtfully, though she didn't look very happy about the direction things seemed to be going.

"I guess there's not much point in delaying it anymore," she admitted reluctantly. Sam put his laptop away, clearly prepared to play the mediator between Dean and Lisa.

"You sure about this?" Dean asked, and after Lisa nodded he he accepted the fact that he would have to talk about this now, though he wouldn't have minded some time to prepare. Lisa was quiet and Dean didn't feel like starting this chat either, so the responsibility fell for Sam, and as far as Dean was concerned he had asked for it when he brought the topic up.

"Okay, um, how about you both tell your sides of this, and then we can see if we can find an understanding. Or something like that," Sam suggested, but when neither Lisa or Dean said anything he sighed dramatically and rolled his eyes.

"You two are so-. Fine, I'll say what I think first. I like Cas, and I happy that you're happy, but I don't think it was fair of you to not tell Lisa about him immediately. I don't know which one of you made the first move, but the second one should have been to tell your wife about what happened, and that was your job," Sam said and gave Dean a hard look before turning his attention to Lisa.

"But I do think you should have just let Dean get away with his bullshit so easily either. You should have opened your mouth and talked to Dean, that's why I told you to try counseling. This could've all been solved months ago if one you would've had the guts to do what was right," Sam's voice rose slightly at the end. Lisa and Dean glanced at each other guiltily, both of them recognizing the truth in Sam's words.

"I started it," Dean admitted quietly after a moment. Sam stared at him in surprise while Lisa looked away, clearly hurt by Dean's confession, and Dean understood her, it must have been hard to hear that Dean had been the one to make the first move and not Castiel, because that meant it had been Dean's choice and not Castiel's. It meant Dean hadn't simply allowed himself to be pulled into the relationship, he had sought it out. Dean barely noticed Sam getting up and quietly leaving the room, giving Dean and Lisa some privacy.

"I wanted him, and I tried to fight it but I couldn't, and even after the first time I kissed him I could've walked away but I didn't, and Cas has always made sure I know what I'm doing and wanted it. I don't have a good reason for not telling you about it," Dean said calmly and looking at Lisa, and while he was sorry for hurting her he couldn't find it in himself to regret acting on his feelings for Castiel.

"Did I do something wrong?" Lisa asked quietly. Dean shook his head, not quite believing she was asking such a question.

"No. No you didn't do anything wrong," Dean assured her without hesitation.

"Should I have done something else?" Dean shook his head and tried to come up with a way to assure Lisa she was not to blame for what had happened.

"I'm just trying to understand what happened. I mean, I know we had our problems before this but we weren't doing that bad. I keep thinking this is somehow my fault, that maybe if I'd done something differently we could've fixed this." Lisa looked at Dean with sadness and frustration.

"It's not your fault. I didn't go out looking for someone else, and Cas didn't try to seduce me or anything, it just happened. I can't change how I feel about him, and I can't lie anymore." Dean silently pleaded Lisa to understand him, she shouldn't be blaming herself for what had happened.

"I need you to understand this is not your fault, you did nothing wrong, and there was nothing you could've done to stop this. I fell for him and there's really nothing anyone could've done to stop it," Dean said after it started to look like Lisa wouldn't believe she was not to blame for the situation.

"But you didn't have to act on it," Lisa replied harshly and gave Dean a hard glare.

"You're right. This whole thing is my fault," Dean replied without hesitation. Dean refused to start blaming people who weren't responsible for the divorce, and he wanted Lisa to do the same thing.

"So it was okay for Castiel to… start a relationship with a married man? Because I don't think it's okay," Lisa pointed out, and Dean couldn't really come up with an argument against that.

"I'm not saying I blame him for this, but there's three of us in this mess, and all of us share a part of the blame," Lisa continued when Dean didn't say anything. Dean looked at Lisa with poorly hidden amazement, and for a brief moment he wished he'd never met Castiel, because how was he supposed to let someone like Lisa go, but he quickly reminded himself that Castiel could have never come between them in the way he did if their marriage would have been working.

"I guess. I just-. I don't want you to blame yourself or Cas for the whole thing. I mean, I get your point about having a relationship with someone who's married being wrong, but he didn't start it and he never asked me to choose between him and you," Dean said and hoped Lisa wouldn't fixate on blaming Castiel fro the whole thing, he didn't want to see the two of them fighting over him.

"I'm not really blaming anyone. Well, I blame you for this getting so far. I just want to know what went wrong in the first place. And I'm not going to lower myself to the lever where I'll hate someone I don't even know, I might be angry and I might hit Castiel when I see him, but I'm not going to hate him," Lisa stated, and Dean couldn't stop the amused laugh from escaping his lips.

"You and Cas would probably be best friends if this hadn't happened," he said when Lisa got confused at his sudden amusement. She frowned a little at his explanation before smiling a bit forcedly.

"Well, maybe someday we'll get over the whole 'you slept with my husband' thing between us," she replied, and Dean hoped she was right. They smiled at each other and fell into a surprisingly easy silence for a moment.

"I wish you would've told me sooner," Lisa said in a soft voice after a while.

"Me too," Dean replied just as softly, and maybe that was as close to closure as they could get right now, with both of them still so emotional over what had happened and coming to terms with the situation. They reached a silent understanding, and Dean got up to go find Sam and tell him they were done talking. As he passed Lisa he squeezed her shoulder gently, and the thankful smile she gave him made him feel a little better.

Dean didn't find Sam, but he did find a hastily written note stuck on the fridge door. Dean frowned at the note as he read it; _Cas called, picking him up from the airport, brb. _Dean didn't understand why Sam would be picking Castiel up. Dean reached for his phone, intending to find out why Castiel had asked Sam to get him instead of Dean, but his phone wasn't in his pocket. Dean cursed under his breath for forgetting his phone in the car that Sam was currently driving to the airport.

"Is something wrong?" Lisa asked when she came to the kitchen.

"Sam went to pick Cas up and my phone is in the car," Dean answered and ran his hands through his hair in frustration. Lisa offered him a smile that Dean returned immediately, though he couldn't hold it for a very long time. Lisa pulled a frying pan out efficiently and asked if Dean wanted to stay for dinner.

"Sure, why not," Dean answered after thinking about it for a few seconds. He wanted to go see Castiel, but he thought it was probably best if he waited for an invitation before rushing to Castiel's side. Dean would just have to wait for Sam to come back to pick him up and tell him how Castiel was doing.

"You can borrow my phone if you want to call Sam," Lisa offered a bit stiffly, and while Dean did want to call Sam and possibly talk to Castiel if his plane had already landed.

"Thanks," Dean said and took the offered phone, and went to call his brother. Sam was kind enough to apologize for leaving so hastily, and he promised to let Dean know when Castiel had landed. He ordered Dean to have a nice meal with Lisa and stop worrying, and he'd tell him how Castiel was doing, and tell him to call Dean later. Dean agreed reluctantly and returned to Lisa after ending the call, all he had to do now was to wait for Sam to either call him or come back to pick him up.

* * *

><p>Castiel didn't want to leave Anna, but he had things that he needed to do back home so Anna drove him to the airport and made him listen to the worst pop songs she could find on the radio. Castiel let her try to annoy him, and he kept his sadness over leaving her hidden. Anna hugged Castiel fiercely at the airport with unshed tears in her eyes but the smile she gave Castiel was genuinely happy, and Castiel suspected she was happy to know she had her brother back in her life even if he was leaving her for now.<p>

Castiel had half an hour to kill before he needed to get on the plane, so he decided to spend his time by getting himself a ride home. He called Pamela, who apologized for not being able to pick him up but her car had broken down the day before. Castiel tried to call Dean next, but when Dean didn't answer after Castiel tried a few times he sighed heavily and thought about his opinions. He could always take a taxi, but it really wasn't his top choice. On the other hand he could always call Sam and ask if he knew where Dean was, and ask him to ask his brother to pick him up. Satisfied with his plan Castiel dialed Sam, and waited for the other man to pick up.

"Castiel?" Sam's curious voice answered the phone quickly, making Castiel smile.

"Yeah, hey. Um, I was just wondering if you know where Dean is. I tried to call him and he didn't answer," Castiel explained his reason for calling, and it took Sam a few seconds to answer.

"He's with Lisa. Was there something you needed? Maybe I can help," Sam offered readily.

"It's nothing important. I was just going to ask Dean if he would've picked me up from the airport in a few hours, but if he's busy I can get a taxi," Castiel replied quickly, he didn't want to bother Sam.

"Okay, I'll be there. What time does your plane land?" Sam ignored Castiel's protestations, and in the end Castiel had to give up and tell Sam the time he would be landing. Maybe it would be good to see Sam, Castiel could talk with him and ask his opinion with the whole Dean thing.

Castiel spent the flight trying to get some sleep, but he was nervous about going home and seeing Dean again, and the flight gave him way too much time to think about it. Castiel couldn't quite ignore how much it hurt to hear Sam telling him that Dean was with Lisa, even though he knew they were married and he was used to Dean being with her. Still, Castiel had hoped Dean would have come to drive him home, and he took some comfort in the thought that if Dean had picked up he might have come to get him.

Castiel didn't sleep during the flight, but he managed to fall into a state of light slumber where he lost all sense of time, so the landing came as a surprise to him. He didn't hurry as he left the plane and went to get his luggage, but Castiel didn't want to keep Sam waiting for too long, so after he got his bag he went to find Sam, who was rather easy to spot from the mass of people due to his height. Castiel smiled and walked to Sam with surprisingly relaxed steps. Sam smiled brightly at Castiel and waved as soon as he spotted him, and Castiel waved back easily.

"Hey. Let me get that," Sam greeted Castiel and pointed at his bag. Castiel gave the bag to Sam only because the other man was looking at him with such earnestness in his eyes, otherwise he would have carried his own belongings without complaint. Sam guided Castiel to his car while recounting the events of his week without going into much detail. Castiel felt bad for making Sam worry about himself, but at the same time he was a bit taken aback by it, he hadn't thought Sam would be so concerned over him, he had expected Sam's concern to be directed at Dean.

"How is Dean?" Castiel asked when Sam started the car. Sam glanced at Castiel while trying to keep his attention at the traffic around them, and bit his lip thoughtfully before answering.

"He's fine. He wants to talk to you," Sam replied eventually, and Castiel suspected he was being denied some important information. He raised a skeptical eyebrow at Sam who stared at the road in front of him stubbornly, though Castiel could tell there was something he wanted to say to him badly.

"Dean told me what happened," Sam said in order to fill the suddenly fallen silence. "How are you doing?"

"I'm fine. My jaw doesn't hurt anymore," Castiel answered lightly, he wasn't really in the mood for a deep and emotional talk about feelings, but from what Dean had told him Sam had a knack for those chats.

"You know Dean never meant to hurt you, right?" Sam asked with concerned note in his voice. Castiel breathed deeply before saying anything, he wanted to think about his words and while he knew Sam was right about Dean not wanting to hurt him it didn't change the fact that he had, in fact, hurt Castiel.

"I know. It doesn't change the fact that he hit me. And it's not just that hurt me physically, I can handle that, it's that I trusted him not to do that to me, and that hurts a lot more than a bruised jaw," Castiel explained and hoped Sam would understand his point of view, because Castiel wasn't sure he could really put it into words.

"I get it, trust me, I grew up with him, but I hope you can understand that Dean has his issues. He told me you're going to Europe," Sam glanced at Castiel for confirmation, and after receiving a nod he continued. "Well, Dean has a bit of an issue with abandonment, so you going to the other side of the world is bound to make him feel like he's cornered, and Dean lashes out when he feels like that. You're too important to him and he can't deal with the idea of loosing you," Sam explained, but he didn't sound like he expected Castiel to forgive Dean immediately, and Castiel was grateful for that.

"I don't want to hurt him, and if Dean want's to follow me across the world then he's free to do so, but I can't just stay here and wait for Dean to have time for me every once in a while. I need to live my life in a way that's best for me and if that means moving to Europe then I can't let this thing between me and Dean get in the way of it. Besides, he'll still have Lisa," Castiel said after a while.

"What if Dean wasn't married? Would you stay here with him?" Sam asked with an air of nonchalance that Castiel blamed on the sensitive subject and Sam being too kind to get his hopes up.

"I don't know," Castiel replied sadly. "But if Dean wanted he could always come me," he continued with more relaxed tone.

"But you'd think about it, right? Because you could be with him every day and there'd be no one but you for him," Sam pressed, earning a questioning glance from Castiel, who didn't quite get Sam's sudden insistence on the matter.

"I have thought about it. I just really want to go to that school, even for a little while. I mean. who knows, it might not be my thing after all and then I'd be moving back here," Castiel said as neutrally as he could, mainly because while he liked Sam he didn't know him well enough to be sure of his motives behind the tenth degree he was giving to Castiel.

"I just don't want to see anyone getting hurt if it can be avoided," Sam said like he could see what was going on in Castiel's head. Castiel glanced at Sam suspiciously before deeming Sam's words true and relaxing in his seat.

"I'd like that too," he replied, though he didn't believe it would be possible for him and Dean to get through this without some damage. They fell quiet after that, but Castiel didn't mind, the silence wasn't uncomfortable, though Castiel wasn't quite ready to call it comfortable either. Sam kept glancing at Castiel every once in a while, but he stayed silent until they reached Castiel's apartment.

"I can take you to buy something to eat if you want," Sam offered, though Castiel suspected Sam had an ulterior motive of some kind for the offer. Still, Castiel took the offer simply because he wasn't really up to walking and taking a taxi to the grocery store wasn't something he liked to do. He guided Sam to his apartment, and the nervous energy emanating from him made Castiel eye him suspiciously. Sam was clearly containing a giddy smile, though he was doing it rather poorly.

The reason behind Sam's giddiness became clear when Castiel stepped inside his apartment only to find it in a lot neater shape than he had left it in. Castiel eyed the apartment with curiosity and wonderment while Sam smiled brightly and studied his reaction closely.

"What happened in here?" Castiel asked with awe, turning to face the still smiling Sam and trusting he had some answers for him. Sam looked around the apartment with an overly serious frown and hummed thoughtfully.

"Well, it would look like Dean decided to play house maid and clean up," Sam observed thoughtfully, and if Castiel wouldn't have been too busy wrapping his mid around the fact that Dean had cleaned up his apartment he would have wondered how Sam managed to keep a straight face through his act.

"You're shitting me," Castiel had to say, he hadn't thought Dean had it in him to do something like this for him. Sam shrugged, dropping the act and giving Castiel a sympathetic look.

"It's his way of saying sorry," Sam explained and shrugged his shoulders. Castiel nodded slowly and went to take a closer look of what Dean had done to his home. Castiel had to swallow around the lump in his throat several times as he looked around his home and found out that Dean had cleaned the whole place up. Castiel wanted Dean there by his side so he could tell him how much he appreciated the gesture, he wanted to hold Dean tight so he could feel just how much Castiel loved him. He wanted to push Dean on his bed and kiss and caress every part of him to make sure there was no doubt in Dean's mind of how much he meant to Castiel.

In the end Castiel had to admit that no matter how much he loved Dean at the moment, he had to accept that Dean had hurt him, and Dean was still married so there was really no future for them. Castiel collected himself and went back to Sam, who was waiting for him in the living room.

"No one's ever cleaned my home for me before," Castiel admitted to Sam with a slight waver in his voice. A look of surprise flashed on Sam's face before settling on understanding and support taking over his features.

"Can we just skip the talk for now and go get me something to eat?" Castiel asked, and against Dean's constant insisting Sam nodded and waved Castiel to lead the way.

"What are you going to get?" Sam asked with a cautious note in his voice, and Castiel paid back Sam's earlier act of exaggeration by thinking about the question intensely before answering.

"I feel like making pasta with chicken and avocado," he replied after a long moment. Sam's face light up at his words, and they fell into an easy conversation about healthy food and how horrible Dean's eating habits sometimes were. In the end Castiel ended up promising to cook dinner for Sam and Jessica on Saturday, though he knew that Dean would most likely be coming with them, it didn't really bother Castiel at that moment, he was just happy to make a new friend.

* * *

><p><em><strong>AN : **Facts about this chapter_

_1) The whole bank account thing is actually pretty much like my parents solution to handling their money._

_2) Avocado and pasta is seriously one of my favorite foods ever, and I have no idea how to make right it because my mom won't let me know the recipe she uses._


	35. Part 2 : Chapter 15

_**A/N : **New chapter for Christmas =)_

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><p><strong>Where Do We Draw the Line<strong>

**Part 2 : Chapter 15**

"Cas was really taken with your cleaning," Sam said in a way of greeting when Dean opened the door for him to let him inside his old home. Dean relaxed immediately and let Sam in with the condition he'd have dinner with him and Lisa. Sam agreed readily only because Jessica was working late and there was nothing at his place to eat at the moment.

"How was he?" Dean asked worriedly, he wasn't sure if Castiel would be okay after everything that had gone down between them. Sam kicked his shoes off and hanged his coat while thinking about how to answer without saying anything that wasn't true.

"He's fine. He misses you but I don't think he has much more patience for you anymore. He seems really set on leaving the country," Sam replied in a low voice so that Lisa wouldn't hear them. "Though he did say you're free to tag along," Sam continued when Dean's face fell. Even though it was nice to know he could go to Europe with Castiel it didn't change the fact that Castiel was obviously going there regardless of what Dean choose, and Dean hadn't forgotten that Castiel didn't know he was getting a divorce just yet, so he was probably expecting Dean to stay with Lisa.

Dean thought about calling Castiel and telling him he was coming over right away so that he could tell Castiel about his divorce, but it was getting late and Castiel had just gotten off a possibly long flight, so maybe it wouldn't be the nicest thing to do.

"Cas said he'd be going to bed early," Sam informed Dean like he had read his brother's mind, and Dean gave him his innocent face. Sam wasn't fooled, though, and he raised his eyebrows pointedly. Dean was just about to argue his point when Lisa came to see what was taking so long, and Dean decided to drop the matter for now. It didn't stop him from giving Sam a nasty glare that Sam responded with a knowing smirk.

"Food's ready," Lisa said and returned to the kitchen after making sure the brothers had paid attention to her and gotten the message. Sam and Dean followed her in stubborn silence, Sam trying to convince Dean to leave Castiel alone for the day without words and Dean ignoring him to the best of his abilities.

Dean suspected that eating dinner with your soon to be officially former wife should have been more awkward than it was, but maybe having Sam there to keep the conversation flowing and the atmosphere light. After the dinner Sam helped Dean pack some of his stuff before they left, and before Dean stepped out of the door he wondered if he could hug Lisa. In the end the closed of stance Lisa had made Dean back off, but it would have been nice to still be able to just walk up to her and hold her. Maybe in time they would reach that place where they were friends, but Dean knew that for now the wounds were still too fresh, especially for Lisa.

"Cas promised to make us dinner this weekend. We were thinking Saturday," Sam told Dean after they got into Sam's car. Dean was surprised by Castiel's promise, mainly because he hadn't known Sam and Castiel were good enough friends to plan dinner dates together.

"How'd you get him to cook?" Dean asked curiously and hoped the us Sam had said included him.

"I took him to buy groceries and we bonded over healthy food," Sam explained matter of factly, and Dean thought he should have figured it out sooner, of course he had to fall for a guy who was as enthusiastic about healthy stuff than his brother, and once the two of them found out about it an instant bonding moment would have been unavoidable. And it seemed as if it had happened, and there was nothing Dean could do to stop it. Dean shook his head with a smile on his face and turned his attention to the road.

"You're invited as well," Sam added as an afterthought, and Dean simply nodded to let Sam know he had been heard. Dean was relieved he didn't have to ask Sam if he could come.

"You need to talk to Cas before the dinner, let him know what's going on," Sam continued and glanced at Dean who was still staring at the road.

"I will. I'll call Cas tomorrow. Or send him a text later today," Dean promised, and he was going to keep his promise. Dean started to come up with possible things he could say to Castiel tomorrow, as well as plan a good text to send him because Dean didn't think he had it in him to keep himself from contacting Castiel as soon as possible.

They arrived at Sam's place before Jessica did, and Dean helped Sam fix her a light dinner. Sam was happily surprised when Dean offered to help him, and they managed to finish the dinner right when Jessica walked in. She looked tired, but her face lit up when she saw the brothers in the kitchen, holding a plate of pasta and chicken with triumphant smiles. She became even more happy after Sam told her about their upcoming dinner with Castiel.

"Do you think we should tell her why Lisa and I are breaking up?" Dean asked when he and Sam entered the living room, leaving Jessica to eat in peace in the kitchen. Sam glanced towards the kitchen before giving Dean his full attention.

"She should know, but what if Lisa doesn't want her to find out?" Sam said, and he did have a point, Dean thought he should probably ask what Lisa thought they should tell people. Dean added the topic to his mental list of things he needed to go through with Lisa, but then Sam turned on the TV and Dean's attention got focused on the procedural cop show his brother had chosen to watch.

Later, after Sam and Jessica had gone to bed, Dean was lying on the couch and twiddling with his phone, trying to come up with something to text to Castiel. Maybe the easiest thing to do was to just send Cas a text asking when he would be able to meet up, and in the end that was exactly what Dean did, though he did wonder when it had become so hard to text Castiel, it used to be a lot simpler. Castiel answered a few minutes later telling Dean to come by the next day, and Dean sent a quick message of affirmation to Cas before trying to fall asleep.

In the end Dean ended up waking up around 5:00a.m after a restless night, and since it was Thursday and he had to go to work there was really no point in trying to go back to sleep. Dean did his best to be quiet as he went about his morning routines before leaving for work almost an hour earlier than he needed. It was still too early to ask Castiel if he could come over straight from work, but Dean could keep himself busy with work for a few hours. To Dean's eternal dismay his boss decided to come over and give him a pep talk, with a thinly veiled threat in case Dean decided to show off his bad mood again. Dean smiled at Zachariah and assured him there would be no more bad days at work for Dean, and after receiving one final compliment for his new tie Dean was left alone, and he aimed for making this day as productive as possible.

It wasn't until lunch time that Dean decided he could call Castiel, since Castiel should be awake by then. He went to his usual café to get lunch, and after sitting in a table with as far away from people as possible he dug out his phone and called Castiel, who answered after a few seconds with a tired voice.

"Hey, I was just thinking if it'd be okay for me to drop by after work?" Dean asked in a gentle voice while idly stirring his coffee with a spoon.

"Hmm. Why not, I don't have anything to do today," Castiel replied and Dean could hear him pouring coffee over the line.

"Okay, great. I'll see you in a few hours then," Dean said, relieved that Castiel was okay with him dropping by even though they had agreed on it last night. They fell into a loaded silence, neither one of them sure of what to say but unwilling to just end the call.

"I could make us something to eat. I mean, when you come over, not right now," Castiel said suddenly.

"Sure," Dean agreed without hesitation. Dean promised to let Castiel know when he was leaving work so that Castiel would have some time to prepare before Dean showed up behind his door, and after the call ended Dean felt more nervous than he had since telling Lisa about Castiel, though Dean would have been lying if he'd have said he wasn't a bit exited as well.

The one thing that worried Dean was the possibility of Castiel not liking the news of Dean getting a divorce, especially since Dean was, for a big part, doing it for a chance to spend his life with Castiel. Dean decided it wasn't something he should be over thinking about, since if he kept mulling over the possibility of Castiel telling him to go screw himself he would end up ruining the whole telling Cas about his divorce thing. Dean returned to work after finishing his lunch while trying his best not to think about all the possible ways his day could turn up like.

* * *

><p>Waiting for Dean to come got harder and harder as the hours went by, and by the time Dean sent Castiel a text telling him he would be leaving work in ten minutes Castiel was ready to burst from anticipation. He didn't know what Dean wanted to tell him, and a part of him didn't even want to find out. On the other hand Castiel wasn't quite sure how to act around Dean after their last encounter, because while he was still a bit mad at Dean and wanted to keep his distance, he also wanted to have his way with Dean, possibly against his front door.<p>

When Dean rang the door bell Castiel jumped a little in surprise and hurried to open the door, trying to decide hastily what would be the appropriate way of greeting Dean at this moment. Still, when Castiel saw Dean standing awkwardly behind his door he forgot all about his intention of playing things as cool as he could, and he couldn't stop himself from smiling fondly at the way Dean was shifting his weight minutely from one foot to another, or how he was unconsciously playing with his sleeve. Castiel let him in without a second thought, but when the door closed behind Dean some of the easiness Castiel had felt upon seeing Dean again vanished.

"I made pizza rolls," Castiel said in a way of opening conversation while Dean shed his suit jacket and hanged it up. Castiel escaped to the kitchen before Dean could do more than smile at him, and started to set the table, he wanted his moods to stop swinging from one emotion to another for ten minutes. Dean came to help Castiel, and after they set the table in silence Dean stepped in front of Castiel and gently brought his hand to cup Castiel's face, and Castiel allowed the touch for now.

"Let me see that," Dean said softly and and turned Castiel's head so that he could study the spot where the bruise from Dean's punch had been, to Castiel's eternal relief it had faded away a few days before he had left so there was no actual sign of what Dean had done, but that didn't stop Dean from gingerly caressing the spot with his thumb. Castiel took in the guilty expression on Dean's face and let himself lean slightly to the warmth of Dean's hand.

"I'm fine," Castiel assured Dean softly, breaking the quiet surrounding them and briefly regretting it, but then Dean was pressing an apologetic kiss to the spot he had been caressing and Castiel closed his eyes at the sensation.

"It doesn't make it okay," Dean whispered and wrapped his arms around Castiel. "I don't know how I should apologize," he continued and rubbed small circles to Castiel's back.

"You could start by pretending to enjoy my pizza rolls. I figured out how to make them myself but I have no idea how they taste," Castiel quipped in an attempt to lighten the mood. He wanted them to talk before any forgiveness was given, and he knew they wouldn't talk if they were wrapped up in each others arms.

"I'm sure they're great," Dean assured and let go of Castiel reluctantly. They sat down and Castiel watched anxiously as Dean took his first bite of Castiel's hand made pizza rolls. Dean's face melted in obvious enjoyment and he gave Castiel the thumbs up while he chewed. Castiel smiled proudly and sat a little straighter before tasting his food, and he had to admit he was good, though he still had some way to go before he'd reach Anna's level.

They chatted idly about everyday things while they ate, and though Castiel was still nervous and a little guarded he was glad they could still fall into conversation so easily after everything that had happened. They cleaned the table in unison and Dean made them some coffee for dessert while Castiel took out the muffins he had bought earlier to busy himself while he had waited for Dean to come. The air around them grew heavier after they moved to the living room with their muffins and coffee, and Castiel knew this was the moment they would sort things through like adults.

"Before you say anything I just want you to know I'm sorry for what I said when, you know, we had that fight. I didn't really mean it," Castiel started before Dean could say anything, and Dean gave him a brief smile and a nod, and turned fully towards Castiel.

"It's okay, we both said and did things we didn't mean," Dean said sincerely. Dean started to tap his fingers against his coffee mug anxiously with nervous excitement in his eyes, making Castiel really curious as to what Dean was going to tell him. Castiel waited for Dean to say what he had to say, though he was sure his curiosity was shining on his face.

"Okay, I'm just gonna say it," Dean declared after a couple of false starts, placed his mug on the coffee table before doing the same for Castiel's mug, and he looked Castiel straight in the eyes as he spoke. "Lisa and I are getting a divorce."

Castiel's eyes widened in shocked surprise, and his jaw might have dropped to the floor. He was absently thankful for Dean for taking his mug and putting it on the table, because what ever he had expected Dean to tell him it was not this, and he would have dropped the mug. Dean was divorcing his wife. It was like a dream, and while Castiel was having trouble processing Dean's words his brain unhelpfully supplied him with all the things he could now have with Dean.

"Could you say something?" Dean's anxious voice cut through the shock Castiel was in, and he shook his head in order to clear his mind before frowning and trying to come up with something to say, because what was he supposed to say?

"Can I ask why?" Castiel decided he wanted to know the reason for the divorce, because talking about what would happen after it wasn't something he was ready to talk about just yet, he had never even dared to hope such thing would be a possibility.

"I told Lias about us. What was going on before, it wasn't fair to any of us, so I made my choice and grew some new balls and told Lisa everything. I actually wanted you to know I was going to tell Lisa the last time we saw," Dean told Castiel, who nodded slowly while thinking about what to say next.

"I wanted to be with you. I still do, and I left Lisa so that could happen. I need you," Dean said before Castiel had a chance to come up with anything. Castiel turned his attention to Dean and gave him a strangely happy yet confused smile.

"I can't believe you left your wife for me," he admitted, and his voice broke a little in the end. It suddenly hit Castiel that someone had thought him worthy enough to leave someone they had sworn to love until the day they died, and it was a little bit too much for him. Castiel tried to keep himself from actually crying, but if the sudden worry in Dean's eyes was anything to go by he was doing a poor job at hiding it.

"Hey, it's okay. Just tell me what's wrong," Dean said gently and scooted closer to Cas in order to rub his shoulder comfortingly. The aborted move Dean made to wrap his arms around Castiel made it clear that Dean wasn't sure if he was allowed to hold Castiel, and for once Castiel was happier with Dean not holding him.

"Nothing. You just took me by surprise," Castiel explained after clearing his throat and gave Dean a weak smile. He wasn't sure how he was supposed to tell Dean he was still going to the school in Europe, but in the back of his mind Castiel thought that maybe he could stay, there were good schools closer and maybe Dean would be willing to move to another state with him.

"Look, I don't want you to think this is some kind of ultimatum for you to stay here. I know you want to go to that school, and even though I really hate it I'll deal," Dean said after Castiel didn't elaborate his words, and Castiel wouldn't have been too surprised if Dean would have been able to see his thought process on his face.

"But I still gotta ask, haven't you thought about going to a school a little closer?" Dean continued lightly, though the note of desperation was clear to Castiel.

"I've thought about it," Castiel admitted quietly. "But I don't know. I just feel like going away for a while." Dean frowned in confusion, but Castiel wasn't going to elaborate his words.

"Why?" Dean questioned a bit harshly, and Castiel had to physically turn away from Dean.

"I want time to get my life back in order, and I need time to decide what's best for me right now. This whole thing between us has been just so, I don't know. I just wish you'd stop hurting me." Castiel knew he was hurting Dean, and it was all a little worse than he had anticipated because Dean had left his wife for Castiel, and even he was having hard time believing the words coming out of his mouth. Dean pulled back form Castiel, and Castiel didn't dare to look at him in fear of seeing Dean's heart break before his eyes.

"Okay. I get it. The whole me being married thing mustn't have been easy for you," Dean assured Castiel weakly.

"Yeah. I keep thinking that maybe if I go to Europe for a semester or two and then I come back, and we could take a break for that time. I mean, you have that divorce to worry about and I'd get my life in order in the mean time. And when we're both at a place where everything's good we can see if we want to give this another go and we'll be at a lot better place to do it," Castiel hurried to suggest, he didn't want to hurt Dean any more than was absolutely necessary. Dean thought about Castiel's words for a long while, and for a moment Castiel was worried he wasn't going to say anything.

"I hate to admit it but you're kinda right," Dean said finally with resignation in his voice. Castiel risked a glance at Dean and found him studying his hands sadly. Castiel took Dean's hand on his own and squeezed it tightly, hoping Dean would understand that this wasn't an ending. Dean raised his eyes to meet Castiel's and smiled crookedly, though the smile didn't reach his eyes.

"Where are you staying?" Castiel asked suddenly, just realizing that Dean might have been kicked out of his home. Dean snorted in genuine amusement, and Castiel took that as a winning.

"With Sam and Jessica. It's nice but the couch is giving me some hellish back pain," Dean told Cas, and for a moment they forgot all their troubles as Dean started to tell Castiel about his life with his brother and they drank their coffees and ate their muffins.

"You're probably ruining their sex life. Unless they can be really quiet and they're actually having sex with you in the apartment," Castiel pointed out after Dean finished telling about the time Jessica had thanked Dean for staying late at work earlier that week. Dean stared Castiel blankly for a few seconds before his face was overtaken by a look of horror.

"Jesus Christ that's disgusting. I don't want to think about my brother having sex, ever. Thank you. Now I have this horrible mental image about them. Thanks Cas, I hope you're happy. I've been scarred for life," Dean said accusingly while Castiel laughed at the indignation at Dean's demeanor.

"I'm staying here for about two months. I'll be working for two more weeks, but after that I don't have anything booked. I figured I'd have to quit if I want to study," Castiel told Dean and frowned thoughtfully. "It's not as easy as it sounds, I keep thinking about quitting and then I just book another appointment, and then I feel bad because I kinda want to quit but I really do love my job and I've been doing it for so long I don't know what I'll be if I stop," Castiel finally admitted what he had been thinking for a while now while Dean studied him closely.

"You'll be fine," Dean assured Castiel, who shrugged a bit dismissively.

"Maybe," he said absently. "But that's not important right now. What's important is that you're being a bad brother, you can't stay at Sam's and keep him from expressing his love for Jessica in the ways he wants to," Castiel continued matter of factly and smirked at the face Dean made at him.

"I think Sam thought I'd be moving in with you," Dean admitted sheepisly, rubbing his neck to in order to hide his uncomfortableness. Castiel was a bit taken a back by Dean's words, but since he was the one who had a relationship with Dean it was pretty logical to assume they would start living together. The problem was that Castiel wasn't ready to have Dean living in his home right now.

"I thought about getting my own place. Not that I wouldn't want to live with you, but I figured that maybe for now it would be best if we just, I don't know, maybe if we'd kinda start over? We could try the whole dating thing if you want," Dean suggested and stared at Castiel with pleading eyes, and as much as Castiel wanted to keep his distance he did like Dean's idea.

"I'm still leaving in two months," Castiel reminded Dean in case he had decided to forget it.

"I know, but maybe I can prove to you that I want to be with you and you'll come back to me," Dean replied. Castiel studied Dean closely while he weighted his opinions, he could tell Dean to leave him alone, but on the other hand it would be nica and maybe even benefical to them to try the dating thing. maybe if they were able to work through some of the kinks in their relationship it would give Castiel an idea of what his life with Dena might be, should they choose to pursue it after Castiel's return from Europe.

"We could date. I've never really dated anyone so it would be nice to try it. I don't think what we've had really count as dating, we haven't even gone to the movies or anything," Castiel said slowly, and Dean relaxed at his words. "And I'll help you find a place to live. One of my clients is in real estate so I could ask him if he knows any good places that would be free," Castiel suggested, and though Dean was visibly distraught over the prospect of asking one of Castiel's clients he didn't say anything.

"What's your budjet? Do you have any preferences on a place?" Castiel started questioning Dean exitedly, it had been a while since he had been apartment hunting and he had always enjoyed it.

"I'm still working on that. To be honest the whole thing hasn't exactly left the idea stage yet, but I'll welcome all the help I can get," Dean said and went on to explain about the different costs of the divorce, and for a moment Castiel considered lending Dean his accountant as well.

"All I really want is to sleep on a proper bed for one night," Dean finished with a heavy sigh.

"If Saturday goes well you can stay here for the night. I think we can both fit on my bed," Castiel said after thinking about it for a moment, he might still be a bit mad at Dean, and their relationship was obviously not doing as well as it could have, but Castiel wasn't cruel and the way Dean kept unconsioulsy rubbing his shoulders and neck wasn't something Castiel liked. Dean's eyes lit up with gratitude and he smiled gratefully at Castiel, and when he pulled Castiel into a tight embrace Castiel didn't fight it, he had missed being in Dean's arms too much to do so.

"Thank you," Dean whispered in thick voice, and Castiel got the impression Dean wasn't thanking him just for letting him stay for a night.

* * *

><p><em><strong>AN : **Facts about this chapter_

_1) My mom taught me how to make pizza rolls a few weeks back, and I've been practicing them. It's not as easy as I thought it would be._


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